by Ecoziva (Brazil) | Oct 14, 2013 | 2013, Babies, Being Thankful, Brazil, Child Care, Childhood, Culture, Domesticity, Eye on Culture, Family, Health, Home, Inspirational, Life Balance, Maternal Health, Me-Time, Motherhood, Parenting, Religion, Spirituality, Traditions, Working Mother, World Motherhood, Younger Children
My maternity leave is now coming to an end, but throughout it a typical week day has meant about 12-14 hours alone with the kids.
I usually wake up at 5:20 a.m. and my husband leaves with our eldest around six. I spend my mornings with our 2 ½ year old girl and our six month old baby boy. Our son returns from school approximately 1:30 p.m. Sometimes my husband returns early, but he usually gets home between 6 and 8 p.m. depending on traffic, his schedule, etc.
I love my kids dearly. Yet any mother knows that such a routine is not easy. On the typical day, by 6 p.m. my patience starts to wane. By nature I have a calm personality, but if there is screaming on my side, 90% of the time it will be after 6 p.m.
I once heard that 6 p.m. is one of the most difficult times of the day. On an individual level it is the time when stress peaks and on a collective level it is the time when most crime, car accidents and other such things happen. I don’t know if there is data backing that, but in a way it does make sense.
In my case, it is around 6 p.m. that the less-than-noble feelings will start to take over my mind, such as resentment, self-pity and repetitive worrying about pending work (although I have been legally on leave and have not been teaching, I did choose to maintain some activities from home). Other days I wish I could just stop working and truly be a full-time mother.
One thing that has helped is practicing acceptance and gratitude: A student sent me her research project two weeks ago and I haven’t even managed to open the file. Sorry, I am doing the best I can. My daughter has been screaming for 15 minutes in a temper tantrum. How great that she is healthy and her lungs are working! The kitchen sink is piled with dishes and the whole house is a mess. Things will get better as the kids grow older.
Of course it is easier said than done and one thing I try to do every day is to pray that my patience lasts past the kids’ bedtime.
I recently thought about how in the past it was a custom here in Brazil – a mostly catholic country – for the radios to play the Ave Maria in Latin at 6 p.m. In the small town I lived in when I was little, the Catholic church’s bells also tolled at six.
I haven’t been much of a radio listener for the past few years so I went on the web to check if the custom was still present. I learned it is a practice that has been carried out here in Brazil for the last 54 years. It comes from an old Portuguese tradition that in turn derives from the Angelus [*] – a Christian devotion recited at 6 a.m., midday and 6 p.m., which refers to Mary and the Annunciation. In simple terms, it is a time of prayer and meditation.
While reading about the 6 p.m. devotion and thinking about the emotional condition of mothers who spend the whole day alone with their children, I realized that it was the kind of practice that makes sense in the context of motherhood. After all, regardless of religion or debates on the specifics of Mary’s story, in a greater context she can be seen as a symbol of an inspiring and caring mother.
With that in mind, this week I am experimenting with short “Mary meditations” around 6 p.m. to see if it helps extend and deepen my patience and acceptance.
And you? What strategies do you use to help you face the challenges of the day-to-day motherhood routine?
[*] If there are any Catholics out there reading this and I am explaining this wrong please correct me! I was sort of raised Catholic in a Catholic country but I’m not actually Catholic, so I don’t have in-depth knowledge of the Angelus.
This is an original post to World Moms Blog from our devoted writer and mother of three in Brazil, EcoZiva.
The photo used in this post was taken by the author.
Eco, from the greek oikos means home; Ziva has many meanings and roots, including Hebrew (brilliance, light), Slovenian (goddess of life) and Sanskrit (blessing). In Brazil, where EcoZiva has lived for most of her life, giving birth is often termed “giving the light”; thus, she thought, a mother is “home to light” during the nine months of pregnancy, and so the penname EcoZiva came to be for World Moms Blog.
Born in the USA in a multi-ethnic extended family, EcoZiva is married and the mother of two boys (aged 12 and three) and a five-year-old girl and a three yearboy. She is trained as a biologist and presently an university researcher/professor, but also a volunteer at the local environmental movement.
