Since having children, my husband and I have developed our own household lingo. Maybe we just got punchy after too many sleepless nights, but we started using code words. Also, as can happen from time spent living intimately with a group, our family has developed a repertoire of inside jokes that we reference often but would mean nothing to outsiders.
Today I share with you a few of my favorites from the past 10 years. (more…)
“Need to go and get his hair cut…” I made a mental note as I run my fingers through his now obviously long hair.
“But why Mommy?”
“Oh no, I missed a question…” I inhale and look at him deeply. “Why what? Sorry I was just thinking you need a haircut soon.”
“But why you have to go back to work?”
Sigh…I tried to compose myself even as his messy hair is still between my fingers.
“Because I have to make a living so I can pay for your school. So you could do after school activities…” and so I can add you to a health insurance coverage (I added this bit in my head).
“Will you work out of town?”
“No, Pumpkin. I will find something here.”
“Ok…” he hugged me and I hugged him back tightly and told him I only ask that he study well in school and he behave well.
“You know I love you and I will always be there for you, right?”
“I love you Mommy…” and in the dimmed room I wiped my tears.
The memory of his teacher’s reactions when I told her last year that I will be moving to Bali to pursue a career flashed before me. Back then, she told me that my son’s behavior in school has improved so much ever since I quit working. She was worried.
And for the past few days I’ve been weighing all my options.
Working from home through my writing is sadly not enough to cover everything we need, my son and I. Being a single mother, I am the sole breadwinner, and I have realized for months now how behind I am on getting his needs met. New school uniforms…thanks to my parents, that and my son has a brand new sturdy backpack for school this year from them.
I was content working from home. I get to spend more time with my son; I am home when he gets home from school. We are happier. I didn’t have to get up around dawn to beat morning traffic. I am a happier single mother.
So, I have decided to put my contentment aside, dust up my resume and started sending them out today. Hoping my old field of career will have an opening somewhere, somehow. He will be fine, I keep telling myself. My son understands that I need to do this not just for the obvious financial reasons but also to help me feel better about being productive again.
How do you prepare your kid(s) when you go back to work full time? Any advice?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Maureen from Scoops of Joy in Indonesia.
Founder of Single Moms Indonesia, community leader and builder. Deeply passionate about women empowerment.
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On the 7th of January I put on the television to hear more devastating news of an attack in France. Not again I groaned. Can’t one just have a terror free day? What kind of world do we live in? My 13 year daughter was with me and she was very angry. What kind of people are these? They better go and have their religion and stop using Islam for their bad deeds. This is not Islam. I couldn’t agree with her more. I felt the pain keenly. One of my problems is emphasising too much and internalizing, and personalizing any pain. With my vivid imagination I could feel it’s my husband killed and someone calling to inform me or coming over to tell me. I could also imagine being the one in my office and looking up to see an armed mad man and realizing this is it! The end, because that man has just come for me. I was so angry at the atrocities being committed in the name of a religion I practice which is all about PEACE.
The pain of people just mowed down by some sadistic killers had not begin to ebb away when on the 9th of January the news of the death of about 2000 was reported by Amnesty International (We usually get news late and most times from the foreign media) in an attack on a town called Baga in North east Nigeria by the deadly group known as Boko Haram who have unleashed a reign of terror in Nigeria. 2000 killed in a single day just like that? How can this be allowed to happen?
The terrorists not only killed people they razed down the town. Reports say they went after fleeing people into the bush and killed indiscriminately. A woman in labour was reportedly killed with her unborn baby halfway out of her. Men, women and children were all game. They did not spare women this time as they sometimes have. After the personal cry and grief. The crying comes with no tears for it has long dried up. I waited for some kind of explanation, some kind of consoling words and there was an overwhelming silence. Silence from my government whose 2000 citizens have just been massacred even if to give the usual. We condemn it and are on top of the situation. Nothing!!
