“What’s that one for?” I pointed to the rows of most beautiful shiniest rich dark sparkly brown bracelets at this meditation store.
“They are for fertility.” the girl smiled warmly.
And I immediately withdraw my hand, a little too abruptly maybe followed by “Oh no! No, no, no!”
Diana, my best friend couldn’t control her laugh and I giggled as we thanked the friendly shop attendant and left the store.
“Yeah you definitely don’t want to go there, yet!” Diana and I laughed about it. “Obviously, we need the daddy first!” we casually cracked jokes.
Yet when I was alone in my thoughts, deep down I can’t help but wonder.
Why did I pull those?
Out of rows of many beautiful bracelets I was drawn into those specific ones. Fertility. Why?
Is it because I’ve been having some serious baby fever? Maybe from holding those cute babies at work last week, when my colleagues came to work with their babies. The sweet soft smell of them warms my heart. The feel of their soft plump little bodies against me. Their tight little grasp on my finger.
I just miss all that.
That day at the office before the big Eid holiday many of my colleagues, my self included came to work with our kids and yes, some brought their new babies.
It was chaotic in a good way.
The bosses were being flexible, the kiddos had fun. Our office turned into a mini daycare.
While I cherish my boy, enjoying how independent he is now and how he can help me around the house…I can’t help but acknowledging these aches. The motherly aches deep inside me to have another baby, to procreate. These longings to feel those fluttery nudge from inside the tummy that soon turned into a jab or a strong kick. I may not miss the sleep deprivation times but I sure do miss seeing a baby fall asleep in my arms or next to me.
Maybe it was my biological clock clicking loudly in my head that drove me to get some hardcore baby fever. Who knows?! Just to acknowledge these emotions made me feel so much better. That means I respect myself and I am honoring my sense of feeling, my longing, my desires to one day have another baby.
Will I focus on the when or how? No! Will I focus on who is the baby daddy will be? No! I am quietly riding the waves of emotions of this so-called baby fever then letting it go to the universe.
To see how my mother happily chatters about the different baby stuffs they saw at the store with my sister in law, my heart felt light. She, my beloved mother didn’t get that chance with me. Why? Because I was half way on the other side of her world when I was pregnant and she missed out on that. Now it’s her chance to be the dotting grandmother that she is. Bless her heart! Seeing her happiness brought me joy.
I told my beautiful pregnant sister in law to enjoy and savor her pregnancy moments because it will be over soon. She will miss it.
New life to celebrate – is always enough reasons to be grateful for. Oh, how I can’t wait to meet this baby. And you bet I will be the coolest aunty ever! Can’t wait to meet her – yes!
How about you? Have you ever experienced baby fever? How did you deal with it?