by Susie Newday (Israel) | Mar 11, 2015 | 2015, Israel, Life Balance, Parenting, Susie Newday, Working Mother, World Moms Blog, World Motherhood, Younger Children
I was blindsided.
It was Family Day, or Yom Hamishpacha, as it’s called in Hebrew. The day that somehow ended up replacing Mother’s Day here in Israel. My youngest was so proud of the card she had made for my husband and me. She had colored pictures of balloons, and had written all the words on her own.
I smiled as I read lines of “To my dear family, all the things I want you fulfill,” and, “I love my siblings and I’m happy to be with you.”
The sucker punch came at the end.
“I want to wish for health for all the sick people in the world so that my mom can stay home with me.”
Ouch. A heartfelt painful dagger to the heart. I was caught off guard. She had never said anything to me about not wanting me to work.
I work part-time, only three days a week. I’m a nurse in outpatient oncology. I do important work, fulfilling work. I work because my salary makes a difference in our finances. I work because if I don’t work, it’s that much harder to get back into it when you do want to work.
And yes, there are days when I wish I didn’t have to work. There are also many days when I’m glad I do work. Yet like every working mother, I’m constantly tormented by the demands of both worlds and with the impossibility of finding balance. I think the emotional and mental balance is even harder to find than the physical, task-related balance.
And then, when I think I’ve found that precarious balance, I get hit by innocent words, words pleading for more love and attention than I’ve been giving.
All I can do is accept what is, and try harder. Try harder to be true to my needs and to give those I love what they need.
The question is how.
Any tips?
This is a post original to World Moms Blog. Photo credit to the author.
Susie Newday is a happily-married American-born Israeli mother of five. She is an oncology nurse, blogger and avid amateur photographer.
Most importantly, Susie is a happily married mother of five amazing kids from age 8-24 and soon to be a mother in law. (Which also makes her a chef, maid, tutor, chauffeur, launderer...) Susie's blog, New Day, New Lesson, is her attempt to help others and herself view the lessons life hands all of us in a positive light. She will also be the first to admit that blogging is great free therapy as well. Susie's hope for the world? Increasing kindness, tolerance and love.
You can also follow her Facebook page New Day, New Lesson where she posts her unique photos with quotes as well as gift ideas.
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by Olga Mecking | Feb 16, 2015 | Identity, Life, Life Balance, Netherlands, World Motherhood
I like my name. It is short, easy to pronounce, Slavic but international at the same time. I was not always fond of it but now I am. 5 years ago I changed my last name to match my husband’s and not long after that, I acquired yet a new first name: Mama.
I like that as well, but it is not the only name I have. There are others. Sometimes, I’m Mrs. Mecking, my husband’s wife. The woman who fills in forms and goes to the doctor, the one who studied and has a MA degree, who once held a job. Sometimes, I am known as the European Mama, blogger, writer, translator and contributor to many great sites, like World Moms Blog. For friends and family, I am simply Olga or endearments thereof.
I’ve never liked being just one thing, so it is no wonder that when motherhood threatened to take over everything, I fought back and fought hard. I didn’t want to be “just a mother”. I wanted motherhood to complement the many colours of my personality, not to repaint it.
So when I had my first child, I worked hard to finish my MA thesis. When my second child was born, I started a blog. When my son came along, I consciously decided to keep writing as soon as it was possible because already I could feel my brain being fogged over by sleep deprivation and I wanted to keep it sharp and alert. I knew if I was to remain sane, I’d have to fight against the “mommyfication”.
And fight I did. The more I wrote, the more I felt I was returning to my own self. And it felt good. Some told me “You may regret not being with them every minute of their lives, time goes so quickly”. I don’t think so. I know why I did what I did and why it was necessary.
Apparently there is a discussion whether it is OK for children to call the parents by their first names. For a long time, my children called me “mama” but my husband went by his first name. I asked them why this was the case. My eldest answered that she always thought my name was Mama. Don’t get me wrong, she knows that my name is Olga, but to her, I’m Mama.
As she begins to make more sense of the world, she figures out that there is more to her mother than just being Mama. Recently, she asked me: “Are you Olga or are you Mama?”.
I explained that my name is Olga but that I’m her mom, and that she has a name as well and that she is a daughter and a sister, and a friend and a student at school. And that she is also herself.
