Recently, I spent a nervous evening in front of the television, decked out in red and white attire and was almost swayed back into religion, as I hoped for a miracle in New Orleans. Despite the Superdome being the home stadium of the Saints, no miracle was to be found for my team, the Arkansas Razorbacks.
At the end of the game, as I watched the dejected faces of the team mirroring my own frown, I wondered what message was being sent to my two boys.
As a true Southerner in America, the fierce spirit of competition runs through my veins. In Arkansas, we are raised believing in God, the Flag and our Hogs (the team, not the animal). I have grown away from the first two, but the third one remains my passion.
As the mother of two athletic, high energy boys, I have encouraged them, sometimes a bit rabidly, to participate in sports…
However, my boys are not named LeBron and their last name isn’t Manning; they are talented but not superstars. They are the ones that may sit out a few plays and sometimes they may not play at all. They are the ones who are truly playing just for the love of the game, not to obtain a college scholarship or a professional contract. Although, when they do get in the game, I yell just as loudly as if they are the superstars on the team.
Isn’t that the point? Aren’t sports supposed to teach our children teamwork, dedication, trust and discipline? Don’t we tell them that it’s not whether you win and lose but how they play the game? This is a mantra that I must repeatedly tell myself because let’s be honest, most of us want to see our child be the MVP (most valuable player) of the team.
Many nights, I rushed from a long day at work and ignored an always large volume of homework, just so I could cheer for one of them. Yet, many nights, I sat and watched one of them hold down the bench. It was extremely hard not to berate them and interrogate the coach as to why said child was not getting play time.
Deep breaths. They are only children. It’s not whether they win or lose…..
As a sports mom, over the years, I have sat through various football, basketball, soccer and baseball games. Without fail, there is always one parent who loses their mind during the game. They might yell, curse, boo or a combination of all three.
My goal has been to never, ever be THAT parent. Proudly, I can say that I have never cursed at a game. At least, not out loud…
Yet, when my boys do take the field, I cheer like a mad woman for them. It is never difficult to determine which child playing belongs to me. I want them to know, without a doubt, that I am proud of them despite the fact they aren’t scoring the winning points. The losses have been hard to watch, but hopefully, I have maintained a happy face for them. In the long run, organized sports should be something they remember fondly.
When one of the boys has missed a shot or the team has lost a game, I always applaud and tell them “Well that was a good try.” As they have gotten older, they roll their eyes and ignore me. Deep down, I hope they are smiling. That’s what I tell myself anyway. Currently, our culture places such a great emphasis on being perfect and winning at all costs. My parenting skills may not be conventional, but passing on a desire in life to find enjoyment in everything we do is high on my list.
With all that being said, on Tuesday night, I hid my disappointment over the Razorback’s Sugar Bowl loss with all the strength that I could muster. It’s only a game. They played extremely hard in the second half. They tried. They did their best. There’s always next season. It was only a 5 point loss.
Then, I went in the bathroom, turned on the shower, cursed and cried.
It’s not whether they won or lost. It’s not whether they won or lost.
How do you encourage sportsmanship in your children?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Margie Bryant of Arkansas, USA. She can be found on Twitter @TheHunnyB.
Photo credit to Margie Bryant.
Wow, this is a difficult one… it is not the winning that counts, it is the participating… or something like that! But is that really true? I have no answers for you I’m afraid!
Thanks Asta. I try to tell my boys that it’s not about winning but then I get beat at Monopoly or Life and I am not happy. Like I said, I just want them to learn to enjoy doing differet things, just for the sake of having fun.
For all the parents that aren’t hoping for their kids to “buy momma a house” one day this should serve as inspiration for even if your kid isn’t the best to everyone else, make sure he knows he’s the best to you. MVP can also mean Most Valuable Parent. Margie your sacrifices have shown that you are an MVP no matter what field your boys go professional in.
Thanks Honey! Again, your unending support makes it a bit easier for me to make it to every game.
“How do you encourage sportsmanship in your children?”
The judgement of character is not just in how you act when you win a thing, because winning is easy, you smile, you cheer, you say well done when you are happy those are easy things to say and do. When you lose you say the same things only with a heavy heart and an almost physical sense of dissapointment, you know, that ache in your stomach that wont go away, that lump in your throat that is not a cry, that stinging in your eyes that is not NOT tears, thats when we see what you are really made of, can you treat those twin illusions triumph and faliure equally? Are you more than the final score? Have you done all you could? did you leave anything ANYTHING in the locker if the answers are YES,YES,YES AND NO then grit your teeth hold your head up high streach out that hand and say, “Good game, well done, we will get you next time”, smile, then come to me and we will rant on the way home, cry if we have to into our coco and then get on with being better so it doesn’t happen again.
Rouge, you always leave me feeling a bit inadequate in my response to anything you have to say. This is exactly what I want my boys to learn! As a youngster, and well even into adulthood, I turned down many opportunities because I was afraid of not succeding. That is something that is important to me that my boys DONT do.
This is a wonderful post! Being the parent of a special needs child, I have a built-in ability to deal with this question. My George works so hard for everything he achieves, and I truly do live by the tenet that every single result, every single accomplishment is a victory. George is probably never going to be an all-star sportsman, but the day he just participates in a sports team, even if it’s to sit on the bench, will be the day I weep unashamedly with pride and love.
Kirsten
Kirsten, I am a always crying. So much so, Mike calls me Ol Faithful. Anywho, I cry at plays/parades/games; anything that the boys particpate in reduces me to tears. I am just so proud of them and love them so much. Sigh. I have become an old sap.
OMG How much do I L O V E that your husband commented on your post?!
On other, more relevant topics, I have a competitive streak, too, and at the risk of sounding so-very-devil’s-advocate-ish, isn’t a little bit of competitive spirit, in fact GOOD? I see so many kids that expect to win, get a job, get a raise, etc. just BECAUSE. And don’t get me wrong I am totally the pat them on the back, cheer for the tie score kind of Mama. But in reality, drive, spirit so to speak isn’t such a bad thing.
So in other words: Curse away, Mama! It’s all good! 🙂
Well, he isn’t officially my husband but we are getting there. I am lucky that he supports everything that I do and happily obliges me when I whine “Go leave a comment”. 🙂
I am glad that you understand where I am coming from with the competitive drive. The first football game when I heard the announcer say “The tackle was completed by number 72, Isaiah Henderson”, was one of my best moments. EVERYONE knew he was my child. 🙂
Margie,
We took our daughter last year to a first round of the NCAA tournament last year to see our favorite team play. She was only 2, and we drove 3 and 1/2 hours to Rhode Island. We lost and that part wasn’t fun! It’s the thrill of being able to play/watch again. The match-ups continue and it makes life exciting! But, I totally understand that disappointment you speak of!! 🙂
I have no idea what it’s going to be like for me when she starts playing sports herself…I will be calling you for advice!! 🙂
Veronica Samuels 🙂
My oldest son, Isaiah, cheers for the Gators or LSU, just to infuriate me. My Dad always does the Hook em Horns when he sees me. All a bunch of jokers in my family but I do love that we all enjoy sports.