I hate to put it this way, but there really is no better way to say it – There are days when it feels like my son is the embodiment of all the bad karma I’m getting for every nasty thing I did to my parents when I was growing up.
There, I said it. Now that it’s finally off my chest, I feel a little better. Just a little, though, because it kind of feels like I just called my baby boy a little devil, which he is on some days. And I am just being honest here.
Please tell me that I’m not the only one who has ever thought and felt this way, lest I be completely consumed by mommy guilt.
I don’t know what happened. One day, my cute little boy turned eight, and dealing with him suddenly started to feel like arguing with my 8-year old self!
The eye-rolling, the sarcasm, the frowny face complete with bunched up eyebrows – they were all there! And dear me, it looks like they’re here to stay. If this stage in his life is an indication that he will grow up to be exactly like me, then this boy’s dad and I are in for a roller coaster in the coming years.
I feel like he’s harder to deal with than I was, though. Maybe it’s because he’s a boy and there are times when I have trouble relating to him. Or maybe it’s really just harder when you’re on this side of the argument.
Oh my gosh, what a test of patience this is turning out to be.
How do I deal, world moms? How do I deal?
I suppose that when he gets really hard to manage, I should think about how I would want to be dealt with in the same situation, and go ahead and do that. Uncharacteristic and weird as it may be for me, it just might work.
I’ve been reading up on the tween years, which my boy is officially entering into on his next birthday, and it looks like his mood swings have only just begun. Online advice also tells me to give him the space that he needs to grow and adjust, because he also doesn’t quite understand his emotions yet. Do you agree with this?
Ironically, I lost my cool with him again just this morning, and in retrospect I know I should have just stopped myself, taken a deep breath, and walked away. But no, I let my own emotions get in the way.
As someone who is very hands-on, and who spends every single day with my son, I think it’s going to be a challenge for me to stand back and just let him be. Today’s incident proves just that. But hey, if it will make things better then of course I am more than ready to try.
If only I could find a shop that sells a limitless amount of patience, then I’d be armed and ready to take on more anger, more crying, and even more hyperactive moments of joy.
But I know, and my husband has reminded me of this several times, that the only place I can find this kind of patience and understanding is within my own heart. For this, I have nothing but my unending mommy love to count on. Over the years mommy love has proven to be enough, and I hope that it continues to BE enough. At the end of the day, I love the little guy, through the good and bad times.
Guess it’s time to temporarily deactivate my Hulk Mom mode. A new little monster is in the house. Literally. Good luck to me!
Tell me mommies, how do you deal with the mood swings and emotional roller coasters you go through with your kids? Does anyone else here feel like you’re arguing with yourself when you try to reason with your child?
Fellow mom of an 8 year old boy here 🙂
Just this weekend, he almost took off on his own to go to the fair. Which was closed, plus, he didn’t have any money. And it was way to far and dangerous a road to be biking for him alone. But hey, he wanted to go anyway. We couldn’t reason with him at all. I’m sure many more of these conflicts will come along.
Then, two days ago, I attended an information session on the ‘new autority’ and ‘resistance without violence’ (just google Haim Omer, the author) The principle is that today’s youth are not subjected to the traditional authorities like church or the patriarch of the family anymore like they used to. They don’t listen ‘just because’. The message was that we need to understand that we as parents are not in control of the behaviour of our children, not like in the older generations. The only control we have is on our own behaviour…
We were give some promising techniques on how to deal with conflicts that kind of resembled the philosophy of Ghandi: resistance without violence, like a sit-in in the room of your child, to demand dialogue and to show you stronlgy want to be involved. Because you love that little devil so much…
Oh, can I relate! I have a very intelligent, very strong-willed 8 year old boy. He has some wild mood swings and, while he is well behaved at school and in social settings, he often turns into an argumentative bear at home. His 6 year old brother often takes the brunt of his anger.
I am doing my best to stay calm and patient, but some days are better than others. On good days, I keep my humor intact and that helps to calm him. Thankfully, most of the days are like that. I find that he wants to be listened to, but if ultimately he is wrong, or not handling a situation properly, I let him know. Hopefully, some day he will get it. He is convinced his is right all the time.
So true! I find that motherhood is often like looking into a mirror, except that the image reflected is not always nice. I guess it takes an increasing amount of inner work to raise kids as they get older.