Tara B’s backyard bathed in unusual winter sunlight on Christmas Eve.
What is home? Everyone has different answers to this, but for me, home is tied to sensations. It’s a physical space that can conjure the feelings of nostalgia, warmth, comfort, and peace.When I think of the places I have truly called home, these feelings were always present.
In my life, I have traveled some but have lived in two states thus far: Pennsylvania and Washington. My parents still live in the house I grew up in in Northeastern Pennsylvania. And while I lived in Philadelphia before moving to Washington, my parents’ house will always be home. I spent 18 years there, creating memories good and bad, throughout my childhood. The furnishings may have changed, but the “home” is still there. I’m only able to visit my parents once a year right now, and it’s hard to describe the feeling I get just driving up the street to their house and walking through the door. The flood of memories and sensations is overwhelming. There, I connect to a part of me that I don’t connect with any place else. I am filled with nostalgia, warmth, comfort, and peace from a very specific time of my life.
Once I moved to Washington, letting go of that home was difficult. I hadn’t even visited the area before deciding to move. My fella got a job, so I just packed my stuff, got on a plane, and wished for the best. Everything and everyone was new. It was exhilarating but completely disorienting at the same time. There was absolutely no nostalgia anywhere; nothing on which to throw my memory anchor. It was a blank slate, as I was with it. While I really liked the area, for many years I just couldn’t figure out if it was real….if we would really live here.
It was as if this was the pre-amble to our adult life, but could it be the home of our adult life? And once we started a family, could my kids grow up so disconnected to the home I knew and loved as a child? Could I create a true home for them when I felt so disoriented myself? I grappled with this for years.
The first house my husband and I owned was a good house that we filled with wonderful memories. We got married when we lived in that house. It was the first house both of our sons knew. But that house never was exactly our home. Partly from the aesthetic and partly from the surrounding neighbors, we just never felt fully at peace there. The funny thing is that layout of the house very much mirrored my parent’s house. Yet something was always off about its fit as our home.
Then two years ago, we moved to a place that felt tailor-made for us. It was a big step. We only wanted to move if it truly was the right place for us, had all the things we wanted, and was a place that our sons could grow up in until they became adults. We wanted this to be the home of their childhoods.
Not only has this new place been a wonderful home for my kids thus far, but for the first time in my adult life, I feel like I am at home…my home. The layout of the house, the natural spaces surrounding it, the privacy, the room to breathe…it’s all here. Even the furniture from our old house fits better here, as if to say the universe knew we would get here eventually and guided my hand when I was picking out couches. The property is more work to upkeep, but I no longer dream of living anywhere else. I know longer doubt if this is real. I know longer feel unsettled about living 3000 miles from the house I grew up in. In this place, I feel nostalgia, warmth, comfort, and peace, and we haven’t even been here that long.
I love to visit new places, and I long to see more of the world someday. I also believe that if I had to, I could carve out a new home elsewhere. But there is something for me about the familiarity of my home, a place to always come back to. I want to spend years here. At the end of any journey, I want to come home.
What does home mean to you? For those who have built a home abroad, tell us your ideas on creating a home in a new place.
This has been an original post to World Moms Blog by Tara B. of Washington (State) USA.
Photo credit to the author.
I totally relate … even though I hadn’t really thought about it until now! 🙂
This might sound strange, but I’m nearly 44 years old and I haven’t yet found “home”. I come from a very dysfunctional family and we moved around a lot. Shortly after my son was born, hubby and I bought a house. It was the only house we could afford at the time and we NEVER thought we’d live there very long. Circumstances (mainly lack of finances) have led to us living in this “starter” home for over 20 years!! 🙁
We FINALLY have the opportunity to look for a REAL home. A place WE want because WE like it and not because we can’t afford anything better! God willing, it will be the true home I’ve always dreamt of. A home where, one day, I can entertain my grandkids! Watch this space … 😛
Simona – I wish you luck on finding that perfect place! I was really trying to describe that feeling of being settled in mind and heart in a physical space. You know it when it happens, you know? Thank you for comments, and keep us posted 🙂
Thanks! 🙂 I will … I’ve actually seen a place that might be “home” but we can’t put in an offer to purchase until we’ve sold our own house. If it’s meant to be, it will still be available when we have the money to purchase it, if not, we’ll find another that feels just as good. 🙂
That very much resonates with me – We had thought about the area we currently live for 10+ years before we were able to make it happen. It comes together when/as it should.
Tara, so glad you’ve finally found a place to call home. I love to visit new places and ever since the kids came, it’s never been quite the same and our travels (and our worlds) have shrunk quite a bit…To some extent, I think we’re too used to where we are now, and deep down I wish for a nice spot in Australia or someplace else that has nature and a different culture for the kids to explore and learn. (And yet isn’t too far away from home…)
June – you raise an interesting point on how things can change when kids arrive. I used to fly back and forth to visit my childhood home regularly, but now I can’t as often…which I am sure was part of the movtivation to find a better fitting home here…because my world is smaller at the moment. I’m not complaining about that – I love where we’re at, but it does make you look at your immediate surroundings a bit differently.
Tara – I totally know what you mean. After I moved out here, my parents sold the house I grew up in and moved to another state! I feel so displaced when I go “home” to visit them.
Once financial circumstances line up, my husband and hope to be as lucky as you to find the perfect house to call our own home…and hopefully the place our girls will fondly recall childhood memories of nostalgia, comfort, and peace 🙂
Thanks for your comments, Eva! I figured you’d be able to relate 😉 I hope we can connect again soon.
When I left my parents home at age 18, I didn’t stop moving – country to country, apartment to apartment. Finally, three years ago my husband and three kids and I bought a house just outside of Paris. And for the first time in my adult life (in over 20 years), I felt rooted.
What an amazing perspective you must have from living in so many places! Very fun. And I was just talking about Paris with someone last night who was urging me to go there 😉
When we moved from Virginia to New Jersey to be closer to family, we found our house in less than a year after our move. It has been our house with our old house’s furniture. We placed everything in and just started living. But, I was lucky to win 2 hours with an interior designer at the Shot@Life party hosted by my local mother’s club. I finally had the designer over last month. I saw the house through her eyes, and she gave me tips on how I can get the place to flow better. Stuff like, move this picture to this room. Swap rugs in these rooms. I’ve made a few of her changes that haven’t meant I had to buy anything yet, and it has gotten me excited taking more of an interest in our nest. So, I’m determined to give our home a little more attention to get it to where we really enjoy the living spaces!
I’m glad you found your “home”, Tara!!
Jen 🙂
Jennifer – That is also a great point, using the space you have in a new way! I struggle designing spaces. I can see a picture in a magazine that I like and know it feels right, but I have a hard time coming up with that on a blank slate. But it’s amazing how adding some pieces or choosing the right colors makes a space more cozy. I’m too intimidated to paint in our newer place yet, but I know it could make this place even better. So someday 😉 Thanks for your comments.