I woke up one day and realized that my baby is no longer a baby. Thinking about it brings happy-sad tears to my eyes. I’m extremely proud of my son and how much he’s grown and matured over the years, but at the same time, I’m scared that he will outgrow me soon and, I will become a mommy without a baby.
It all started one fateful day at school. We did our usual routine where I dropped him off at the school driveway. I got out of the car, pulled his bag out of the trunk, and walked up the steps with him. Then I leaned down to kiss him. Usually Tristan would reach up and meet my kiss halfway, say “I love you, Mommy”, and I’d tell him to enjoy his day and that I’d pick him up after class before we parted ways. Well, that afternoon was different. I noticed when we got to the top of the stairs that he kept looking at a group of older boys out of the corner of his eye. And when I leaned down to kiss him, he angled his face so that I ended up kissing his cheek instead, all the while glancing at the bigger kids. Then he cheerfully said “Bye, Mommy!” and went to his classroom.
I stood at the top of the steps for a good fifteen seconds before I finally shook my head and got back in the car. I thought back on all the times that my friends would tease me about little boys growing up and not wanting to be seen kissing their moms in public.
After that day, I noticed that he would glance around before giving me a goodbye kiss in school, and if any of his friends were around, he’d just let me kiss him on the cheek. Oh my broken heart! The little boy who grabbed my hand tight and walked behind me on our first day at preschool would now confidently run to class as soon as he set foot on campus. No more hand-holding, no more hiding behind mom. It was time to face the fact that my baby was now a big boy.
I’ve always known that one day this day would come. I’ve always known that one day I would see that my little baby boy was growing up, and slowly but surely turning into a little man. This is an inevitable truth, and something that all moms have to deal with at some point. I know my son is only six, but all of a sudden I feel that he’s growing up so fast, maybe even a little too fast sometimes. Sometimes I think that he isn’t ready to do big-kid things. Then I stop myself when I realize that maybe I’m the one who isn’t ready to see him do these things on his own. And this isn’t fair to him at all. He needs to be allowed to grow, which means I have to let go and let him do his thing.
Even as I’m writing this, he’s showing me how much he’s grown. He’s sitting on the floor, playing with his train set – assembling the tracks on his own, thinking of how curvy he wants them to be and how far he wants them to stretch. Only months ago, he would sit and wait while someone else built the track for him, but now he says (and shows us all) that he’s big enough to do it himself. I’m really so proud of this guy, and completely speechless at his maturity.
A part of me thought that I’d be caring for the same little guy I have loved so much over the past years. Now I see that this isn’t so. Within my first six months as a work-at-home-mom, I got to know a brilliant, independent little boy who is as headstrong as his mom. Because I spent his toddler years working, I know I missed out on a lot of great times with Tristan. And it’s only now that I’m making up for it, both to him and to myself. I just hope that it’s not too late and that I still have enough time to be mommy before he starts to sprout facial hair and realizes that I am actually uncool. No matter how old he gets, in my heart this kid will always be my baby boy, always and forever.
How have you felt as you have seen your child(ren) become independent?
This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Mrs. P Cuyugan of the Philippines. She can be found blogging at Mrs. C’s Sugarcoated Life.
Photo credit to the author.
Patricia Cuyugan (Philippines)
Patricia Cuyugan is a wife, mom, cat momma, and a hands-on homemaker from Manila, whose greatest achievement is her pork adobo. She has been writing about parenting for about as long as she’s been a parent, which is just a little over a decade. When she’s not writing, you can usually find her reading a book, binge-watching a K-drama series, or folding laundry. She really should be writing, though! Follow her homemaking adventures on Instagram at @patriciacuyugs.
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I’m now making up time for my kids too. Those toddler years really drive me crazy but now I missed them most, wished I could quit my job few years earlier. My son will be 13 in 4months. His voice has been gradually reduced to lower pic, guess the hormones are kicking in now. Maybe later (hopefully not too soon)daddy would need to teach him shave. We went to the Immigration Dept to renew his passport today. Oh boy! He has grown so much. I missed those baby-faced photos on his previous travelling documents.
I know what you mean about those baby-faced photos! I have a number of framed pictures scattered around my room from when Tristan was a toddler, and just looking at them makes me smile. I remember how cute and cuddly he was back then. Now, whenever I share photos on Facebook, people tell me he looks like such a big boy already. I can’t imagine how I’ll feel when his voice starts to change!
My son will be 20 years old in January! Believe me when I tell you that I still feel about him the same way as you all do … and I also can’t wrap my head around how fast these 20 years have sped by! Not to mention that I don’t FEEL anywhere near old enough to have a son who is 20 years old!!
