Lately in my country of Indonesia there have been two ‘incidents’ where women were being pretty much criticized for the way they dressed.
Last year, much to everyone’s shock, our very own governor of Jakarta said women should not wear mini skirts to avoid being raped after a woman was raped in minivan in public. This outrageous comment led hundreds of women to take to the central streets of Jakarta – yes, wearing their miniskirts — and they demonstrated against censorship of their clothing. I highly saluted these women for standing up for what’s right.
I love my miniskirts, and when I pair them with my wedges they accentuate my legs. Of course, I don’t go with the super miniskirts, ahem, but I do wear them once in awhile. Why do I wear them? Because it makes me feel good about myself, it shows off my legs, and I do love my legs. But do I wear it to attract the opposite sex? Never even crosses my mind, to be honest.
Then just a day ago I saw yet another article of a police officer reprimanding a young teenage girl because she was wearing shorts – the reason? To avoid “pornography.”
Fortunately – or unfortunately?
Indonesia is not a Muslim country with Muslim laws that requires all women to cover up, but when the government starts to dictate how women should dress to avoid dirty minds to react, it sounds so shallow doesn’t it?
For the police/government to be so concerned about the way women are dressing themselves, I think it’s them who are at fault for being oversexed and misogynistic. This leads me to the point that my country isn’t governed by Muslim law, so they have no grounds to force women to adopt Muslim country’s dress code, such as exists, for example, in Saudi Arabia.
This leads me to the questions of how can we teach our children to be respectful of the opposite sexes from early on? I have a son, and it is my hope for him to be respectful towards women. I am trying hard to teach my son to be nice to girls and be gentle. My wish is that he will grow up with enough respect of women and enough self-control and morals, so no matter how a girl dresses he will act honorably.
Having said that, I have no idea how to raise a girl, but from what my mother always told me when I was much younger, “It is a lot harder to watch a girl than a herd of sheep.” Is that true?
What do you think about this? As Moms do you control how your daughters dress? Do you wear miniskirts?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Maureen of Indonesia from Tatter Scoops.
Photo credit to Dreamstime free images.
Maureen
Founder of Single Moms Indonesia, community leader and builder. Deeply passionate about women empowerment.
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I’ve always wanted a daughter (I’m the mother of 2 boys) but when I think about the wardrobe wars I used to fight with my mom, sometimes I’m glad I am confronted only with “blue pants or brown? soccer shirt or t-shirt?” When I see the outfits that are marketed to ever younger girls (pants with “JUICY” on the butt–for eight year olds!) and so forth, it makes me sad. Whether people realize it or not, these clothes sexualize little girls in ways that shouldn’t happen…and especially not so young. I think it’s a two-way street: girls need to be taught to respect themselves and to demand respect from others; and boys need to be taught they treat women with respect no matter what she’s wearing. I do wear miniskirts –or rather, I did. Now I live in a Muslim country and a skirt that hits above the knees feels…disrespectful, even though no one has ever said that I should conform to Muslim codes–and women wear all kinds of whatever here, short/long/floppy/sleeveless, whatever. I think it’s too easy to “blame the victim” for violent crimes–and it shows that in Jakarta, as in so many other places, people are confusing “rape” with sexual behaviors, when in fact rape is a violent crime, like any other assault.
Hi Deborah, I too always wanted to have a girl and I’m with you at some of the style young girls are subjected too lately. Things are changing definitely then when I was little. I think I remember the uproar about one giant retailer and their controversial girl’s line before. I agree with you that it is a two way streets. Both girls and boys must be taught from early on about self respects, respects to others. Indonesia is not a Muslim country although the predominant populations are Muslim and I respect that so I do dress accordingly too. More like a venue appropriate common sense I guess that I would not wear a mini skirt to a very traditional wet market where I knew I would be drawing attention to myself of the wrong kinds. It’s about balance I think. Oh definitely, it’s the easy way out to put all the blame on the victim. I hate that mentality.
