They say that Canadians are polite. It’s part of our national image. Mostly, though, it’s Americans who say it, and it makes me wonder – does it follow that Americans are ruder?
Some people seem to think so, but I don’t notice much of a difference when we cross the border.
There isn’t much of an accent difference between the province of British Columbia and the state of Washington and the geography is pretty much the same. Then someone says something casually… and I see where Canadians and Americans differ.
“Pull the car closer to the curb.”
It was spoken by our Park-and-Ride attendant. We were getting ready for our trip to Vegas and flying out of Bellingham, Washington, which is about an hour drive from our home. The attendant was a young, friendly guy who looked like Jake Gyllenhaal’s less attractive cousin. He was personable and, yes, polite through all of our interactions.
But his directions felt rude.
Overall I do not find Americans ruder than Canadians, nor do I find Canadians noticeably polite. I see plenty of rude Canadians, and have encountered a lot of charming courtesy from Americans.
But Americans aren’t shy about giving directions to others, and I notice it.
In Canada, it is unusual to be given a direct order from someone, even a boss or family member.
The directions are meant as orders, but delivered in questions, usually preceded by “can you” or “would you” etc. Americans don’t seem to feel the compulsive need to turn everything into a question. This sometimes makes Canadians feel rebuffed. Is that really rudeness, though?
Americans are more likely to say “take that baby out of the stroller, please,” or “show me your ticket before you step on the bus” instead of “can you please take your baby out of the stroller?” or “May I see your ticket?”
But it’s not rude. They are simply delivering basic instructions, often in a cheerful tone of voice.
When I was pregnant in New York, I frequently found myself in tourist locations that offered absolutely nowhere to sit. The Met had surprisingly few benches, and there was not a seat to be seen on the top of the Empire State Building. Since my feet began to hurt me intensely after just a few minutes of standing, I often resorted to sitting on the floor to relieve my agony. Then a guard or an officer would order the foot-sore pregnant woman off of the ground without so much as a “sorry” or “please”.
A Canadian would be more likely to ask if I could get up off the floor, or simply say “sorry, people aren’t allowed to sit on the floor,” thus indirectly implying that I should get up. So whenever I was abruptly ordered to stand up, I felt hurt and rebuffed (not to mention annoyed – if they don’t want people sitting on the floor, maybe they should provide some benches).
Again, it’s not that the American guards were ever rude or hurtful. They just didn’t beat about the bush.
New York has a reputation for rudeness, but I didn’t find the people rude when we were there. They were bossy, definitely, but they were still being friendly. We were even ordered to “get back on the train!” by a subway conductor who noticed that we had stepped off at the wrong stop. Was he being bossy and direct? Definitely. But he was being nice.
Now here we are in Las Vegas, and again, despite the direct orders, which take some getting used to, I have not encountered more rudeness than back home.
I think a lot of cultures perceive informality as rudeness, as evidenced by travel and business advisors who warn foreigners not to mistake the American directness and informality for true rudeness.
I think it is this same directness which gives Americans a reputation for being rude abroad and I think it often results in rudeness being returned to them.
When my husband and I were in Paris, an American in line next to us at the Louvre complained that everyone in Paris was very rude to her. My husband and I had no such problem – we found everyone perfectly charming. However, the lady in line had that brash American directness about her, and spoke no French. When she got to the front of the line, her requests sounded like demands.
We, on the other hand, addressed everyone in French and were always apologetic. We didn’t demand – we requested. Perhaps the Parisian rudeness was merely in response to the American lady’s frank speech.
It all comes down to language, and how you interpret it. I know that my parents consider it rude when they thank a waitress and she says “no problem.” “Why should it be a problem? It’s her job!” they seethe. But the language is changing, and a younger person recognizes that.
“You’re welcome” is now used more as a formal response to a thank you that was really deserved. In a way, saying “you’re welcome” is beginning to imply that “yes, you SHOULD thank me, I just went really out of my way for you.” To me, therefore, “you’re welcome” is beginning to sound rude in a restaurant situation, while my parents are still fuming over a cheerful “no problem”.
Rudeness may all be in the ears of the listener.
Ultimately, I don’t think Canadians are more actually more polite. I don’t think they’re more likely to say please or thank you. They still talk on their cell phones in public atmospheres, cut people off on highways, and do all kinds of other rude things.
It’s just that we are a little less direct about how make requests or deliver instructions. Perhaps to Americans that feels excessively polite, just as their directness sounds rude to us.
Is informality mistaken for rudeness where you live? What do you consider true rudeness?
Ironically, the image of a Canada Goose used in this post was taken by the US Fish and Wildlife Service. It holds a Flickr Creative Commons attribution license.
This is a very interesting post. Carol… there are huge differences from state to state (rather region to region) as well, which would lead to an entirely different article :). I had a client in Boston get really upset at me, and complain to his boss that he had “never been spoken to like this from a vendor before” (I work in software). I went and re-read my email to him and to me, there was nothing rude or commanding about it. I had put “pleases” and “thank yous”, but I supposed I did not put the requests in the form of questions, as you pointed out. I suppose it was the fact that I am a New Yorker, used to much much worse, and that meant that I didn’t find anything offensive in the email, whereas he wasn’t used to that kind of tone or direction. Thanks for pointing this out – I will certainly pay more attention in the future! 🙂
PS – just for the record in the case of an emergency…. there is no one more helpful that a brash, direct New Yorker. I have seen this time and again with Sept 11, or the blackout in August 2003. The entire city came together, everyone helping each other out, layman taking charge, because officials were otherwise occupied. In both cases, it was a sight to behold, and I was so proud to be part of it!
