On a typical Wednesday night, I’m getting home from work at around 8:30 pm, having a glass of wine, and watching the sitcom, Modern Family, with my husband. By the time I get home, both kids are already asleep, and I’m exhausted after a long day.
This aforementioned day includes taking my daughter to and from a three-hour stint at preschool, while making sure my two-year-old son doesn’t cause grave injury to himself (or me for that matter). Then, at 3:00 pm, the babysitter comes over, and I’m off to work until 8:00 pm.
I know that a lot of other women juggle much more than I do, but keeping two children clean, clothed and fed, while chipping away at the household chores, is more than I can handle sometimes. That’s why it’s so refreshing to watch a show like Modern Family, where it’s okay to be a mom with imperfections.
From the dawn of television, the TV mom has been portrayed to be something that most women cannot live up to.
In the 1960’s, the mother represented on television was a stay-at-home mom whose hair and makeup was perfectly done when she served breakfast to the family in a form-fitting dress. I’m lucky if I’m out of my pajamas during breakfast, never mind the hair and makeup.
The 60’s sitcom mother was never overweight, and she never raised her voice. She was beautiful and appeared to be perfect.
The 1970’s brought us The Brady Bunch and The Partridge Family. Carol Brady, the mother of three daughters and step-mother to three sons, was a stay-at-home mom who had a maid, Alice. Must be nice. The Brady’s had their struggles, but there was always a happy ending at the end of every episode.
Shirley Partridge, a widowed mother of five, sang in a band with all of her children. This single mother was able to support her family by touring with them on an old school bus. Both of these women were far groovier than I could ever imagine being.
The 1980’s brought us Elyse Keaton of Family Ties, an independent architect and mother of three, and Clair Huxtable of The Cosby Show, a lawyer and mother of five. These working moms somehow managed to have exciting careers, look great, and still be present for their children. They were happily married to successful, supportive, and loving men. They made little girls everywhere believe that they could literally have it all.
Then came the 1990’s and a breath of fresh air named Roseanne Conner. Roseanne was also a working mother of three, but she worked in a factory and her family’s financial struggles were a part of their everyday lives. The Conners were a blue-collar family who were far from perfect, which is probably why they were so popular.
Roseanne was overweight and grouchy. She made us feel good about our own imperfections. As bad as things may have been, at least we weren’t like the Conners. Although Roseanne was fun to watch, I don’t think many women could relate to someone as eccentric as her.
That’s why I love Claire Dunphy of Modern Family. She’s a stay-at-home mother of three, happily married (at least most of the time) to Phil, a real estate agent. Although she is thin and beautiful, we see her imperfections. Claire sometimes loses her temper and yells at her husband and her kids. When she’s sick, we see her lying in bed watching television.
She [Claire Dunphy] doesn’t miraculously juggle a successful career and motherhood, even though her children are all school-aged. She actually sometimes mourns the death of her career; a career she gave up in order to be a stay-at-home mom. She’s human, and she lets the rest of us know that it’s okay to be tired; it’s okay to be sick; it’s okay to be in a bad mood. And, that’s what I love about her.
None of us are perfect, but there certainly are societal pressures put on mothers to juggle it all – the husband, the kids, the career, the looks – perfectly. It’s simply an impossible task. Anyone who seems to “have it all” is either faking it or miserable. I truly believe that.
Clair Huxtable is fictional, but Claire Dunphy has a refreshing realistic side to her that, as a mother, I truly appreciate. So, I look forward to my Wednesday nights, when I know I’ll have a good laugh while relaxing with a glass of wine after a tiring day, which was all worth it.
What are your thoughts on the way mothers have been portrayed on television? Are the expectations put on mothers unrealistic?
This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Kally Mocho of New Jersey, USA.
Photo credit to Rubenstein. This photo is copyrighted by Rubenstein and made available for use under a creative commons attribution license.
Great to be reminded about some great tv shows, but also nice to hear that I am not the only one who doesn’t live up to this image of a “perfect mum”. I haven’t seen Modern Family yet, but will have a look now!
You are definitely not alone! It’s an impossible task to perfectly manage everything that is put on our plates without massive amounts of outside help. I think we need to talk about this topic more openly and more often so that other mothers will know that they are not alone either.
Thanks for your support by always reading this blog.
Great to be reminded about some great tv shows, but also nice to hear that I am not the only one who doesn’t live up to this image of a “perfect mum”. I haven’t seen Modern Family yet, but will have a look now!
