by Mama B (Saudi Arabia) | Jul 3, 2013 | 2013, Politics, Religion, Saudi Arabia, Transportation, Travel, Uncategorized, Women's Rights, World Motherhood
We always talk about “first world problems,” and, I, most of the time, complain about women not being able to drive in Saudi Arabia in the “first world problem” sense. “My driver is late!” or “It’s too hot in the car. I wish he’d switch on the AC before I get in” or “Why does it take so long for my driver to answer his phone!”
It’s easy for me to forget that for the majority of women in Saudi, it is very much a paralyzing issue. As I was leaving Saudi last week, I was in the airport lounge, and one of the women working there was having a private conversation on her mobile which got progressively louder. She kept saying, “Swear he’s ok! Why can’t I talk to him?”
After she hung up she said to me, “My son has had an accident!” I asked if he was ok. She told me she didn’t know and that someone at the scene had called her and told her about it, but they wouldn’t give him the phone and wouldn’t give her details. I asked why she didn’t just go to him, and she told me she couldn’t.
“Surely your supervisor wouldn’t have a problem with you leaving early to go there!” I said.
“I don’t have any way of getting there!”, she said. “My son is usually my driver. I don’t have brothers, and I’m divorced.”
And that’s the simple truth. Her son was on a street somewhere, in God knows what state ,and she was stuck at work. She eventually took a cab and declined the offer to use my car.
I always dread talking about women driving in Saudi because it’s been talked to death, and there’s nothing to discuss, really, since the fact that women should be allowed to drive is such an obvious one. It’s like discussing if women should be allowed to work… or walk even. Not driving means different things to different people. To me, it’s something I don’t think about on a day-to-day basis, unless we have a driver crisis. But even then, I rely on my mother’s, sister’s or brother’s driver to get me where I need to go, and I have never been stranded at home or elsewhere because of it. I forget that this is not the case for everyone.
Yes, some of my friends can’t do lunches on certain days because of the driver issues (lack of reliable ones or lack of ones all together), so when their husbands work they have to stay home. While many, many Saudi families have a driver working for them, not all of them do. And honestly, who cares if I can’t get to my family visit on time or to the shops before they close, when this mother couldn’t get to her son, who I pray was not badly injured in this accident.
And if, God forbid, he was badly injured, or worse, and he is her only “mahram” (male guardian), then she effectively has to put her life on hold till he gets better. And if it’s not a “getting better” situation, then she is stuck. Driving will be only one of her problems.
We do have taxis, which are generally decent, but many women don’t like to use them or the men in their lives don’t like them to. Which is all fine and dandy if these men are willing to be their wives’ personal chauffeurs, but if they refuse, then the women are stuck. But they do sometimes say “no,” and their wives, sisters, daughters comply. I have never really asked my husband how he would feel about me riding a taxi, since there never was a need to before, but I know that even if he didn’t want me to ride one, for what ever reason, he would never tell me I couldn’t.
Work has already begun on the metro system in Riyadh, and I am assuming that it will have a similar set up to Dubai, where there is a women’s tram. (Although in Dubai it is optional to go on that tram.) It will be interesting to see what we end up with, but is public transportation the answer to this problem? No.
Women being allowed to drive is a change that has to happen. It’s going to happen. I can guarantee that, but when? And the assumption that this is a governmental decision is totally wrong as the government is doing what the majority of the population wants.
When the subject of women driving is raised, it is always surprising how many people are against it. Women included. When they decided to introduce girls’ schools, the community also spoke out against it and were fearful and pessimistic. But the government just made the change, and the people got used to it. Now more than half the college graduates in Saudi are women! So, I hope we just rip the band-aid off.
And maybe the people will come around eventually and want this change, but how long do we want to wait? So many changes have come into our country, culture and environment that people are afraid to open up anymore, but there will be no progress without it.
Maybe I am wrong though. Maybe the views have changed, but the loudest voices are still of those who are against this. In Saudi the moderate voice is the one that talks at home among friends but doesn’t really rock the boat. The extreme views tend to be loud and very well organised.
A little side note to mention is there is no law against women driving. But there is a law against driving without a license, and women can’t get their licenses in Saudi.
