Dear Ana Gaby,
Let me cut to the chase, you are in the verge of turning 30 years old, you live in South East Asia, you are married (yes, you who said that you wouldn’t even date until you were 30), you are a mother of two. Thirty, it is not as bad as it sounds, trust me. You might be wondering what ever happened to your ambitions of becoming a human rights lawyer and working at an international organization. As you may have noticed by now things did not turn out the way you expected. Your plans to travel the world, finish at least one Masters degree and not even consider getting married until you had moved into your own place did not get fulfilled.
Don’t worry. You get to study abroad, to live on your own and work in those places you always dreamed of working at. You don’t spend as much time working there as you had hoped for but you get a taste of the international organization realm and realize that you picked the right major. You meet people from all over the world and form friendships that last despite time and distance.
Along the way you meet a man who changes your life completely. Your priorities, perspective and your dreams shift from solo mode to “I wouldn’t do this without my partner in crime” mode and you find that it’s ok to let yourself literally fall in love.
So many things can happen in ten years; so many things can happen in one year. You can go from having no care in the world to being responsible for the life of a baby who depends on you for his every basic need. Life takes on a whole new meaning.
You haven’t only traveled the world, but lived in it. In the past 5 years you have visited dozens of countries and called 3 of them your home. You have been lucky enough to travel accompanied by your best friend, your husband, and have had the opportunity to experience so many different cultures and build a community over and over again in every place you are.
You quit your graduate program to get married but graduated into a new degree that is as challenging and fulfilling as many academic subjects: motherhood. This degree offers a holistic approach to life and includes expertise in a broad range of areas including boo-boo kissing, potty training, disciplining with love and learning everyday that it is possible to fall in love over and over again with your children.
Eventually you start working again, you really love your job, but you love your children even more. You find satisfaction in new things and your sons’ kisses and I “wov” yous mean so much more than anything else.
You don’t get to impact the world the way you thought you would but you impact the whole world of two little boys in more ways than you can imagine.
Your 10 year plan turned into a lifetime plan and this plan is full of adventures and misadventures but ends in a place where God and love and family come first. Your dreams no longer have you as a main character, but on a daily basis you pray and dream about a lifetime of opportunities for Evan and Joshua, your two boys.
So you see, things didn’t turn out as you expected. They turned out so much better.
Has your life turned out as you expected? How is it any different than you predicted? What would you say to 20-year-old or 30-year-old you?
This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Ana Gaby from Stumble Abroad.
Photo credit to Becs Viveash Photography
Ana!! I love this!! When I was 30, I wrote a letter to myself to open when I turned 40 and sealed it up. I have 3 more years to go until I open it! All I remember is at the time I had just had my first miscarriage and that I wanted to be speaking 2 other languages by the time I turned 40. I’ve got 2 kids now and I’ve been taking French lessons! I need to work on that other language!!
Checking in with yourself along the way — it helps you plan! You have no idea how much I enjoyed reading this!
Jen 🙂
Hi Jen,
Thanks for your encouraging words. I love your idea of writing a letter to yourself to open in the future. I think I now have a project for my 30th birthday! It will be interesting to see how our life plan shifts or stays on our preconceived track.
I loved learning more about you through this post!! Yes, my life turned out a lot different than I ever would have expected at 20 or 30. I always wanted a large family. I never would have expected to move to the south. I definitely never thought I would get divorced. I wanted to travel, but never expected to spend a month in the UK on a vacation. I thought I would work with kids with special needs because I went to college for Special Education. Turns out I used it in my parenting because I have a daughter with Aspergers. You just never know!
That’s exactly right, you just never know! It seems like life was preparing you for exactly what you needed. Thanks for your words.
Such a wonderful post! Your comment about how you change the world really resonates with me. I find so much enjoyment in raising my sons and truly feel like I am changing the world through my efforts with them and in our home. It all radiates outward. Cheers to you at 20, at 30, and beyond!
Thanks, Tara! I love raising my sons as well. It is definitely challenging at times but I agree with you, it all radiates outward. =)
Ana, this is really a uplifting post.
I’ve been feeling really bad for stopping my Master Degree in Biz Mgmt exactly a decade ago. Ana you are right, Motherhood is as challenging & fulfilling as any academic subject. Thank you for sharing your personal letter.
Dear Beady, thanks for your words. I sometimes used to feel guilty for letting myself quit my studies for love but it was the best decision for me at that time. I wouldn’t change my life for anything!
Oh Ana, this post made me smile and give me a warm feelings all around. Lovely and beautifully written!
Jen, I love that idea of writing a letter to yourself. What a brilliant idea.
I would definitely told my 20 years old self to stop looking for love from the outside and focus on the insides instead. 🙂
Maureen, thank you! I’m so glad I could exude at least a little bit of my feelings by using words. I also love the idea of writing a letter to yourself. With my birthday coming up I can’t think of a better time. And yeah, focus on loving yourself first! 🙂
I read somewhere that in life you don’t get what you want … you get what you need!
I didn’t finish my degree and become a psychologist, but my main goal – that to be a mother and wife – that, I got right! 🙂
Reality will never be the same as our fantasies … occasionally it’s better … but (whether better or worse) it will always be different.
I would tell my 20 year old self to stop worrying so much about what other people thought and trying so hard to “fit in” (and failing)! I would tell myself that I was beautiful and that I needed to trust my instincts. Most importantly I would tell myself that I was “good enough” and deserved to be loved unconditionally … because EVERYONE deserves that!!
Simona, such powerful words. They gave me goosebumps. You are definitely right, reality will never be the same as our fantasies. They will be always different, it is up to you to decide whether they are better or “worse” than your plans. Thanks for sharing what you would say to 20 year old you, it looks like you succeeded in fulfilling your biggest goal, being a rockstar mama to two amazing teens.
Fun piece! Interestingly enough, I do think that my life turned out (in may ways) as I had planned, just not at all how I thought it would happen! Like you, my life is far better than I ever imagined it would be.
I love this post. I have thought often through the years of me as a 24 year old with a brand-new MA from Yale and how shocked she would be by how things have turned out. When I hopped off “the track” to marry my soul-mate and have kids, I put aside a lot of my own ambition … at least for a while. And, up to my eyeballs in diapers and spitup, I angsted about it for sure. I remember being pregnant and enduring yet another tantrum from my 2 year old and thinking “what has happened to my life!”. What I realize sitting here in Nicaragua, on the brink of 40(!) with kids at the golden ages of 5 and 8, is that life is journey, a continuum. After years of searching for “my thing,” I have zeroed in on work that is my true passion. I also have lots of time for my other life’s work: my kids. I know now that my 24 year old self couldn’t have dreamed of a cooler life than mine. Glad others have had the same experience. We must share this wisdom with 20-somethings and tell them not to worry so much!
What a fun idea Ana – loved your post! Sounds like you are blessed and life is good! I think my life has turned out the way I thought up to now….we’ll what else the future brings 🙂