It’s 8.27pm on the day this post is due and I have a dozen excuses for why I wasn’t going to make the deadline. But the biggest excuse is probably that I’m a mum and plans went astray and that none of those excuses will cut it with the audience and contributors on World Mom Blogs – because most of us are mums with our own daily battles to overcome.
I will tell you my excuses though, because it proves we never stop being mums, we never stop worrying about our children and sometimes they continue to drive us crazy with frustration, regardless of how old they are.
My twenty four year old son was a difficult teenager and never really got on with his step-dad, he’s been out of home for 8 years. He and his fiancé separated 18 months ago, with a baby in the mix to further complicate things. To say the last 18 months have been difficult for him to adjust to her leaving would be an understatement. His uncle on his dad’s side committed suicide last year and he took that badly too.
All of this drama in his life culminated in him getting evicted from his house early this year, and it’s been downhill since then. He moved in with his new girlfriend’s parents a few weeks ago and let’s suffice to say a whole series of drama and problems and stressing about his situation ended up with him losing his job.
Yes I’m now almost totally grey from stress and worry. Don’t be misled in thinking that once they move out and have their own families that the worry stops. This boy of mine has always been hard work, I love him to pieces but I continue to want to strangle him some days.
Work got crazy last Wednesday for me with a co-worker taking a sudden 5-week sick leave. I was immediately thrown into a Corporate Property Management role with no knowledge whatsoever of what I was doing. Massive workloads and plenty of stress – are you feeling sorry for me yet?
Thursday morning my son rings to say he and his girlfriend are having problems and can he come home. No money, no job and nowhere to live. Add in a stepfather who wasn’t keen on him coming home given their past history and I was worrying myself stupid. Grandson joined the mix for the weekend, so it was: hubby and I, eldest son, 18-year-old son and his girlfriend, 15-year-old son and 2 year old grandson squished into a 3-bedroom house.
It’s been a tough week, I’m tired, I’m strung out and I suddenly wish for the years long ago when the greatest stress my boys provided was them wrestling on the floor or fist fighting. Once upon a time I longed for them to get older and look after themselves.
Being a mum and caring and worrying – that never ends.
So while my excuses are valid to me they don’t really cut it for not doing something I said I would do – we all have drama to deal with, we’re mums and we battle on.
Coming home to live with mum had its rules, I told son to doorknock businesses with resume in hand until he found a job. No sitting on his butt claiming unemployment benefits in this house. Mum is always right, he got a call today and starts a new job tomorrow. He’s also gone to stay with his dad from tonight until he can find a new house – dad’s got more room for him.
So the week from hell has a happy result.
So my advice to all of you: enjoy the sibling rivalry, the battles, and the sleepless nights – because once you’re the mother of teenagers or adults, then you can throw grandchildren and partners in to further complicate the motherhood journey.
As much as I want to throw my boys in their rooms and tell them to pull their heads in and behave themselves, it’s not that easy anymore. How I wish it was.
Do your kids ever drive you crazy? What’s your biggest battle with them these days? What advice would you pass on to other mothers?
This is an original World Moms Blog post by Fiona from Inspiration to Dream of Adelaide, South Australia.
The photograph used in this post is credited to the author.
Well, to be honest, my kids still drive me crazy by wrestling on the floor and nagging ALL the time and by not even letting me enjoy some privacy in the bathroom. It seems so futile now, after reading your post. But still, yesterday was horrible, with the youngest one crying her heart out over every little incident and the oldest one, well, just not listening and burping and doing his best to be annoying. I just refuse to believe it can get worse… 😉
Big hug from Belgium!
Katinka, I’m not sure it gets worse, only different. At the time no matter where we are it seems bad to us. Sibling rivalry don’t you love it?
Thanks for the hug 🙂
Dear Fiona, you’ll find that we at WMB are extremely supportive and forgiving … but it’s good you forced yourself to write about what was going on in your home.
My son is 20 years old and is involved in a long-distance relationship with a young lady from Germany. They met on-line and after about 8 months of daily Skype calls, she flew out to South Africa to meet us all in person last year. Determined not to be one of THOSE MILs, I welcomed her into our home despite some serious misgivings. She’s 4 years older than my son and has a 5 year old daughter from a previous relationship. She can also be terribly opinionated and quite abrupt and (unfortunately) neither my husband nor my daughter are terribly fond of her. I guess we were secretly hoping that this relationship wouldn’t last, but earlier this year my son flew to Germany to meet HER family and (apparently) both this girl and her daughter will be spending Xmas with us this year!!
Speaking of MILs, did I mention that mine is now living with us too? She’s got a very short fuse and I’m really afraid of what will happen when those 2 strong, opinionated people are in close proximity!!
See Fiona, I totally agree that it was much easier when the only problems stemmed from a bit of “sibling rivalry”!!
Mamma Simona,
I always dreaded the fact that I had all boys and I would be the MIL and may struggle to see my grandkids if the partners didn’t like me or vice versa – I think it’s a different relationship when you have girls to boys. They were my fears anyway.
I’m lucky though, my boys all have absolutely lovely girlfriends who I get on really well with, so I’m thankful for that.
Good luck with Christmas
Fi
Fiona, we are definitely forgiving and can always improvise on a deadline, but I am also sooo glad your wrote this post because the real feeling of what you’re feeling shined through, and you’ve taken us on that journey with you. What a fantastic insight to what your life is like at this moment and to share with other moms! And the new relationships that will be in the mix when our children grow and grow, if they’re not there already.
I love how you left no time for moping around and insisted your son get out there and find a job. That is a really great piece of parenting advice! He will figure it out, Fiona. He will get there. Things will get better!! New beginnings!
Jen 🙂
I know you guys would have been completely fine with improvising the deadline, the problem was definitely with me. As mothers how many times do we stick to our word regardless of what is going on around us.
Further to this story, son finally has found another rental property and moves in this weekend. So yes things do get better, new beginnings happen 🙂
Thanks Jen,
Fi
Also the mother of three boys waves madly from across the Tasman.
Oh my, Fiona! Love that you shared this and hope that your world is more peaceful than the week that was.
“Pull your head in” is a regular phrase in our house, as is “Take the rough and tumble outside” …the thought of adding in-laws, girlfriends, grandkids and much larger bodies to the mix is a little daunting.
I might have to fly across and move in with you in around 5 years time. 😀
Karen,
I anticipate in 5 years time my youngest will be 21 and be out of the house, so I’ll have plenty of spare time and a world of experience on managing teenage boys / men and all their ‘baggage’ so come on over 🙂
Thanks
Fi
Wow Fiona, I had a bad week last week, but it doesn’t compare. I will keep my mouth shut and smile 🙂
Thank you for sharing…hope it was a little therapeutic for you…and I hope this week things are looking brighter!
Eva,
Why is it once you write something down it makes it seem clearer – well it does for me anyway, so yes it was therapeutic.
As mothers I think we all have bad weeks – no matter how old our kids are
🙂 Fi