It should just be done! Just as the 30 women were elected into the shours counsil by royal decree one morning, this change can happen too. It would, by no means, be mandatory, and whoever doesn’t want to drive, doesn’t have to. But for the women who are paralyzed, stuck and unable to get to their sons when they are hurt, a key to a car is not much to ask.
Do you agree with me that sometimes making unpopular decisions that will better your country is ok? Or is the government’s duty? Or do you think what the people want is more important?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Mama B from Saudi Arabia. She can be found writing at her blog, Ya Maamaa.
Photo credit to hhdoan who holds a Creative Commons Attribution license.
Mama B’s a young mother of four beautiful children who leave her speechless in both, good ways and bad. She has been married for 9 years and has lived in London twice in her life. The first time was before marriage (for 4 years) and then again after marriage and kid number 2 (for almost 2 years). She is settled now in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia (or as settled as one can be while renovating a house).
Mama B loves writing and has been doing it since she could pick up a crayon. Then, for reasons beyond her comprehension, she did not study to become a writer, but instead took graphic design courses. Mama B writes about the challenges of raising children in this world, as it is, who are happy, confident, self reliant and productive without driving them (or herself) insane in the process.
Mama B also sheds some light on the life of Saudi, Muslim children but does not claim to be the voice of all mothers or children in Saudi. Just her little "tribe." She has a huge, beautiful, loving family of brothers and sisters that make her feel like she wants to give her kids a huge, loving family of brothers and sisters, but then is snapped out of it by one of her three monkeys screaming “Ya Maamaa” (Ya being the arabic word for ‘hey’). You can find Mama B writing at her blog, Ya Maamaa . She's also on Twitter @YaMaamaa.
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by Olga Mecking | Jul 1, 2013 | 2013, Being Thankful, Child Care, Family, Girls, Grandparent, Health, Husband, International, Life Lesson, Marriage, Me-Time, Motherhood, Netherlands, Parenting, Siblings, Travel, World Motherhood, Younger Children
Imagine yourself in our situation. Your friends are getting married. The wedding is in beautiful Italy. You decide to go, even if it means leaving your two daughters with your parents-in-law, and just take the baby with you. Your in-laws arrive and you ask them to take your 3-year old to dancing class, show them where all the things are and tell them when to bring the girls to daycare. You’re excited. You pack your bags the day before the wedding and go to bed.
But you don’t sleep. Instead, you talk. You tell your husband that you’re not really happy with this arrangement. That you don’t trust your in-laws enough to leave your children with them. That you don’t even feel good about your decision to leave the children with anyone. In the end you start crying and tell your husband that your eldest daughter doesn’t like you and that you’re the worst mom ever.
And then your husband tells you that you’re an amazing mom. After you calm down and feel somewhat better he tells you that he’s not happy with this arrangement, either. You see, our little girl has just had the chicken pox, and according to my husband’s calculation, our baby would be at risk of getting it right during our trip to Italy. The baby was fussy for the last few days, he has had no fever, but his temperature is slightly elevated. What to do?
Consider two possibilities.
Number one: You decide to stay. You’re afraid that if he’s going to get the chicken pox, it will spoil your whole trip. You don’t want the other children to get it, too, and besides, traveling with a fussy baby full of ugly itchy red spots is no fun. You tell your in-laws in the morning. They stay for a few days, but that’s OK. Your MIL learns to accept your decisions and to get out of your way when you sit down to read a book. You learn to tell her when you’re overwhelmed and exercise your privileges as a mom.
When your children wake up in the morning, you feel as if you haven’t seen them for ages. You’re suddenly full of patience. You’re relieved that you didn’t have to leave without them. You braid your big girl’s hair in twelve pink little braids. You feel great. Your decision isn’t entirely selfless. You don’t trust your in-laws and don’t want to leave the girls with them, and that’s OK.
