by Alison Fraser | Apr 15, 2014 | 2014, Africa, Canada, Education, Girls, Human Rights, International, Kids, Life Balance, Life Lesson, Motherhood, Philanthropy, Poverty, Social Equality, Social Good, Womanhood, Working Mother
Last November, I visited Tanzania to meet all of the students of the Mom2Mom Africa program, a not for profit organization that I started a short while ago. I remember visiting and spending time with all of the students in the program, and they would refer to me as “Mama”. This is common, and initially I didn’t give it much thought. But, I vividly remember the school director telling me that all of these students are just like my “children”. He said, go back to Canada knowing that you have more than 40 children here in Tanzania! It was so touching, and brought tears to my eyes…yet at the same time, the responsibility of it all was so terrifying. Could I meet their expectations? Could I really be a “good” mama to all of these little ones?
You see, I have three little girls of my own back at home. My time is stretched thin providing for them. Could I really be a good mommy and mama? I struggle daily with how to balance both.
People often talk about mommy guilt. It is a concept I understand all too well, being a working mom. I have made many concessions in my career in order to balance work and family.
I work a reduced work week so that I can spend as much time with my girls as possible. So far, it works for us.
But now, I struggle to balance the pressures that come with my not for profit organization work, especially being a mama to these Tanzanian children who stole my heart last November. I am constantly worrying about them, working to secure funding to send them to school, and keeping tabs on their families, many of whom struggle with illness. I spend countless hours on this; late nights and weekends. And, I love every minute of it. But, it does take time away from my little girls…and that causes guilt…mommy guilt. Should I be spending less time working on Mom2Mom Africa and more time with my children…and then other times, I worry about the exact opposite. It seems like I am forever in guilt mode. When I am in Canada, I worry about the children in Tanzania. Yet, booking my next trip to Tanzania in July caused major guilt. I can’t win.
So, I talked to my daughters about this recently. I tried to explain how being a mama and mommy can be really difficult. Thankfully, all three of my girls were supportive beyond their years. My girls are my world. And my work in Tanzania, and the children there, are always in my heart, and mind. I just have to do the best I can at balancing both worlds and hope that I succeed.
I think mommy guilt is a common thread that all of us moms feel at one time or another. We are likely too hard on ourselves and most often are doing a better job than we actually give ourselves credit for. And in the end, I think I can be both a mommy and mama. I just have to be conscious of keeping a healthy balance between both! And I now know my girls will help me keep it all in check! Knowing I have their support eases the mommy guilt, and lets me instead channel that energy into being a good mommy and mama! Or at least the best one that I can be!
Mom2Mom Africa has just launched an indiegogo campaign to build a new school and implement a food program at one of the schools they send students to in the Mom2Mom Africa program. Click HERE if you would like to be a part of this exciting campaign.
Can you relate to the “Mommy Guilt” dilemma?
This is an original post written for World Moms Blog By Mom2Mom Founder Alison Fraser.
Alison Fraser is the mother of three young girls ranging in age from 5 to 9 years old. She lives with her family in Cambridge, Ontario, Canada. Alison works as an Environmental Toxicologist with a human environment consulting company and is an active member of the Society of Environmental Toxicology and Chemistry (SETAC). She is also the founder and director of the Canadian Not for Profit Organization, Mom2Mom Africa, which serves to fund the school fees of children and young women in rural Tanzania. Recently recognized and awarded a "Women of Waterloo Region" award, Alison is very involved in charitable events within her community including Christmas Toy and School Backpack Drives for the local foodbank.
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by Jennifer Burden | Apr 14, 2014 | 2014, World Moms Blog, World Motherhood
There’s a Bigger World Out There
When I was a toddler back in the 1970s, my favorite toy was a wind up pocket radio box that played “It’s a Small World”. As the music played, it turned the little children from all around the world dressed in different clothing past my eyes. I remember, as I grew, constantly asking my parents, “Where is this girl from?” and “Where is this boy from?”, while pointing to the toy. My mother even saved the radio for my own kids to play with.
Fast forward 30-something years later, and here I am, learning everyday on the topics of motherhood, culture, human rights and social good from the women around the world who write for World Moms Blog. I am lucky to be raising my children virtually with Tinne in Belgium, Susan Koh in Singapore, Tara B. in the USA, Nancy in Tanzania, Deborah Quinn in the UAE…and the list goes on!
And that little Disney radio box was one of my first indications that there was a greater world outside of my own suburban NJ neighborhood.