I haven’t seen Modern Family either, though I think they are airing it now in India. And I must say that this is really an issue nowadays – television shows trying to dictate our behaviour and dress. I am glad you brought this topic to World Moms Blog.
Another show I used to like was Reba – about a divorced mother of three (I think) and the problems she faces. I think that was a pretty good show too.
I never saw Reba, but I know it was super popular. I’m sure there are other more realistic examples of mothers on television, they’re just sometimes harder to find. Thanks for your comment.
I could not agree with you more! I too watch Modern Family finding myself relating to them in more ways than one (although like you, I work, and find myself wondering if I could hold it together as well as Claire does if I were a stay at home mom…probably not).
We have recently started watching the first season of Mad Men, which portrays the mother as the “60’s mom” perfectly thin and dressed all the time (so impractical!), but also one that is struggling with depression and her husband’s infidelity…and all she can do about it is smile. If I were in that same situation I may be inclined to yell and get angry more than smile (although I understand the need of creating a period piece and being true to the time).
I LOVE Mad Men. I can’t wait for the new season to air. Anyway, I thought about Betty Draper while writing this piece. She is such a good example of someone who’s faking it – she looks like the perfect woman to an outsider when in reality, she is falling to pieces. Although that was the thing to do back then, I still feel like women today try to create the appearance that they’re able to do it all and have it all when in reality, they are unhappy or overwhelmed or even depressed. We have to do a better job at being honest and supporting each other. Thanks for your comment!
*Sigh* I loved those shows and thought they were realistic enough. They had to be entertaining, too! I haven’t seen Modern Family yet {Did I just admit that?} but sounds like I should give it a try!
I’m also thinking about some other faves like 90210 and Friends- how about those moms?
Fun article!
I loved those shows too! I grew up watching The Cosby Show and Family Ties and I loved them. But I think you’ll find Claire Dunphy refreshing.
We love Modern Family, too! It’s one of our all-time favorite shows. Each of the families are so different and all bring something to the show. I seriously don’t know who my favorite is.
I absolutely agree that moms are portrayed in a certain way through the media, but for the most part, all people are. Even the family dog is supposed to behave a certain way! LOL!!
I would have to agree that all three families featured on Modern Family are great. Their diversity is something that I didn’t mention in my article, but I very much appreciate. As for the family dog…don’t have one yet but perhaps I’ll have strong feelings about how they’re portrayed in the media as soon as I get one. LOL!
I love Modern Family. Claire is great, but I also really love how even drop-dead-gorgeous Gloria is shown as ridiculously flawed, like the rest of us! I was also always such a fan of Ma Ingalls on Little House on the Prairie. Talk about hard livin’. Fun post!
Yes! I love Gloria too, and I love that we get to see her flaws as well. I forgot about Little House on the Prairie…another great show that I loved to watch as a child. I suppose Ma Ingalls’ life was tough, but she never lost her cool. Right? That woman never raised her voice, and she was so beautiful. Maybe that’s because Pa Ingalls was the tough one. Anyway, thanks for reading and thanks for the comment.
“Anyone who seems to “have it all” is either faking it or miserable.” I so agree with this line.
It worries me that women have exchanged our pre-1960s problems for some far bigger ones (perhaps another post!)
I haven’t watched Modern Family – but Claire does sound a lot more normal than most tv Mums. Enjoyed your post Kally.
Thank you! I just wanted to get the conversation started. As mothers, we have to do more to support each other because we have expectations put on us that are unrealistic. One of the easiest things we can do to support each other is just to talk openly about how hard it is to be a mom. Let’s be open about our frustrations. Let’s talk about the mistakes we have made. I guarantee, there are others out there who are feeling just as inadequate. Thanks so much for your comment!
I keep hearing about this show – will have to watch it.
I agree that the earlier sitcoms you mentioned were just not realistic. Maybe they’re getting better – I hardly watch tv anymore. Not that it was a family show, but Friends drove me crazy with the way they portrayed Rachel as a mom. Gah!
What I’d like to see next is accurate depiction of labour so women don’t think they have to rush to the hospital the moment they have a twinge.
Your comment about labor was so funny. Every time a woman goes into labor on a television show, her water breaks. Right? And then the rush to the hospital and the breathing starts… Luckily there are shows in the U.S. that actually follow real women through labor and delivery, so people have the opportunity to see what it’s really all about.
Thanks for reading and thanks for your comment!
Cute post about relating to TV moms!
Jen 🙂
Thanks Jen. 🙂