I remember a long time ago, before my wee lad was born, I would notice mothers or pregnant women, and I seemed to notice that there were two types: the ones that were beautiful, elegant and always poised and the other type, who weren’t.
I would think “why don’t they look after themselves?” I mean, how difficult can it be to put on a pair of nice high heels and some mascara?! Why didn’t these women make a little bit of an effort?
There was never a question in my mind what type of mother I was going to be! ( And just in case you were wondering, I was going to be elegant, always wearing clean and freshly ironed clothes, my handbag matching my shoes and so on)
What did I know?
So what do you think happened when I got pregnant? I was not one of the women who had that certain glow. No, I was more like a grey duck; grey because I didn’t feel good (or was I green), and duck because I waddled like one. I opted against heels and for comfy clothes and didn’t have much energy to do my hair or put on make up!
[For the record, can I please point out that it was the middle of winter (in Norway!) when I gave birth, so I think that is at least some excuse for being comfy…]
I wish I could say that being pregnant or being a mum made those priorities change and that I found something more important in life to concentrate on so I no longer cared about how I looked. But, the honest truth is that I was just too tired to do much about it, although I thought about it every time I looked at myself in the mirror.
I mean, just getting time to go to the hairdresser takes so much planning with the husband and the grandmother (who are the designated babysitters) that I just don’t have the energy.
I am back at work now so can only go the hairdresser on a Saturday but there are always other things that get prioritised instead. (I actually am considering buying hair dye at the grocery store! I wouldn’t say that’s such a bad thing but I have always been so worried that my hair will end up going green or something that I have never dared to try it before, so for me to consider this option just highlights how desperate I have become.)
And what ever happened to my nails? I used to spend a lot of time filing them and choosing the right polish, but now I can’t even remember the last time I did them. I actually prefer them short now—less chance of scratching the baby of course—it is just so much more practical. (Can’t believe I just said that… “practical”… oh no, is there any hope left?)
Furthermore, I just did something I previously never would have admitted to, never actually would have done: I just bought my first pair of Ugg boots. And guess what? They are sooo comfortable!
Who cares about being elegant when you can be comfortable?
I do hope this is just a temporary situation and that, in the not too distant future, I will dust off my Jimmy Choos and again be an elegant version of myself. As I live in Norway though, and we are in the middle of winter—and winter here means a lot of snow–there is no way I can start being elegant right at this moment.
So I think I had better wait until spring, when the snow has melted. That gives me another month to just be comfortable. At least I have a proper excuse… don’t I?
What pieces of your “former self” have you left behind since becoming a mum? Do you miss it/them?
This is an original World Moms Blog post by Asta Burrows in Oslo, Norway. Asta can be found on her Facebook Page or on Twitter @AstaBurrows.
Photo credited to Asta Burrows
LOL
Just about all of me got lost in the last 10 years, but I’m rebuilding…slowly. It’s just taken much longer than I anticipated. Comfy is good, but I do aim to be a Yummy-Mummy one day…
I so am looking forward to being a yummy mummy as well, all though I think I will somehow have to combine it with being a “comfy mummy”! 🙂
LOL
Just about all of me got lost in the last 10 years, but I’m rebuilding…slowly. It’s just taken much longer than I anticipated. Comfy is good, but I do aim to be a Yummy-Mummy one day…
I so am looking forward to being a yummy mummy as well, all though I think I will somehow have to combine it with being a “comfy mummy”! 🙂
I couldn’t agree with you more…. to make things easier on me, I found that my hairdresser would come to my house to color my hair (so at least I can nurse comfortably on my couch while I am waiting for the color to set). Ok, so I have to wash it out myself and so I forgo the great scalp massage…but at least my hair is colored! I live in NY, and even though it has started to warm up, i still wear my boots, which are so much more comfortable (even to go to work). I have recently started to think about the same thing and I decided to forgo the “mom purse” and get a nice Fendi purse to make up for everything else that I left behind when I became a mother. At least I can pretend to feel closer to what I was 5 years ago. One of these days I’ll actually start to go back to the gym again too…once the baby is weaned, and the dinners are prepared ahead of time, and the house is cleaned….one day! 🙂