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by Jennifer Burden | Oct 12, 2013 | 2013, World Voice
#Moms4MDGs! World Moms Blog editors, Elizabeth Atalay, Jennifer Burden & Nicole Melancon pose with the ONE Campaign’s Jeannine Harvey and writer Jennifer Barbour just before heading into UN Headquarters in New York City on September 23, 2013.
In the late 1970s, a popular saying then was, “Who cares?” — equivalent to the “Whatever!”, which was more frequently used by myself and my peers decades later. Back in the day, my older teenage family members and friends would use the “Who cares?” in natural conversation when I was running around the house as a toddler. I would immediately respond by turning my head to one side and saying, “I care!” My family found this entertaining, and they kept saying, “Who cares?”, to get me to do the silly head turn. (Yep. I just admitted that.)
Too young to explain then, I still remember why I turned my head. I wanted them to know that someone cared, but I didn’t want anybody to know it was me.
Fast forward 30 something years later, and I have found a place where fellow “I Care!” folks convene. Like a Trekkie at a Star Trek conference, I was among the masses of people “Who Care” at the Social Good Summit this year, including Richard Branson, Melinda Gates (who follows World Moms Blog!), Al Gore, will.i.am and Malala.
This year was World Moms Blog’s third year in attendance at the event, which is a “three day conference where big ideas meet new media to create innovative solutions” that coincides with the UN’s General Assembly in New York City.
Nicole Morgan, Jennifer Barbour, Jeannine Harvey, Elizabeth Atalay, Kelly Pugliano and Jennifer Burden at the Social Good Summit September 24th, 2013 in NYC.
The first year in 2011, our website was less than one year old, and I attended with my husband in tow to help me watch my baby girl. I knew not a soul, and stepped out of my comfort zone to do things like introduce myself to super model Christy Turlington Burns after being inspired by her session on working alongside bloggers to improve global maternal health. I also connected further with the UN Foundation’s Shot@Life campaign, which I later traveled to Uganda with last year and the GAVI Alliance, for which we have hosted global tea parties in support of life-saving vaccines for children.
Our second year at the summit in 2012, World Moms Blog had newly made the FORBES list of “Top 100 Websites for Women 2012” for our first of two times, and I couldn’t wait to listen to and meet Moira Forbes, who heads FORBES Woman. By this time I had roped some amazing, like-minded friends from my blogging circle into the conference, too — Nicole Melancon of Third Eye Mom and Elizabeth Atalay of Documama. They are the World Voice editors at World Moms Blog and cover social good and human rights.
That year, we met some incredible people, such as Nicholas Kristoff, coauthor of “Half the Sky“, a must-read book on the nightmare realities of modern day slavery. The summit was also a great opportunity for a reunion with fellow Shot@Life Champions, whom we had met earlier that year at training in Washington, D.C. in support of global vaccines, and our fellow #ONEMoms who support eradicating global poverty.
Our third time at the Social Good Summit this past September, our World Moms Blog team expanded, and I was also thrilled to be invited as a #2030NOW “Global Influencer” Fellow by the UN Foundation and Plus Social Good.
I attended small “Master Class” private sessions throughout the conference and networked with some new amazing peers. One of which was Wall Street power house, Whitney Johnson, who recently named me to her list of the few people who made a lasting impression at the Social Good Summit. I am entirely humbled. The list also includes one of my total heroes who spoke at the Social Good Summit, Malala, the brave girl in Pakistan who was shot in the face by the Taliban and addresses the world on the importance of education girls.
I also got the chance to rub elbows with the fiery Feminista Jones, who is not afraid to stand up in a room of over achievers and a princess and give an effortless tirade on why AIDS is killing black women in America at alarming rates and no one seems to care. I didn’t know if I wanted to hug or tweet her afterwards. We were discussing HIV/AIDS with HRH Mette-Marit, the Crowned Princess of Norway to add some context here.
In addition to the #2030NOW Global Influencers team, the Shot@Life Champions and #ONEMoms, I was also proud to be part of another social good posse. We’re made up of women who happen to also be moms and writers, and we all live for this helping people all over the world stuff. It’s in our blood. And it matters.