The #DisneySMMoms Conference
This past weekend I had my bags packed to head to the Disney Social Media Moms Conference, this year in Disneyland in California. What luck that it was going to be during the 50th Anniversary of Disney’s It’s a Small World! I excitedly checked into my flight…only having to call the airline and uncheck myself from my flight hours later because my kids, and at the very last-minute, my husband, fell sick. Taking care of the family is what, us, parents do, right? So, how to turn lemons into lemonade? We asked the World Moms Blog Contributors to send a photo in to be part of a special slide show where our site could commemorate Disney’s It’s a Small World 50th Anniversary. On such short notice, take a look at what we came up with…I can’t stop watching it!!
VIDEO: Happy 50th Anniversary It’s a Small World from World Moms Blog Contributors!
Disney and UNICEF
And, if you’re a regular here, you know how much we love UNICEF when we chose them as our beneficiary for our Live Below the Line campaign. I’ve also traveled to Uganda to observe UNICEF’s programs on the ground firsthand with the UN Foundation’s Shot@Life campaign. It makes me happy to know that Disney has pledged to donate $150,000 to UNICEF to commemorate the 50th Anniversary of It’s a Small World. You can join in, too. Build your own doll or record yourself at SmallWorld50.com, and for every doll, one dollar will be donated to UNICEF by Disney. This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Jennifer Burden of New Jersey, USA.
Jennifer Burden is the Founder and CEO of World Moms Network, an award winning website on global motherhood, culture, human rights and social good. World Moms Network writes from over 30 countries, has over 70 contributors and was listed by Forbes as one of the “Best 100 Websites for Women”, named a “must read” by The New York Times, and was recommended by The Times of India.
She was also invited to Uganda to view UNICEF’s family health programs with Shot@Life and was previously named a “Global Influencer Fellow” and “Social Media Fellow” by the UN Foundation. Jennifer was invited to the White House twice, including as a nominated "Changemaker" for the State of the World Women Summit. She also participated in the One Campaign’s first AYA Summit on the topic of women and girl empowerment and organized and spoke on an international panel at the World Bank in Washington, DC on the importance of a universal education for all girls. Her writing has been featured by Baby Center, Huffington Post, ONE.org, the UN Foundation’s Shot@Life, and The Gates Foundation’s “Impatient Optimists.” She is currently a candidate in Columbia University's School of International and Public Affairs in the Executive Masters of Public Affairs program, where she hopes to further her study of global policies affecting women and girls.
Jennifer can be found on Twitter @JenniferBurden.
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by Karyn Wills | Apr 14, 2014 | 2014, Awareness, Being Thankful, Brothers, Communication, Family, Kids, Life Lesson, Motherhood, New Zealand, Older Children, Parent Care, Siblings, World Moms Blog, World Motherhood
The author with her three boys
When my boys were small, it was easy to find ways for them to nurture. They all had dolls and stuffed animals to care for and I tried hard to let them hug me whenever they wanted, even when it was really inconvenient or awkward, or snotty, or tiring for me.
But it got harder, when they got older. Dolls gave way to LEGO and cars, then Nerf guns and Minecraft. Time away from me at kindy or school, or play-dates or sport, meant the hugs, while no less enthusiastic, were less frequent. I realised I had to be more lateral in seeing their nurturing: Life had changed and they had grown beyond my initial, pre-baby, plans and ideas.
It came to me in a flash of understanding, a few weeks ago, how much their being in service to me, is their way of nurturing and this is what I now focus on, for this part of their growth and development.
The times when they tell me to sit on the sofa and do nothing, I need to listen to them and do as they wish. And while I have always accepted their offerings of daisies and dandelions picked from the lawn and scrunched in tiny hands, I now have to accept them pouring my wine and cooking my dinner – without my input.
The times they volunteer to do these things, I need to keep my directions to myself and my appreciation flowing – despite my discomfort at sitting still while they work and despite the painful slowness with which they perform these tasks.
I have also learned to accept them opening doors for me. They do this not because they think I can’t manage to do so for myself, but because it’s a way they can show me that they care for me.
And I accept their offerings, not because I think I deserve this gesture because of my gender, or my age, or my position as grand dame in their lives, but because I see it for what it is: Nurturing of me, and something to be valued and encouraged.
Apologies have also become a point of nurturing. In our house, they are seen not as just social niceties and empty words, but as a starting point for repairing a battered emotional bond. After an apology-needing moment they almost always ask, “How can I make things better?” And are wonderful at showing they really do mean their words via their actions. They nurture their relationship with me, as I do with them.
No, they aren’t angel children who do these things all the time. They still need direction and they can be down right horrid. They are often disorganised and they are often messy, noisy and silly. But they do show their ability to nurture in a variety of ways. I just have to look at their actions from a different perspective, and accept their gestures as signs of the loving emotion behind them.
