In Norway we have a choice between 46 weeks (with 100% pay) or 56 weeks (with 80% pay) parental leave. Six weeks are reserved for the mother, 10 weeks reserved for the father (plus the 2 weeks off they get at the time of the birth), and the rest can be shared. Next year, the fathers 10 weeks will be increased to 12 weeks.
Some fathers, however, feel that they are not able to take this leave, but this very much depends on the type of work he has, e.g. somebody who is paid on commission can hardly afford to take 10 weeks off. Or, for somebody who is running their own company, it might be difficult to take so much time out.
The mother does not have the “luxury” to decide whether or not she can afford to take maternity leave, as she kind of has to take at least some time off, and traditionally it is expected that the takes most of the leave.
By reserving 10 weeks for the father, I believe, the Norwegian government is trying to make the point that fathers also should take time off; and therefore, trying to make men and woman more equal — not only at home, but also in the workplace (think about it – if you had the choice between hiring a man in his thirties or a woman the same age, who would you choose? I know I wouldn’t choose the person who is likely to take up to a year in leave, but that is discrimination and is not allowed…)
Most men take only the allocated 10 weeks, but there are those who are lucky enough to have wives who ‘let’ them have some more time – and my husband is one of those lucky chaps. He will have a total of 4 months “daddy leave” and has recently started it!
I think I have been very lucky to have a husband who willingly takes such an active part of the wee lads’ life. My husband would sleep in the spare bedroom in the beginning, so that he would have enough energy to help me out in the daytime (or in the evening after he came home from work). But, some weekends he would do the night shift for me.
When he came home from work he would take over from me and play with the lad and also do the “bedtime routine”, which, for us, consists of bath, tooth brushing, bedtime story and/or song. Then, I would be able to get a “break” to do the cooking and cleaning etc.
But now, I am the one working, whilst my husband is at home, and he seems to realise that it is a bit more tiring to play with a baby the whole day than he imagined, and that there isn’t really much time to do other things. (And, I guess I have to admit that I realise how tiring it is to be at work all day.)
The dad has even been to the “new mummy group”, not sure if he had a latte and a croissant though (as I would) — he normally goes for the healthy option. He is also taking the lad for his doctor’s appointment, and going to “baby singing” and going for long walks everyday with the baby in his “backpack carrier” (we have this one). And, he even has dinner ready for me when I come home from work (almost every day)!
He seems to be managing just fine without me, apart from the odd phone call. The last one I got he asked if I was especially attached to certain pyjamas because it had pooh all over it. He was hoping he could just throw it out, instead of trying to clean it!
It is a little bit strange for me not to be the one who knows when the next nap is due, or not know what food the lad prefers. And, it was hard the first time the wee lad preferred his father to me (this happens especially when he is very tired). But, at the same time, seeing the lad with his daddy is one of the nicest things I see. It makes me feel so proud of them both.
It sometimes even brings tears to my eyes, and then the daddy asks me what is wrong, but it is difficult to explain. I can’t even explain it to myself, as I seem to have turned into an emotional wreck at times! And, I can’t blame the “breastfeeding fog” or hormones anymore, or can I?
On a side note: if the dad was to read this article, he would never let me forget how perfect he is, so I had better mention a few other things as well:
The dirty laundry does not make its way to the laundry basket by itself, and maybe you could even put on a wash? The garbage does not throw itself out, and yes, sometimes you may have to plan what we need from the shop. I am at work all day, and I can’t guess that you just finished the last pint of milk or that we are running out of nappies. Oh – and no, I do not know where his stripey jumper is, I was not the last to have it… There – now this article is a bit more balanced!
Do you share the parenting tasks with your husband or partner? How balanced or unbalanced would you say your share is?
This is an original World Moms Blog post by Asta Burrows in Oslo, Norway. Asta can be found on her Facebook Page or on Twitter @AstaBurrows.
Photo credit to http://www.flickr.com/photos/nateone/3278507922/. This photo has a creative commons attribution license.
I’m seriously into breastfeeding, so by default most of the early work is mine. We have three children, two with sociable temperaments who were/are happy for Dad to look after them and one who is hyper-sensitive and only I will do…to the point where he would scream and then vomit on anyone else, or on me after he had been with anyone else. For three and a half years. Love the idea of sharing maternity leave with fathers, but worry about the impact on breastfeeding…
Hi Kloppenmum, luckily my son hasn’t vomited on me yet (well, not for that reason anyway!) 🙂 I stopped breastfeeding when he was 3 months old (I feel another article coming on), so that hasn’t been an issue for our little family. I know friends who keep feeding in the morning and the evening, but it is possible to squeze in a daytime feed aswell as any mother is entitled to one (or is it two) hours off per day just for this! (Where I work that would have been paid time, other companies offer it unpaid)
I wish here in India we had such a looooong maternity leave. Whether I would end up sharing it with daddy or would hog up the entire ML myself, I would love the fact that my son would have one of his parents at his side till he learns to walk. Alas, it is just 12 weeks here 🙁
You lucky girl!
