by Olga Mecking | Jul 1, 2013 | 2013, Being Thankful, Child Care, Family, Girls, Grandparent, Health, Husband, International, Life Lesson, Marriage, Me-Time, Motherhood, Netherlands, Parenting, Siblings, Travel, World Motherhood, Younger Children
Imagine yourself in our situation. Your friends are getting married. The wedding is in beautiful Italy. You decide to go, even if it means leaving your two daughters with your parents-in-law, and just take the baby with you. Your in-laws arrive and you ask them to take your 3-year old to dancing class, show them where all the things are and tell them when to bring the girls to daycare. You’re excited. You pack your bags the day before the wedding and go to bed.
But you don’t sleep. Instead, you talk. You tell your husband that you’re not really happy with this arrangement. That you don’t trust your in-laws enough to leave your children with them. That you don’t even feel good about your decision to leave the children with anyone. In the end you start crying and tell your husband that your eldest daughter doesn’t like you and that you’re the worst mom ever.
And then your husband tells you that you’re an amazing mom. After you calm down and feel somewhat better he tells you that he’s not happy with this arrangement, either. You see, our little girl has just had the chicken pox, and according to my husband’s calculation, our baby would be at risk of getting it right during our trip to Italy. The baby was fussy for the last few days, he has had no fever, but his temperature is slightly elevated. What to do?
Consider two possibilities.
Number one: You decide to stay. You’re afraid that if he’s going to get the chicken pox, it will spoil your whole trip. You don’t want the other children to get it, too, and besides, traveling with a fussy baby full of ugly itchy red spots is no fun. You tell your in-laws in the morning. They stay for a few days, but that’s OK. Your MIL learns to accept your decisions and to get out of your way when you sit down to read a book. You learn to tell her when you’re overwhelmed and exercise your privileges as a mom.
When your children wake up in the morning, you feel as if you haven’t seen them for ages. You’re suddenly full of patience. You’re relieved that you didn’t have to leave without them. You braid your big girl’s hair in twelve pink little braids. You feel great. Your decision isn’t entirely selfless. You don’t trust your in-laws and don’t want to leave the girls with them, and that’s OK.
Number two: You wake up in the morning, check your baby’s temperature and decide he won’t get the chicken pox after all. You pack your bags, kiss the girls goodbye and leave to catch your flight. You have fun at the wedding, you dance and sing and eat delicious food. You realize that you haven’t had a vacation for ages. You enjoy waking up in the morning without having to get three children dressed and ready for the day. You get to have a whole conversation with your husband. You go back home and are happy to see your children again. You feel great and relaxed and you’re sure that going to that wedding was exactly what you needed right now. Your decision isn’t entirely selfish. You know very well that having a short vacation will make you more relaxed and a better mom. And that’s OK, too.
How did we choose? We stayed. I was sad not to be there when our friends said: “I do”. Our son didn’t get the chicken pox; his skin is silky smooth as always. So, was it a bad decision? No. Would it have been a bad decision had we gone? No. The thing is that while I decided to stay, if it hadn’t been for the chicken pox threat, I would have gone to that wedding.
You can make a selfish decision and still be a good mom. You can make a decision seen as selfless and make it for purely selfish reasons. It doesn’t matter. You’re a good mom.
Have you ever been in this sort of predicament? What did/would you do?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog from our writer and mother of three in The Netherlands, Olga Mecking.
The photograph used in this post is attributed to the author.
Olga is a Polish woman living in the Netherlands with her German husband. She is a multilingual expat mom to three trilingual children (even though, theoretically, only one is trilingual since she's old enough to speak). She loves being an expat, exploring new cultures, learning languages, cooking and raising her children. Occasionally, Olga gives trainings in intercultural communication and works as a translator. Otherwise, you can find her sharing her experiences on her blog, The European Mama. Also take a while to visit her Facebook page .
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by Purnima Ramakrishnan | Mar 11, 2013 | Friendship, Humanity, India, Inspirational, Life Lesson, Marriage, Motherhood, Purnima, Relationships, The Alchemist, World Motherhood
Relationships are the key to life…
Lately, in my personal life there have been many changes. And I started wondering about relationships and how much importance and attachment we give to them. And the fact that certain relationships make or break our life.
For instance, the relationship each one of us have with our children as mothers is so precious and may seem to signify the epitome of any wholesome relationship. But what is it that we share with our children that we cherish in this relationship? Love is a very poignant word, and I sometimes wonder the real meaning of it. Maybe it is the capacity to give your life for your child? Perhaps!
And then we have these relationships with our spouses and meaningful others. Other than physical intimacy, emotional attachment and love (again, that word) what else do we share with them? An interdependency, trust, common value system and a few other things like this. But what is a relationship based on? (more…)
by Nihad | Nov 16, 2012 | Communication, Husband, Language, Life Balance, Marriage, Motherhood, Sexuality, World Motherhood
We share a lot of parenting advice on World Moms Blog. However, how happy we are at home can have a great effect on our children. If you have a partner, today I’m focusing on how we can strengthen those relationships!
Love is an emotion that we need and seek since our first minute on earth. Children have basic emotional needs that must be met if they are to be emotionally stable. They feel their value and self esteem when they are loved and appreciated.
Even adults need to feel loved to continue their lives normally and to feel happy and fulfilled. The book “The 5 Love languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” by Garry Chapman is about how to express our love in relationships and I would like to share some ideas of the book with you. This book has totally changed the lives of many couples who were struggling in their relationships.
