I dropped my baby.
There, I said it. I feel awful about it. I mean, sit on the floor, head in my hands, sobbing awful about it.
I had her in my left arm with her head over my shoulder, and we were making our way to the kitchen. While in my older daughter’s room, I reached up with my right hand to pull the cord to turn off the ceiling fan…and then…blast!…she took off like a runner from a runner’s post.
She kicked me away and then backdived to my left all in one swoop. The perfect escape. The moment seemed to last an eternity.
I caught her with my left hand. Relief. But no. All 4 and 1/2 months and 16 lbs of gravity dropped on my arm like a medicine ball onto a sheet of “the other leading brand” of plastic wrap, falling closer, closer to the carpeted ground.
My right hand made a failed rescue attempt, too. I’m a 5 foot 10 inches tall woman, and my desperation attempts kept her from falling from that high or on her head. Phew. She fell on her side, less than a foot from the ground. All I know is that I went down with her in the save attempt.
She cried. It pierced my heart like a knife. I picked her up. (Was that what I should have done first thing?) I nursed her to calm her down. I was sobbing hysterically. And, at that inopportune moment, my four-year old made like Columbo (a T.V. detective) and started giving me the first degree.
She was asking, “What room did you drop her?” “How did it happen?” “Where EXACTLY did she fall?” “Were you holding anything else?” Then she said, “Mommy, stop crying and answer the questions!”
I couldn’t answer.
Then, I answered “In the other room” and “I can’t talk about this now.” I just wanted her to stop asking because it made me more worried. I calmed myself down.
And, my baby. My baby came up for air and she…smiled. Oh, the feeling inside of me. Please be ok. She moved around and cooed. She was happy again. Oh, please stay this way!
I checked out her arm and side, and they seemed fine. She was playing in her exersaucer and later shaking maraccas with both hands. We got a free pass. This time.
I then sat down with my Colomboesque 4-year old and answered the questions. She had been very worried about her sister, and I couldn’t keep it together when it all happened. That must have been even scarier for her.
I beat myself up about the incident that morning. Repeating thoughts in my head of, “Why didn’t you put her down first?” “Was the fan REALLY that important?” “What were you THINKING???” “You could have really hurt her!” I was so mad at myself. “Two hands!! Always hold her with TWO HANDS!!”
I love her so much, and I was so frustrated. I learned to forgive myself and promised to be more careful (don’t we always promise that anyway? well then, super-duper vigilant and careful).
It’s a really tough, emotional thing when you’re responsible for an accident that hurts your child. And, it’s completely embarrassing to admit that it happened. I know I’m not a perfect mom to begin with — none of us are, right? — but this, just ugh!!
So, mothers of the world, today, if you have small children, hold them a little closer to you, put them down before reaching for anything and keep the hot beverages away. If I can prevent even just one mishap by making you cringe at my story, then it was worth the uncomfortableness of posting it. What a morning it was.
Now on to our week in review…
We started off the week in Minnesota, USA with Galit Breen’s post, “Raising Racism“. But, it feels like we never left Monday, because comments continued on this post all throughout the week. There are 50+ comments! Galit talks about the book, Nurture Shock, by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman, and specifically, the chapter on racism. Come see what everyone is talking about!
A 3,000 mile trip to help her son follow his dreams! Dr. Jeanelle Marshawn Lanham told her story on Tuesday of being a single mom raising two boys, one of which is off to college this autumn — to his dream performance arts school in New York City! Dr. Lanham talks about how she has prepared herself for his leaving the nest. A motivational read!
Wednesday, we traveled to Massachusetts, USA, where Courtney Cappallo, unleashed her feelings about whether you know if you’re done having children, or not. Courtney is convinced that she is happy with the family she has, but she may have made some of our readers reconsider their thoughts on the subject! (Why did she have to mention new baby smell?) Come read her account!
Amy Hillis has officially made her comeback to World Moms Blog with her post, “Beyond the Pain“. She describes her innermost thoughts on moving forward after the death of her second son. Her story is profound. You will grow with her upon reading!
Our first writer interview this week featured our Scheduling Editor, Kirsten Doyle of Running for Autism, from Canada, who has lived all over the world, but spent most of her time growing up in South Africa. She talks about how she suffers from social anxiety, and she is able to share her thoughts easier through her writing.
Our second interview was from Alison Lee of Mama Wants This from Malaysia, who tells us how she has decided not to enlist any help in raising her child, which separates her from most mothers in her home country. Alison also helps with editing on the blog — she backs up our Sidebar Editor, Eva Fannon, with the Friday Question.
This Friday the World Moms have a license to BRAG (about our children!). Come see what we adore most about our kids!
And, in news, we are now writing from Israel! Welcome new writer, Susie Newday, from Israel to World Moms Blog!
Do you like our site? Be sure to “Vote for us” daily by clicking on the Picket Fence Blog link in the bottom right hand column of our site, or by clicking here.