I’ve always wanted a daughter (I’m the mother of 2 boys) but when I think about the wardrobe wars I used to fight with my mom, sometimes I’m glad I am confronted only with “blue pants or brown? soccer shirt or t-shirt?” When I see the outfits that are marketed to ever younger girls (pants with “JUICY” on the butt–for eight year olds!) and so forth, it makes me sad. Whether people realize it or not, these clothes sexualize little girls in ways that shouldn’t happen…and especially not so young. I think it’s a two-way street: girls need to be taught to respect themselves and to demand respect from others; and boys need to be taught they treat women with respect no matter what she’s wearing. I do wear miniskirts –or rather, I did. Now I live in a Muslim country and a skirt that hits above the knees feels…disrespectful, even though no one has ever said that I should conform to Muslim codes–and women wear all kinds of whatever here, short/long/floppy/sleeveless, whatever. I think it’s too easy to “blame the victim” for violent crimes–and it shows that in Jakarta, as in so many other places, people are confusing “rape” with sexual behaviors, when in fact rape is a violent crime, like any other assault.
Hi Deborah, I too always wanted to have a girl and I’m with you at some of the style young girls are subjected too lately. Things are changing definitely then when I was little. I think I remember the uproar about one giant retailer and their controversial girl’s line before. I agree with you that it is a two way streets. Both girls and boys must be taught from early on about self respects, respects to others. Indonesia is not a Muslim country although the predominant populations are Muslim and I respect that so I do dress accordingly too. More like a venue appropriate common sense I guess that I would not wear a mini skirt to a very traditional wet market where I knew I would be drawing attention to myself of the wrong kinds. It’s about balance I think. Oh definitely, it’s the easy way out to put all the blame on the victim. I hate that mentality.
My daughter started picking her own clothes (from a selection I thought suitable) at age 2! 🙂 She is now nearly 16 years old and is blessed with a beautiful body. Yes, she does wear miniskirts (just not the super mini or tight ones) and shorts. She looks beautiful in them and I have absolutely no problem at all with what she wears. My mother-in-law recently bought her a pretty dress which was a little shorter than what my child usually wears. She has only ever worn it with black leggings as she said she felt “uncomfortable” with the length! I LOVE that I don’t have to “police” her and that she’s happy to go clothes shopping with me! I’m very much against the message of the Indonesian police and government. Rape is a crime of violence NOT sex!!! If rape had anything AT ALL to do with how people looked, how do you explain the rape of infants, grandmothers and other men?! I was wearing a tracksuit and was a 17 year old virgin when I was raped. I did not consider myself attractive at all at that time. No make up. Running shoes and a round neck T-shirt under the tracksuit. It made no difference. Until people stop believing that (somehow) what you look like “causes” a male to “lose control” and rape, victims will continue to be victimised twice – once by the abuser and once by society at large! I’ve taught both my son and my daughter that rape and sex are not even to be used in the same sentence! The former is all about destruction and the latter can be about creation (if done at the right time with the right partner). I apologise if I got carried away but it REALLY upsets me that there are still people in the world with such archaic and false beliefs!
Mama_Sim, first of all I truly am sorry that you had that horrible experience. Thank you so very much for sharing it with us here and it only proof to those out there who blamed women for how we dress that rape has nothing to do with the way women dress. It is a crime pure and simple and to blame the victim is like raping her all over again it’s so sad. Most rape victims here are too ashamed to come to the police for the fear of just that…being blamed for. I remember when I was in Junior High, there was a girl that was raped for years by her father and no one knew about it because she was too afraid to speak up until she got pregnant and it became a big case. She got blamed then sadly committed suicide.That story stays with me forever because it’s just too tragic and it could’ve been prevented. Also, sentences for rapist here are mostly very light.
Big kudos to you for teaching your children that! I think that is so powerful. I haven’t taught my son about that but I’ve been thinking of when I should start telling him about this. He just turned 5 years old.
Again, thank you so much for this great discussion.