To make matters worse that same government that said nothing of its 2000 citizens massacred had condole with the government of France over the killing of 17 of its citizens. Even to my government the citizens of another country meant more to it than its own citizens.
Top government officials of my country condoled and used #JeSuisCharlie and none of them used #IamBaga where 2000 were killed in a single day. I empathise with the people of France. I am part of those who did the virtual march by signing up, but when you are attacked, and your government shows its contempt by not acknowledging it, and shows so much solidarity to other citizens of another country, then the pain is doubly felt.
On 11th of January 2015 the world stood still for France. Over 1.5million marched in France with over 40 head of states. France cried out that it’s own has been touched. Their President gave a rallying call to its citizens that they would not be intimidated by terrorists and they will deal decisively with anyone who touched an inch of its citizens, and the citizens came out.
Over here I am treated with disdain for daring to stand and say citizens must be protected. When about 48 boys were killed on November 10th 2014 as they attended their morning assembly we were alone the #BringBackOurGirls movement in coming out to the streets and mourning them.
As I watched the solidarity march in Paris my daughter’s words echoed in my ears. She once said to me “Mummy, if one of those #ChibokGirls was an American they would have been found by now.” and I said to myself if those 2000 who were massacred in Baga were French the world would have stood, and perhaps make sure it never happened again. They are Nigerians, and I am a Nigerian, and I face each day knowing if I go down today I will just become a statistic, and nobody will care.
This is an original post written by Aisha Yesufu in Nigeria for World Moms Blog.
Will you join us in raising our collective voices to demand that the world to Bring Back Our Girls Now?!
A year ago, girls, teenagers who wanted an education so they could look forward to a great future, were abducted from their school in Chibok, Nigeria. They were taken away, kidnapped and removed from their family, because they were guilty of having ambitions. All these girls had to defend themselves were books.
What’s left of this horror is parents. Mothers and fathers, grieving for a loss that can never be overcome, hurting from a pain that will never lessen, left to wonder why, and knowing that no answer will ever alleviate their sorrow. Because there is no justification.
A few months ago, Peshawar happened and with it, the world once again, lost its innocence. Over 150 kids massacred, because they were guilty of being the children of their parents. All these kids had to defend themselves were notepads.
What’s left of this horror is parents. Mothers and fathers, grieving for a loss that can never be overcome, hurting from a pain that will never lessen, left to wonder why, and knowing that no answer will alleviate their sorrow. Because there is no justification.
Last week, my home country, France, was the theatre of repeated terrorist attacks. People were massacred because they went to work that day, or decided to do their grocery shopping. A brutal attack, with one side holding weapons, the other pencils.
And the violence continued with news of over 2000 killed in Baga, Nigeria.
What’s left of this horror is parents. Mothers, fathers, grieving for a loss that can never be overcome, hurting from a pain that will never lessen, left to wonder why, and knowing that no answer will ever alleviate their sorrow. Because there is no justification.
Mothers, fathers of this world, our families are being hurt beyond comprehension. Pencils are fighting bombs, words are matched with weapons. These violent attacks are not about gender, race, religion, background, or opinions. They are about pulverizing families. This is a call to unite. We all have a responsibility to do everything in our power to preserve our families and help others do the same.
We are all Chibok girls. We are all Peshawar. We are all Charlie.
How do we, global parents everywhere, teach our children to cherish and preserve their families? How do we unite to show them that violence is never the answer?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Nadege Nicoll. She was born in France but now lives permanently in New Jersey with her family. Nadege also writes a daily blog for moms who need to smile at everyday life. She can be found on Twitter, Facebook and her website www.nadegenicoll.com.
Image creation by author.