Tune in tomorrow for Kirsten Doyle’s Travel Itinerary to see where we are traveling to this coming week on the blog!
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by founder, Jennifer Burden of New Jersey, USA.
Photo credit to Karin Dalziel. This photo has a creative commons attribution license.
Jennifer Burden
Jennifer Burden is the Founder and CEO of World Moms Network, an award winning website on global motherhood, culture, human rights and social good. World Moms Network writes from over 30 countries, has over 70 contributors and was listed by Forbes as one of the “Best 100 Websites for Women”, named a “must read” by The New York Times, and was recommended by The Times of India. She was also invited to Uganda to view UNICEF’s family health programs with Shot@Life and was previously named a “Global Influencer Fellow” and “Social Media Fellow” by the UN Foundation. Jennifer was invited to the White House twice, including as a nominated "Changemaker" for the State of the World Women Summit. She also participated in the One Campaign’s first AYA Summit on the topic of women and girl empowerment and organized and spoke on an international panel at the World Bank in Washington, DC on the importance of a universal education for all girls. Her writing has been featured by Baby Center, Huffington Post, ONE.org, the UN Foundation’s Shot@Life, and The Gates Foundation’s “Impatient Optimists.” She is currently a candidate in Columbia University's School of International and Public Affairs in the Executive Masters of Public Affairs program, where she hopes to further her study of global policies affecting women and girls. Jennifer can be found on Twitter @JenniferBurden.
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Oh Jen, you poor thing! That must have been so scary for you, and I’m glad the baby is OK. I know all about that guilt feeling, too! When my youngest was 18 months old, I was running on the treadmill in my living room. When my attention wandered for a split second, he snuck up to the treadmill and put his hand flat on the belt while it was moving. Took off the top layer of his hand, and resulted in a very painful ER visit. Of course, I blamed myself. What on earth was I thinking, using a treadmill with a toddler there? Every time my boy cried in pain over the next couple of weeks it was like a knife in my heart because I felt that I had done this.
And 5’10”? I’m a short-arse compared to you!
Kirsten
I totally felt your pain from your son’s accident. I’m so sorry that happened. Isn’t it just the worst feeling?
It’s tough to be on call 24/7 with disrupted sleep and no slip ups allowed. We, moms, have a tough job!!!!
Jen 🙂
Oh Jen, you poor thing! That must have been so scary for you, and I’m glad the baby is OK. I know all about that guilt feeling, too! When my youngest was 18 months old, I was running on the treadmill in my living room. When my attention wandered for a split second, he snuck up to the treadmill and put his hand flat on the belt while it was moving. Took off the top layer of his hand, and resulted in a very painful ER visit. Of course, I blamed myself. What on earth was I thinking, using a treadmill with a toddler there? Every time my boy cried in pain over the next couple of weeks it was like a knife in my heart because I felt that I had done this.
And 5’10”? I’m a short-arse compared to you!
Kirsten
You have probably just voiced what every mother has done or closely avoided and bravo to you for being brave enough to put it out there in the hope of making someone else stop and think.
Mine was getting my baby out of his carseat. Heaps of people waiting for me, trying to do everything and I got my foot hooked through the seatbelt. He was in my arms and I felt myself heading for the concrete footpath and knew that he would hit the ground underneath me.
As a mother you do everything to try and protect them. My hand protected his head and my shoulder took the full brunt of the fall in my attempt to protect him. I stuffed my neck, my back and my shoulder but luckily my darling boy was only frightened and while he cried a lot there wasn’t a mark on him.
We’re human and we stuff up and boy it makes us ten times more careful. Kids are pretty resilient and they’re pretty tough. The fact is it’s because you care that you were so distraught, try not to be too hard on yourself – your little columbo is doing that job well enough 🙂
Thanks, Fiona. Luckily, my friend Monica was coming by to pick up my daughter for camp that morning, and she said the same thing — about what every mother has done or closely avoided. It put me at ease!
Thanks for sharing your story — oh, the concrete!! I can feel your worry!! It sounds like you didn’t fare too well in the fall, but I bet, as a mom, you had a better you than him attitude about it all.
Thanks for your kind words! 🙂
I think we have all done something similar. I think the fear at the moment is the toughest part.
BTW-when kids scream right away-that is fab. The quiet ones are the ones to worry about.
Susie,
I should have a direct line to Israel for these situations, since you have worked as a nurse in the ER! lol! Thank you for the information about the screaming right away being a good thing. That’s good to know!