They say that a woman is usually remembered by her relations to someone else. Obituaries say “good wife, devoted mother, great friend”. That is not how I want to be remembered. I want to be remembered as a smart, clever, intelligent person, in short, I want to be remembered for my own sake.
And I want my children to understand that yes, I am their mother, but I am also many other things at the same time. I wear many hats. Sometimes, I am not entirely sure what I am. Sometimes I am one things and mere seconds later, I am something else.
I am always changing, always adapting, always in motion. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because while standing still to catch your breath is great, I know that in this case, to stand still is to stagnate. It’s not that I dislike being a mother, but the only way I can enjoy it it’s when I can be something else for a change. I want to be Mama, but I also want to be Olga, Mrs. Mecking or The European Mama. I want to be able to change my names like I change my clothes and wear something new every day.
What about you? Do you mind being “Mama” or do you prefer to have many names?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by The European Mama, Olga Mecking of The Netherlands. Photo credit: Mike Licht. This picture has a creative commons attribution license.
Olga is a Polish woman living in the Netherlands with her German husband. She is a multilingual expat mom to three trilingual children (even though, theoretically, only one is trilingual since she's old enough to speak). She loves being an expat, exploring new cultures, learning languages, cooking and raising her children. Occasionally, Olga gives trainings in intercultural communication and works as a translator. Otherwise, you can find her sharing her experiences on her blog, The European Mama. Also take a while to visit her Facebook page .
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by Susan Koh | Feb 5, 2015 | 2015, Awareness, Caring, Childhood, Inspirational, Life Balance, Motherhood, Parenting, Responsibility, Singapore, Susan Koh, Working Mother, World Motherhood, Younger Children
Since the start of the year, my daughter, Sophie, has been asking me to play with her as soon as we get home from work. I think it has to do with her anxiety about entering primary one in a year’s time (the age where formal studies start in Singapore). The teachers in her childcare have been telling her that she’ll have no time to play because she’ll have homework from school.
Some days, I’m glad to put down everything and play with her. But on other days, I’ll tell her to play on her own so that I can get down to the household chores. And on one of those days, when I was tired and frustrated after a full-day’s work, I lashed out at her for not being able to play independently when I have a hundred-and-one chores to see to, only to have her respond in tears.
When I questioned why she was so upset, she told me in between sobs that all children like to play and she really would like mummy to play with her.
A missed opportunity to play with your child, is a missed opportunity to enter their world and bond with them.
I can sense that my daughter’s request to play with her is really her way of saying:
“I want to spend time with you mummy”
“I want to do things with you daddy”
“I want you to be beside me”
While I may have my own agenda of what bonding with my daughter means, taking her to the playground, playing Lego, doing craft work, cooking pancakes together, her request is simply to put down what I’m doing and play with her.
And how can I allow her childhood to slip by without being a part of it? After all, we may not always have these moments:
- when our child still wants to play hide and seek with us
- our child asks for yet another bedtime story
- they hug us with all their might to show that they really really really love us
- they tickle us with the silliest things they say and infect us with their contagious laughter till our belly aches
- their little hands reach for ours looking for security in the middle of the night
- they plant a kiss on our cheeks and whisper, I love you mummy, for no reason at all; which melts us over and over again
The next time your child asks you to put down what you’re busy with so you can come play with her, don’t turn her down. A missed opportunity to play with your child, is a chance missed to enter her world and create special memories together.
What are some of the ways you take time out of your schedule to spend quality time playing with your child?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog from our contributor in Singapore, Susan Koh.
The images used in this post are attributed to the author.
Susan is from Singapore. As a full-time working mom, she's still learning to perfect the art of juggling between career and family while leading a happy and fulfilled life. She can't get by a day without coffee and swears she's no bimbo even though she likes pink and Hello Kitty. She's loves to travel and blogs passionately about parenting, marriage and relationship and leading a healthy life at A Juggling Mom.
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by Tara Bergman (USA) | Jan 23, 2015 | 2015, Boys, Family, Humor, Husband, Kids, Life Balance, Motherhood, Parenting, Tara B., USA, World Motherhood, Younger Children
Since having children, my husband and I have developed our own household lingo. Maybe we just got punchy after too many sleepless nights, but we started using code words. Also, as can happen from time spent living intimately with a group, our family has developed a repertoire of inside jokes that we reference often but would mean nothing to outsiders.