My daughter started picking her own clothes (from a selection I thought suitable) at age 2! 🙂 She is now nearly 16 years old and is blessed with a beautiful body. Yes, she does wear miniskirts (just not the super mini or tight ones) and shorts. She looks beautiful in them and I have absolutely no problem at all with what she wears. My mother-in-law recently bought her a pretty dress which was a little shorter than what my child usually wears. She has only ever worn it with black leggings as she said she felt “uncomfortable” with the length! I LOVE that I don’t have to “police” her and that she’s happy to go clothes shopping with me! I’m very much against the message of the Indonesian police and government. Rape is a crime of violence NOT sex!!! If rape had anything AT ALL to do with how people looked, how do you explain the rape of infants, grandmothers and other men?! I was wearing a tracksuit and was a 17 year old virgin when I was raped. I did not consider myself attractive at all at that time. No make up. Running shoes and a round neck T-shirt under the tracksuit. It made no difference. Until people stop believing that (somehow) what you look like “causes” a male to “lose control” and rape, victims will continue to be victimised twice – once by the abuser and once by society at large! I’ve taught both my son and my daughter that rape and sex are not even to be used in the same sentence! The former is all about destruction and the latter can be about creation (if done at the right time with the right partner). I apologise if I got carried away but it REALLY upsets me that there are still people in the world with such archaic and false beliefs!
Mama_Sim, first of all I truly am sorry that you had that horrible experience. Thank you so very much for sharing it with us here and it only proof to those out there who blamed women for how we dress that rape has nothing to do with the way women dress. It is a crime pure and simple and to blame the victim is like raping her all over again it’s so sad. Most rape victims here are too ashamed to come to the police for the fear of just that…being blamed for. I remember when I was in Junior High, there was a girl that was raped for years by her father and no one knew about it because she was too afraid to speak up until she got pregnant and it became a big case. She got blamed then sadly committed suicide.That story stays with me forever because it’s just too tragic and it could’ve been prevented. Also, sentences for rapist here are mostly very light.
Big kudos to you for teaching your children that! I think that is so powerful. I haven’t taught my son about that but I’ve been thinking of when I should start telling him about this. He just turned 5 years old.
Again, thank you so much for this great discussion.
It irks me that certain parts of society so easily shifts blame to the woman, if something like rape happens to her. That she ‘brought it upon herself’ because of what she was wearing. That she’s a victim, is forgotten.
I think that boys should be guided from young to respect women, regardless of how they’re dressed. They should be taught that you cannot judge a book by its cover (wearing miniskirts does not equal looseness of morals, for example), that clothes do not make a woman (or man). So I agree with you, let us start changing perception at home with our own children.
Alison, me too, girl! Patriarchy society might have something to do with it but it’s just so wrong. There was two incidents here where two government officials made such statements that women who wear miniskirts or doesn’t cover themselves up are pretty much ‘looking for trouble’ and that is just insane.
I support you wholeheartedly on this…I strongly believe it should start at home. One home at a time then we can change this. Thanks for voicing this Alison 🙂
It irks me that certain parts of society so easily shifts blame to the woman, if something like rape happens to her. That she ‘brought it upon herself’ because of what she was wearing. That she’s a victim, is forgotten.
I think that boys should be guided from young to respect women, regardless of how they’re dressed. They should be taught that you cannot judge a book by its cover (wearing miniskirts does not equal looseness of morals, for example), that clothes do not make a woman (or man). So I agree with you, let us start changing perception at home with our own children.
Alison, me too, girl! Patriarchy society might have something to do with it but it’s just so wrong. There was two incidents here where two government officials made such statements that women who wear miniskirts or doesn’t cover themselves up are pretty much ‘looking for trouble’ and that is just insane.
I support you wholeheartedly on this…I strongly believe it should start at home. One home at a time then we can change this. Thanks for voicing this Alison 🙂
The government’s mentality is backward, basically blaming women (the victims of rape) for tempting men. If men, who are ruling the country are so in control of things, that why can’t they control they own sexual impulses? Instead of taking the wimpy way out and blaming the victim, maybe they should start educating their own people about rape and punishing the men who do this terrible act. That would be a show of true leadership. Wasting their time on how their citizens dress is NOT a good use of time for government leaders when there are so many more important things to focus on in that country.
Maria, sadly our government here are more concerns about petty things that really shouldn’t be their concerns. There are much bigger more urgent problems to be dealt with but of course it’s easier to distract the people with other stuffs. I’m with you, once they can increase punishment for rape then maybe – just maybe – the rape numbers will go down significantly . Education is key too. Did you know there is no sexual education class here is nonexistent? Yeah. Because most of our government people believe it’s it religiously wrong to teach kids about this. So I think it’s very important that parents takes the responsibility first on educating our children first and foremost. Thanks Maria 🙂
The government’s mentality is backward, basically blaming women (the victims of rape) for tempting men. If men, who are ruling the country are so in control of things, that why can’t they control they own sexual impulses? Instead of taking the wimpy way out and blaming the victim, maybe they should start educating their own people about rape and punishing the men who do this terrible act. That would be a show of true leadership. Wasting their time on how their citizens dress is NOT a good use of time for government leaders when there are so many more important things to focus on in that country.