Number two: You wake up in the morning, check your baby’s temperature and decide he won’t get the chicken pox after all. You pack your bags, kiss the girls goodbye and leave to catch your flight. You have fun at the wedding, you dance and sing and eat delicious food. You realize that you haven’t had a vacation for ages. You enjoy waking up in the morning without having to get three children dressed and ready for the day. You get to have a whole conversation with your husband. You go back home and are happy to see your children again. You feel great and relaxed and you’re sure that going to that wedding was exactly what you needed right now. Your decision isn’t entirely selfish. You know very well that having a short vacation will make you more relaxed and a better mom. And that’s OK, too.
How did we choose? We stayed. I was sad not to be there when our friends said: “I do”. Our son didn’t get the chicken pox; his skin is silky smooth as always. So, was it a bad decision? No. Would it have been a bad decision had we gone? No. The thing is that while I decided to stay, if it hadn’t been for the chicken pox threat, I would have gone to that wedding.
You can make a selfish decision and still be a good mom. You can make a decision seen as selfless and make it for purely selfish reasons. It doesn’t matter. You’re a good mom.
Have you ever been in this sort of predicament? What did/would you do?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog from our writer and mother of three in The Netherlands, Olga Mecking.
The photograph used in this post is attributed to the author.
Olga is a Polish woman living in the Netherlands with her German husband. She is a multilingual expat mom to three trilingual children (even though, theoretically, only one is trilingual since she's old enough to speak). She loves being an expat, exploring new cultures, learning languages, cooking and raising her children. Occasionally, Olga gives trainings in intercultural communication and works as a translator. Otherwise, you can find her sharing her experiences on her blog, The European Mama. Also take a while to visit her Facebook page .
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by Susie Newday (Israel) | Jun 28, 2013 | 2013, Inspirational, Israel, World Motherhood
After attending the Israeli Presidential Conference last week, Susie Newday of New Day, New Lesson woke up today with these gorgeous words flowing from her head. Her internal call to understanding, a mother’s call to inner peace and acceptance. We just had to post them today because they are moving and amazing! Read on…
“There Comes a Moment”
There comes a moment
a moment in your life
when you stop to ponder
the truths in your living and life.
That moment that is bought on
by something big or something small.
By love or by hate
or just a feeling that there is more.
Something happens or
maybe someone touches your heart
in a way that makes you wonder
what is truly important in your life.
You find yourself scanning
the years of your life,
and you say to yourself,
“Does this really matter,
is this adding meaning and purpose to my life?”
And it hurts to acknowledge, even to yourself,
how much time and energy
you have wasted and waste
pursuing people, things and ideals not your own.
And it disgusts you to think
of all the hurt you have caused.
It upsets you to remember
how often you have not forgiven or forgotten.
And there is a soft gentle shift
in your heart, soul and stance.
You feel changed, you want change
but how do you become and live that change?
It is in that moment
that your thinking becomes forever altered
and your perceptions are now filtered
through different colored glasses.
In that moment you learn
to listen to your heart.
You learn there is no shame
if you walk your own different path.
That’s the moment when you realize
that pain is your decision.
That you no longer
have to be or feel like a victim.
It is in that moment
that you know it’s time
to release someone and let them go
until they’re ready to return on their own.
That’s the moment when you know
that it’s really okay to love yourself.
The imperfections are uniquely you
and that is a celebration in itself.
It’s the moment that you realize
holding grudges are poison to your soul,
and that your failures, though painful,
are your greatest teachers and lessons.
It’s in that moment
that you understand
that no one else can really know
or understand your truth.
That’s the moment
that you begin to internalize
that there is no point or gain
in judging your fellow man.
It’s that rare moment
of clarity and inner peace;
a fleeting glimpse of what
your life was meant to be.
There comes a moment,
a turning point of sorts,
one that removes the veil of small and petty
and lets the majestic inside us shine through.
We all have a moment,
and sometimes more than one,
where we realize the reins are in our hands
and the direction we go is up to us.
It’s a moment of wisdom
A moment where we just “get”
that life is great,
and we don’t have to wait for anything else.
The only question left unanswered
to which only you can give the answer is,
“Do you grab this moment and learn to live it,
or do you continue to let your moments slip away?”
“There Comes A Moment” ©2013 Susie @NewDayNewLesson
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by our contributor, Susie Newday in Israel.
Photo credits to the author.
