When we moved to England, my daughter, Emily, started year 5 (equivalent to the 4th grade in the United States). She also entered her fourth school in 4 years. This didn’t make changing schools any easier for her this time though. My husband is in the Royal Navy, but all of this moving around has nothing to do with the military, just from us wanting to see the world and moving around.
Prior to moving to England I was a single, working mom, who wanted nothing but the best education for my, then, only child. I believe an education is the best gift we can give our children. With that in mind, I had to find a suitable school for my daughter. I also had to do it from abroad because we were living in Oman in the Middle East at the time.
I scoured the internet, called and asked questions, read reports, called and asked more questions, waited for and reviewed prospectus’, and finally, narrowed it down to two schools: one government school and one independent, boarding school.
I think we can all agree that every child’s educational needs differ. In addition, every country implements its own methodology and pedagogy; therefore, creating unique educational experiences. For me, there are two important pieces to my children’s education: 1) a well-rounded, educational experience and 2) class size.
My idea of a well-rounded educational experience consists of sports, the arts, languages, as well as, the mainstream curriculum.
I also prefer a smaller class size. After speaking to a handful of government schools (equivalent to public schools in the USA), I was shocked that a primary class in England consisted of 30-35 students. One school in our area had thirty-seven children. A class of 28 is considered small.
Obviously, many students go through this system, go on to higher education and become successful members of society. There is also the argument (well ok, it’s my father’s argument) that it’s not WHERE you go to school but WHAT you do with it. Fair enough. It is our responsibility as parents to raise our children, not the schools’. However, we still want to give our children the best education possible.
In my experience, boarding school is not very common in the United States. I didn’t know anyone who attended boarding school, nor did I even know where one was located. But, in England, from what I understand, attending a boarding school is a privilege. Many boarding schools are among the best schools in the country.
My husband told me he was “desperate” to go to boarding school when he was younger, but his parents couldn’t afford it. All of my friends, here, who attended boarding school, are well-rounded individuals. But, to tell you the truth, so are my other friends who didn’t attend boarding school, so that didn’t make the decision any easier.
In the end, I chose the independent, boarding school for Emily due to the small class size, the French immersion program and the International Baccaulerate. Although it was a boarding school, there was an option to be a day pupil, which is all I ever imagined Emily would be. When she started she told me there was “absolutely no way” she would ever board, and I agreed with her. Our evenings were always quality family time spent together. We chatted about our day over dinner, did homework and played games. Therefore, I was relieved this wouldn’t be compromised.
One day in the spring, whilst I was 6 months pregnant and very hormonal, Emily returned from school and announced that she wanted to start boarding, immediately. I was devastated. I wasn’t convinced boarding was the best option for her. What were the advantages? Would I lose control of my child? Would we grow apart? These and many other thoughts plagued me.
As our children grow, we come to the realization that at some point we have to let them go. This I was prepared to do, when she was 18 and going off to university, not at 10 or 11 years old!!!
After a successful trial night, we discussed the prospect of boarding for the following September for three nights per week. I thought perhaps she would change her mind over the summer, but she stood firm. When September arrived, we packed her things for boarding and off she went.
It was a difficult transition for both of us. The first week especially. However, as the weeks passed we fell into a routine. Three nights per week, instead of discussing our day over dinner, we did it over the phone. The days she came home we did it over dinner, as in the past. We didn’t grow apart, as I had feared. And, as I had always done, I still guided and mothered her.
That Spring she was given the choice to board the following year or become a day student, which meant coming home every night. Surprisingly, it was a difficult decision for her. She liked the independence of boarding but also enjoyed coming back to the comforts of her own home.
After three weeks of contemplating, she decided she wouldn’t board the following school year. Selfishly, I was relieved.
I don’t know whether I made the right decision in letting Emily board. I do know that we both learned a lot about ourselves that year: me, how to let go and Emily, how to be more independent. Our children don’t come with instructions or guidelines. We make the best decisions possible for them and hope for the best.
Do you have thoughts on boarding school or on Jen’s decisions? Share them in the comments section below!
This is an original World Moms Blog post by our British Navy mom, Jen Warren. Jen can also be found at her blog, Children of Chorizo.
Photo credit to http://media.photobucket.com/image/boarding%20school/Cron2/Boarding_School_1395747c1.jpg?o=52. This photo has been used in accordance with the photobucket.com terms.
Hi Jen, very interesting to read about the pros and cons of boarding school.
My husband went to boarding school and he loved it. I do blame his lack of dyi skills to the fact that he was spent too much time at school, and not at home learning from his dad, but I can live with that 🙂 (My husbands brother also boarded, but he didn’t like it as much, so I guess that every kid is different).
Jen,
This was interesting — thanks for the peek into boarding education in England!