The author is a marriage counselor and from his 30 years experience in the field of marriage counseling he noticed that there are 5 common ways of expressing love – which he named “love languages”. As people speaking different languages cannot interconnect and build strong relationships, individuals who are not aware of their love language or their partner’s love language will not be able to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship. So people who are in relationships need to know their partner’s love language to meet their need of love. (more…)
Nihad is an Egyptian woman, who was born and has lived her whole life in Alexandria, Egypt. She says, “People who visited this city know how charming and beautiful this city is. Although I love every city in Egypt, Alexandria is the one I love the most.”
She is a software engineer and has worked in the field for more than twenty years. But recently she quit her job, got a coaching certificate and she is now a self employed life and career coach. She says, “I believe that women in this era face big challenges and they are taking huge responsibilities. That's why I have chosen my niche -- women looking for happiness and satisfaction. I help and support them in making whatever change (career change, life change, behavior change, belief change…) they want to bring more satisfaction and happiness in their lives.”
Nihad is a mother of two lovely boys, 15 and 9 years old. She states, “They are the most precious gifts I have ever had. I madly love them, and I consider them the main source of happiness in my life.”
Our inspiring mother in Egypt can also be found at Aurora Beams Life Coaching.
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by Salma (Canada) | Aug 3, 2012 | 2012, Canada, Family, Life Balance, Marriage, Parenting, Salma, Working Mother, World Moms Blog
Yesterday was a bad day, I cried because I didn’t know what else to do. The month of June was a crappy month-all of it. July showed some promise, but it blew away with the wind, I guess. I’m hoping that August will give me a break, but I’m not holding my breath. They say “behind (or beside) every successful man is a good (strong) woman…” I can’t agree or disagree with that statement, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.
You see my husband relies on me for practically everything- it is our relationship- our life. When we left Toronto 1 year ago, I was right behind him picking up the pieces (packing, making plans & arrangements), AND leaving behind my friends and a job at one of the top universities in Canada. My husband never really caught a break in Toronto, and needed (for his sanity and mine) to leave and find something that would benefit our family- he found it in Calgary.
I never questioned it, because we never questioned our bond in accepting the inevitabilities of life. After all he left his family to live with me in a foreign land. Now that I have been out of my comfort zone for one year, I have to admit, I hate it. While my husband has gained success and is happier in this new city, I don’t fit- I just can’t seem to catch my breath.
Success is a funny thing, and that’s the problem. Even without meticulous calculations you could look at our lives here now compared to our life in Toronto and conclude the obvious- we have gained more success. We have more money in the bank; we just bought a house that, if purchased in Toronto, would be half a million dollars; our kids are growing up and staying out of trouble; and our marriage is stronger than ever- Thank God for all of this. So what’s the problem you ask? Read on! (more…)
An Imperfect Stepford Wife is what Salma describes herself as because she simply cannot get it right. She loves decorating, travelling, parenting,learning, writing, reading and cooking, She also delights in all things mischievous, simply because it drives her hubby crazy.
Salma has 2 daughters and a baby boy. The death of her first son in 2009 was very difficult, however, after the birth of her Rainbow baby in 2010 (one day after her birthday) she has made a commitment to laugh more and channel the innocence of youth through her children. She has blogged about her loss, her pregnancy with Rainbow, and Islamic life.
After relocating to Alberta with her husband in 2011 she has found new challenges and rewards- like buying their first house, and finding a rewarding career.
Her roots are tied to Jamaica, while her hubby is from Yemen. Their routes, however, have led them to Egypt and Canada, which is most interesting because their lives are filled with cultural and language barriers. Even though she earned a degree in Criminology, Salma's true passion is Social Work. She truly appreciates the beauty of the human race. She writes critical essays on topics such as feminism and the law, cultural relativity and the role of women in Islam and "the veil".
Salma works full-time, however, she believes that unless the imagination of a child is nourished, it will go to waste. She follows the philosophy of un-schooling and always finds time to teach and explore with her children. From this stance, she pushes her children to be passionate about every aspect of life, and to strive to be life-long learners and teachers. You can read about her at Chasing Rainbow.
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by Maman Aya (USA) | May 8, 2012 | Body Image, Breastfeeding, Family, France, Husband, Marriage, Motherhood, Sex, USA, World Motherhood
This topic may be taboo in some cultures, but I’m part French, and nothing is more important to the French then l’amour (although food and wine are very close contenders)!
I recently read an article somewhere that said many moms polled were having sex (I should say moms who are married or in a committed relationship) about 4 times a year… and they were ok with that, as were their partners. Once a quarter? Really!? I know we are all exhausted by the time we get to bed, but isn’t it important for your and your partner’s happiness? Isn’t it important for the health and well-being of your relationship with your significant other to be intimate? (more…)
Maman Aya is a full-time working mother of 2 beautiful children, a son who is 6 and a daughter who is two. She is raising her children in the high-pressure city of New York within a bilingual and multi-religious home.
Aya was born in Canada to a French mother who then swiftly whisked her away to NYC, where she grew up and spent most of her life. She was raised following Jewish traditions and married an Irish Catholic American who doesn’t speak any other language (which did not go over too well with her mother), but who is learning French through his children. Aya enjoys her job but feels “mommy guilt” while at work. She is lucky to have the flexibility to work from home on Thursdays and recently decided to change her schedule to have “mommy Fridays”, but still feels torn about her time away from her babies. Maman Aya is not a writer by any stretch of the imagination, but has been drawn in by the mothers who write for World Moms Blog. She looks forward to joining the team and trying her hand at writing!
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