Maria, sadly our government here are more concerns about petty things that really shouldn’t be their concerns. There are much bigger more urgent problems to be dealt with but of course it’s easier to distract the people with other stuffs. I’m with you, once they can increase punishment for rape then maybe – just maybe – the rape numbers will go down significantly . Education is key too. Did you know there is no sexual education class here is nonexistent? Yeah. Because most of our government people believe it’s it religiously wrong to teach kids about this. So I think it’s very important that parents takes the responsibility first on educating our children first and foremost. Thanks Maria 🙂
This is something that I think about often, since I have both a son and a daughter, even though they are both way too young (only 1 and 5), I think it is important for them to learn, from a young age to respect themselves and everyone around them, as well as physically defend themselves. I keep installing in my son that when someone says no, it means that they don’t want it (he keeps trying to convince us that we want to “try” something, or forcing his sister to play a game with him when she is not interested). I think in today’s crazy world it is important to teach our children to defend and respect themselves and not to let anyone disrespect them in any way. Rape is a horrible act of violence and if our daughters (and sons) know how to kick some butt, they may have a chance of saving themselves if they are ever, G-d forbid, in that situation.
Maman Aya, I love that…the importance of knowing that No means No. Very important things to instill in kids. Self defense is always good and I agree on that. My son is also 5 years old and I do told him that no one can touch his private parts – except for Mommy or Daddy or the Nanny when he’s taking a bath/shower and yes no means no but of course as kids they will try to get their ways don’t they. But I’m with you, it’s so important to instill this from early on. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.
This is something that I think about often, since I have both a son and a daughter, even though they are both way too young (only 1 and 5), I think it is important for them to learn, from a young age to respect themselves and everyone around them, as well as physically defend themselves. I keep installing in my son that when someone says no, it means that they don’t want it (he keeps trying to convince us that we want to “try” something, or forcing his sister to play a game with him when she is not interested). I think in today’s crazy world it is important to teach our children to defend and respect themselves and not to let anyone disrespect them in any way. Rape is a horrible act of violence and if our daughters (and sons) know how to kick some butt, they may have a chance of saving themselves if they are ever, G-d forbid, in that situation.
Maman Aya, I love that…the importance of knowing that No means No. Very important things to instill in kids. Self defense is always good and I agree on that. My son is also 5 years old and I do told him that no one can touch his private parts – except for Mommy or Daddy or the Nanny when he’s taking a bath/shower and yes no means no but of course as kids they will try to get their ways don’t they. But I’m with you, it’s so important to instill this from early on. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.
Maureen,
Thank you so much for sharing this issue with us from your corner of the world! Have I ever worn a miniskirt? Yes. It made me feel fun and fashionable. As a mom, do I want my daughter to wear one when she’s older? Well, not really. Will she? You bet.
I think these comments above are really insightful. Rape is not sex! Rape is a violent crime!!
What can we do as parents who raise daughters? I’ve recently started taking women’s self-defense classes through my husband’s martial arts teacher. We hope to train our little girls to grow up being able to defend themselves against violence. I will discuss clothing decisions with my daughter, but in the end, clothing has been a great outlet for her own self-expression. Just last night we bought this winter hat with a bird on it that she picked out, and she chooses to wear it inside, too. She’s only 4, but she likes putting her own outfits together, as do many of her friends her age. Today it was a purple shirt with a zebra on it, a black and pink plaid skirt, (I forget what color tights!) and blue and green dinosaur rain boots (It’s not raining today). I step back, and let her individuality soar.
When she’s older, sure I will be worried about her showing some leg. But, she should also have the freedom to express herself and feel good about herself and be comfortable with her body like I did through her own clothing. (Remind me of this in years to come!)
A woman who choses to keep her body covered in accordance with her religion should have the same right to dress covered up.
