Sitting with my feelings
I consider myself a highly sensitive person.
Some might even call me too sensitive. I cry easily when I watch movies and get teary eyed when something moves me. If you would have asked me, I would have said, that I was totally in touch with my feelings
But it took a pandemic to realize that I wasn’t really processing my feelings: I was simply DEALING with them.
Oh, I was GOOD at dealing with my feelings.
I stomped around the house when I was angry, ranted about my grievances, had heart to heart talks ‘at’ my husband and retreated in my bedroom when I was feeling really sad.
All of that for a brief moment, than I pulled myself up by the bootstraps and it was business as usual.
Because I was REALLY GOOD at dealing with my feelings, getting over ‘it’ and wiping my single tear away.
There was a lot tugging at those bootstraps, as I occasionally shoved a bag of chips down my throat before breakfast or decided to kill all my extra time, by binging Netflix series. Sometimes I felt an awkward lump in my throat or a heaviness in my step, but I just kept on stepping until I was, once again, OVER IT.
I was doing GREAT.
The pandemic gave me a new perspective on myself. My rollercoaster of a life came to a halt. I was in between jobs and stuck in a house with my family. And it was quiet. No job appointments, no social gatherings, no family outings. I had all the time in the world time to take care of myself.
In the absence of all those demanding voices, I became aware of my own silent cry.
“You know that bad experience you had? You haven’t really processed that, you have just moved on. You’re still full of anger, frustration and grief and you are carrying it all around in your body. You smile but the corners of your mouth are getting heavy, like those bootstraps you keep pulling on.”
I started to listen to what my feelings were trying to tell me. I allowed sadness, discomfort and anger to show their faces.
Now, it’s becoming okay to sit in the discomfort of negative feelings. I’m allowing them to exist.
I sit with my feelings, I process, I heal and then, when it’s time: I move on.
Let’s be real with each other: what are your healthy and/or unhealthy ways to deal with negative feelings? I would love to hear about it!
This is an original post to World Moms Network by Mirjam Rose of the Netherlands.
Photo credit to Sophie Burden. This photo was actually taken on a walking tour of Delft, Netherlands when World Moms, Mirjam Rose and Jennifer Burden, met with their children in 2018!
Mirjam
Mirjam was born in warm, sunny Surinam, but raised in the cold, rainy Netherlands. She´s the mom of three rambunctious beauties and has been married for over two decades to the love of her life. Every day she´s challenged by combining the best and worst of two cultures at home. She used to be an elementary school teacher but is now a stay at home Mom. In her free time she loves to pick up her photo camera. Mirjam has had a life long battle with depression and is not afraid to talk about it. She enjoys being a blogger, an amateur photographer, and loves being creative in many ways. But most of all she loves live and laughter, even though sometimes she is the joke herself. You can find Mirjam (sporadically) at her blog Apples and Roses where she blogs about her battle with depression and finding beauty in the simplest of things. You can also find Mirjam on Twitter and Instagram.
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Hi Mirjam!! Thank you for sharing this! It’s such an important realization….the dealing with our emotions as opposed to actually going through, understanding, and maybe resolving them. As for what I do to get out of a negative headspace, I try to remember to practice heart-based meditation, even if it means being a meditative state without actually sitting in silence. I’m homeschooling…there is almost no silence. LOL. Other than that, I count 10 things for which I am thankful. One for each finger. It usually helps 🙂
Hi!! I completely get you. With my three kids around almost all the time, there is no silence, lol!
I love how you said it: “going through, understanding and maybe resolving..” Exactly! That feels like a much healthier way of being than simply shoving my feelings aside and moving on.
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Dear Miirjam, been there and done that! In my case shoving down the negative feelings without actually dealing with them led to a total breakdown (many years before this Pandemic). Luckily that meant that I got the Mental Health Therapy I needed. To be honest, once you are at peace with yourself, a lockdown isn’t a hardship. I am really grateful for my life – especially the “hard stuff” I have overcome. ????❤️
Dear Miirjam, I used to do as you did. Just move on. No time to dwell on my feelings.
I am not even sure I was able to give them names!
I like the idea of sitting with them, it’s much more healthy. Moving on is then the next natural step. And not one taken because we have to.