Nicole and Elizabeth came back this year, and we added Nicole Morgan, Kelly Pugliano, Jennifer Barbour and the former Miss Tanzania and Miss Africa World and current social entrepreneur, Nancy Sumari to our pack. Nancy happened to be in NYC on a work-cation, and meeting her was a total highlight!
World Moms Blog contributors took the stage at the Social Good Summit, too! LaShaun Martin spoke on the “Mothers Connect” panel with Johnson & Johnson and Shot@Life, and Nicole Morgan was asked to speak on her wishes for her children on the same panel. Well done, World Moms!
This year our normal schedule was also highlighted by additional invitations from ONE.org, WaterAid, Save the Children, Shot@Life, The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, Women Deliver, and the GAVI Alliance to talk social good and network outside of the summit. This included two invitations to UN Headquarters for discussions, one on Millennial Factivism with ONE.org and Okay Africa and another on Harnessing the Power of Global Public-Private Partnerships with the GAVI Alliance and the Global Fund. We have learned so much that we’ll carry along with us.
For example, at a private meeting with Mark Suzman, Managing Director of International Policy and Programs for The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, he gave us a stat that I have continued to turn over and over in my head ever since,
“In Ethiopia 1 in 15 children die before the age of 5 years old. But, not too long ago that statistic had been 1 in 5 children.” A true reminder that the world is making progress when it comes to the Millennium Development Goals, but there is still much work to be done.
There were internal lessons for us on gaining the self-confidence to speak up and carry out our work, too. For example, being at a press event when they’re fielding questions for Carolyn Miles, the CEO of Save the Children, about refugee children in Syria and the questions were coming from TIME Magazine, ABC and….well, World Moms Blog. (We care about kids!)
#Moms4MDGs in NYC — Nancy Sumari; Carolyn Miles, CEO of Save the Children, Nicole Melancon; Elizabeth Atalay; Jennifer Burden; and Jennifer Barbour just after a discussion on children refugees from the Syrian conflict. Sept. 23, 2013.
Or going through UN Headquarters security with fellow World Mom and Sister from Another Mister, Nicole Morgan, with our matching bright green luggage that we had both received as gifts from the Disney Social Media Moms conference amongst high level foreign diplomats.
We went from sharing a seat at the “It’s a Small World” ride together in May at Walt Disney World to being invited to the UN headquarters during the General Assembly in September. It really is a small world after all.
Our global posse is rooting together for the good of the world, and we’re also always pushing, encouraging, growing like a snowball and making it easier for each other to do more. The Social Good Summit has proved a great place to connect World Moms Blog with the United Nations and with organizations working towards a better life for mothers and children around the globe, an important part of our mission. Our contributors, in turn, are bringing big ideas to media, just like the creation of our #Moms4MDGs campaign to raise awareness for the UN’s goals to end poverty inspired by our editor, Purnima Ramakrishnan in India. I can’t wait to see what these women will do next!
And we all care very much, dammit. (Turns head to the side to stretch neck from working at the computer screen too long.)
This is an original post by World Moms Blog Founder, Jennifer Burden of NJ, USA. Keep an eye out for more from our contributors about the important global issues we were briefed on. And join our #Moms4MDGs twitter parties each month, where we talk about one global issue (UN Millennium Development Goal) per month. The next ones are October 16th, 2013 at 1pm and 9pm EST. Click our details in our sidebar, too!
Photo credits to Nicole Melancon, Elizabeth Atalay, Nancy Sumari and the #2030Now Global Influencer team!
Jennifer Burden is the Founder and CEO of World Moms Network, an award winning website on global motherhood, culture, human rights and social good. World Moms Network writes from over 30 countries, has over 70 contributors and was listed by Forbes as one of the “Best 100 Websites for Women”, named a “must read” by The New York Times, and was recommended by The Times of India.
