For most of us, it is impossible to predict what it will be like to juggle the responsibilities of life, work and family until we’re actually in the trenches. Looking back, I really had no clue.
At around 26-weeks pregnant (with twins), I clearly remember my supervisor’s reaction when I explained my post-maternity leave plans. I would take the maximum allowance of 12 weeks unpaid-leave (yes, I know…don’t get me started), return to work part-time at three months, then full-time at six months.
My supervisor at the time – a supportive mom of three – proceeded to laugh at me. “What? You don’t think it’s realistic?” I responded. She smiled knowingly and gently suggested that I wait and see how things go.
But the truth is, I hadn’t really thought it through at all. With so many practical things to focus on, the theoretical aspects of impending parenthood had escaped me. I had no idea how life would change once the babies arrived, so it seemed safe to stick to what I knew and assume that I’d keep working.
Little did I know that those weeks would be the last time I would work full-time for a very long while…Ten days later I went for a routine doctor’s appointment on my lunch break and never came back to my desk. Considered to be at risk of pre-term labor, I spent the next eight weeks on bed rest. I was able to continue working from home – spending half the day on my “work couch” (complete with rolling hospital table for a desk) and the other on my “relaxing couch.”
When the twins were born, I checked out of work completely and felt reluctant to return when the three-month point hit. “Why hadn’t I given myself at least six months?” I wondered. “What was I thinking?” I ended up coming back to work part-time when the babies were four months old, but I wasn’t particularly happy. My job had changed and things were different. I was different.
Six months later, a former boss and I decided to apply for a United Nations consultancy as a two-person team. We figured it was a long shot but considered it good experience to go through the process and put ourselves out there. To our amazement, we landed the gig.
Now, two and half years later, we have just wrapped up our fifth consecutive consultancy project for the same agency. For us, the big leap paid off. The flexibility of part-time and primarily home-based work has been a blessing – allowing me to schedule projects around my life and not the other way around.
Working with another mama of young kids has been an added benefit of our collaboration and I have greatly valued her support and understanding as a colleague and friend. We often laughed about how our high-level work conversations frequently veer off course – covering potty training tips, birthday cake ideas and first day of school stories. All in a day’s work, really.
Now that I’m emerging from the other side of this intense personal and professional period, my world looks a bit different.
The babies that once required round-the-clock feedings and constant tag-team care are now confident preschoolers. While I now have more free time, I am also very aware of how fast the years are going and want to soak up as much as I can before the magical window of early childhood closes.
Moving to East Timor has also shifted my perspective. When I was living in the US, my consulting work was a way to bring me closer to the “field” perspective. Now I live in a developing country. Although I’m grateful to have been able to continue my previous projects from this remote outpost, my work often seems a million miles away and has left me feeling disconnected from the realities of where I live. Creating this sense of connection is important to me.
Though I’ve been working in the field of international development for over a decade now, I haven’t followed a particularly straightforward career path. Adding kids and faraway job postings to the mix has also shifted my focus – and in many ways, my priorities. While my professional journey might look more like a winding road than a ladder, I’m happy with the choices I’ve made – for myself and for my family. It’s just the way forward that is not so clear.
What I do know is that I’m not quite ready to jump back into full-time work (and feel fortunate to have this option). But what I don’t know is the answer to a much bigger question…what should I be when I grow up?
Should I continue on the same path? Keep up the remote consulting work or seek meaningful job opportunities here? Become more of a technical specialist or consolidate existing skills and experience? Travel occasionally or remain home-based? Explore something different altogether?
I don’t know.
Something tells me that career-wise, my calling is yet to be determined. But I’ll get there eventually. For now, I’m going to enjoy the view from here.
How do you balance life, work and family? Has parenthood influenced your professional priorities? Would you change anything?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Shaula Bellour in East Timor. Shaula can also be found on her blog, Notes From a Small World.
Photo credit attributed to laras2005.
Shaula, what a great idea for a post – the work/family balance is huge in most mothers lives these days.
As a teacher I was doing 70+ hours a week – what I thought was needed to do a good job. With three boys between nine and 18 months, there is no way I could even contemplate doing that again. Definitely having the children has changed my professional priorities, it’s changed me – period.
At the moment my plan is to win the lottery, and get some sleep. Then I might be in a better place to decide what I want to do when I grow-up!
I only have one, but I still find it difficult! I went back to work when he was nine months and then the dad stayed at home until he was one year. I work from 7am to 3pm so the dad does the morning shift; giving the lad his breakfast and handing over to childminder, and I do the afternoon shift, sending childminder home, starting dinner etc. I am not sure yet when we will have time to have a life! I am lucky that my parents live nearby so they help with babysitting every now and then so that we get to go out of the house together. I think everything changes when you have kids, sometimes I sit in very important meetings discussing things that all of the sudden do not seem that important, e.g. the colour of a user interface isn’t that important when I have a wee lad at home with a nappy rash! 🙂 Haven’t had to make any changes in my work so far luckily, as they are very flexible and understanding here 🙂
The whole work, life balance is a tough one. I really struggled to enjoy my job when I returned to work after my first child. I did a job share with someone working full time and felt I always got the less enjoyable bits of my old job to mop up. Then I found out I was pregnant with number two so I just got on with it. When I return to work in a few months time, I hope to have a more structured part time job with each of us covering set bits. Fingers crossed this time it will be more enjoyable but ultimately the most important thing for me is time to enjoy the little ones growing up, haapy kids and a is a job that pays the bills!
It’s great that you have had flexibility and options. That’s all moms can hope for in the U.S. I happened to get pregnant with my son during a self-imposed sabbatical. I was able to stay home with him until he was two. My husband and I have opposing work schedules so that helps alot. We are thinking about #2 but the idea of me not working for 2 years really worries us. It would be expensive but personally, I know I would not want to work. We need more job flexibility options. I like my current job but I have to be here 8AM – 5PM. Even though my work is done by 9:30AM!!!
I can barely balance anything these days. I work full time and have 2 kiddos, 2.5 year old and 9 months. My boss didn’t think I would return to work but my husband is trying to own his own business and I had no choice but to return. The one thing that gets little attention these days is ME. There is no time for me. I am just doing the best I can and trying to enjoy the brief moments I have with my children and husband.
I am a stay at home mom, yet your post still resonates with me, especially since I still always ask myself what I should be when I grow up. Thanks for sharing your story!
Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. I find it so interesting to hear about how different families manage the juggling act, often in creative (and inspiring) ways. It’s never easy, though. But I’m glad I’m not the only one wondering what to be when I grow up! I definitely agree that we need more job flexibility options (and paid maternity leave in the US). It may seem odd to some, but moving overseas was a way for our family to find more balance — my husband travels far less now (compared with 4 months away last year), childcare and house help are affordable, and life feels less stressful (could be the island effect). But we’re also very far from family and friends, which is a tough trade-off. We all have to find our own way…and I applaud you awesome mamas from here!
I’m taking the winding road too! I find that my career choices are not driven by what I want to do with my life, but instead by what would be best for my children. One day, when they’re grown and no longer need me all the time, then I’ll be a little more selfish when it comes to my career.
This is a good question.
I had to change jobs to accommodate my children especially as they are now in school. I needed a job with more flexibility, and settled for something that I am overqualified for. Everyday, I wish that I could go back to what I was doing (with a sigh, not with a grrr).
It’s all a compromise, a lot of compromise. Balance? Getting there by reducing the amount of unpaid hours I work.