About three weeks ago, I logged onto my WordPress dashboard and noticed that I had a massive spike in my page views, all linking to one post that I written about a year ago in a fit of anger. Further research lead me to realize that a German blogging news group had linked back to my post about the time I discovered someone was stealing photographs of my son on Instagram. In an instant, my small blog was exposed to thousands of people I had never met, and the thought scared me.
It scared me because now thousands of people I had never met now knew what my son looked like. What his name was. Where we lived.
When I started my blog on Blogger.com, it was to chronicle our adventures living in a hotel for 100 days while we patiently waited for our visas to be approved so we could finally leave the US for Paris. My followers consisted of my mom, my mother-in-law, and probably five co-workers from my old job. I never watermarked my photos and I shared stories about our adventures. I also shared stories about my son, sweet things he said or did, annoying behaviors he exhibited as he struggled through a rough international transition. Those stories were naively shared with the best of intentions; the idea that people are inherently good, and that no-one would probably read my blog.
Without the ability to work once we arrived in Paris, I poured myself into developing my blog. With each post, I became more and more eager to grow my readership, finding instant validation when someone would comment on a funny story I had published or when my mom would say, “I loved that post you wrote.” In addition to posting nearly every day, I attended a major blogging conference, got a Twitter account, a Facebook page, an Instagram account, and so on, and so on. As my little blog modestly grew, I met more and more amazing people. Blogging became my everything, and provided me with the ability to connect with people while living thousands of miles from the only life I had ever known.
Right around the same time that my blog post on “Instagram Trolls” was linked, I read a few articles on how people view “mommy” bloggers. I began to think more about the criticisms of sharing your life with strangers, what should be kept public versus private. What truly hit home for me wasn’t the downside of sharing my life or how it might affect MY career, but rather how it will affect my husband and son’s lives. I have less to fear about what I write because I willing put those thoughts and ideas out into the world. However, the stories that I share about my family aren’t all mine…. they belong to my family, to my husband (who is a consenting adult and can provide his opinion) and to my son.
At nearly four years old, he doesn’t have the comprehension to willingly agree to posts that I write about him.
I used to think that just because my blog wasn’t mainstream, it didn’t matter what I posted because only my family and friends would see it. That belief was extremely naive of me, and I am aware of that. I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking about the direction my own blog will take in the future.
It has opened up a Pandora’s box of the ethics of blogging… raising questions that I just don’t have a solid answer for. Things like “Should bloggers earn money by showcasing their children in sponsored ads?” “Should mom bloggers share naked photos of their children?” “Do the children of bloggers have a right to privacy?” “Does it matter if your blog is small or mainstream?”
These questions and countless more have caused me to put the red light on my personal blog. I’m not sure whether I will continue my own blog the way I have in the past, take it in a new direction, or delete it.
Mom readers and contributors of World Moms Blog, I value your opinions greatly. What are your thoughts about the ethics of blogging, especially when it comes to our children?
This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Jacki. You can check out her experiences as an expat in Paris at her blog, HJ Underway.
Hi Jacki,
I’m going through the same kind of ethical musings at the time. I have a blog in Dutch (well, Flemish), which is quite explicit, with our names and recognizable pictures. I started the blog at that time to keep family and friends up to date about our adoption process, mostly because I was tired of telling everyone there still was no news. It was becoming a kind of self-therapy. Now it is well known in the Belgian adoption world, and last week I got ‘recognized’ on the street, which was quite awkward.
When I started my English blog, I decided not to do that anymore. I use pseudonyms and no pictures. Because indeed, it scared me to have all those people around the world ‘know’ me.
But, all the same, I’m thinking about doing this on the Flemish blog as well. Since our son (6 yo) understood about blogging and internet, he started censoring some blog posts. I promised to tell him about a post each time, which I do. But he doesn’t quite grasp the effect of blogging versus privacy. Because being recognized didn’t feel that great. And especially our son thought it was not OK. He asked “how come those strangers know everything about us???” and I felt guilty.
As for our daughter, I have the feeling that spreading the word about her adoption issues will not be appreciated when she is a teenager. But all the same, I know I have helped a lot of other adoptive parents, even by just letting them know they are not alone in their struggles. But my family’s well being is more important to me, so I think I will adjust the blog, although quite some ‘harm’ has been done. If I would delete it, I will first try to turn it into a book, because it holds a LOT of (bitter)sweet memories.