Susie Newday is a happily-married American-born Israeli mother of five. She is an oncology nurse, blogger and avid amateur photographer.
Most importantly, Susie is a happily married mother of five amazing kids from age 8-24 and soon to be a mother in law. (Which also makes her a chef, maid, tutor, chauffeur, launderer...) Susie's blog, New Day, New Lesson, is her attempt to help others and herself view the lessons life hands all of us in a positive light. She will also be the first to admit that blogging is great free therapy as well. Susie's hope for the world? Increasing kindness, tolerance and love.
You can also follow her Facebook page New Day, New Lesson where she posts her unique photos with quotes as well as gift ideas.
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by Dee Harlow (Laos) | Jun 27, 2013 | 2013, Birthing, Culture, Eye on Culture, Inspirational, World Moms Blog, World Motherhood
Our “Casting a Wider Net” series features mothers around the world whose voices have typically been excluded from the blogosphere, due to lack of access to the internet, low literacy or poverty. This feature aims to include their important and distinct perspectives with interviews and occasional video clips.
Peng is a soft spoken but opinionated housekeeper who is meticulous, professional and very kind. Like many of her peers, she switched careers to become a housekeeper because it pays more money. After finishing high school, her father paid for her to attend trade school to become a trained cook, after which she began working a stable but odd hours catering job in a big hotel here in the capital city of Vientiane. Despite her burgeoning restaurant career, after one year Peng’s father advised her to become the housekeeper of his then foreigner boss instead, not only because it paid more but offered more reasonable hours and a nice environment in a large, well appointed home. She hasn’t looked back on her restaurant career and still agrees today that being a housekeeper for foreigners pays more than restaurant work as an assistant cook, even in large establishments.
The only time Peng has stopped working was when she became a mother to her daughter, Cofie, and raised her at home for her first four years. Cofie was born in 2001, in a small hospital near Peng’s house on the outskirts of the city. Peng said that she chose this particular hospital to give birth because it was close by and not as crowded as the main government run Mahosot Hospital. And good thing that it was nearby her home because she was turned back twice within two days after her initial contraction pains started. (more…)
One of Dee’s earliest memories was flying on a trans-Pacific flight from her birthplace in Bangkok, Thailand, to the United States when she was six years old. Ever since then, it has always felt natural for her to criss-cross the globe. So after growing up in the northeast of the US, her life, her work and her curiosity have taken her to over 32 countries. And it was in the 30th country while serving in the Peace Corps in Uzbekistan that she met her husband. Together they embarked on a career in international humanitarian aid working in refugee camps in Darfur, Sudan, and the tsunami torn coast of Aceh, Indonesia.
Dee is now a full-time mother of three-year old twins and continues to criss-cross the globe every two years with her husband who is in the US Foreign Service. They currently live in Vientiane, Laos, and are loving it! You can read about their adventures at Wanderlustress.
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by Fiona Biedermann (Australia) | Jun 24, 2013 | 2013, Being Thankful, Brothers, Family, Home, Life Balance, Motherhood, Oceania, Older Children, Parenting, Relationships, Siblings, Working Mother, World Motherhood
It’s 8.27pm on the day this post is due and I have a dozen excuses for why I wasn’t going to make the deadline. But the biggest excuse is probably that I’m a mum and plans went astray and that none of those excuses will cut it with the audience and contributors on World Mom Blogs – because most of us are mums with our own daily battles to overcome.
I will tell you my excuses though, because it proves we never stop being mums, we never stop worrying about our children and sometimes they continue to drive us crazy with frustration, regardless of how old they are.
My twenty four year old son was a difficult teenager and never really got on with his step-dad, he’s been out of home for 8 years. He and his fiancé separated 18 months ago, with a baby in the mix to further complicate things. To say the last 18 months have been difficult for him to adjust to her leaving would be an understatement. His uncle on his dad’s side committed suicide last year and he took that badly too.
All of this drama in his life culminated in him getting evicted from his house early this year, and it’s been downhill since then. He moved in with his new girlfriend’s parents a few weeks ago and let’s suffice to say a whole series of drama and problems and stressing about his situation ended up with him losing his job.