Hi Isabelle, sounds great having your hairdresser actually come to your house! And I think you have a great point – a nice new handbag might be exactly what I need to feel like me again 🙂
Asta
I couldn’t agree with you more…. to make things easier on me, I found that my hairdresser would come to my house to color my hair (so at least I can nurse comfortably on my couch while I am waiting for the color to set). Ok, so I have to wash it out myself and so I forgo the great scalp massage…but at least my hair is colored! I live in NY, and even though it has started to warm up, i still wear my boots, which are so much more comfortable (even to go to work). I have recently started to think about the same thing and I decided to forgo the “mom purse” and get a nice Fendi purse to make up for everything else that I left behind when I became a mother. At least I can pretend to feel closer to what I was 5 years ago. One of these days I’ll actually start to go back to the gym again too…once the baby is weaned, and the dinners are prepared ahead of time, and the house is cleaned….one day! 🙂
Hi Isabelle, sounds great having your hairdresser actually come to your house! And I think you have a great point – a nice new handbag might be exactly what I need to feel like me again 🙂
Asta
Alas, I purchased my first grocery store hair dye shortly after my firstborn arrived. I am now a master of dying my own hair and I haven’t seen the inside of a hairdresser in years!
Nail polish? Whazzat???
I lost a lot of myself during pregnancy and the early years, and I’m now starting to get it back together again. I don’t think I will ever be completely put together, as some of these Moms are, but at least I am running again, and I am once again buying clothes that do not rely on an elasticated waistband to stay up!
Great post!
And your hair did not come out green? I might just have to give it a try 🙂 I am very impressed with your running – I keep telling myself that I will start as well as soon as the ice and snow goes away, meanwhile I comfort myself with a cappucino and a croissant… hmmm… oh well… one of these days I’ll get myself sorted! 🙂
Alas, I purchased my first grocery store hair dye shortly after my firstborn arrived. I am now a master of dying my own hair and I haven’t seen the inside of a hairdresser in years!
Nail polish? Whazzat???
I lost a lot of myself during pregnancy and the early years, and I’m now starting to get it back together again. I don’t think I will ever be completely put together, as some of these Moms are, but at least I am running again, and I am once again buying clothes that do not rely on an elasticated waistband to stay up!
Great post!
And your hair did not come out green? I might just have to give it a try 🙂 I am very impressed with your running – I keep telling myself that I will start as well as soon as the ice and snow goes away, meanwhile I comfort myself with a cappucino and a croissant… hmmm… oh well… one of these days I’ll get myself sorted! 🙂
I believe that rebuilding your self is very important. A few months ago, I went to the make-up counter at Neiman Marcus and explained to a very, very helpful associate my lifestyle. He helped me put together a look that takes less than 5 minutes and turns me from (in my opinion!) tired to bright & cheery. I now rarely go a day without my make-up (and to note – it includes blush, mascara, and a light lipgloss). 🙂 I often drool over high heeled shoes but then I think could I run after my girls in those. Enjoy your uggs!
That is an excellent idea! I might just have to do that – we have a MAC here that gives advice like that, and I am sure a bit of lipgloss can only make things better 🙂 Thanks for your comment!
I believe that rebuilding your self is very important. A few months ago, I went to the make-up counter at Neiman Marcus and explained to a very, very helpful associate my lifestyle. He helped me put together a look that takes less than 5 minutes and turns me from (in my opinion!) tired to bright & cheery. I now rarely go a day without my make-up (and to note – it includes blush, mascara, and a light lipgloss). 🙂 I often drool over high heeled shoes but then I think could I run after my girls in those. Enjoy your uggs!
That is an excellent idea! I might just have to do that – we have a MAC here that gives advice like that, and I am sure a bit of lipgloss can only make things better 🙂 Thanks for your comment!
