I remember walking in the street, while pregnant, looking at some young mothers pushing their prams, looking great. They were made up and wearing cool clothes: the perfect combination of the modern mum and the urban self-confident woman.
I thought to myself ,” Right, I’ll be a pretty mummy.” (It’s funny how I never stopped to consider the other mums around, wearing sweatpants and who had given up on their brush. Shouldn’t that have given me a hint?)
And then my beautiful baby came … nothing was (is) more important than her well-being. Who cares what I look like?! Arguments were pouring through my mind:
1) I’m breastfeeding, so I need to be comfortable
2) I am not going to buy more clothes, I’ll just wear my training trousers until I fit into my old clothes again
3) I am getting up at night and going to bed during the day, so no real point of getting out of my PJs…
4) I never go out. Winter in Norway? Minus 18 and 2-meter snow, say no more!
A few months past, and I was not losing weight as quickly as I anticipated. A very strange fact considering all the chocolate I ate, while comfy at home in this semi reality where you don’t really know what day it is and life is but one word : “baby”…
My arguments came as strong as ever:
1) I read that one needs sugar when one is under-sleeping (“one” found that a very good argument indeed)
2) I am breastfeeding, so I need the extra nutrients (loads of that in a pack of white chocolate chips cookies)
3) I can’t go on a diet because I’m breastfeeding
4) I’m still hormonal, so I need comfort food
The one person that really had to see me like this was “only” my husband. Slowly, It felt that the margin you get from your loved one for having given birth and putting your body through hell was wearing thin (he is ever so supportive, but it would drive me nuts if he was in shabby clothes day in day out). So, I had to rethink.
I was clearly not giving up chocolate. So, I went shopping.
With me came the wise advice of Susannah and Trinny (BBC’s “what not to wear”): put your attributes forward! I bought a pair of wide legged jeans that would fit the in-between person I was (in between my 20 + kilo pregnant self and the 8 + kilo self who had not returned to her “self” yet… still following?) and a top tight on the chest (definitely an asset at the time) and wide at the waist (definitely a handicap at the t… well still now actually… humpf!… moving on). I felt so good!
I twirled in front of my husband, who is so supportive and said yes you look so much fitter (than when I was 9-months pregnant? He couldn’t get it wrong.) Between you and me, I also got some underwear which didn’t look like I had taken over my grandmother’s closet and that was also a positive change.
To be honest, the first months I really couldn’t care less what I looked like, but after a while I started being impatient with this in-between body even though I knew I had no energy to change it. I should have definitely started earlier — accepting that current shape, buying two or three pieces of clothing that fit perfectly – even if you only wear them a few months – it does so much to your self-esteem.
When I stopped nursing around 10 months and going back to work, I got a rush wearing skirts and make-up and looking good. I still have bad hair days, and most of the time I find out I have a stain somewhere or other – but I make a point of wearing a little lip gloss or heels. And although the scales show (almost) the same weight as before, I don’t think I’ll ever have the body I had pre-beautiful baby because that’s just what happens: your bones move, your flesh gets imprinted, you need to treat yourself when you can… but hey! a little gym and Zumba will tone it nicely … the day I start 😉
Anyhow in confidence and happiness I am a pretty mummy. Mission accomplished!
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Ambre French, our French “maman” writing from Oslo, Norway. You can view her profile on our Writer’s Page.
Photo credit to http://www.flickr.com/photos/iswc/1016400558/. This photo has a creative commons attribution license.
Your words mirror my thoughts. I had boasted to my hubby that I would be back to my pre-Baby weight before Baby’s first birthday. Well, the birthday is in one month’s time, and I am still at the same weight as at 9months pregnant 🙂
I’m on the way down for the final time, and loving it. Not yet exercising, but not as hungry now the Butterfly is weaning. Haven’t begrudged the children the time I’ve given them, but looking at my old skinny clothes with anticipation – it’s been nearly ten years…
I love your arguments, I think I went through the same ones so nice to know that I am not alone! My best reason for not wearing comfy clothes any more came when a lady thought that I was my sons sister, not mother…. (I was wearing comfy shoes, big warm winter jacket, hadn’t done my hair, and I had a backpack, it was just too much hassle carrying a handbag in the beginning!).
After the birth of my first son I tried really hard to get back into shape. I even got a baby jogger so I could go running, but I found new motherhood too overwhelming so it didn’t last. After my second child I was just so TIRED, plus I had post-partum depression. I completely let myself go, and it wasn’t until about two years ago that I started making an effort again.
Oh, and chocolate? Women need chocolate. It’s a scientific fact.
Kirsten
Definitely craving chocolate after giving birth to my first child, but the day of enlightment came at about six months later when someone asked me if I was pregnant again. No more chocolate after that.
Isn’t chocolate part of the dairy group since some kinds have milk in it? 😉 If we can say that is true, then studies have actually shown that eating a couple of extra dairy servings a day can help you burn fat and lose weight.
And you’re right, I don’t think our bodies will never be exactly like they were before children (BC). I am fitting into my pre-pregnancy clothes, but still need to tackle several pounds to get to my BC weight. One step at a time 🙂
Thanks for your honesty! This too is on my mind. I’m now at 10 months after baby #2. While technically I think my weight is back down to what it was pre-pregnancy, my body looks totally different (and not in the way I’d like). My clothes still don’t fit well, and I find myself spending way too much time focused on it. And like you, I recently made an effort to go out and get some things that would make me feel good again and show my husband I was making an effort. It’s amazing how feeling like things fit your current body releases a pressure valve. So I am still determined to tone things up, but I know I have to accept that I am aging and have had 2 kids…which are GOOD things…and my body may not look exactly as I want it to no matter what I do. And on that note, I never could give up chocolate (or dessert in general). I had a big honest talk with myself last week about this very issue. I don’t think those last pounds are worth it. 🙂
I can completely relate! After my first baby, the weight dropped off, but quickly returned as the stress increased and thyroid slowed. Baby 2 took what was left of my hope for my old body and squashed it along with my breasts! I would like to order a glass of skinny with a side of perkiness!
Love your honesty, love this post. And I think you hit the nail on the head (many times!): We should all find ways to feel confident and beautiful, and whatever those ways are, go for them full force! Zumba + chocolate sounds perfect! 🙂
Thank you for reading and for your open and honnest comments. They are absolutely wonderful to read.
This is my first post ever and I have felt the wonders of being part of you guys here already. Behind all the humour this is a sensitive subject. Putting it in the open to share and illustrate together is so worthwhile. Thanks again.
We R fantastic and I do beleive it is all about finding your own definition of “comfortable beauty” – and we all agree this is a process which includes desert especially “dairy products”…
Love it! I’m breastfeeding right now and can’t get enough chocolate. I’ve never eaten so many sweets in my life. I think I ate about 2 lbs. of fudge during my first two months of maternity leave. Oddly enough, one of my favorite shows to watch when I’m breastfeeding is What Not To Wear with Stacy and Clinton… and it has inspired some wardrobe changes for my return to work 🙂