I have always been a modest person, and I think I got that from my mom. It may have been a generational thing (she was born in the 1940s), or a cultural thing (she was born and raised in South America).
In any case, I remember that once I got a little older (maybe around first or second grade?), I wasn’t allowed to take baths with my brothers anymore, and I was always instructed to get dressed and undressed in the bathroom, by myself, behind a closed door.
This stuck with me, and as I have aged, I have continued to be a demure person…whether it be at the doctor’s office, in the shower and locker rooms at the gym, or even in the privacy of my own apartment.
Enter labor and childbirth…
After having two kids, modesty has pretty much gone out the window.
What have I got to hide because it seems like everyone in the hospital has already seen parts of my body that I myself have never seen?
For example, I don’t feel uncomfortable breastfeeding my 9 month old in anyone’s presence (family or guests) at home, but I do wear my “Hooter Hider” if we are in a public place, like the playground. (Although I will say the Hooter Hider is not so much because of my modesty, but because I feel bad about raising the discomfort level of those around me.) By the way, a Hooter Hider is a type of nursing cover.
There are other cases where I have become not so modest….although it is also a matter of convenience. Let me explain. In the mornings when I get ready for work, my hubby is usually already gone. If the baby is already awake, I usually just bring her into the bathroom and let her play on the floor while I undress, shower, and then get dressed.
Sometimes, if my four-year old is also awake, she wants to take a shower with me. In order to expedite the morning (i.e. not deal with meltdown and bad drop-offs at childcare), I will often let her hop into the shower with me while the baby plays on the floor. In the afternoons or evenings, if I need to use the restroom, I usually do it with the baby playing on the floor and with the door open so that my ears can keep tabs on the environment since my husband isn’t usually home from work yet.
So last night, my husband was home early, and I needed to use the bathroom. I closed the door (why didn’t I lock it!?) and felt somewhat relaxed knowing that my hubby had things under control in our living space. But not one minute later, my four-year old started knocking on the door because she wanted to “tell me something.” Really? What is it that cannot wait until I leave the restroom?!
I didn’t answer the door. She started knocking harder. I still don’t answer….so she just opened the door and came in!
I just wanted to start crying. Isn’t the bathroom supposed to be a type of sanctuary? While I am not a modest person….when did I lose my privacy?
According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, privacy is defined as “1a – the quality or state of being apart from company or observation”, “1b – freedom from unauthorized intrusion”, and “2 – a place of seclusion”. Those all sound lovely – sign me up!!
Help moms! I need help with my new year’s resolution to get some more time for myself…how do I get some privacy while I take a shower and/or go to the bathroom? And, can someone help me explain the concept of privacy to my children?
This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Eva Fannon. Eva can be found on Twitter @evafannon.
Photo credit to Towle Neu http://www.flickr.com/photos/motherscratcher/2247547489/. This photo has a creative commons attribution license.
Think of it as a compliment: at least your children want to be with you…you must be doing something right!
This is true…I know at some point it won’t be cool to be seen anywhere near me (LOL)! Thanks for another perspective kloppenmum!
Looking forward to some good hints from others here – I’m having the same issue with my 4yo boy walking in on me in the loo at the moment! His big sister was much more mature at that age, and would wait outside the door (still talking to me the whole time though).
I remember on a 3-week trip away once when our eldest was 2, it was public restrooms the whole time (or felt like it!), so she always came in with me. I didn’t really mind at the time, it was necessary for safety, but as soon as we got home I couldn’t wait to go “all by myself” 🙂
Kate – good to know I’m not the only one with a 4 yo that walks in 🙂
The other day I as trying to think of what I did with my time after work BC – because these days the time between 5 PM and 10 PM FLIES by! (Why can’t the work day go by that fast!?) It was then that I started reminiscing about how quiet and peaceful going to the bathroom used to be – sigh.
Eva,
I, too, find myself saying “Mommy needs her privacy!” often. The best way around it is to just lock the door and reassure them that you’ll be out very soon, but there’s nothing like the stress of “Let me in!!” while you need a moment to yourself! It’s a Catch-22…
Veronica Samuels 🙂
Veronica – that’s exactly what it is….the stress! Even if they are asleep when I take a shower, I am rushing and stressing because I think that the baby might wake up at any moment and start crying, and I wouldn’t be able to hear her because the shower is running. It has now gotten to the point that when I need to wash my hair, I take a shower at night those days, after they girls are asleep and hubby is home from work. Those are the most relaxing showers. If I had the energy I would wash my hair everyday!
So true — my hair is it’s healthiest because I don’t get a chance to wash it everyday! And today…I had to forego the shower! That’s the only way stuff gets done. Tomorrow is another day! 🙂
Veronica
Eva – I was thinking about this topic the other day. At what age would it be inappropriate for my girls to be with me while using the restroom and/or taking a shower. Right now I am in a similar situation that the only time I get privacy is when my husband is home – and that does not always work 🙂 Just know, that it is most likely a phase that will get better as they get older. Like Veronica, I tell my oldest who is 3, “privacy please” and have been trying to teach about when people need privacy. For example, the other day we were in a public restroom and she wanted to look under and see what the mom and son next to us were doing. One day, it will click and she will understand.
Too funny about your daughter wanting to look under and see what the folks in the next stall were doing!
The interesting thing is that my oldest has started to ask for privacy when she has to go potty, so I think I just need to start throwing that back at her when I need to go. And you’re right, I know it will all click one day…I just sometimes wish that day comes sooner rather than later 🙂
I am with Veronica, lock the door. My youngest is 9 and he still stands outside the door and talks to me. We don’t have a great deal of modesty issues since I raised them as a single mom. However, I do go to great lenghts now to remind my youngest that he shouldn’t bust in while I am changing clothes. He seems to have no clue. I figure he will grow out of it though. My oldest is 15 and the last thing he wants to do is catch site of any exposed body part.
Lock the door…I’ve got to start doing that.
With 2 boys (5 yr old & 10 month old), privacy is always a thought, especially given they are in women’s public spaces most often with me. I have worked hard to teach my older son about privacy (no looking under bathroom doors, eyes to self in the pool locker room, your private parts are truly private, etc.), but at home, privacy rarely sticks. My husband and I laugh b/c we just moved to a bigger house where everyone has private space, yet we all seem to end up in our master bathroom together each morning 😉
Go figure! As kloppenmum mentions above…”Think of it as a compliment: at least your children want to be with you…you must be doing something right!” 🙂
mommy confession…. I used to keep a box of tissues to hand her to play with while I was in the bathroom for when it was “that time of the month.” I would give her the box of tissues bc you know how every 2 year old LOVES to take them out of the box one at a time. It bought me some time and privacy when she was going through that attachment phase.
Tissues – brilliant! My 9 month old already loves them – good thing we get them in bulk at Costco – LOL 🙂
I think I am getting back 10 fold what I did to my mom. I used to slip her notes under the door when she was in the bathroom alone. Ha! Ha!
I now have a very short list for times when I need my privacy.
Too funny Maggie – guess I still have some time left before that happens since my 4 yo is only writing her name at this point.
I have no advice whatsoever but I’m with you, Mama! There’s no privacy EVER at our house, either!
Good to know I’m not alone Galit! Thanks for reading 🙂