Interesting topic Jacki….. This is the reason that I write under a pen name on WMB (even though all of you know my real name). Even on my private facebook account I refer to my kids by their first initials, and only post cute, non-incriminating pictures of them. My friends and family that want to keep up, or see them can, and any stranger that may accidentally stumble upon it will not have any private information to be able to tie back to us. I would say keep up the blog, esp since it is something that you truly enjoy, but remove your names and personal details so that no one can tie it back to your son.
Good luck!
I totally hear you. I must be honest that my inherent paranoia has prevented me from using my own name or pictures of me or anyone I know in my personal blog. I even have a separate Facebook page under my pseudonym and have resisted the pull of Twitter or Instagram.
Unfortunately once something has been put “out there” on the world wide web, there’s no way to really “take it back”. I think we should all be more aware of what we share and with whom.
I have the same thoughts a lot of the times. My eldest is 10 and would he be ok with me writing the things I write about him? I am very careful about our identity but we have a large community of family and friends who know about my blog and obviously know him. Will he ever start reading the blog? Will I have to ask him before I post something since he’s 10 and very capable of understanding what’s happening and having an opinion.
My blog is relatively watered down in comparison to other bloggers probably because we are in general a society who doesn’t like to share intimate details about their lives. So I stick to writing about parenting frustrations and feelings I have that I know other mothers can relate to. But as you said these are not my stories! I will soon have to ask permission.
I think keeping your identity private and pictures of your children as well is important more for their privacy then your safely I like to think that there are less crazy people out there than the news would lead us to believe. But I think it is helpful to other parents to read posts talking about problems and situations they may be going through if only to have comfort in the realization that they are not alone.
Very good points, Jacki and what an experience. It is easy to fall into the herd mentality that there are so many mommy bloggers, that my own blog will just fall unnoticed into the pack. I’m sure that is a really common thought in a sea of millions upon millions of blogs.
I started blogging with pen name. It took me a while until I could give it up. Now, I blog straight up with my own name. My stories tend to be more about my life and less about my kids. If I had to guess, they will most definitely read my blogs when they grow up!!
Jen 🙂
I am very concerned about privacy. It’s funny, because I am a very open person and post a lot through social media for a select group of friends. But I don’t have my own personal blog. And when I do write for WMB, I chose stories that focus on my learning/growth or an uplifting/humorous tales about my children. I very rarely use photos of us.
While I have hardships and dark moments like all parents, I chose not to write about that stuff because I don’t feel those stories belong to me solely. They belong to my family, and the tough stuff is not what I want my kids to stumble across someday. Those conversations…those nitty gritty moments….. are private between us.
But everyone is different. I don’t judge others on what they decide to share. It’s a whole new world for mommy bloggers, and we’re figuring it out as we go. Thanks for starting a great discussion here!
I often think about this as well as my blog is gaining following, and other than privacy there is yet a different side to blogging: fame. My mom is a highly regarded professor of genetics. She is a go-to person for all media if something exciting happens in her field (ethics, genetics, biotechnology), and she would sometimes mention us in in interviews. I hated it (it was like living in the shadow of your mom, and even now my Polish teacher remembered me as the professor’s daughter rather than that clever girl who always had something to say in my classes), my brother never bothered.But now I understand and admire her- she is a woman who loves her job and I wish my children will think of me in a similar way. As for privacy, yes I am thinking of editing the blog or blog more about me and my topics rather than my children.
Yeah, I considered all these too.
Most of my kids pics on blog posts are of profiles or back of their heads or in the distance and i didn’t put any up showing their faces on fb until I tightened my security settings and only included ‘friends.’
My older boys have never worried about being written about until recently and now we have a policy whereby I check in with them before I post about them, especially now that my blog is focussed on tantrums. Ed is different, being nearly four, he still thinks it’s exciting to see himself on the screen and wants me to write about him. every. day.
It is a big deal; and scary to think about. IMHO
I had more of an issue when I started blogging because of the fact that I am Jewish and live in Israel. There is so much anti-semitism in the world and I was afraid of crazy people. I actually got a very nasty comment once on one of my posts from someone linking back to a very hateful blog on Jews that still wrote things about Jews killing non- Jews just to drink their blood. I was horrified that we live in a world that people actually believe insane stuff like that.
I do censor some stuff, more about my husband than my kids.