The French immersion program sounds awesome, too. I’ve been teaching my daughter French at home since she was 1 year old. I wish a program like that was an option for us locally. In the meantime, we’re in a French playgroup with a woman who speaks French, and I do what I can at home given my non-fluency!
It sounds like you and Emily have bonded even more from the boarding experience and that you two have a really strong relationship!
Great post!
Veronica Samuels
Hi Asta, thanks for your comment. It’s interesting to hear that people have different experiences at boarding school (such as your husband and his brother). I like your outlook on your husband’s DIY skills (or lack thereof) 🙂 !
Sorry for some reason that came up as my old blog name not as Jenny!
Hi Veronica, thanks for your comment. How wonderful that you are speaking French to your daughter and that you are able to participate in a French playgroup!
I think Emily and I do have a strong relationship and if she ever chose to board again I feel better equipped to deal with it!
I enjoyed reading this. I love hearing about your life abroad. I find it so fascinating to hear about how other countries raise their children and what life is like outside the USA. Emily is getting the most wonderful experience of a lifetime. I am interested to read her thoughts when she gets older. For some reason I think she may be a writer, inheriting the gift from her mom! Keep up the good work Jen, you are an amazing and inspiring mother!
Thank you Courtney, I”m flattered you feel that way!
I went away to school at age 11 and am the product of two American boarding schools. One, a junior prep called Rumsey Hall (http://wwww.RumseyHall.org), the other, an all-girls prep-school called Westover (http://www.westoverschool.org). These are both in Connecticut. Most of the best American boarding schools are located in New England. I went away following my father’s first divorce and subsequent remarriage and it was tough being so young but there were others even younger than I. In the end, it was the best thing that could have happened to me and I am grateful that I had the privilege to attend. This is especially true of my second, single-sex school. At the time I wasn’t at all happy to move from a co-ed situation but now, as a woman and mother, the community of women I know through Westover is peppered with remarkable, accomplished and independent thinking friends and “sisters” who have helped me through so many stages of life. Boarding school isn’t for everyone but I do think, in this generation of overly cottled kids and helicopter parents, it is a remarkable step toward independence and confidence building that instills children with valuable, real-life skills to be better, more thoughtful world citizens. In the end, isn’t this really the best we can hope for our children?
Hi Jen! This was interesting to read and learn about Emily’s school experience. What a wonderful gift you gave her in allowing her to make her own decisions in the matter. I’m taking notes : ) Not sure if I ever told you this, but I went to a boarding school for my first two years of high school. Like Emily, I was a day student at the school I attended. Ultimately I left the school, but it was a really enriching experience as it opened me to a whole different style of education. It also happened to be a Quaker school which also has it’s own differences apart from the boarding aspect. Looking forward to reading more of your work!
Hi Jen! This was interesting to read and learn about Emily’s school experience. What a wonderful gift you gave her in allowing her to make her own decisions in the matter. I’m taking notes : ) Not sure if I ever told you this, but I went to a boarding school for my first two years of high school. Like Emily, I was a day student at the school I attended. Ultimately I left the school, but it was a really enriching experience as it opened me to a whole different style of education. It also happened to be a Quaker school which also has it’s own differences apart from the boarding aspect. Looking forward to reading more of your work!
Great post! Seems like you are giving Emily the opportunity for a wonderful education, both in and out of the classroom. She is becoming a well-rounded and interesting young woman thanks to the great life experiences you have provided and continue to provide. Hats off to you! 🙂
Great post! Seems like you are giving Emily the opportunity for a wonderful education, both in and out of the classroom. She is becoming a well-rounded and interesting young woman thanks to the great life experiences you have provided and continue to provide. Hats off to you! 🙂
This is a great post – thank you for sharing your experiences! I think you did great, giving her the opportunity to experience both worlds. I think your story is a great example of how we as parents sometimes have to let go a little in order to bring our children closer to us.
This is a great post – thank you for sharing your experiences! I think you did great, giving her the opportunity to experience both worlds. I think your story is a great example of how we as parents sometimes have to let go a little in order to bring our children closer to us.
I loved the idea of boarding school as a child. (of course, I never got to go) I think you did a great job letting her make decisions for herself. I don’t think we give kids enough choice over their lives. We want to hold on to them, but our ultimate goal is to help create useful, productive citizens. Letting them have a say and following through is crucial to that end. Great post~Thanks for sharing-Amy
I loved the idea of boarding school as a child. (of course, I never got to go) I think you did a great job letting her make decisions for herself. I don’t think we give kids enough choice over their lives. We want to hold on to them, but our ultimate goal is to help create useful, productive citizens. Letting them have a say and following through is crucial to that end. Great post~Thanks for sharing-Amy
Very interesting…would love to hear more.
Very interesting…would love to hear more.