Yesterday was a bad day, I cried because I didn’t know what else to do. The month of June was a crappy month-all of it. July showed some promise, but it blew away with the wind, I guess. I’m hoping that August will give me a break, but I’m not holding my breath. They say “behind (or beside) every successful man is a good (strong) woman…”  I can’t agree or disagree with that statement, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.

You see my husband relies on me for practically everything- it is our relationship- our life. When we left Toronto 1 year ago, I was right behind him picking up the pieces (packing, making plans & arrangements), AND leaving behind my friends and a job at one of the top universities in Canada.  My husband never really caught a break in Toronto, and needed (for his sanity and mine) to leave and find something that would benefit our family- he found it in Calgary.

I never questioned it, because we never questioned our bond in accepting the inevitabilities of life. After all he left his family to live with me in a foreign land. Now that I have been out of my comfort zone for one year, I have to admit, I hate it. While my husband has gained success and is happier in this new city, I don’t fit- I just can’t seem to catch my breath.

Success is a funny thing, and that’s the problem. Even without meticulous calculations you could look at our lives here now compared to our life in Toronto and conclude the obvious- we have gained more success. We have more money in the bank; we just bought a house that, if purchased in Toronto, would be half a million dollars; our kids are growing up and staying out of trouble; and our marriage is stronger than ever- Thank God for all of this. So what’s the problem you ask? Read on!

Changing Dynamics

Looking back, my anxieties about relocating were in the moment. I was never one to get up and go with young children, and I knew it would be a challenge.  Because the baby was 7 months old, I didn’t feel any guilt in expecting the worse- after all, who moves across the country on the VIA train? Okay, that was my idea- I wanted to see Canada, lol. The funny thing is that, the physical aspect of moving was so very temporary that it’s like it never happened, and I just expected that everything else would run smoothly.

I never considered that once I settled in, there would be no friends, family, or career connections. Even worse, I never thought about how I would feel being financially dependent on my husband- even if I too had money in the bank.

The reality is that I love my family, and I don’t use words like “sacrificed” when hubby and I discuss how I feel about moving across the country for his work. I certainly don’t feel that I gave up anything to be here, because my life is his life is our life, if you catch my drift.  I try not to think about the “what-ifs”, because I know that this is my reality right now and a mature woman should be able to deal with whatever comes her way right?

Hubby knows I am not at my happiest in this new space and place. He always asks me if I want to return to Toronto. When I am really honest about my feelings, he knows that he cannot just walk away, we speak about it. In those moments, I am pleased. I am happy and almost grateful that he doesn’t just give in and try to prove that he will do what I want. I couldn’t swallow that; I could never look him in the eyes again if he returned to working long hours for practically nothing.

Honestly, I want to be here, I want to be present and happy. I want to be right behind or beside him supporting his decisions and being happy about it all. I search for answers to his questions, but they too stay hidden away, perhaps for the better. So I wake up every day knowing that it’s all up to me. I think about how I am going to make it MY day and start again and try again and again, until I feel at home.  It may be a while, but I am hopeful.

Would you (or) have you relocated for your spouse’s career/happiness? 

The image used in this post is credited to madpie. It holds a Flickr Creative Commons attribution license.

This is an original article written by Salma for World Moms Blog.

Salma (Canada)

An Imperfect Stepford Wife is what Salma describes herself as because she simply cannot get it right. She loves decorating, travelling, parenting,learning, writing, reading and cooking, She also delights in all things mischievous, simply because it drives her hubby crazy. Salma has 2 daughters and a baby boy. The death of her first son in 2009 was very difficult, however, after the birth of her Rainbow baby in 2010 (one day after her birthday) she has made a commitment to laugh more and channel the innocence of youth through her children. She has blogged about her loss, her pregnancy with Rainbow, and Islamic life. After relocating to Alberta with her husband in 2011 she has found new challenges and rewards- like buying their first house, and finding a rewarding career. Her roots are tied to Jamaica, while her hubby is from Yemen. Their routes, however, have led them to Egypt and Canada, which is most interesting because their lives are filled with cultural and language barriers. Even though she earned a degree in Criminology, Salma's true passion is Social Work. She truly appreciates the beauty of the human race. She writes critical essays on topics such as feminism and the law, cultural relativity and the role of women in Islam and "the veil". Salma works full-time, however, she believes that unless the imagination of a child is nourished, it will go to waste. She follows the philosophy of un-schooling and always finds time to teach and explore with her children. From this stance, she pushes her children to be passionate about every aspect of life, and to strive to be life-long learners and teachers. You can read about her at Chasing Rainbow.

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