My husband and 10 month old baby boy are going away for a whole week without me, and I have very mixed feeling about the whole thing. They are spending the week with my husband’s parents, and as they live in the UK (and we live in Norway) we both feel it is very important that they get to spend as much time as possible with the grandson.
As my husband has paternity leave at the moment, it is really the perfect opportunity, and I am sure my husband does not mind being pampered a bit by his mother either.
We planned this holiday when our wee lad was about 2 months old, and I remember thinking that I would be able to get a whole week of full night’s sleep, and I was so looking forward to it. I just couldn’t imagine anything better than sleeping! He is now 10 months old and sleeps like a baby, so I don’t actually need him out of the house to be able to sleep, and I miss him and his father a lot.
I took them to the airport, but I hate saying good-bye in an airport because I just feel like everybody will point and stare if I cry, so I always hold it all in, and try to be brave about it.
But then I got home to an empty house, with lots of toys everywhere, and I just broke down… I mean, come on, they will only be gone for a week, and it is not like it is the first time my husband and I have been away from each other, but it is the first time I have been away from my wee boy for that amount of time and this time it felt totally different. I just wasn’t prepared for it.
Having time to myself is quite a new feeling… I come home from work, and I can now do whatever I like! If I fancy meeting up with friends, I can. And, I can stay out as long as I want (just keeping in mind that I have to get up early the next day to go to work, and that all my friends have to get home early to get home to their baby).
I should tidy and clean the house, do the filing (that has been piling up since the wee lad was born), I should do some cooking to fill the freezer with healthy food we don’t have time to make every day, I should go through my wardrobe and throw out (or give to charity) clothes I haven’t worn for years, and I can think of a hundred more things I should be doing right now.
Instead, I am enjoying a coffee and some doughnuts in front of the telly, doing some knitting (yes, I am turning into my mother, but I really enjoy it), and I have been reading a book (another thing I haven’t done since he was born, apart from once on a holiday to Tenerife, you can read about that here), and listening to music I never get to listen to because my husband hates it.
I am going out for dinner with some girlfriends, I am hosting the “sewing club” (oh dear, I am turning into my mother, I feel another article coming on), and I am also going to a knitting lecture with “Arne and Carlos” , so it’s not like I have time to do any housework.
So now I feel guilty about not doing enough housework, guilty about enjoying “me time”, and I am sure there are a few other things I feel guilty about as well! And at the same time I miss my two boys terribly!
I know I sound pathetic – every mum I speak to say that it must be so nice to have some time off, and it is, but here I am feeling guilty about it. I don’t know how to explain it. I have this “knot in my chest” (I am sure that is not the right expression, but I hope you understand what I mean), and I didn’t always feel like that when my husband would go away for a few days. I hope it is natural to feel this way, because it is either that, or I am just going mad. I feel very confused.
Any words of encouragement for Asta? Also, how do you spend your alone time? And, do you feel guilty about it?
Photo credit to http://www.flickr.com/photos/karineimagine/4333949504/. This photo has a creative commons attribution license.