Shortly before I met my husband, I spent three years living abroad. Two of them in one place and the final in transit back from Kumamoto, Japan to the east coast of the United States, the slowest way possible.
Three months after I met my husband, he invited me to join him for a destination wedding in Brazil. Four months later, he lost his job and decided he wanted to see more of the world too. He spent the next six months traveling around China and SE Asia and for five, blissful weeks during the holidays I joined him in Thailand and Laos.
In our four years together pre-kids, we traveled to nine different countries. Our attraction to one-another had a lot to do with our mutual desire to live abroad someday and raise our future kids that way too .
So it comes as somewhat of a surprise to me that here I sit, ten years later, just 11 miles from where we first met.
But, as I accidentally lamented out-loud about this—over the recent, February school-vacation week (while on a family trip to Arizona, mind you)—my husband was quick to defend that our kids were hardly provincial.
You see, I think moms (OK, perhaps all people) fall into two main camps (many tents, but just two camps): those who are happy staying put and those who constantly have to be on the go, go, go.
My tent is firmly staked in the latter camp.
For me, entertaining my kids means we are doing something outside of the house. It’s entirely possible that the real reason for this is that I am not a crafty mom, not that resourceful and lack sufficient space to let them blow off steam but I prefer to think it’s because I am just wired that way…I’m less for human being, more for human doing.
I’m a stay-at-home-mom who has trouble staying at home.
I think it only fair to acknowledge that there are underlying issues too: I went away to boarding school at a young age, my parents’ multiple divorces meant shuffling between multiple homes and I spent my summers in one place and the school year in another. For me, the concept of home holds little, deep, sentimental value or nostalgia.
I have a lot of friends who spend copious amounts of quality time at home with their kids. They get lots of projects done, plan meals and do cute crafts together. On occasion, I do some of this too and when my kids are out of the house, there’s no place I’d rather be but when we’re all together, I start getting itchy.
There’s a big-wide world out there and I want them to see it. Even if it’s just the part that’s a few blocks away, the next town over or in the city, I want to show them. I want to take trains or trolleys or buses or planes to get them there. I want to share the thrill and adventure of the journey as well as the destination and I want to expose them to so much of what this amazing planet has in store.
I also worry that the older my kids get, the more entrenched in school , social lives and sports they become, the harder it will be to pick up and go. What if we never get there? Where, exactly is “there” anyway?
In the meantime—in the five years we’ve had so far trying to raise our mini-global-citizens—though we haven’t moved abroad, my husband points out that at least we’re sharing a great deal of our own vast and diverse country with them. I guess I overlooked domestic travel as quantifiable travel experience and my husband had to bring me around, to list out the road trips, plane rides and ferry crossings we’ve taken together to open my eyes.
What I’m trying to realize, to convince myself of, is that, for kids, sometimes even a trip down to the corner store can be a thrilling adventure. That there don’t need to be bells and whistles, bullet trains and tuk tuks to share the world with them, it’s all a matter of perspective.
It’s about enjoying the journey, not just the destination.
I hope, despite my love of being on the go, that my children will be able to develop a deep love and appreciation for being home. That they will think of home as a solid, immobile foundation from whence they came and to which they can always return…no matter where in the world it may be.
How has your travel life changed since having kids? Are you more deliberate in your destinations? Frequency? Durations? World Moms want to know
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Kyla P’an of Massachusetts, USA. Kyla’s previous posts are: Traveling with Kids: Destination China and Finding Balance. She can also be found on her personal blog, Growing Muses.
The photograph used in this post is attributed to the author.
Kyla P'an (Portugal)
Kyla was born in suburban Philadelphia but spent most of her time growing up in New England. She took her first big, solo-trip at age 14, when she traveled to visit a friend on a small Greek island. Since then, travels have included: three months on the European rails, three years studying and working in Japan, and nine months taking the slow route back from Japan to the US when she was done. In addition to her work as Managing Editor of World Moms Network, Kyla is a freelance writer, copy editor, recovering triathlete and occasional blogger. Until recently, she and her husband resided outside of Boston, Massachusetts, where they were raising two spunky kids, two frisky cats, a snail, a fish and a snake. They now live outside of Lisbon, Portugal with two spunky teens and three frisky cats. You can read more about Kyla’s outlook on the world and parenting on her personal blogs, Growing Muses And Muses Where We Go
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Everything has changed since having kids (just the one though) – before he came along my husband and I had been backpacking around the world twice (two six months trips), and had Christmas in Australia, windsurfing in Hawaii, winetasting in SouthAfrica and so on, and several small trips around Europe but I will not bore you with the details!