Today I share with you a few of my favorites from the past 10 years. (more…)
Tara is a native Pennsylvanian who moved to the Seattle area in 1998 (sight unseen) with her husband to start their grand life adventure together. Despite the difficult fact that their family is a plane ride away, the couple fell in love with the Pacific Northwest and have put down roots. They have 2 super charged little boys and recently moved out of the Seattle suburbs further east into the country, trading in a Starbucks on every corner for coyotes in the backyard. Tara loves the outdoors (hiking, biking, camping). And, when her family isn't out in nature, they are hunkered down at home with friends, sharing a meal, playing games, and generally having fun. She loves being a stay-at-home mom and sharing her experiences on World Moms Network!
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by Purnima Ramakrishnan | Dec 18, 2014 | 2014, India, Inspirational, International, Life, Life Balance, Motherhood, News, Parenting, Purnima, Social Equality, Social Good, Spirituality, Terrorism, The Advocates of Human Rights, The Alchemist, Tragedy, World Events, World Moms Blog, World Motherhood, World Voice
I was channel surfing on the TV yesterday afternoon and I was dumb-struck by the news of the attack on the army school in Peshawar. The latest reports say that almost 150 people were killed, the majority being children.
A mother was lamenting, “This morning my son was in a uniform, now he is in a coffin.”
A student was crying out that his mother, who was a teacher there, was dead.
On another website, I read that children reported how, when they ran out of their classrooms, they could see their friends’ bodies strewn around the school compound. One child reported that two bodies fell on him and then he realized they were his dead friends. Forget violent video games. Somewhere in the world, children were watching and being part of a very violent game, a game they had been caught in unawares, unwittingly, forcefully and in a confused illogical way.
‘Glory be to God,’ a terrorist screamed and gunned down the children who were hiding beneath the benches.
God? I have no words… Did he say “God???”
I generally do not venture into writing controversial topics in Journalism or in the blogging world. I just shy away from anything which would cause any discomfort for another party. But this one really broke my heart… It hits so close to home. I am a mother first. And I feel for all those mothers …
Yesterday night when I was discussing this incident with a friend on the phone, my son overheard it and started asking me a few questions. I changed the topic because I was not prepared to talk about it.
I was not even prepared to talk to my friend about it. Imagine, a mother going through it, living it … It just broke my heart. Was she prepared to not see her child anymore when she was bidding him goodbye in the morning?
This morning, when my son was ready for school, my heart was stuck in my throat. As he got into the car and waved back at me, I imagined what was going on in the hearts of all those mothers who had lost their kids. I imagined all those families who had lost their mothers (who worked as teachers) and I was lost for words or feelings.
I almost wanted to stop him and say, “Do not go to school.” But I waved back enthusiastically reminding him to eat the biscuits because he had not had his breakfast and chastised him for not having completed his glass of milk and let go of my heart out of my body.
And I know I am going to talk to him about it when he comes back home in the evening. I am going to tell him what happened in Peshawar, in our neighboring country.
I wouldn’t even say Pakistan is another country because just a few decades ago, India and Pakistan were the same country. I am going to tell my son that his brothers and sisters living just a few miles away were victims of violence and hatred and vengeance.
I am going to tell him that it is very necessary to be filled with love, to be able to spread love, peace and kindness.
To be filled with happiness, joy and life.
I am going to sow fresh seeds of love into his heart. I am going to teach him again that he has to nurture those seeds of love and allow them to grow into huge trees of love, spreading shade all over humanity.
I am going to tell my son again, how unconditional love is the only solution, and that alone breeds more love.
I am going to tell him he should not hate those perpetrators of crime either, who gunned down his brothers and sisters, but pray they change over too.
Yes, it is a tall order. But I think it is possible. If it is possible to think it, it is possible to do it, it is possible that somewhere in the future this reality manifests.
I feel it in my heart. If all of us World Moms can do this tiny bit to our children today, teach them that love is the only solution for hatred and violence, then the children would believe it too and there might be hope for the next generation.
So, dear mothers, this evening, when your children come home from school, give them all an extra big, tight hug and talk to them about this, and ask them to pledge their solidarity in spreading love and peace.
Today, World Moms, representing all the countries we write from, stand in solidarity and support of all those victims, the families and friends, and share their grief and express their prayers and love.
I conclude with this short nursery rhyme… and might I remind you, as a dear friend reminded me yesterday: there is a wealth of wisdom in Nursery Rhymes, even for adults.
