After a remarkably stress-free and soul-inspiring vacation in the Olympic Peninsula, my family of four settled back into reality, which for us is defined by a combination of preschool, daycare and two working parents. I work from home on Mondays and recently incorporated my five-year old into my workday.
He has his own small desk and an assortment of colored paper, pens, markers, scissors, stamps, etc. For a little while he does okay working independently beside me. However, soon enough he is wriggling and anxious for my undivided attention.
At midday I take a couple of hours “off” to spend outdoors with my son so we can both burn off a little energy before spending the afternoon indoors. On this particular day, nothing satisfied him. Not the dozens and dozens of books in our home. Not the hundred or so Legos that he typically adores. Not the puzzles, superhero figures, plastic dinosaurs, scorpions and spiders nor the plentiful assortment of recently acquired birthday gifts.
I want a new toy!
These are boring!
All my friends have way more toys than I do!
Have I set the stage for a less than awesome afternoon?
Frustrated after receiving multiple angry responses to suggestions for his entertainment, I looked at him, tipped my head, and proceeded to lecture.
We do not live in a toy store. This is our home. We have much less than some families, I concede. But taking a global perspective, we have far, far more than many families that stretch from coast to coast in the United States, and across the sea, and throughout the hemispheres.
I continue. “Your words are not grateful, it’s important that we be grateful for all that we have, there are many children who have absolutely no toys, books, etc…. they play with rocks and sticks… if they’re lucky.”
Blah blah blah until the last bit when my son looks up me unexpectedly.
I like to play with rocks and sticks, he commented patiently.
He wasn’t getting it.
I proceeded to fill a garbage bag with a number of underused toys and books still in decent condition, and as I did so, I explained that we were going somewhere to give these items away – hopefully to children who did not have them.
I sensed both his skepticism and his interest. I wasn’t placing anything of great value (to him, anyway) in the bag. He wondered exactly who would receive these toys and books.
We drove to a neighborhood store that accepted gently used items for resale. We lugged the bag out of the trunk and gave it to a kind gentleman monitoring drop-offs.
We went home.
I swear not twenty minutes went by before he asked if we could get a new toy “the next time” we went to the store.
My pulse quickened.
Did we not just have this conversation?
I do not intend to raise spoiled children, and mostly I think my husband and I are succeeding. But maybe we’re not. In the presence of privilege – and we are members of a privileged community – I am mindful of the manner in which we consume, purchase, deliver, and gift.
That night before dinner I instructed everyone to wait before lifting a spoon to their lips. We do not typically say grace before meals, but I asked each member of the family (even the two-year-old) to share one thing for which they are grateful before we begin the meal.
It took the eldest a few minutes, but he finally says: I am grateful for pizza and salad.
My two-year-old is grateful for his leche (we think, because he’s still finding his words).
My husband is grateful for two healthy, happy boys.
I am grateful for being able to cultivate gratitude in our growing family – a colorful mix of boys and parents and dog and jobs and activity and stillness and questions and surprises.
I want to plant seeds of giving deep in the earth and deep in their souls. I want my boys to learn that it is not just ok to receive gracefully, but also learn to give, and give fully, and give even when it hurts.
We shall see if the seeds take root, and how our garden evolves.
How do you teach your children gratitude and giving?
This is an original guest post to World Moms Blog by Sara Padilla of Oregon, USA. Sara is a writer, blogger and public health professional based in Portland, Oregon. Her two sons (ages five and two) inspire creative parenting and writing. Sara blogs at Sunshine and Salad. In her free time, she enjoys running, reading and sleeping.
Photo credit to the author.
Sarah — I totally understand what you are saying about having set that big example, and then the kid not getting it! I think I do that all the time!! lol But, persistence is key!
I like your idea about having more conversations about what we are grateful for. Nicole, our contributor in Florida, USA, has her children in Guatemala doing service work. When my kids get older, that is just the type of thing I hope we can do together as a family!
Thank you for guest posting for World Moms Blog!
Jen 🙂
Sarah — I totally understand what you are saying about having set that big example, and then the kid not getting it! I think I do that all the time!! lol But, persistence is key!
I like your idea about having more conversations about what we are grateful for. Nicole, our contributor in Florida, USA, has her children in Guatemala doing service work. When my kids get older, that is just the type of thing I hope we can do together as a family!
Thank you for guest posting for World Moms Blog!
