My first baby was born in 2010. Second in 2012.
Where in the world do you live? And, are you from there?
I live in San Jose, California. I’m originally from Poland.
What language(s) do you speak?
Polish, English, planning on learning Russian.
Are you a stay-at-home mom or do you work?
I’m a stay-at-home mom (SAHM).
Why do you blog/write?
I started my blog on September 2009. My first post had one picture and these words:
“… talking through my pictures and while English is not my first language this blog will be mostly about my photos.”
Right about that time, I also found out that I was pregnant, but my blog wasn’t about me getting ready for motherhood or anything like that.
From time to time I would post a picture of my pregnant shadow:
Or, some other pictures like:
And, that was it!
I had planned my blog to be a display for my “365 project”, where you take one photo every single day for a year. However, this project went unfinished. Here’s why.
First of all, my pregnancy started to be very difficult for me. All day nausea, day after day, severe belly pain, and unbearable headaches. The last thing I wanted to do was sit in front of the computer editing pictures. And, on the other hand I just didn’t have much to talk about.
Second of all, because my camera got stolen a month before my daughter was born with all the equipment I had. I was devastated. I couldn’t believe it happened to me.
We couldn’t afford a new one [camera], so I was even more depressed. I wept for days, until one day I got a package with a new camera inside. A few friends of mine gathered enough money to get me a brand new Nikon D5000 with a lens. They said it was a little something for me, so I would be able to take pictures (and share with them) of that precious daughter of mine (at the time she was two weeks from being born).
Again, I couldn’t believe it. Again, I cried for days. I felt obligated to continue to blog. So, I did. Right after my daughter was born, we moved to a different city, so I wasn’t blogging very frequently. But when I was, all I was talking about, or posting pictures of, was our daughter 🙂
Sometime around January 2011, while jumping from blog to blog, I discovered a new world of blog hops, moms who photograph blogs and mom blogs in general. Oh, I was in “bloggy” heaven. I felt like I had finally found a real purpose for my blogging – connecting with other moms, sharing recipes and stories from motherhood, and as a keen photographer, sharing my pictures.
I recently went through a stage of not blogging very often. I feel like I’m in the process of evolving or some kind of change. Several weeks ago, I was diagnosed with PPD, and my life is a little bit different these days. I do not blog about it, because I feel like I’ll be judged or nobody will want to read about a depressed mother who actually doesn’t have a reason to be depressed.
On the other hand, I read many blogs of moms who went through, or are going through PPD, and it’s been such a big help for me. Almost every Friday, I go to #ppdchat on Twitter. Those women who are there are amazing. They helped me to find a golden middle and how to get through my daughter’s first birthday. I have found that there is no need to throw a big party for 20 people, with food, drinks, bbq, gifts, etc.
Since I arrived in the U.S., this is how I’ve seen people celebrating their kids’ 1st birthday. I felt like I MUST to do the same, while I can’t even make my husband a dinner or lunch… And, the closer to the birthday, the more depressed and scared I got.
On days when I feel good and happy, I take pictures and I blog. On days when I feel crappy, I don’t.
When I started my blog, I didn’t want to focus on or talk about my Polish heritage. I didn’t have a specific reason why I didn’t want to. Maybe because I wanted to hide it, or maybe because I didn’t want people to think about me as an immigrant. Maybe because I wanted people to focus on my talent (as a photographer) and not on my broken English and the fact that I’m not an American, and I’m not one of them… That’s how I feel sometimes in real life among people.
Today, living almost for 4 years now in the U.S., I feel like I NEED to talk about it. Leaving this part out would be like denying that I’m Polish. I was Polish, I am Polish, I’m always going to be Polish. I miss Poland, and what is there to hide? I wish I could go there more often to see my family and to visit my favorite places. Often I feel homesick, and I wish I had the courage to blog about it because it might help me get through it.
So, that’s why I said before that I feel like I’m in some kind of process of changing. Sometimes I’m so close to ending my blog. VERY CLOSE. But after a few days, I just can’t imagine my life without it.
How would you say that you are different from other mothers?
I do not think I’m different as a mother. I feel different as a person who is not an American living in America. As a mother, I feel like most other mothers. Sometimes helpless, very often tired and wishing for more sleep, doubting my ability to be a good role model.
I can say, however, that I’m different as a mother from my mom. I’m a stay-at-home mom. My mom wasn’t. She had to go back to work as soon as she could (after 3 months of giving birth) to have the money to feed and dress us. I do not have to do that, but I feel like I should because she was doing it. Being raised in a family and in a culture where almost every mother works, I feel like I’m doing something wrong not looking for a job, not working. “Stay-at-home mom” is a pretty new phrase to me, and I’m still getting used to it.
What do you view as the challenges of raising a child in today’s world?
I blogged about this question here:
How did you find World Moms Blog?
Through a World Moms Blog writer, Alison in Malaysia, at her blog, “Mama Wants This”. I found her blog through Saturday’s Blog Hop at “The Mom Pledge”.
Do you have any questions for Mom Photographer?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Mom Photographer of California, USA.
Photo credits to the author.