Now we have to be a be a bit more practical though. I find that travelling is more difficult now, as things take a bit more planning – but that is getting easier and easier as he gets a bit older . Since he was born he has been to Lanzarote and Tenerife, and Scotland and England – The last two because my husband is english so the travel there is mandatory 🙂 I would like for him to see more of the world than just where we are living so we need to get better at making the effort to keep travelling!
I do like your point about how just small journeys can still be an adventure. I while ago I was on the tram (a very boring trip), but there was a little boy, probably 4 or 5 who was with what I assume was his grandfather, and listening to them talking it became clear that they were in town for the day, and they were spending all of it on the tram – and the kid was so excited!
Great post – I feel all inspired now 🙂
Europeans just live life more fully. Everything is closer and you ll take full advantage of it, you know multiple languages, have friends in multiple countries and just get around. I envy that. It just goes to show, though, even Europeans have to slow down a little when kids come into the picture. Mine are 5 and 2. They just getting to an age where longer trips are coming back into our realm of tolerance. It’ll be so much fun to share the world with them but yes, for the time being, we try to make the most out of just our small trips too. Thanks!
Hi Kyla,
Craig and I both travelled for four years each before we met. It’s always in the back of our minds to travel now, but New Zealand is a decent amount of time away from everywhere including Australia and the Pacific Islands.
I think you’re right about children having a different perspective about what’s exciting – our older boys love walks around the block when it’s winter and pitch-black outside. And while I hope all three of our kids travel, I too hope they know and retain a sense of home. Now to find some old photo albums…
Boy is that ever true! When you Kiwis get off the island, you do it for big chunks of time. When I traveled in Asia I met loads of Aussies and Kiwis and none of them were traveling for less than 12 mos. That is really uncommon in the US…much to our detriment no doubt. Where do you think you’d like to take them next?
With autumn gearing-up: more grey days and deep black nights – I’d love to head into the sun!
We travelled a LOT when we just had one kid. It helped that we lived in the US at the time – you’re so close to Europe 🙂 I suppose everything’s relative!
Now we have three and we’re back in NZ we travel a lot less. It’s very expensive for a start. There’s school to think of, and everything is harder when you’re outnumbered, especially on a plane. We have been to Australia a couple of times, and travelled around NZ a bit too – but it’s hard work! I hope it will get a bit easier again as they get older…
How old are they? A few of my friends are starting on the three-kid journey and it made us think about it for a very brief amount of time. I think you hit our chord when you mention being outnumbered. With two, it’s line defense. Hang in there, maybe someday they’ll be taking you guys on trips!
They’re 2, 4, and 8. I am taking the 8-yr-old on a big trip this year – she is coming to the US & Europe for me, a 3-week “big girls'” trip. I wouldn’t really want to do those long flights with a 2 and a 4 yr old. Plus very young children with jetlag are *horrible*! 🙂
to Europe *with* me, not *for* me! Oops!
Such a great post! You’ve seen so much of the world, and are so aware of all that is out there to see. It’s wonderful that you want to share your excitement of travel and adventure with the kids. At the same time, you are also providing a safe and stable home…so their desire to see the world will be not about escaping, but about expanding. Think of your desire to explore as “joie de vivre”! It’s inspiring!
you always put a nice spin on it for me. I barely drag myself through February here in New England, slinking into March with a desperate pitch for spring to arrive. If I make it through the darkest months, I can usually find my joie de vivre but boy, it’s sure buried for a while during winter (hence the necessity to travel o places like Arizona).
How do you actually experience anyplace in a meaningful way when you can’t even take two contiguous weeks of vacation in this country. Put the kids in school and you’re managing around school vacation schedules. Finally, add the requirements to see family distributed across the country (and world) and this becomes nearly impossible. You do what you can. The wife and kids stay in Europe for 5-6 weeks over summer, during which they get to hop around a bit.
But, I do add that their level of expectations is completely different than mine. Our local community musical was possibly their favorite performance they’ve seen yet – low brow, low key, low production value – but they loved it. And to them, home is wherever we are, so I think at least we’ve broken them of an unhealthy level of attachment to place. I think instilling curiosity in all situations is what we strive to achieve.