Nadege Nicoll was born in France but now lives permanently in New Jersey with her family. She stopped working in the corporate world to raise her three children and multiple pets, thus secretly gathering material for her books. She writes humorous fictions for kids aged 8 to 12. She published her first chapter book, “Living with Grown-Ups: Raising Parents” in March 2013. Her second volume in the series just came out in October 2013. “Living with Grown-Ups: Duties and Responsibilities” Both books take an amusing look at parents’ inconsistent behaviors, seen from the perspective of kids. Nadege hopes that with her work, children will embrace reading and adults will re-discover the children side of parenthood. Nadege has a few more volumes ready to print, so watch this space…
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Maracas Bay Beach, Trinidad & Tobago. Photo by Lazette Nichols
Looking out of the plane window onto an endless ocean below, I thought about how long it took me to make a journey back to my father’s home country of Trinidad and Tobago, a pilgrimage long overdue.
It had been 30 years since I set foot on the island. My dad grew up in Trinidad and Tobago in the 1930’s when it was still British and roads doubled as donkey trails. The last time I was there at age 13, I was grieving over dad’s sudden death the year before and my cousins took us to see the American comedy hit Ghostbusters. This time, I was racing to Trinidad with my mom because of an email telling us that dad’s sister, my Aunt Cynthia, was in the hospital after a stroke and things looked dire. She had even received last rites. No one expected her to last until Christmas. My phone rang and Mom unexpectedly asked: “How do you feel about going to Trinidad…like, right now?”
As far as I know, there have been only two women in the world ever to be given the name “Cynthia Chang-Yit”: my aunt and me. A typo in an immigration office somewhere between China and Trinidad inadvertently gave my grandfather a unique last name.
Sharing the name made me proud that she was my special aunt and godmother. She always visited us for major family milestones…weddings, graduations, memorable Christmases, and – of course – Dad’s funeral. She seemed elegant to me, appearing every few years in our Minnesota winters bundled in the same fur coat. (Why buy a new winter coat when you live near the equator?) Her eyes crinkled when she smiled at my childhood silliness. I loved how my room held her powdery scent during and after her stay. I liked to usher her to my room so we could sleep in matching twin beds. The super-glued sign on the door back then read, appropriately, “Cynthia’s Room.”
It’s rare in life when one is actually faced with answering the rhetorical question: “If you knew you could see someone you love for one last time, how much would you pay for that chance?” I still don’t precisely know, but it suddenly became clear that it’s way more than the cost of a last-minute plane ticket to the Caribbean.
I boarded with luggage containing black funeral clothes as well as a swimsuit. I didn’t know what would happen. Would I attend her funeral? Sit for hours in a hospital? End up at a beach playing in the surf or staring pensively in grief? The only thing I knew for sure was that I wouldn’t have to wear snow boots.
My family has a very global history and I personally speak out to Congress about global concerns regularly, so why did it take this long to get me back to the islands? How many years went by as I dithered over when a “good time” to go to Trinidad would be? Lack of money, lack of vacation days, exam schedules, babies, a general unease with international travel…there was always something in the way. I’m reminded of the saying, “If you want something, you’ll find reasons. If you don’t, you’ll find excuses.” I eventually have to admit that I didn’t want it bad enough because – let’s face it – there is never a “good time” to go. Like all things in life, it simply has to be a priority or not. When I look at my list of excuses, they’re only the protests of someone not wanting to step out of her comfort zone. I have American friends who travel to see their families in Japan, Brazil, and Malaysia with babies and toddlers. These folks are neither particularly wealthy nor adventurous. They just place a higher value on the bonds of family and showing children what it means to be from the places where their families began.
‘Aunt Cynthia’ with the author’s daughter. Photo by Cynthia Changyit Levin
I’m happy to tell you that my mom and I were able to see Aunt Cynthia. As of today, she is at home and still hanging on. She could not speak nor move much when I saw her, but I was rewarded with the recognition on her face that I had finally come to visit. Her eyes crinkled a bit when I held a puppy up for her to see, knowing our shared love of dogs. She gave me exasperated looks when I asked if she liked the current Prime Minister or told her I hadn’t yet tried the local beer. I got the chance to sit by her side to read her the paper, put lotion on her hands, show her pictures of my daughters, give her flowers, sing her Christmas carols, and – above all – tell her I love her.