Thanks for your comment, and I am looking forward to you writing with us! 🙂
Jen 🙂
Jen, you are not alone!! We have all been in a similar situation be it all too unfortunate. Life can be hectic and challenging. Gone are the days of just one child that we give our full undivided attention to. We are now required to split our attention and focus among two or more children. The key to remember is simple…you are human and just that, therefore you are fallible as we all are! We cannot control every event in our lives or our children’s lives but we should try to focus on the things we can control. Your message is a powerful one….take the time to do one task well, instead of ten tasks half way. It is therefore extremely important that we all become more present in all of the moments of our lives, especially those with our children and loved ones. Bravo to you for opening up the dialogue and being brave and admitting how we all feel at one time or another!!! Be kind to yourself and remember…you are a good mom!!! 🙂
Briget,
Thank you! I try! I hope my story reminds other moms to be more vigilant than I was the other day. If we can prevent one accident, then that’s just great.
Yes, now in my head I have to think – when transporting the baby around the house, do just that. Everything else CAN wait!!!!
Jen 🙂
Oh Jen, I am feeling your pain. So glad you are both okay now. It sounds like you were able to catch her just enough as she was slipping, so she didn’t fall from way up high. It is so scary when this kind of stuff happens. I really understand how you feel. Something similar happened to me when my son was a baby. I tripped on the dog and did everything I could to protect my baby as we were falling. It was horrible and it felt like forever. In the end, we were all just fine, just a bit shaken up.
Thanks, Maggie. Since posting this article, from the comments above and personal comments to me, I feel like most moms go through something like this. It’s really our top goal everyday — keeping our children safe — but, oh man when it doesn’t go as planned! Thanks for your words.
Jen 🙂
Jen! You poor thing! Big hugs to you! When Emery was one week old, I set her down on Sydney’s full size bed so I could brush my teeth in the next room. I figured she was safe b/c the bed had guard rails on both sides. She was safe… except the fact that her very curious three year old sister came into the room and picked her up, carried her across the room and put baby Emery in the baby doll’s stroller. She came in the bathroom and said, “mommy, look the baby fits in the stroller.” I broke down in tears and started sobbing. Emery was totally fine, it was my fear of what could have happened to her, all of the potential things that could have happened. I was so grateful that nothing did happen, but so angry at myself for not being there to explain to 3 year old Sydney not to pick up the infant and walk around with her. She didn’t know any better. I’ll tell you what though, total wake up call for me!
And, by the way, I read in Parenting Magazine this week that 40% of all children’s emergency room visits are from children getting into the cleaning supply cabinets and using chemical spray bottles. It makes total sense. Spray bottles are lots of fun, why wouldn’t they want to spray them? Thought I’d share that, because I didn’t realize how appealing something like that probably is to little kids. Wanted to share that to remind parents to lock their chemical cabinets or keep them out of their children’s reach and have a discussion with them to NEVER touch those spray bottles!
Courtney,
THANK YOU for mentioning about cleaning supplies and safety!!! That would be a great future post!
Thanks for understanding — I can only imagine how you felt when you saw your one-week old in the doll carriage. Ahhh!!! I’m so glad everything was ok. It takes courage to admit our slip-ups!
Jen 🙂
That was so scary Jen. I remember the time I was trying to get through a door with my baby in my hands and accidentally hit his head against the door post (and he was just a month old at the time). He started crying and I felt like I was the worst person in the world. It was not a very hard hit but since he was just a month old with a very soft head, we were really worried. But he stopped crying pretty quickly and we were relieved to see him behaving as usual.
Fire Crystals,
Thanks for sharing your story. It is amazing how scary these things can be! I’m so thankful that everything was ok!
Jen 🙂
Oh Jen, you must have had an emotional time. I have had moments when my son has knocked himself up onto something and moments when he fell down. I chastised myself and vowed to be more careful. But well, such things have to happen. I mean like you said one cannot be alert 24 x 7. And you have just 2 hands. All’s well now, so thats great now!
Welcome Susie Newday!
All the stories last week were absolutely great.
I especially think Dr. Jeanelle Marshawn Lanham’s post to be contemplative.
Thanks, The Alchemist — so true about only 2 hands! And yes, a great week it was! Kyla’s post tomorrow was inspired by Dr. Lanham’s post above. Stay tuned!!
Jen 🙂
I have four kids. I have dropped 3 of them. That kicking off and backdiving move is not my favorite. I narrowly missed dropping my kids many more times because of it. I have sobbed with my head in my hands just like you from the guilt. thank you for being brave and writing about this!
Hi Jennifer, though I have never dropped both my sons from my arms when they were a baby, but my older son drowned in his baby tub one time when he was around 3 mos and my youngest,he was around 7 mos when his stroller fell down to the back with him inside. I know how was the feeling. I was feeling bad and guilty. Honestly, I cried 🙂
Anything can be happened,we need to do our best and also we need to be more alert and careful in taking care of our children.
If you don’t mind please visit my blog and I would be more than happy if you are willing to share your thoughts 🙂
http://www.mylifeismyrainbow.wordpress.com
Oh Jen, we do give ourselves a jolt sometimes, don’t we?