Just before a Chinese colleague was due to give birth to her first child, we sat down and compared pregnancy and childbirth practices in Canada and China. I was very excited to have the opportunity to do so, as since arriving in China last year I have been very curious about local customs regarding babies.
Ding (who has since given birth to a beautiful little girl) was happy to share her experience so far. She told me about how she had managed to find a doctor who would reveal the sex of her baby (pretty uncommon in China, due to the favouring of boys under the one-child policy), how she kept her diet pretty bland while pregnant to help promote the health of her baby, and how she was not even considering pain medication during labour: “Chinese women are strong; we can handle the pain” she explained.
Ok, I thought, not a whole lot of difference in our two cultures after all.
And then Ding told me about the traditional practice of zuo yue zi.
In Canada, and I imagine in many parts of the western world, very shortly after giving birth (for me, it was a mere 6 hours!) new mothers are patched up and sent home with a new baby, and (with dad’s help), left to it. Sure, family and friends often help out, but between trying to get the hang of breastfeeding, to dealing with meconium and umbilical stumps, to managing the mounds of laundry (OMG the laundry!), nevermind having to recover from some of the greatest trauma our bodies will ever endure, many new moms end up anxious and overwhelmed.
The Chinese custom of zuo yue zi （坐月子）which literally means something like ‘sitting for a moon’, addresses this overwhelming burden by decreeing that new mothers must spend one month in bed.
At first, I must admit I was completely envious. Can you imagine having an entire month to rest, relax, and recuperate after giving birth? Can you imagine saying to your hubby, “sorry dear, you’ll have to cook dinner and do laundry and take care of that explosive poop disaster- I’m still on zuo yue zi”?
But as I learned more from Ding about zuo yue zi, I realized that the practice was actually a whole lot less about relaxing, and a whole lot more about regulating a new mother’s diet and activity to ensure that she fully recuperates and avoids future health issues.
Zuo yue zi comes with a very long list of rules:
- No bathing, brushing teeth, or washing hair
- No reading; no watching television
- No housework
- No air conditioning
- No cold food, sour food, or seafood
- No water, tea, fruits, or vegetables
- Keep your belly tightly wrapped in a bandage at all times
- Always wear a hat
- Keep your hands and feet covered at all times
- Only breastfeed lying down
- Eat an abundance of pig trotters
- Drink a lot of hot chocolate and fermented rice milk
- No sex
- And a zillion more!
Ding told me that a friend of hers had complained, “I don’t care about the pain of delivery, but zuo yue zi… it’s too much!”
Despite the hardship, many Chinese women boast about the long-term health benefits of zuo yue zi that make it worth the effort. The practice reportedly helps women to avoid a host of health problems down the road, including arthritis, backaches, and gynecological issues.
While some Chinese women brush off zuo yue zi as a troublesome superstition, I’ve been told that the majority of new moms in China do follow the custom, though often to a much lesser extent than tradition dictates.
In the traditional form, zuo yue zi does seem a bit extreme. While I would’ve loved a few lazy weeks in bed after the birth of my daughter, I also remember how much I enjoyed my first glass of wine, followed by a big bowl of ice cream, after the birth. And I remember how, after a few days of being cooped up in our apartment, I jumped at the chance to do a diaper run just so I could leave the house for 20 minutes.
Maybe we need to find some happy medium between our two cultures. In an ideal world, after the birth of a baby, dads would be given a couple weeks off work, postpartum doulas would be easily available and affordable, and family would clearly see the line between helpfulness and being in the way. And, moms could take the time they need to recuperate and take care of themselves, and to adjust to their new role as mom.
How did you survive the early days of motherhood? What tips would you share with mothers-to-be?
This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Taryn. Taryn blogs at Mama’s Got Wanderlust, and can be found on twitter at @mamawanderlust and on Facebook.
Photo credit to Easa Shamih (eEko) | P.h.o.t.o.g.r.a.p.h.y
Mamasgotwanderlust (China)
You could say that Taryn has travel in her blood: a South African-born Canadian, Taryn has lived in Toronto, Vancouver, and Indiana, and has travelled extensively to Iceland, Israel, Italy, India, and a few places that don't begin with the letter I. After a brief stint as a
travel guide writer, where she realized that her dream job was actually a lot of work for not much pay, she gave in to the lure of a steady job (and pay cheque) and settled in Canada's beautiful capital, Ottawa.
In 2010, she embarked on her biggest adventure when her daughter Charlotte was born. A few months later, her hubby J. accepted a work assignment in Russia, and the family moved to Moscow. In 2011, Taryn accepted a work assignment of her own in Beijing, China where she currently lives. While excited about the opportunity to live in the world's biggest up-and-coming country (and to practice herMandarin skills), moving to China has meant leaving J. behind in Russia while he finishes up his work assignment before moving to Beijing this summer.
In the meantime, Taryn juggles career-dom, living in a foreign culture, and being a temporary single-mom to a spunky toddler. Taryn is also the blogger behind Mama's Got Wanderlust, where she writes about her adventures in travelling, parenting, and living abroad.
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Japan has a similar tradition, though not as extreme. For the first month after childbirth, women are not supposed to take a bath (though showers are okay,) or work around water doing thingls like washing dishes or laundry. Many women return to their parents’ home for the weeks leading up to the birth and the first month afterwards to rest. Babies are not supposed to leave the house until they are one month old.
In our case, of course I had to continue cooking and laundry, etc., but my in-laws were adamant that neither the baby nor I should leave the house. My husband was working eighteen hour days, and it was awful. When baby #2 was born, I had my own mother come to stay and managed to avoid most of the madness. I didn’t take the baby out to crowded places or anything, but I was able to take my two-year-old to the park, etc. Otherwise we would have gone nuts.