On the positive side, you don’t necessarily need to lose the closeness and the cuddles! My son was never much of a “cuddler”, not even when he was young. My daughter, however, despite the fact that she’ll be 17 next year, has absolutely no problem hugging & kissing hubby & I even when she has friends around. A lot depends on the character of the child, however each age has its positives & negatives, and each stage is equally precious!
Wow, Simona! I think of moms with kids who are past their teen years as sort of Jedi Mommies! I think you are wonderful!
You’re right about not having to lose the closeness and the cuddles. My husband is a really sweet guy and I still see him hug his dad, even now that he’s close to 30 years old. I only hope my little boy stays as sweet as he is now even when he’s older.
Dear Patty, thanks! I like the idea of being a “Jedi Mommy”! 😛
I’m sure your little boy WILL stay as sweet as he is … after all he has a dad that’s setting a great example! 🙂
And now I am tearing up! I can see this happening very soon with my son. They have this weird way of being little and then all of the sudden you look down and BOOM! they’re little men. Hugs from one momma to another!
Oh Jacki, yes, they become little men so quickly! Big hug to you too! 🙂
They do have this annoying habit of growing and changing, don’t they? Long days and short years – that’s parenting! 🙂
I am learning this as the years go by. Might be time to start thinking about having another one? Or maybe not!
I loved your way of putting it – Long days and short years!!! lol!! You nailed it right!
This was such a sweet post! I think I’m going to have the same emotions when mine get “too big to cuddle.” But then i suppose i’ll also enjoy the freedom that comes with a more self entertained kid!
I do enjoy the moments of freedom I get now that this kid is a bit older. There are upsides to it all. 🙂
I found myself staring at my little girls when they weren’t looking the other day and telling myself to absorb every bit of their littleness and remember it. At 5 years and almost 2 years, they are growing fast. I daydream and imagine the strong women they will become. But, I feel like my duty is to get them to the point where they don’t need me. I tend to give them more independence than normal. I find they are more capable then the norm of society gives them credit for — not just my kids, kids in general. So, I let them stretch their boundaries a little, within reason, and keep in mind that they will each be different.
Whether it’s jumping off the diving board, or just climbing up the stairs for the first time, I’m there with them. But I let them have a go when the time is right. My youngest one became such a pro climber at a young age, different to her older sister. I am very aware of what she can climb. Although, I’ve gotten told off before by people before who see her so little and don’t understand why I’m not all on top of her as she climbs something that I know she is perfectly capable of climbing. It’s important that you know your kid. And safety is key, of course!
I want nothing more than for them not to feel they have to call me from university for every decision they make one day. This is my job to get a feeling of what they can do, and give them the freedom to do it with guidance. The more time they have to practice to be decision makers in their life, they will become pros as adults. That’s my theory. 😉
Jen 🙂
Your theory is sound, Jen! 🙂
I KNOW it is, because I had the same theory and my children are already nearly 20 and 17 years old respectively! 🙂
Being “overprotective” actually handicaps children, it makes them fearful and damages their self-esteem. I was an overprotected child and I’m STILL less self-assured than my daughter is!!
Children are WAY more capable and clever than most adults give them credit for!
I was an overprotected child too, Simona, and I am a million times more clumsy than my 6-year old is. LOL
I think this is a great outlook Jen, and great advice for first-time moms like me. I like giving my little boy the freedom to do his thing as much as I can, and I worry that I might be too overprotective or paranoid at times. His dad is usually the one who lets him explore, run, jump and do the things that kids should be doing. Maybe it would do us both a lot of good if I let go of his hand for a while. Although, I must admit that just the thought of it makes me want to bite my nails with nervousness. I can be so uptight sometimes!
I like your theory too Jen. My daughter will be leaving for college in another 4years and YES! I really want her to feel that she should call me from college/university for advice before every decision she will make. I want her to know that mommy is always there to listen no matter what happens.
Thanks for the responses on my comment, ladies. Simona — I am so glad to hear your perspective from a mother with children older than mine. Fingers crossed it will work the same for mine!!
I love the conversations with global women!
Jen 🙂
It definitely feels like yesterday for me lying in the hospital complaining of labor. There are these times when his arithmetic fascinates me, when his building block set intrigues me and I wonder, oh man, he is not a baby at all. He is at par with all 6 year olds and he is growing up.
BTW, I can relate to that – “bye Mommy”. lol!!!
My baby boy just turned 13!!! Its insane! Hes only about 3-4 inches shorter than me and I am sure it won’t be long before hes taller than I. They grow up so fast! It is so amazing though to see him turning into a real person not just my child but an individual with thought, dreams and so much personality…now if I could just get him to shower! And yes its true 13 year old boys seem to be afraid of clean clothes for no reason at all.