But, forcing a woman to dress in one way or the other does not seem fair.
Interesting post, Maureen!
Jen 🙂
Thanks Jen, the comments are really thought provoking and yes rape is not sex – rape is violent crime no matter how you see it. I am loving all this discussions.
Fashion should be fun. Playing dress up is fun. Personal expressions. Yes, I’m with you on this. I do that too. You know what’s funny though. When I was in the US, for the first time ever I felt freedom as in I could wear whatever I want without the fear of being called names or being stared in a disgusted ways by men – the way things are here in Jakarta. I can wear a tank-top without worrying some crazy guys will shout profanity through a corner coffee shop. But once I got back, without realizing it…I toned my style down. Just to avoid that uncomfortable moments. Now, I still wear my miniskirt but not if I have to go through small alleys and such that’s just too risky in the first place.
I love how you are very supportive of your daughter Jen. I’m sure she’ll be just fine 😀
Maureen,
Thank you so much for sharing this issue with us from your corner of the world! Have I ever worn a miniskirt? Yes. It made me feel fun and fashionable. As a mom, do I want my daughter to wear one when she’s older? Well, not really. Will she? You bet.
I think these comments above are really insightful. Rape is not sex! Rape is a violent crime!!
What can we do as parents who raise daughters? I’ve recently started taking women’s self-defense classes through my husband’s martial arts teacher. We hope to train our little girls to grow up being able to defend themselves against violence. I will discuss clothing decisions with my daughter, but in the end, clothing has been a great outlet for her own self-expression. Just last night we bought this winter hat with a bird on it that she picked out, and she chooses to wear it inside, too. She’s only 4, but she likes putting her own outfits together, as do many of her friends her age. Today it was a purple shirt with a zebra on it, a black and pink plaid skirt, (I forget what color tights!) and blue and green dinosaur rain boots (It’s not raining today). I step back, and let her individuality soar.
When she’s older, sure I will be worried about her showing some leg. But, she should also have the freedom to express herself and feel good about herself and be comfortable with her body like I did through her own clothing. (Remind me of this in years to come!)
A woman who choses to keep her body covered in accordance with her religion should have the same right to dress covered up.
But, forcing a woman to dress in one way or the other does not seem fair.
Interesting post, Maureen!
Jen 🙂
Thanks Jen, the comments are really thought provoking and yes rape is not sex – rape is violent crime no matter how you see it. I am loving all this discussions.
Fashion should be fun. Playing dress up is fun. Personal expressions. Yes, I’m with you on this. I do that too. You know what’s funny though. When I was in the US, for the first time ever I felt freedom as in I could wear whatever I want without the fear of being called names or being stared in a disgusted ways by men – the way things are here in Jakarta. I can wear a tank-top without worrying some crazy guys will shout profanity through a corner coffee shop. But once I got back, without realizing it…I toned my style down. Just to avoid that uncomfortable moments. Now, I still wear my miniskirt but not if I have to go through small alleys and such that’s just too risky in the first place.
I love how you are very supportive of your daughter Jen. I’m sure she’ll be just fine 😀
If my daughter wanted miniskirts, I’d be all about showing her how to do it with class. I have a feeling that simply by showing your son that you are a woman to be respected who also wears a miniskirt, you are taking huge steps in the right direction. Government officials condemning women’s dress is irritating, shallow, and absolutely sexist as all getout.
Love that! Wear it with class 😀
Just a few days ago I was at a department store with my son, we walked passed some mannequins by the window and he said “Look, Mommy she will get cold!” pointing at one mannequin with a micro miniskirt. Of course I think that’s cute but I told him “If she wants to get cold then it’s OK. Let’s not point how people dress. Besides, it’s a mannequin not real.”
Thanks for your comment.
If my daughter wanted miniskirts, I’d be all about showing her how to do it with class. I have a feeling that simply by showing your son that you are a woman to be respected who also wears a miniskirt, you are taking huge steps in the right direction. Government officials condemning women’s dress is irritating, shallow, and absolutely sexist as all getout.
Love that! Wear it with class 😀
Just a few days ago I was at a department store with my son, we walked passed some mannequins by the window and he said “Look, Mommy she will get cold!” pointing at one mannequin with a micro miniskirt. Of course I think that’s cute but I told him “If she wants to get cold then it’s OK. Let’s not point how people dress. Besides, it’s a mannequin not real.”