This little light of mine,
I am going to let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
Everywhere I go,
I am going to let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
Deep within my heart,
I am going to let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
All around my friends,
I am going to let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
This is an original post from our World Mom and Senior Editor in India, Purnima Ramakrishnan on the occasion of the “#DayOfTheGirl Child.”
Her contributions to the World Moms Blog can be found here. She also rambles at The Alchemist’s Blog.
Photo credit to the author’s friend, Mahalakshmi.
by Shaula Bellour (Indonesia) | Dec 4, 2014 | 2014, Awareness, Being Thankful, Cultural Differences, Domesticity, Expat Life, Family, Home, Husband, Indonesia, International, Kids, Life, Life Balance, Life Lesson, Living Abroad, Motherhood, Parenting, Responsibility, Shaula Bellour, Twins, World Motherhood
This month marks our third anniversary of living in Jakarta. Considering how empty our house was when we first arrived here, I am staggered at how much stuff we have acquired in that short time.
We initially started out with garden chairs as living room furniture and took our time furnishing our new space. Though the house isn’t exactly cluttered, it feels full – and I feel daunted by the sheer volume of STUFF that seems to fill every closet and drawer.
It’s the never-ending tide of cheap party favors, orphaned toy and game parts, and plastic galore. It’s the piles of paper: children’s artwork, old receipts, and unfinished magazines. It’s all the things I never use or wear, the boxed objects I might use one day and the stock of (US-bought) items I think I can’t live without.
Moving from the US to East Timor 5 years ago was a great opportunity to clear things out and scale back. Although I did feel a little sad watching an expectant dad cart away our twins’ disassembled cribs the night before we moved, it felt good to sort through our accumulated belongings and assign categories: donate, sell, ship or store.
Donating unwanted items was easy. I arranged for a pick up with a local charity group, stacked everything on my porch and it was all magically whisked away. We sold our car and other big items, sent friends home with plants and other housewares and shipped our edited possessions to Dili.
Everything else went into our storage unit. A few years later I visited it for the first time and was amazed by what we’d deemed worth keeping at the time. I randomly peeked in a few boxes and found…sweaters. Lots of sweaters. What was I thinking? It was winter at the time and we didn’t know how long we’d be away, but still.
We also stored our furniture, though we recently realized that the cost of storing it for the last five years has probably exceeded its value. While visiting the US, my husband spent a day digging out furniture and giving it all away – couches, tables, lamps, washer/dryer…everything. I was thousands of miles away at the time but it felt fantastic.
Leaving East Timor prompted a similar purge. And yet here I am again, feeling the urgent need to reduce and simplify.
Here in Jakarta, this process isn’t as straightforward. While it’s fair to say that nothing will ever go unused, getting rid of unwanted items isn’t as simple as piling them on the porch. I frequently give outgrown kids’ clothes and shoes to friends or neighbors, donate household items to women’s association charity shops, or leave things out to be upcycled by our handcart-pulling bin man.
Last month my children got involved and we went through their toys, books and clothes and filled 10 bags with donations for a local orphanage. Though it was good for them to be part of this process, I would also really like for them to see where their donations are going and consider giving back in other ways (time, money, materials etc.).
Although I will never be a minimalist (or a light packer…), I’m committed to scaling back and am hopeful that this is a first step toward living with less.
A quick internet search reveals hundreds of creative ways to de-clutter, organize and simplify our homes – and ultimately our lives. We are told that having too much stuff is draining and overwhelming us, that we are wasting too much time and money managing our things and that getting rid of all this stuff can make our lives richer and happier.
All of this may be true, but for me the bigger question is about how to acquire less stuff in the first place.
Clearly I don’t have the answer yet, but it’s definitely something I would like to explore and practice – starting now.
Please share your strategies and tips to get me started!
How do you minimize/manage the “stuff” in your house and life? Do you have any tips for living with less?
This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Shaula Bellour.
Shaula Bellour grew up in Redmond, Washington. She now lives in Jakarta, Indonesia with her British husband and 9-year old boy/girl twins. She has degrees in International Relations and Gender and Development and works as a consultant for the UN and non-governmental organizations.
Shaula has lived and worked in the US, France, England, Kenya, Eritrea, Kosovo, Lebanon and Timor-Leste. She began writing for World Moms Network in 2010. She plans to eventually find her way back to the Pacific Northwest one day, but until then she’s enjoying living in the big wide world with her family.
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