Great post! We just had my son’s 1st birthday party, a casual affair at home with friends and lots of kids. Yet I went overboard wearing full make up, a dress, jewelry and dressy boots b/c I just had to look like a put together grown up at least once this month! Who cares that the necklace didn’t last more than 5 minutes with my toddler yanking on it or that I was covered with cake and markers by the end….it felt goooood to be all shiny and pretty!
Hi Tara, I don’t think we need any excuse to be glamorous, even for 5 minutes! I am sure you looked great, even with a dress covered in cake 🙂
I was pretty casual before, an effortless beauty, I like to think! My clothing was just awful when I was a SAHM. Getting back to work really helped. I enjoy having a reason to put on make up. But the high heels are just awful on these post-preggers feet! Good luck with the Jimmy Choos! Ha!
I was pretty casual before as well, but I have always had this plan to become more, well, more me… the me I like to think I am deep down inside… Yes, going back to work definetly helps, with a bit of make up, and hopefully clean clothes! 🙂 Thanks for you comment!
Love this post – I can definitely relate to this and have just started colouring my own hair, although I’m probably more “so long ugg boots, hello Clarks shoes” (comfy but not well known for style!!)!
Clarks – great idea – it also means that I have to go shoe shopping again 🙂 Thanks Lizzie!
Asta, YES! This is so very true! I felt this more when I first “turned mom.” But every once in awhile I ache for the traveler, more spontaneous side of me. *Sigh* The ebb, the flow, the showers! 🙂 Great post!
Asta, YES! This is so very true! I felt this more when I first “turned mom.” But every once in awhile I ache for the traveler, more spontaneous side of me. *Sigh* The ebb, the flow, the showers! 🙂 Great post!
Hi Galit, glad I am not the only one who is or have gone through this. Hopefully I will find myself, or a new and improved me in the end 🙂
I left behind my ‘perfectionist-self’ and I do miss her (or the ability to BE her). Everything from the way I looked, to the tidiness of my home, to planning things in advance, to all those lists that I loved to tick off, all of it WAS me. That OCD girl rears her head every once in a while to see if she can resurface, but I try to keep her at bay. Instead, the NOW me revels in the imperfection of my environment bc the perfection of family along w/ all of its mess is more important.
I left behind my ‘perfectionist-self’ and I do miss her (or the ability to BE her). Everything from the way I looked, to the tidiness of my home, to planning things in advance, to all those lists that I loved to tick off, all of it WAS me. That OCD girl rears her head every once in a while to see if she can resurface, but I try to keep her at bay. Instead, the NOW me revels in the imperfection of my environment bc the perfection of family along w/ all of its mess is more important.
Thank your for the comment, Dee! I think you have a very important point – maybe I should just get on and enjoy the new me, instead of looking back all the time! I guess I need to try to think differently (allthough I still need that hair cut! 🙂 )
I don’t think there’s a woman on earth who has had at least 1 big change in expectations or perspective after having a baby. 🙂
Hi Liz, yes I am starting to realise that, but haven’t quite accepted it yet 🙂 I am getting there though!
I don’t think there’s a woman on earth who has had at least 1 big change in expectations or perspective after having a baby. 🙂
Hi Liz, yes I am starting to realise that, but haven’t quite accepted it yet 🙂 I am getting there though!
I’m actually dressing nicer these days – mostly because I watched a lot of What Not To Wear while on maternity leave. My pre-pregnancy clothes weren’t fitting so I had to go buy some new clothes! However, I haven’t been to the hairdresser since June (that’s 4 months before my baby was born) and could definitely use a pedicure with the arrival of spring. I like to wear heels to work when my hubby brings the baby to daycare. Otherwise, it’s flats.
I should add that my pre-pregnancy dressing was in no way beautiful, elegant or always poised… but much more comfort driven 🙂
I love What Not To Wear! I wish they would come and tell me what to wear! I was shocked to hear that you dress nicer now but very happy to hear that you haven’t been to the hairdresser in a while – makes me feel a lot better when I know I am not alone 🙂 Which reminds me – I need to go and book that haircut appointment now! And get some new clothes, and maybe a book or two about how to dress will help 🙂
I would have been a candidate for the show prior to pregnancy so I think I only had room to dress better 🙂 Hope you make it to that haircut appointment!