How do your children show you they care?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog from our writer in New Zealand and mother of 3 loving boys, Karyn.
The photograph used in this post is credited to the author.
Karyn is a teacher, writer and solo mother to three sons. She lives in the sunny wine region of Hawke’s Bay, New Zealand in the city of Napier.
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by Purnima Ramakrishnan | Apr 11, 2014 | 2014, Brazil, Human Rights, Humanitarian, Humanity, Purnima, Social Equality, Social Good, The Alchemist, World Moms Blog, World Voice
Centro Cultural Sao Paulo
Our visit to Sao Paulo with The International Reporting Project was coming to a close. After a very hectic day of Community heath visits and chatting with doctors, nurses, and community health workers, we just had to do something very cool. And what nicer thing than to rap our way into it?
We met the awesome International acclaimed Brazilian rap group at Centro Cultural Sao Paulo, and it was a great honor to be in their presence.
In the 1990s a musical style known as rap consciencia (socially conscious rap) originated in Brazil. These days it is making huge waves and improving the lives of people by making them socially conscious of their choices, their lifestyles, rights, issues, and gently coaxes them to dream of things which generally are taboo to dream about, for the Afro-Brazilian ethnicity.
Criolo was 11 years old when he started writing lyrics and now he has chart busters in London, New York and Paris. At the tender age of 11 he wrote about social issues. Social inequality is a major problem in Brazil. There is still prejudice across Brazil.
Criolo said, “there are so many ways to live. To wake up, to eat, to get to work and then get some money and then to eat again, is one way. If that is to live, it means people sell themselves for some food and money. That is just a process. Stop it. Live life. Let us talk about ourselves, our passions and aspirations and our joys.”
Rael da Rima was 11 when his music band used to talk about social injustice, racism, and equality to all. He talked a little bit about his personal life, and how rap music changed his life, and the lives of people living around him.
He said, “I give you an analogy for the social inequalities in Sao Paulo. Some people use this mineral water (indicating the drinking water on the table) to wash their BMW cars, and yet some do not have access to clean drinking water. Sao Paulo is a city of extreme contrasts. I sing so that people consciously become aware of their own lives and strive to improve it.”
Rael singing of his passion for rap music:
Emicida says, “When I was young, to get into college was not something youngsters would think about. Just to let the day go by was an accomplishment. Nowadays when I walk through the favela(slum) I grew up in, I am so happy to see the youngsters talking about their dreams of being in college and to get a ‘real’ job. When slavery was abolished, it was both a curse and boon. A curse because people were pushed into poverty and violence with no support system, a lot of confusion, and no real understanding of what was happening in society or the political and economic scenario of the country. My rap is to inspire people to talk about their dreams, how to get out of social inequalities and to be truly free. In everyone there is a human being and I wish for each one to know it. Through rap music, the magic of communication is established, and people are inspired to know themselves as such.”
Emicida singing for World Moms Blog
Flora Matos was 18 when she decided to move to Sao Paulo from Brasilia. She sings so people are free of sexual prejudice. She says her music always speaks of love – love for all kinds of people – love for humanity as a whole and breaking anything which could make people hate each other.
Flora Matos singing of love – love for people, passions, and love for all of humanity
These musicians and others like them are not people who sign on big labels or crave all of the fame and popularity. They just want justice, recognition of the minorities as human beings, and some peace for their community. And they do it through rap music.
They sing about poverty, prejudice, abuses of various types, about the blacks and whites in Brazil, and the classes. Flora said, all her numbers are characterized by experiences, either her own, a friends or someone she knows about. So this idea of communication which Emicida says – that is the magical bond – is established. This communication through music is not just passing of information or ideas or activism – it is an expression to bond humanity, a gentle prod to awake, and be aware. So through the actual performance the listeners carry back this vital element of being part of the movement.
So even though they do not directly change anything, or may not be able to give statistics and figures, they change attitudes, and invest in developing agents of change – which is a very vital thing to forge a developing society, progressing towards success.
I am not a big fan of music, not even Indian music, but that day I promised Criolo I would look him up on Youtube. He was mildly surprised to know that I came for a meeting with rap artists when I was not into music at all. I explained that it was because I learnt they worked for social causes through music, and I was interested in that. He wished me luck and said he would look up World Moms Blog too and we parted.
Just for fun, I also recorded some street musicians the other day in Sao Paulo’s Avenida Paulista, one of the poshest locality in Sao Paulo. I cant help sharing the below one.
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Purnima Ramakrishnan, our Indian mother writing from Chennai, India. Her contributions to the World Moms Blog can be found here. She also rambles at The Alchemist’s Blog.