She was also invited to Uganda to view UNICEF’s family health programs with Shot@Life and was previously named a “Global Influencer Fellow” and “Social Media Fellow” by the UN Foundation. Jennifer was invited to the White House twice, including as a nominated "Changemaker" for the State of the World Women Summit. She also participated in the One Campaign’s first AYA Summit on the topic of women and girl empowerment and organized and spoke on an international panel at the World Bank in Washington, DC on the importance of a universal education for all girls. Her writing has been featured by Baby Center, Huffington Post, ONE.org, the UN Foundation’s Shot@Life, and The Gates Foundation’s “Impatient Optimists.” She is currently a candidate in Columbia University's School of International and Public Affairs in the Executive Masters of Public Affairs program, where she hopes to further her study of global policies affecting women and girls.
Jennifer can be found on Twitter @JenniferBurden.
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by Meredith (USA) | Oct 11, 2013 | Body Image, Childhood, Cooking, Domesticity, Exercise, Family, Food, Health, Kids, Life Lesson, Motherhood, Nutrition, Parenting, World Motherhood, Younger Children
When I was growing up, I had a mother who loved to cook and bake. It wasn’t unusual for me to wake up smelling homemade cinnamon bread just out of the oven, and come home from school smelling homemade rolls for dinner.
In my family, if you didn’t eat everything mom made on your plate, she worried there was something wrong with you.
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Meredith finds it difficult to tell anyone where she is from exactly! She grew up in several states, but mainly Illinois. She has a Bachelor of Science degree in Elementary Education from the University of Illinois at Champaign/Urbana which is also where she met her husband. She taught kindergarten for seven years before she adopted her son from Guatemala and then gave birth to her daughter two years leter. She moved to Lagos, Nigeria with her husband and two children in July 2009 for her husband's work. She and her family moved back to the U.S.this summer(August 2012) and are adjusting to life back in the U.S. You can read more about her life in Lagos and her adjustment to being back on her blog: We Found Happiness.
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by Shaula Bellour (Indonesia) | Oct 10, 2013 | 2013, Expat Life, Family, Indonesia, Living Abroad, Shaula Bellour, Transportation
If you are new to Jakarta, macet – or traffic jam – is one of the first Indonesian terms you will learn. Jakarta traffic is notoriously bad and affects every aspect of life in the Big Durian. It determines where you live, shop, work, go to school – and how much you can do in a day.
With a metropolitan population of 28 million people and no rapid transit system, Jakarta is plagued with major transportation issues. Every day more than 13 million cars, trucks, buses and motorbikes hit the city’s flood-prone roads. With traffic speeds averaging below 20 kph and thousands of new vehicles joining the gridlocked throngs every day – it’s a recipe for constant congestion and frustration.
Although it is impossible to completely avoid traffic, I am lucky in many ways. With the exception of the school run, most of my daily life takes place within our local neighborhood: my office, gym, shops, restaurants, friends and activities are all within 15 minutes from home. This makes things infinitely easier.
Since my husband bikes to work (yes, really!), I have free access to our car. And like most people I know, we have a driver, which is fortunate since I wouldn’t dream of attemping to drive here.
Jakarta driving is not for the faint-hearted. Traffic rules (and lanes) are mostly suggestions, driving strategies are creative, a buffer of a few inches between cars is considered normal, and motorcycles are everywhere. Despite it all, there is a remarkably zen approach to driving here, with little road rage and relatively few accidents. (more…)
Shaula Bellour grew up in Redmond, Washington. She now lives in Jakarta, Indonesia with her British husband and 9-year old boy/girl twins. She has degrees in International Relations and Gender and Development and works as a consultant for the UN and non-governmental organizations.
Shaula has lived and worked in the US, France, England, Kenya, Eritrea, Kosovo, Lebanon and Timor-Leste. She began writing for World Moms Network in 2010. She plans to eventually find her way back to the Pacific Northwest one day, but until then she’s enjoying living in the big wide world with her family.
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by Susie Newday (Israel) | Oct 9, 2013 | Childhood, Israel, Life Lesson, Parenting, Susie Newday
I have a confession. I obviously used that title to draw you in because even though I have not read the book, I know enough from the reviews to say that there is no one in the world who thinks the book 50 Shades of Grey is for kids. Sadly though, that book has tainted one of my favorite go to phrases: “shades of grey”.