I should add that my pre-pregnancy dressing was in no way beautiful, elegant or always poised… but much more comfort driven 🙂
I completely relate!!! In fact, just today I was looking in my rear view mirror wondering what the hell happened to my eye brows? My hair is getting pulled back again because my schedule hasn’t matched with my hairdressers. I just splashed bleach on the bottom of one of my favorite pants. Ugh!! So, I feel ya! I want out of my fashion nightmare, too! I have opted for comfy the past few years and have always been more of a casual type of dresser, but I think I have hit a new point in all of this.
Thank you for sharing. Feels good to know I am not alone. I also think I am going to get my hair and brows done tomorrow!!! I may even splurge on new comfy pants!! 🙂
Hi Maggie, yes I think new haircut and new comfy pants sounds like a good idea! I always feel I stand a bit taller when I feel that I have nice hear, so then I should be able to balance that out with some comfy clothes 🙂
Hi Maggie, yes I think new haircut and new comfy pants sounds like a good idea! I always feel I stand a bit taller when I feel that I have nice hear, so then I should be able to balance that out with some comfy clothes 🙂
When I was dating (about a million years ago) I used to cancel dates to go babysitting because I felt the kids were more interesting than the ego-driven, immature boys my age. Then I met and married a man who joined me in my babysitting during our college years because he also loved kids. We were campus favorites among staff who knew about us, and we had tons of fun with everyone else’s kids. Same thing once we had our own. But ours had disabilities and things were very different. I went into teaching parents how to parent for these special needs and teaching teachers how to manage it in the classroom. For 23 years my husband supported us and told me do everything pro bono if I wished because we never wanted money to get between a child and what the child needed from parents or schools. I’m now a widow and I need a job to support my 2 kids and 82-year old mom and myself. My resume looks like….I never had a job or a volunteer effort that was not about kids, for kids, with kids, or about me being a kid for a while myself. For me becoming a mother was just being more of myself. Tiring, oh yes, but so delicious! Helping others understand how to organize themselves and their families around special needs was never easy because the issues can be so profound, but it was always rewarding. I could have lost myself in those years…but I never did because when I noticed my energy level going down, I searched for the thing that was dragging on me…and it was always something that was not at the center of who or what I was or wanted to be. That focus saved everything every time. I was lucky to be able to follow that for all my life–I know that in these economic times, that may not be possible, even for me. So, I will re-invent myself so I can be happy with what I do, no matter what it might be. Attitude is everything, Moms of the World. We are Moms–masters of re-invention, manipulation of all that is toward the vision of all that can be or might become. USE that for yourself…and that is the secret of the happy Mom.
Michele, thank you for a very inspiring comment! I just hope I will be able to be as focused and driven as you are! 🙂
Michele, thank you for a very inspiring comment! I just hope I will be able to be as focused and driven as you are! 🙂
My son is 10 months old, and I’ve only polished my nails once since he was born. My hair is always in a scrunchy. I don’t wear any jewelry anymore – it would only give him something to yank/break or scratch him with my rings. I used to wear earrings everyday, that’s definitely a no-no since he learned to grab things! My feet are fine, I could wear great shoes if I wanted to… but where am I going to wear them? play group? grocery store? And, I’m a little afraid of wearing heels while carrying him, if he threw his weight what if I lost balance and fell? Sigh… someday I will look good again. My hubby comforted me by telling me that my son thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world 🙂
Hi Crunchymunchymama! I know exactly how you feel, no point getting making the effort getting dressed up etc as there is no where to go! But it gets better slowly 🙂 Sounds like you have a great husband though!
Hi Crunchymunchymama! I know exactly how you feel, no point getting making the effort getting dressed up etc as there is no where to go! But it gets better slowly 🙂 Sounds like you have a great husband though!