So, what is my takeaway from my long-overdue trip? Will I become a world traveler now? Will I visit my Trinidad cousins every year with my kids? Honestly, no. I’m still basically the same person who needs a push to use her passport. But I think I can find a happy medium between recreational globetrotting and never going at all. It’s in that middle ground where I found the beautiful experiences of standing on a beach with my mother where my father brought her as a newlywed, consulting with my cousins about our shared family recipes, and sitting at the side of someone who needed me.
Did you ever have the chance to say goodbye to someone you loved before they died, or missed the chance by not making the trip when you could have?
This is an original post written for World Moms Blog By Cynthia Changyit Levin.
Cynthia Changyit Levin is a mother, advocate, speaker, and author of the upcoming book “From Changing Diapers to Changing the World: Why Moms Make Great Advocates and How to Get Started.” A rare breed of non-partisan activist who works across a variety of issues, she coaches volunteers of all ages to build productive relationships with members of Congress. She advocated side-by-side with her two children from their toddler to teen years and crafted a new approach to advocacy based upon her strengths as a mother. Cynthia’s writing and work have appeared in The New York Times, The Financial Times, the Washington Post, and many other national and regional publications. She received the 2021 Cameron Duncan Media Award from RESULTS Educational Fund for her citizen journalism on poverty issues. When she’s not changing the world, Cynthia is usually curled up reading sci-fi/fantasy novels or comic books in which someone else is saving the world.
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As a wife of one and a mom of four, it seems like I am always learning and discovering! I know I am not alone. Let’s just admit it: The world is a big place, life is a lesson, and children can be the best teachers. Normally my series, Life Lessons with Mexico Mom, is hosted on Los Gringos Locos, but today I am posting here on World Moms Blog.
Here are my insights and experiences as a Mexico Mom for this week:
Life Lesson 43: There is a worldwide mommy clique. Let’s be honest. You have single cliques, couple cliques, and parent cliques. So far, in Mexico, we have not found our mommy and daddy clique. We have some wonderful friends, who we love very much, but they are either single or married without kids. I truly miss our parent clique in Louisville, Kentucky. Perhaps we need to widen out. Our family loves people so that shouldn’t be hard to do, we just need to make the effort. Parents understand parents. That is the mommy and daddy clique. Welcome to World Moms Blog, where we are all moms, all around the world 🙂
Life Lesson 44: Check your feet before you leave the house. The other day I left the house with my oldest daughter to go in our ministry. We were several blocks away when I realized I was still wearing my tacky, blue, house slippers. We turned around and a minute later Alexis exchanged my slippers for my sandals. My husband and my daughter had a good laugh. If I had actually made it to our destination before realizing what I was wearing, I wouldn’t have been able to change them. I would have walked around Morelia, Michoacan, Mexico in house slippers. That is what you get for being a busy, ADHD, mom of four!
Life Lesson 45: If your kid has a cold and is coughing up a storm, beware of spontaneous vomit. Both of our boys have a cold. They are miserable, with runny noses, coughing and hacking. Yesterday I was comforting our 20 month old. Then he proceeded to vomit milk in my hair. I was grossed out despite being quite familiar with pee, poo, snot, and vomit from my last 11 years of parenting. Brad cleaned the baby while I took a hot shower. FYI: Milk isn’t the best during a cold. It tends to increase the mucus. I should have known…
What life lesson did you learn this past week? Please share it with us below. We want to hear your thoughts from around the world!
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Tina Marie Ernspiker. Tina can be found blogging over at Los Gringos Locos. She is also on Facebook and Twitter.
Photo credit to A. Hurst Photography
Tina lives abroad in Mexico with her husband and four children. She is active with homeschool, travel, and her Bible ministry. Tina loves photography and writing thus she blogs. Come join her adventures!
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