Photo credit to the author.
Purnima Ramakrishnan is a fellow of Journalism with the International Reporting Project (IRP), reporting from Sao Paulo, Brazil. Follow on Twitter at #BrazilMDGs
by Tara Bergman (USA) | Apr 11, 2014 | 2014, Being Thankful, Communication, Health, Humanity, Inspirational, Life Lesson, Maternal Health, Tara B., USA, World Motherhood
I was mentally sabotaging my morning run before the day even started. I laid in bed the night before thinking about how I was getting to sleep too late after eating too much junk when I knew I was coming down with a cold. I had not set myself up for success and felt guilty. I tried to tell myself if I was that beat tomorrow, I would skip it. I woke up in the middle of the night twice for other reasons but couldn’t help but think of how I tired I would feel come morning.
As I prepped the kids for school and got through breakfast with way too much coffee, I told myself how I was not well-hydrated and would be dragging. Should I even go? I kept moving but my inner voice whispered that I could just walk today if I felt overwhelmed. That voice said, “Listen to your body. If you don’t feel up to it, don’t do it.” Then a competing inner voice mocked, “But it’s your own fault for not feeling up to it, so go suffer through it.” I carried on.
When I got to the trail, I saw flashing lights up ahead. I almost stopped, thinking I should not run that way. However, I pushed on telling myself to see what the lights were about before bailing. They were just for a parked maintenance vehicle being unloaded, so I jogged on.
I was sluggish the whole time. I felt slow, heavy and bummed about not taking better care of myself. Still, I kept going. I told myself I would cut it short if it felt like too much, but then I knew the negative self-talk would grow. My knee was a little achy, and my spirits were low. Nonetheless, I kept putting one foot in front of the other and tried to lose myself in some music.
Then I spotted a young woman I often see on the trail. She is gorgeous with long hair, bright eyes, and slim body. She usually takes long walks, and we exchange waves and smiles as I go past. Today as we crossed paths, she was jogging. She stopped and told me in a panting voice that I had inspired her to stop walking and start running the trail. I congratulated her on her efforts, and we both went on our ways. All of a sudden, I was lighter. I ran without issue. I didn’t think of my knee, my weight or my tiredness. I just ran and finished up the run on a high note.
Her simple compliment made such a difference on my perspective. This beautiful woman told me I had kicked her butt into gear. I had fallen into the trap of cutting myself down mentally while assuming this other gal had it all together. How could she not?
But we all have stuff. We all have the stories we tell ourselves.
I’m an upbeat person who usually focuses on the good, but like everybody, I have days (like today) when I focus on the bad. The fact that this gal stepped out of her comfort zone both to run and to tell me, a stranger, that I had inspired her to do so snapped my head back on straight. Her gesture reminded me of a few things that I know to be true:
1) Just getting out and taking each step counts, even if it’s not your best performance. Looking back, I placed so many obstacles in my own path for this run, but I pushed past each one. Not my best run, but I still did it. That is worth something.
2) There is always going to be someone achieving in an area that you are not. Someone will always be smarter, thinner, happier, healthier, wealthier, etc. It’s okay to admire or be inspired by that someone, but do not judge yourself harshly by that someone. Measure yourself against yourself.
3) Everybody has challenges and doubts going on. Everybody. We’re human. We’re not perfect.
4) It never hurts to tell someone, even a passerby, something nice. You may just change their whole day. You may just change their whole life. Kind words are that powerful.
My trail acquaintance probably has no idea how much her words impacted my day. When I see her next time, I’ll tell her. Plus, I feel prompted to tell someone else how they inspired me. I have been meaning for some time to tell a certain person how they unknowingly helped me to make a life change for the better. I haven’t done so yet, despite ample opportunity, because I don’t want to seem too familiar to an acquaintance. However, today has taught me that hearing you changed someone for the better is never too familiar.
Have you received an unexpected compliment that changed your day? Is there someone who has unknowingly inspired you to try something new, and have you told them?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Tara B. of Washington (State), USA.
Photo credit to the author.
Tara is a native Pennsylvanian who moved to the Seattle area in 1998 (sight unseen) with her husband to start their grand life adventure together. Despite the difficult fact that their family is a plane ride away, the couple fell in love with the Pacific Northwest and have put down roots. They have 2 super charged little boys and recently moved out of the Seattle suburbs further east into the country, trading in a Starbucks on every corner for coyotes in the backyard. Tara loves the outdoors (hiking, biking, camping). And, when her family isn't out in nature, they are hunkered down at home with friends, sharing a meal, playing games, and generally having fun. She loves being a stay-at-home mom and sharing her experiences on World Moms Network!
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