Since the start of the year, my daughter, Sophie, has been asking me to play with her as soon as we get home from work. I think it has to do with her anxiety about entering primary one in a year’s time (the age where formal studies start in Singapore). The teachers in her childcare have been telling her that she’ll have no time to play because she’ll have homework from school.
Some days, I’m glad to put down everything and play with her. But on other days, I’ll tell her to play on her own so that I can get down to the household chores. And on one of those days, when I was tired and frustrated after a full-day’s work, I lashed out at her for not being able to play independently when I have a hundred-and-one chores to see to, only to have her respond in tears.
When I questioned why she was so upset, she told me in between sobs that all children like to play and she really would like mummy to play with her.
A missed opportunity to play with your child, is a missed opportunity to enter their world and bond with them.
I can sense that my daughter’s request to play with her is really her way of saying:
“I want to spend time with you mummy”
“I want to do things with you daddy”
“I want you to be beside me”
While I may have my own agenda of what bonding with my daughter means, taking her to the playground, playing Lego, doing craft work, cooking pancakes together, her request is simply to put down what I’m doing and play with her.
And how can I allow her childhood to slip by without being a part of it? After all, we may not always have these moments:
- when our child still wants to play hide and seek with us
- our child asks for yet another bedtime story
- they hug us with all their might to show that they really really really love us
- they tickle us with the silliest things they say and infect us with their contagious laughter till our belly aches
- their little hands reach for ours looking for security in the middle of the night
- they plant a kiss on our cheeks and whisper, I love you mummy, for no reason at all; which melts us over and over again
The next time your child asks you to put down what you’re busy with so you can come play with her, don’t turn her down. A missed opportunity to play with your child, is a chance missed to enter her world and create special memories together.
What are some of the ways you take time out of your schedule to spend quality time playing with your child?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog from our contributor in Singapore, Susan Koh.
The images used in this post are attributed to the author.
I know exactly how you feel Susan. I have recently had a similar conversation with my 4 year old. I asked her to give me 2 minutes to finish what I was doing and that I would join her. After about 10 minutes she came back asking if the 2 minutes were up yet. When I looked into her sweet little eyes and saw the hope and sadness I had to drop what I was doing (I actually turned off the stove, since I was cooking), and joined her. It was only for a short time – about 15 minutes – but it brought her such happiness. Those are the moments that we as parents must treasure. Soon, they will grow up and will not ask us to play with them. Enjoy every moment, the laundry will get folded eventually (or enlist her help along the way!) 🙂
I’ve already enlisted her help and give her a chore chart too. You’re right, we ten to neglect them when we are reminded of the things that needs to get done around the house. And those with older kids always remind me that I need to cherish the times when they are young.
My 2 boys are teens so it’s not considered cool to hang out too much with your parents at their age. However, we do like to play word games together and tell each other corny jokes.
They also like watching a family film once a week and making popcorn together. Talking about food, we make waffles and pancakes together and invent various tasty fillings. It’s great!!!
🙂
I hope my girl still thinks it’s cool to hang out with mummy when she’s older. At least I remember still going out with mum as a teenager.
Susan you have rightly depicted feelings of moms who turn down their children’s requests to play with them for household work. I do try my best to be with my six year old daughter in her sleep time and day time activities but still sometimes I ask her to wait for 5 min when she call me and then this 5 min turns into 10 min and 10 min in an hour and when I go to her, she has by that time completed activity on her own. This is a dilemma that all of us face!
Yes, it’s really tough some days but we try 🙂 I hate to see the look of disappointment on her face when I get so caught up doing my things and neglect her.
This was a great reminder for me. I can so relate to this. Thank you!