We all like to think that we can break things down into black and white, when in essence, life is many shades of grey constantly swirling and combining in different intensities. Coming to grips with shades of grey is something that only really ripens in adulthood, and even then, the acceptance and understanding that the world and life are not black and white is a slow process .
I don’t think I truly understood that until the other day when I had a heated discussion with my 21-year-old son about a topic on which we have major differences of opinions.
Yes, he is an adult. Yes, he is a soldier. Yet he still sees things as black and white, kind of like I did at his age. I was frustrated by his not being able to see that there are many shades of grey in every disagreement between people and nations.
When I thought about it more, I realized that I miss the naiveté of my youth when things were black and white for me. I miss knowing what is 100% right and what is 100% wrong. I miss being sure of what is good and bad. I miss the conviction of “knowing” the truth and being sure that I will never waver on my principles.
Today, I know that there really is no black and white. Our values generally stay strong, and they guide us in how we live our lives. On the other hand, our principles can change depending on the circumstances. In other words, we use our values to decide what and when we take a stand on something. Adults (for the most part) can better see different sides of the story and realize that compromise isn’t always the end of the world. We are generally less vested in being right, and we try, not always successfully, to see the bigger picture.
Kids on the other hand need the black and the white. They need to be able to fit good and bad into neat boxes. Strong or weak? Ugly or pretty? Smart or stupid? They need to be confident in what is right and what is wrong. Good or bad? Safe or dangerous? Maybe that’s why fairy tales have very clear-cut good and bad characters. Children need the peace of mind that comes with unshakeable beliefs.
Shades of grey make a shaky foundation for confidence and assurance. Black and white are unbreakable cement pillars, which can explain why grey takes so long to learn.
Black and white may be advantageous to kids for both safety and social purposes by helping them sort people and the world, understand what is safe for them and how to belong to a group. However, black and white is also extremism. It’s an either or mentality. It reduces a whole spectrum of possibilities to only two options without entertaining or acknowledging the whole gamut of possibilities in between. It’s the land of never and always. It’s the primitive childlike thinking adults slip back into when we’re going through hard times, when we are looking for certainty.
In life there isn’t one answer. There isn’t one truth. The world changes and evolves while black and white is stuck and interferes with creativity. When our world is black and white we end up spending a lot of energy on being right and trying to prove our point.
As parents we are charged with the great responsibility of instilling our kids with a moral compass. As part of that process, we consistently and sometimes unwittingly hoist our opinions and solutions on our kids. We do our best yet sometimes we forget that while children need their black and whites we have to stop and think how to begin to introduce them to shades and hues of grey.
We need to live our lives as a model for our children. We need to show them by our actions that there is more than our right answer. That being right doesn’t mean someone else is wrong, being wrong also doesn’t mean that someone else is right. We don’t have to agree with everyone but we should stop to listen and then think about what it is we really believe.
We all have our black and whites (which may or may not change over the years) but most adults have a many hued resplendent grey life. It takes courage to embrace grey. It means we’re willing to learn, change and entertain other points of view.
Do you think kids should learn about life’s shades of grey? If you do, how do you help teach them that life is not black and white?
This has been an original post to World Moms Blog by Susie Newday of Israel. You can find her positive thoughts on her blog, New Day New Lesson.
Photo credit to the author.
Susie Newday is a happily-married American-born Israeli mother of five. She is an oncology nurse, blogger and avid amateur photographer.
Most importantly, Susie is a happily married mother of five amazing kids from age 8-24 and soon to be a mother in law. (Which also makes her a chef, maid, tutor, chauffeur, launderer...) Susie's blog, New Day, New Lesson, is her attempt to help others and herself view the lessons life hands all of us in a positive light. She will also be the first to admit that blogging is great free therapy as well. Susie's hope for the world? Increasing kindness, tolerance and love.
You can also follow her Facebook page New Day, New Lesson where she posts her unique photos with quotes as well as gift ideas.
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