Jen 🙂
This sounds like conversations that I have with my 5 year old son…. regularly (maybe its just an age thing? 🙂 ). As long as we keep sending the message they will eventually get it….I hope 🙂
This sounds like conversations that I have with my 5 year old son…. regularly (maybe its just an age thing? 🙂 ). As long as we keep sending the message they will eventually get it….I hope 🙂
Thank you! What’s interesting is that although he continues to asks for new toys practically daily, he also voluntarily offered up what he is grateful for before dinner for the past two nights. I think it may become a new tradition…
Thank you! What’s interesting is that although he continues to asks for new toys practically daily, he also voluntarily offered up what he is grateful for before dinner for the past two nights. I think it may become a new tradition…
Sara, your sentiments resonate in our home on a regular basis though with a little difference; we face ingratitude when we find ourselves giving and giving (in the form of activities or experiences, like a special trip to an out of the way museum, an amusement park, an after dinner ice cream outing, a beach excursion) and those things becoming expectations rather than exceptions. I’m sure you’re familiar with Madeline Levine’s book the Price of Privilege (http://madelinelevine.com/the-price-of-privilege/)? If not, it’s a helpful book to familiarize yourself with. Nice work for making good on your words by following through with the action of donating some of his unused, under-appreciated toys!
Thank you for the recommendation. I’m not familiar with this book and will definitely seek it out. You’re right — so many “special” things and activities become unspecial when they turn into expectations.
Sara, your sentiments resonate in our home on a regular basis though with a little difference; we face ingratitude when we find ourselves giving and giving (in the form of activities or experiences, like a special trip to an out of the way museum, an amusement park, an after dinner ice cream outing, a beach excursion) and those things becoming expectations rather than exceptions. I’m sure you’re familiar with Madeline Levine’s book the Price of Privilege (http://madelinelevine.com/the-price-of-privilege/)? If not, it’s a helpful book to familiarize yourself with. Nice work for making good on your words by following through with the action of donating some of his unused, under-appreciated toys!
Thank you for the recommendation. I’m not familiar with this book and will definitely seek it out. You’re right — so many “special” things and activities become unspecial when they turn into expectations.
Gratitude is a value I want to inculcate in my son. I love what you did with your family at meal time, it gives me an idea of what to do 🙂 Perhaps you could bring your children to do volunteer work for the less fortunate so that they truly understand what it means to be privileged. Volunteer work is what my husband and I hope to do with our son (now 2 year-old) when he’s older to teach him to be thankful. For me, I also hope to inspire him to grow up to have a compassionate heart and to do more for the needy.
I absolutely want to do some volunteer work as a family when the boys are a little older. I’ve been thinking about the Special Olympics. I remember my own experience working in a soup kitchen as a teenager. I was uncomfortable just to the point where it helped me know that others had it much, much harder than I did. Thank you for your comment!
Gratitude is a value I want to inculcate in my son. I love what you did with your family at meal time, it gives me an idea of what to do 🙂 Perhaps you could bring your children to do volunteer work for the less fortunate so that they truly understand what it means to be privileged. Volunteer work is what my husband and I hope to do with our son (now 2 year-old) when he’s older to teach him to be thankful. For me, I also hope to inspire him to grow up to have a compassionate heart and to do more for the needy.
I absolutely want to do some volunteer work as a family when the boys are a little older. I’ve been thinking about the Special Olympics. I remember my own experience working in a soup kitchen as a teenager. I was uncomfortable just to the point where it helped me know that others had it much, much harder than I did. Thank you for your comment!
So happy to see you here my friend! I think with time, your words and your example, your big boy will start to understand and will surprise with an idea he has come up with to give of himself and share with others who have less. 🙂
I hope so! I am happy that the giving thanks before dinner is quickly becoming a tradition.
So happy to see you here my friend! I think with time, your words and your example, your big boy will start to understand and will surprise with an idea he has come up with to give of himself and share with others who have less. 🙂
I hope so! I am happy that the giving thanks before dinner is quickly becoming a tradition.
Greetings from a fellow PacNW’er 🙂
Our family doesn’t pray in the traditional, religious sense, but we do pause before every meal to say, “Let’s be thankful for this meal.” Part of our boys’ bedtime routine also includes saying the words, “Let’s be thankful for this day,” and we ask them to tell us something that made today special or something they are appreciative for.
Greetings from a fellow PacNW’er 🙂
Our family doesn’t pray in the traditional, religious sense, but we do pause before every meal to say, “Let’s be thankful for this meal.” Part of our boys’ bedtime routine also includes saying the words, “Let’s be thankful for this day,” and we ask them to tell us something that made today special or something they are appreciative for.
My family is learning to give in hopes that the children will learn to be kind and appreciate what they have ( which isn’t much to be honest!) I am an avid couponer, weekly I buy 8-10 papers and clip away! Its amazing how many brand name items you can get cheap and even free! My girls (8 & 4) shop with me, we make it very fun. I count the coupons, they grab the items off the shelves. When we return home, the girls love to fill up our donation bin. In November we are taking our donations to the Tennyson Center For Abused Children. It is a specialized school and home to some students. I can’t wait to arrive and see everyone’s faces as they see what we have been able to donate on such a limited budget!
We have also donated to local food banks, woman’s shelters and to an organization that helps inmates as they are released from prison.
It makes my entire family proud, we don’t have much but our hearts are big.. and we are making a difference in our community!