Yes I’m now almost totally grey from stress and worry. Don’t be misled in thinking that once they move out and have their own families that the worry stops. This boy of mine has always been hard work, I love him to pieces but I continue to want to strangle him some days.
Work got crazy last Wednesday for me with a co-worker taking a sudden 5-week sick leave. I was immediately thrown into a Corporate Property Management role with no knowledge whatsoever of what I was doing. Massive workloads and plenty of stress – are you feeling sorry for me yet?
Thursday morning my son rings to say he and his girlfriend are having problems and can he come home. No money, no job and nowhere to live. Add in a stepfather who wasn’t keen on him coming home given their past history and I was worrying myself stupid. Grandson joined the mix for the weekend, so it was: hubby and I, eldest son, 18-year-old son and his girlfriend, 15-year-old son and 2 year old grandson squished into a 3-bedroom house.
It’s been a tough week, I’m tired, I’m strung out and I suddenly wish for the years long ago when the greatest stress my boys provided was them wrestling on the floor or fist fighting. Once upon a time I longed for them to get older and look after themselves.
Being a mum and caring and worrying – that never ends.
So while my excuses are valid to me they don’t really cut it for not doing something I said I would do – we all have drama to deal with, we’re mums and we battle on.
Coming home to live with mum had its rules, I told son to doorknock businesses with resume in hand until he found a job. No sitting on his butt claiming unemployment benefits in this house. Mum is always right, he got a call today and starts a new job tomorrow. He’s also gone to stay with his dad from tonight until he can find a new house – dad’s got more room for him.
So the week from hell has a happy result.
So my advice to all of you: enjoy the sibling rivalry, the battles, and the sleepless nights – because once you’re the mother of teenagers or adults, then you can throw grandchildren and partners in to further complicate the motherhood journey.
As much as I want to throw my boys in their rooms and tell them to pull their heads in and behave themselves, it’s not that easy anymore. How I wish it was.
Do your kids ever drive you crazy? What’s your biggest battle with them these days? What advice would you pass on to other mothers?
This is an original World Moms Blog post by Fiona from Inspiration to Dream of Adelaide, South Australia.
The photograph used in this post is credited to the author.
Fiona at Inspiration to Dream is a married mother of three amazing and talented MM’s (mere males, as she lovingly calls them) aged 13, 16 and 22, and she became a nana in 2011!
She believes she’s more daunted by becoming a nana than she was about becoming a mother! This Aussie mother figures she will also be a relatively young nana and she’s not sure that she’s really ready for it yet, but then she asks, are we ever really ready for it? Motherhood or Nanahood. (Not really sure that’s a word, but she says it works for her.)
Fiona likes to think of herself as honest and forthright and is generally not afraid to speak her mind, which she says sometimes gets her into trouble, but hey, it makes life interesting. She’s hoping to share with you her trials of being a working mother to three adventurous boys, the wife of a Mr Fix-it who is definitely a man’s man and not one of the ‘sensitive new age guy’ generation, as well as, providing her thoughts and views on making her way in the world.
Since discovering that she’s the first blogger joining the team from Australia, she also plans to provide a little insight into the ‘Aussie’ life, as well. Additionally, Fiona can be found on her personal blog at Inspiration to Dream.
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by Roxanne (USA) | Jun 21, 2013 | 2013, Childhood, Education, Kids, Milestones, Motherhood, Parenting, Preschool, Rox is Brilliant, School, Unintentionally Brilliant, USA, World Moms Blog, World Motherhood, Younger Children
Earlier this month I attended my son’s graduation ceremony. He looked so handsome in his bright red cap and gown, smiling proudly at all he has accomplished. He clutched his little blue diploma when they called his name, and I was overcome with emotions that felt out of place. Especially considering the fact that my son had just finished Kindergarten.
Literally. (more…)
Roxanne is a single mother to a 9-year-old superhero (who was born 7 weeks premature), living in the biggest little city and blogging all about her journey at Unintentionally Brilliant. She works as a Program Coordinator for the NevadaTeach program at the University of Nevada, Reno. Roxanne has a B.A. in English from Sierra Nevada College. She has about 5 novels in progress and dreams about completing one before her son goes to high school.
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