Thanks for your comment.
I thought this was a great and interesting post. Thank you for sharing it with us. I have two daughters of a young age – the oldest (4 yrs) dresses herself and will sometime opt for a short skirt (sometimes too short b/c she grew when I wasn’t looking). I will absolutely let her wear mini-skirts now and when she is older. I will hope to teach them the importance of respecting themselves and others.
You are doing what matters most – teaching them self respects and respects of others. So let them wear whatever they want to 😀 I think if I have a girl I would let them chose what to wear too because let’s face it girls have cute stuffs to wear.
Thank you Angela!
I thought this was a great and interesting post. Thank you for sharing it with us. I have two daughters of a young age – the oldest (4 yrs) dresses herself and will sometime opt for a short skirt (sometimes too short b/c she grew when I wasn’t looking). I will absolutely let her wear mini-skirts now and when she is older. I will hope to teach them the importance of respecting themselves and others.
You are doing what matters most – teaching them self respects and respects of others. So let them wear whatever they want to 😀 I think if I have a girl I would let them chose what to wear too because let’s face it girls have cute stuffs to wear.
Thank you Angela!
What a great post and of course it got me thinking. I find it terrible that woman would be viewed as sex objects simply for wearing a mini skirt! This sort of attitude also exists in the US and can be quite prevalent. However, women tend to wear whatever they want and sometimes it goes a bit too far. I believe strongly that women should be free to wear what they want and they should feel good about it and not threatened or harassed by men. I hope that the government doesn’t start disallowing mini-skirts! Thanks for the great post and for getting me thinking about this subject.
Thanks Thirdeyemom, I think women should be free to wear what they want too and feel safe but yes of course there are those who takes things too far but it really shouldn’t be something that the government should be getting involved with. I know in Aceh province – the government required women to cover their legs (by pants/long skirts) because they had adopted the Muslim Syariaa Law.
What a great post and of course it got me thinking. I find it terrible that woman would be viewed as sex objects simply for wearing a mini skirt! This sort of attitude also exists in the US and can be quite prevalent. However, women tend to wear whatever they want and sometimes it goes a bit too far. I believe strongly that women should be free to wear what they want and they should feel good about it and not threatened or harassed by men. I hope that the government doesn’t start disallowing mini-skirts! Thanks for the great post and for getting me thinking about this subject.
Thanks Thirdeyemom, I think women should be free to wear what they want too and feel safe but yes of course there are those who takes things too far but it really shouldn’t be something that the government should be getting involved with. I know in Aceh province – the government required women to cover their legs (by pants/long skirts) because they had adopted the Muslim Syariaa Law.
As usual, it’s the womans fault. I have heard this many times. Men like to shift the blame onto women whenever they can. Here they tell her to cover her face so she doesn’t attract men but no one ever tells the men to stop looking! There is a story of the prophet PBUH at a gathering in Makka and one of the men with him was looking at a woman’s face. The Prophet moved the mans face so that he was no longer staring at the woman and never once told the woman to cover her face. The idea that women are the temptresses is not an Islamic one and is purely cultural here we HAVE to make that fact clear.
Having said that, dressing modestly is Islamic. I have a daughter and already I struggle finding clothes that are not too tight or too short for her or having her understand that walking around with your thighs out and your belly showing is not (in my opinion) appropriate. I am sorry to say I do think that the majority of women (here and elsewhere) dress for men. I cannot imagine a woman designing a mini skirt because it is comfortable. Shorts maybe, but a mini skirt has never been a practical or comfortable choice. And I do think men are responsible for their actions in every way regardless if a woman was half naked or fully covered but I do also think that wearing revileang clothing will attract men. It shouldn’t mean that that gives them a right to harm you but it is giving them a reason to look.