Hi Alchemist, I don’t think I was out of my PJs by 12 weeks! I can’t imagine going back to work that early and being productive, it took me several months go get my brain back in order again 🙂
Asta, I’ve so been there from the tears to the daddy-preference, all of it! I love how balanced the leaves are in Norway and I think that you’re right- the message sent about family and equal duties and importance is amazing and so, so valuable! But my favorite part? Was the poopy jammy phone call! I’ve been on the receiving *and* calling end of that one! 🙂
I have never actually made the “poopy jammy phone call” myself, but I did throw out a pair without even asking for permission! 🙂
Great post, Asta. It so interesting to learn how the work of post partum
and earliest childcare play out in different places. I don’t work, so the leave part wasn’t an issue for me. But my husband works and got 4 weeks of paternity leave, which did help alot. For our first child, he used his vacation time after the birth and we saved his leave time until our baby was 6 months old so we could have a family summer holiday for a month. For our 2nd, though, he took it right away, which not only helped me tremendously with keeping the household going but also brought some much needed security and attention to our older son during such a big family change. He never got off his routine or felt neglected, which made welcoming our new addition go very well. But I wish we could have a system more like yours where there are more time and options available during such an exciting and important life changing event!
Great that the dad was able to take all his holiday in one go, and also to take it to spend time at home, must have been so nice for the first born, but also for you as I imagine you had your hands full the little one!
Great post, Asta! Its great that you have such flexibility with leave after the baby is born! I took off for six months (4 months paid leave and the rest was saved up vacation time). After I returned to work part time my parents watched Chase 2 days per week and my husband worked a 40 hour week in 4 days so that he had one whole day to stay home. It was a great set-up for as long as it lasted. He didn’t get any real “paternity” time and only took 3 days off once we came home from the hospital. It would have been much nicer if he was home with me in the early days but I had my parents around which made a world of difference. Now I’m home full time so if we ever have another baby maternity leave won’t be an issue, I guess!
Hi Allison, must be so nice though to have had help from your parents! We are going to start with a childminder now, which feels a little bit scary (yet a another blog article on its way), she comes recommended but still… leaving my little lad with a stranger, I will have to get used to the idea…
Wow Asta – you guys are lucky to have such a long leave! My husband’s company is actually a lot more generous than most here in the U.S. and he got a month of paid paternity leave, which he took after my three months of maternity leave ended. It definitely gave him an appreciation for how tough it is to be home all day with the baby!
I hear you about feeling like you are missing out on something by your husband being “closer” to the baby during his leave. I think that is only natural. My hubby would remind me that he felt that way when I was first home with our baby on my leave.
I spend more of the day with our children since they commute with me to and from work (their childcare is on my work campus), so I do a little bit more than my hubby does. And as kloppenum mentions, since I’ve been breastfeeding, most of the early work falls on my shoulders. But when we are both home, we try to divide and conquer with our two girls. For example, at bedtime, he will get our oldest one ready for bed while I take are of the baby.
Eva, I think it is great your husband got that time off, and was able to experience being at home aswell, I think any time is good, just to get that appreciation (that we don’t spend all our time drinking lattes with other mummies) 😉
The nordic countries are very generous with parental leave, it makes me want to move there! In NZ we get a few weeks (12? 16? it keeps improving) of paid parental leave, which can be taken by the mother or shared with the other parent. We can also take up to a year of unpaid leave and return to the same job. I’ve been lucky enough to take 15 months with each of my last two children – my employer granted me further leave without pay. My husband has stayed home with me for the first 6 weeks after each baby on paid leave, again he has a more-than-usually generous employer. I was/am so grateful!
And I would love to move to NZ, Kate! (I think NZ is a perfect combination of nature and wine 🙂 Just ashame it is so far away from relatives I don’t think we will ever actually be able to move there… 15 months off is great, and having your husband there for the first 6 weeks! My husband only got 2 weeks off after the birth, and then he took one week holiday, and those 3 weeks just flew passed.
Good grief, Kate you are lucky. Craig was self-employed with numbers one and two so we hardly saw him – despite number two being an emergency c-section, and me being in a bit of a mess – thankgoodness for grandmothers…I had him home for two weeks when we had number three and that was bliss.
Yes, I am exceptionally lucky, and very very grateful!
My husband does at least half the nappy changes, too 🙂
Asta,
I think Norway has got it right! My husband gets 2 weeks of paternity leave from his employer, here, in the US, and we think THAT’s luxury, but it shouldn’t be that way! It is interesting to learn how other countries and parents handle the leave around having a baby. Wouldn’t it be great if Norway became the world standard? If only…
Veronica Samuels 🙂
I think we are very lucky!
Hi.
Does the Norwegian system allow paternity leave even if the wife has been unemployed her whole life? My gut feeling tells me no.
Great post btw.
Hi – you are correct. To get maternity (or paternity) leave, the mother (or father) has to have worked for a certain amount of time. I think it was 6 or 12 months, I can’t quite remember.
Both my husband and I got leave after only living in Norway for about a year.
Thanks for the comment!