I was aware of this tradition in other cultures, and have frequently cited it as proof that women are not meant to try and run the household singlehandedly mere days after pushing out a sproutling. I have always been very in favour of the get-someone-to-wait-on-you thing and flew my mother in for the month after the birth of my child.
But then I read your post.
NO READING?? I would die. DIE. Nothing could be worse.
When my first born came along (after an emergency c-section) we were still living with my grandparents and I practically spent a month in bed while everyone fussed over me & baby. Problem was that 6 months later – when baby & I were finally alone, I totally freaked out cos my own instincts had been completely squashed by “adults” (my grandparents) who “knew better”. My 19 year old son and I love each other dearly but we don’t “get” each other. It’s still as if we speak different languages and either my daughter or my hubby need to “interpret” for us to avoid misunderstandings! 🙁
When my daughter was born, my husband didn’t have any leave days and my grandparents were overseas. Hubby would drop off son at creche before work and pick him up after, so I got to spend the entire day ALONE with my daughter. I can’t explain how brilliant it was to have the time and space to get to know her without interference. She is now 16 years old and we have a fabulous relationship. We love spending time together and she tells me everything. It feels as if communicating with her is as natural as breathing, whereas communicating with my son takes effort on both our parts.
Maybe it’s a man / woman thing, or just different characters and interests, but maybe, too much interference during those first crucial months of his life are what have led to my difficulty in communicating with my son. I just found it better to be alone with my baby than to be constantly surrounded by others.
When our first daughter was born, I couldn’t wait for my husband to go back to work. During his two week paternity leave, he felt like he should have been on vaction instead of helping me recover from childbirth. I can recall him always nagging me to go “do something” or “go somewhere”. And I thought “do someting – I just DID SOMETHING – I pushed out a baby!!!”. I sent him back to the office quickly.
When I our second daughter was born, I was more prepared to state the rules prior to delivery. Husband deals with now toddler and I take care of the new baby. If I was to “do something” or “go somewhere” I would let him know. The transistion was much smoother.
I read in one of the plethora of American parenting books that the author’s wife staid in her pajamas for the first two weeks after giving birth and did nothing more than care of the new baby. It seemed like a grand idea. Unfortunately we live across the country from family and viewed hiring a night nurse or dola as frivolous. So we managed ourselves with little outside help. My husband thought that gave us bragging rights; I just thought it was exhuasting.
I love China! This practice would explain why, when I went there last year, I never saw any newborns. Come to think of it, I never saw any pregnant mother either, only babies that were clearly a few months old.
Super interesting, but I wouldn’t be able to do all of that and not read… I think I’d go mad!
Something that seems to help a lot of my patients to manage the first month of motherhood is Kangaroo Mother Care. It helps Mom and Baby to bond, and it seems to have a heap of physiological effects too.
This is all massively interesting, though.
I had two emergency c sections which meant I couldn’t drive or lift for 6 weeks. It was great just to be able to ‘be’ with our new babies and I *had* to allow others to help out with laundry etc. I believe there are huge benefits for mother and child to have time, even up to 12 weeks, in the quietest calmest most nourishing environment we can provide. Zuo yue zi doesn’t sound an ideal way to go about it, but I am sure we, westerners, could find a way to nuture mothers more in those early months.
In Singapore, we still practice ‘zuo yue zi’, or what we call the ‘confinement’. Among the Chinese community, the confinement is a tradition passed down from our ancestors who came from China. However, we are not so extreme as what you described. We are told by our elders not to wash hair, if we bath, we would boil special herbs and put into the water which is supposed to help remove ‘wind’. But for me, I did wash my hair (can’t imagine not doing so in such humidity and hot weather!). Many of us also hire confinement nannies, who will cook special meals for the moms as well as help with household chores and look after the newborn. Basically, the aim is to give the new mom as much rest as possible during the first month after delivery. Here’s a good introduction to the confinement practices in Singapore: http://www.babycenter.com.sg/pregnancy/asian-postnatal-practices/confinement-practices/
Reblogged this on Mama's Got Wanderlust.
Loved reading about this, Mama’s Got Wanderlust! The neat part about this blog is learning what it’s like to be a mother around the world. Motherhood is such a natural, spiritual, bonding existence among us, in my experience. I love to hear how everyone else does things in their culture, and this article created great conversation during our first twitter party this morning!
Thank you !
Jen 🙂
Sorry I missed the twitter party, between the time change and the Chinese firewall, I never stood a chance 🙂
In Singapore where I live, we still practice ‘zuo yue zi’, or what we call the ‘confinement period’. Among the Chinese community, the confinement is a tradition passed down from our ancestors who came from China. However, we are not so extreme as what the Chinese in China do. Yes, there’s the no fan/aircon rule but hardly anyone follows as it’s so hot here! We are also told not to wash hair and not do any washing (so no doing the dishes and laundry… yeah!). But for me, I did wash my hair (can’t imagine not doing so in such humidity and hot weather!) and when I bathed, the confinement nanny would boil special herbs and put into the water which is supposed to help remove ‘wind’ from the body. By the way, many of us also hire confinement nannies, who will cook special meals for the moms as well as help with household chores and look after the newborn. Basically, the aim is to give the new mom as much rest as possible during the first month after delivery. Here’s a good introduction to the confinement practices in Singapore: http://www.babycenter.com.sg/pregnancy/asian-postnatal-practices/confinement-practices/