There was a story of a woman here who went on a date with a man (which is not allowed) and ended up getting raped by him and his friends. They were severely punished but then the judge passed a sentence to punish her as well for being on the date in the first place!!! The whole country was outraged and the King overturned the sentence. It is unfortunate but things like this do happen and it is in our hands to change it. I will fight for that but I am not in any way fighting for my daughters right to wear a mini skirt here in Saudi or elsewhere as I personally would not allow it. Not a popular point of view but it’s my point of view. I do believe in modesty and I have experience being judged as a piece of meat while fully clothed and in a head scarf as well as while walking down the street in London in jeans and a sweater. I am more than my legs and my stomach and my bum and I do not want myself or my daughter to prize those things as her assets or as important parts of her “personality”. Just switch on TV (including disney channel) and they are so focused on short shorts and mini skirts and characters that are obsessed with make up and fashion that is sickens me. My daughter who is not yet 6 spends ages choosing her clothes and God knows it’s not because of me, it’s because at this age she knows already how much value people put on the way you look.
As usual, it’s the womans fault. I have heard this many times. Men like to shift the blame onto women whenever they can. Here they tell her to cover her face so she doesn’t attract men but no one ever tells the men to stop looking! There is a story of the prophet PBUH at a gathering in Makka and one of the men with him was looking at a woman’s face. The Prophet moved the mans face so that he was no longer staring at the woman and never once told the woman to cover her face. The idea that women are the temptresses is not an Islamic one and is purely cultural here we HAVE to make that fact clear.
Having said that, dressing modestly is Islamic. I have a daughter and already I struggle finding clothes that are not too tight or too short for her or having her understand that walking around with your thighs out and your belly showing is not (in my opinion) appropriate. I am sorry to say I do think that the majority of women (here and elsewhere) dress for men. I cannot imagine a woman designing a mini skirt because it is comfortable. Shorts maybe, but a mini skirt has never been a practical or comfortable choice. And I do think men are responsible for their actions in every way regardless if a woman was half naked or fully covered but I do also think that wearing revileang clothing will attract men. It shouldn’t mean that that gives them a right to harm you but it is giving them a reason to look.
There was a story of a woman here who went on a date with a man (which is not allowed) and ended up getting raped by him and his friends. They were severely punished but then the judge passed a sentence to punish her as well for being on the date in the first place!!! The whole country was outraged and the King overturned the sentence. It is unfortunate but things like this do happen and it is in our hands to change it. I will fight for that but I am not in any way fighting for my daughters right to wear a mini skirt here in Saudi or elsewhere as I personally would not allow it. Not a popular point of view but it’s my point of view. I do believe in modesty and I have experience being judged as a piece of meat while fully clothed and in a head scarf as well as while walking down the street in London in jeans and a sweater. I am more than my legs and my stomach and my bum and I do not want myself or my daughter to prize those things as her assets or as important parts of her “personality”. Just switch on TV (including disney channel) and they are so focused on short shorts and mini skirts and characters that are obsessed with make up and fashion that is sickens me. My daughter who is not yet 6 spends ages choosing her clothes and God knows it’s not because of me, it’s because at this age she knows already how much value people put on the way you look.
But there is a lot of religious persecution isn’t there? I know the sister church I go to in Jakarta has gone through some dangerous moments. I hope the country can stick to middle ground – I think the people will fight for that.
But there is a lot of religious persecution isn’t there? I know the sister church I go to in Jakarta has gone through some dangerous moments. I hope the country can stick to middle ground – I think the people will fight for that.
I think the governor has it all wrong. Rape is a violent crime – it’s not just men pushed to the brink beyond self control. If you ask me, having women wear head to toe burqas are offensive and sexist and it bothers me when I see women wear them in my neighborhood. Every country has its stigma – where freedom reigns, then expression should be free.
I think the governor has it all wrong. Rape is a violent crime – it’s not just men pushed to the brink beyond self control. If you ask me, having women wear head to toe burqas are offensive and sexist and it bothers me when I see women wear them in my neighborhood. Every country has its stigma – where freedom reigns, then expression should be free.
I plan to teach my son this simple rule: “Don’t Rape”.
Women learn far more about how to avoid rape than men do about how to NOT do it.
For example, my own gentle boy cousins who would never have been the raping type anyway, were surprised to learn through a casual comment of mine that rape actually hurts a woman.
Men don’t think of sex as potentially painful, and a simple piece of info, like “if a woman isn’t willing, the sex is painful and frightening” is simply not part of their basic understanding unless we teach it to them.
Societies need to teach their men not to rape. Why do they put the onus on the women?