As a mom blogger, I often read other moms’ blogs. But the more I do so, the more I feel like I’m not measuring up.
I look at the fun, creative projects the crafty moms do with their kids and wonder why I don’t think of such ideas; I admire the gorgeous photos of meals moms blessed with culinary talent create for their kids and wonder why I can’t cook better; I marvel at mompreneurs who have built successful businesses while managing households with at least two kids and wish I could be more like them; I see the beautiful, Pinterest-worthy homes of some super organized moms and feel guilty about the state of mess in my own. The list goes on and on.
Whether we want to admit it or not, we moms are probably the most competitive group of people on earth.
We compare (usually secretly or under the pretext of “comparing notes”) how soon our little ones can walk, talk, read or write; we compare birthday parties; what and how many enrichment programs our children attend; where we go to for holidays and how many holidays we go on a year; which schools our kids enroll in, how well our kids do in school and on and on.
And having ready access to social media makes it worse. We can’t run away from what other moms post on Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest.
I’m not sure about you but it makes me tired sometimes.
Motherhood is not a competition. It is a gift to make us a better person. Not in comparison to another mom but learning to be a better me, a better mom today than I was yesterday.
Motherhood is also a gift for us to make a difference in another person’s life, to participate in their growth, rejoice in their milestones, build their character and empower them to fulfill their greatest potential.
I am thankful that my two-and-a-half year-old son loves me just as I am. It doesn’t matter how terrible I look in the morning with messy hair and dark circles under my eyes, or if I have a PhD, a successful career or can cook fantastically (but the latter will sure help my boy eat better!). To him, I’m the best mom in the world, and all he needs from me is my presence, it’s that pure and simple.
Just as I’m telling myself not to compare to other moms, I’m reminded too, not to compare my son with other children but to love him just as he is.
It’s a reminder that my son is “fearfully and wonderfully made”, born with a unique set of gifts and talents. When he is big enough, he will have his own dreams to pursue – not what I wish him to be or society’s expectations of him, but his own vision of his life. I pray that at that time, I will support him to find his special place in life and to be successful on his own terms.
Meanwhile, I will learn to stop comparing and be happy just as I am. I will focus on my strengths as a mom and individual and celebrate my uniqueness. I hope you will too.
Do you have a tendency to compare yourself to other moms? Or are you happy about who you are as a mom?
This is an original post by Ruth Wong from Singapore. She’s a work-at-home-mom who also blogs at The Mommy Cafe.
The image used in this post is attributed to Rabeea Arif. It holds a Flickr Creative Commons attribution license.
This came at the PERFECT time, groupmate! 🙂 I needed to read this, and I think ALL moms should too! Sharing this on my FB page! 🙂
Thanks especially for this: “It’s a reminder that my son is “fearfully and wonderfully made”, born with a unique set of gifts and talents. When he is big enough, he will have his own dreams to pursue – not what I wish him to be or society’s expectations of him, but his own vision of his life. I pray that at that time, I will support him to find his special place in life and to be successful on his own terms.”
#virtualhugs# God bless always!
Hi Tina, glad this post spoke to you, and thanks so much for the sharing 🙂
Wow Ruth! This touched my heart so much! Our kids are definitely fearfully and wonderfully made! I keep comparing my kids to each other when it comes to milestones and God has just spoken to my heart thru your words. I love how you said that we shouldn’t compare to other moms but rather become a better version of ourselves. Wow… I’m speechless and I have so much to think and pray about. Thanks!
Hi Ana, thank God that He spoke to you 🙂 I’m learning how not to compare too and I’m thankful that we are all made special and unique. I’m sure you’re a great mom in your own ways!
Ruth,
I agree motherhood is not a competition. Neither should we compare our children abilities. I’m happy as who I am as a mom although sometimes do feel that my kid does not match up with other kids but will remind myself every child is unique. She has her mind and her own pace of learning and should not be forced into do things just because other were already doing so well. I believe a happy child will learn well. I’m striving to make my child a happy one. The rest of the things could take a back seat.
Totally agree, it’s important that we learn to let our kids grow at their own pace. Every child has their own strengths, we need to help them discover and nurture their talents, it’s our gift to them as parents.
I agree motherhood is indeed not a competition, although even the “pink mommies” ou there who are über crafty with various culinary talents also feels the same. I think key is to believe in oneself and the things we are doing as mums – let it be super mom of hugs or muffins baking.
A great post!
“I think key is to believe in oneself and the things we are doing as mums – let it be super mom of hugs or muffins baking” – you’re so right!
Here, here! Ruth, what an honest, from the heart post. I will definitely keep this in mind throughout my life as a mother!
I like to hear what other mothers are doing with their children, and if something interests me or I think may interest my child, I think, “Should we check that out, too?” I get some interesting ideas, and I also have to remember that we can’t do everything! There will be kids doing things better than my children because their parents spent more time focusing on it or providing opportunity for it than I do, and vise versa. We all can’t be good at everything!!
We’re all on on a different schedule. I keep in mind that we all know our kids best. We are learning what inspires them most, what they like to do and what they are good at. And we also tend to share our own interests with them, too. In that way, each kid will and should be so different!
Great post!
Jen 🙂
Jennifer, you’re so right. We can’t be good in everything, we have to choose wisely what we want to focus our time, energy and resources on – be it for our children or ourselves. Thanks for the reminder!
Fantastic post, it’s really from the heart and resonated with me. You are absolutely right that we are unique and focusing on how to be our best as mother or as woman is the best to do. Comparing ourselves and our kids to others is frustrating and will never allow us to move forward. While reading your post I realized that I never compare my kids to others, I just love them as they are and want them to be the best they can according to our family values. sometimes I compare myself to other moms but my kids never care about other moms they always make me feel that I am the best of all moms 🙂
Nihad
Kids’ love for us are the best reminder to us as moms that we are all special and unique, isn’t it? Honestly, since I became a mom, I feel that I’m able to love myself more. It’s one of the blessings for being a mom.
Perfect post!!!!!!!!
Thanks, glad it resonated with you! 🙂
I am not a mother, but I can tell you that I wish my mother had done anything with me. Just being a part of my life would’ve been a great start. Just being you and having time/ making time to spend just with your child is greatly appreciated and if it’s not it will be one day. (:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts 🙂 Sometimes I wonder if it’s good enough just being there for my son, attending to his needs. I hope it does make a difference.