Pete, thanks for your insightful comments. You know, we have friends who somehow manage to make the most of every possible situation, really turning lemons in to lemonades. So Americans only have two weeks of vacation? No problem, they just buy a party-house in VT and get the most mileage out of their weekends too. Wife wants to spend a big portion of the summer in Europe with the kids? No problem, just work as a consultant or self proprietor and call your own shots. Keep your chin up…someday maybe we’ll all live abroad and get 5-6 weeks paid holiday.
We took some fun international trips before the baby came and not so much afterwards. Of course she’s only 5 1/2 months old! But we figure we’ll take some domestic trips the next few years. I am torn about one trip though. We have the opportunity to go sailing in Tahiti this year but it will require us to be gone for two weeks! It’s definitely not a trip to take a baby on – a 50 foot catamaran is just not safe for a non-swimming tot. I just don’t think we could leave her for two weeks… but on the other hand Tahiti looks SO nice. Right now we are hoping something easier will appeal to us. I’m hoping soon… I need a vacation!
wow, Tahiti?! That would be hard to pass up but it would probably be even harder on your wee one. I remember when I was three my parents took a “couldn’t-pass-up” vacation to Japan and Hong Kong for 5 weeks and hired a house sitter/nanny to stay with us. Even though my very attentive grandparents lived one town over, my parents absence affected me so much that I stopped eating and ended up hospitalized for dehydration. Young kids are really sensitive to stuff like that so if you decide to go, perhaps convince parents or in-laws to stay with your baby, I think it would make it easier all around. Regardless, every mother needs a vacation and is totally entitled to it. It’s really difficult in those early years and I think the first time my husband and I got away for more than an overnight was four years in…but look at it this way, kids are ALSO a part of the great journey of life; enjoy the journey!
That’s awful you had such a bad reaction to your parents going! Definitely makes me think. If we go, we will have the in-laws watch her. Hopefully they would come up here so she could go to daycare and have some normalcy. However, I don’t think we’ll end up going. It’s extremely tempting as the opportunity might not come again. We are friends with a sailing captain, so any sailing trips we go on depends on him asking! But, 2 weeks is a long time and we’d pretty much unreachable if something were to happen… and it’s a two day flight away. Just makes me uneasy.
I love your perspective on this and fully believe in the value of exploring the world – wherever you are. I also fall into the go-go-go category and get itchy if I’m in one place for too long. Our kids’ first years were pretty settled, but over the last year our pint-size travelers have visited five different countries. Sometimes they get confused trying to keep it all straight – understanding where they live, where they are from, where the rest of their family lives. For them, the concept of “home” is somewhat abstract at the moment and I do wonder how our nomadic life will affect them later. It’s funny though, when we were getting ready to move here I was feeling sad about leaving behind the kid-friendly offerings of our city: the zoo, science center, libraries, children’s museum, abundant parks and trails – yet soon realized that a trip to the local vegetable market or a neighborhood walk here is just as fun and educational. When we visited Australia, taking the bus was far more exciting for the kids than seeing the sights. As you said, it’s all a matter of perspective. Great post!
Thanks Shaula, I always love your posts because you are living a life I once dreamed of living (and I know there’s still time) but sometimes it feels so far away (goodness knows YOU are sure far away!).
Traveling is a window on the world and on life. For me, America can be so bland sometimes that I worry my kids will slip into a coma. I remember so clearly the thrill of stepping off the plane in Calcutta India, the day after Mother Teresa’s funeral, and marveling at a country that can operate successfully with so many variables: multiple caste system, dialects, religions, minorities and regions. You can witness birth, death, disease, abject poverty and extreme wealth just from a walk down the street. What a wonderment and education that would be for young kids.
I look forward to hearing more about life in East Timor (and beyond).
Kyla,
I struggle with this often, too! It would be great to pick up and go live somewhere different on the planet. Both, my husband and I, would love the adventure and it would be an interesting childhood for our girls. What keeps us here, in New Jersey, USA, is our family.
Our kids have a set of grandparents nearby and a bunch of aunts, uncles, great aunts and great uncles nearby. If we could take everyone with us, (completely impossible!) then it would be a no-brainer. So, right now, we’re going to make the most of the summers and days off to travel and show our kids the world. Maybe that will change when they’re older, but right now for the time being, here we stay, until we get the bug again and revisit the situation…
It sounds like you and your husband got some great traveling in before having kids!
Great post!
Veronica 🙂