This is a very interesting post. Carol… there are huge differences from state to state (rather region to region) as well, which would lead to an entirely different article :). I had a client in Boston get really upset at me, and complain to his boss that he had “never been spoken to like this from a vendor before” (I work in software). I went and re-read my email to him and to me, there was nothing rude or commanding about it. I had put “pleases” and “thank yous”, but I supposed I did not put the requests in the form of questions, as you pointed out. I suppose it was the fact that I am a New Yorker, used to much much worse, and that meant that I didn’t find anything offensive in the email, whereas he wasn’t used to that kind of tone or direction. Thanks for pointing this out – I will certainly pay more attention in the future! 🙂
PS – just for the record in the case of an emergency…. there is no one more helpful that a brash, direct New Yorker. I have seen this time and again with Sept 11, or the blackout in August 2003. The entire city came together, everyone helping each other out, layman taking charge, because officials were otherwise occupied. In both cases, it was a sight to behold, and I was so proud to be part of it!
I really enjoyed this post. I grew up on the East coast of US but now live on the West coast, and the difference in how people talk to each other is striking. But like you, I have learned it is a matter of perception, and most often people mean well. I also have a very good friend who is Canadian, and all her mannerisms and way of speaking came to mind as I read this.
I really enjoyed this post. I grew up on the East coast of US but now live on the West coast, and the difference in how people talk to each other is striking. But like you, I have learned it is a matter of perception, and most often people mean well. I also have a very good friend who is Canadian, and all her mannerisms and way of speaking came to mind as I read this.
When I lived in the states for two years around the time of my first child’s birth, I can’t say that I found Americans any different than Canadians as far as daily politeness goes. What they are, without a doubt, is a far more EXTROVERTED culture than Canada. Lordy.
I had my first child there (we were living in New York State), and Canadian little me was more than a bit taken aback when total strangers put their hand on my pregnant belly and asked when I was due. Granted, it only happened four times during the pregnancy, but I had two more pregnancies in Canada, and I can assure you that it *never* happened at home. I was taken aback, but not offended. These people were being friendly, nothing more. (Though inside my head I was asking them, “Would it be okay to put your hand on my ass? No? Well, then…”) Since it happened so rarely, these people were probably a bit out there even by American standards, but are Americans more extroverted, as a nation, than Canadians? That was certainly my experience.
It’s that cheerful gregariousness that has probably earned them both their international reputation for being brash/rude and charming naifs. You win some, you lose some. 🙂
@IlonaP As a lifetime resident of New York State, I, much like you, was horrified by strangers touching my babeh belly. I can assure you we don’t all think that’s normal behavior. Every woman I know understands that strangers should not be groping stranger’s pregnant bellies. It’s just wrong. I wish I could explain it away as some American custom, but I cannot. Sorry you had to endure the invasion of personal space while you were here. I swear the rest of us wouldn’t do that! 🙂
I demand the right to touch a pregnant woman’s belly, what is eastern canada/northeastern america coming to when you can’t do that, maybe even pry open the womb and stick your head inside to see how the little tyke is doing, what are you a bunch of cold western feminists?
*{this is a post-ironic message illuminating the idiosyncracies that emerge when comparing various cultures and personal perspectives.}
This post is a little old, but I wanted to comment here if that’s okay. I was born in Canada and lived here as a young child, then moved to the US. Then in my late thirties, returned to Canada. I can honestly say that Canadian people are kind of mean; the men say all kinds of sexist things to me, and the women are horrid, especially in the workplace. All the decades I lived in the US, of course, I ran into a few rude people, but most of them were women for some reason, and I can count the few instances that happened; however, in Canada, I’ve noticed far too many of these negative incidents, and quite often I’m being attacked without provocation, while just minding my own business. I do not actually find this to be true in downtown Toronto, but more so in places like Barrie Ontario and the more redneck types of places. Maybe I need to move to Toronto instead where the people are more like city people from where I come from (California). I am hoping I can return home soon when my husband and I are both ready to leave. I don’t like it here anymore.
I am Canadian, and the one thing l can definitely say is that Canadians are in fact rude, arrogant if not extremely ignorant, at least here in Toronto.
In two weeks l will be traveling to Iceland and Alaska, in which l will be gone for a month. And no doubt this will come as a shock or a no no to most, however, l have no plans or intent on wearing a maple leaf on me or my luggage. I will not set myself apart. In fact, that is why many Canadians are harrased at the border, is because we have the occupational hazard of the delusional misconception that we are better than everyone else.
Isn’t it ironic and even funny that we Canadianshould will sit on our front verandas guzzling Molson Canadian and run Americans down, but every so often, we will get in our cars and drive south of the border looking for deals and even vacationing in the U.S. Excuse me, but is that not hypococrtical?
No doubt l will draw many negative comments from self righteous Canadians, but truth does hurt.
Then we attack Ryan Reynolds for his comments he made, but it’s perfectly ok for us to to make unwanted comments about Americans. Like l said:Hypococrtical! !