“Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels, looking back at the years gone by like so many summer fields.” I hear Jackson Browne on the radio, and I realize that he just described the way I have been feeling over the past two months.
The last year has FLOWN by so fast! As I look back, I feel like I haven’t had control over how fast the days unraveled.
The juggling between working professional, wife and mother, have made me feel like I’ve been “running on”, but add in Kindergarten research and house-hunting to the mix and I’m just tired and feel like I’m “running on empty” .
It didn’t feel like this exhausting when there was just one child to care for. (I know, that’s a no brainer.)
I honestly don’t know how women do it with more than two kids…my hat goes off to you ladies! The second child has brought me so much closer to the tipping point. When I ask my mom how she handled three kids (two who are a year apart), her response is that she wasn’t working. Hmmm….don’t know if that is really all the difference. I do know that I’m sleep deprived and desperately in need of some “me” time, so that I can start exercising and doing things that I want to do for myself (I have been eyeing a tap dancing class at my daughter’s dance school).
You can call me crazy…on the one hand, I crave a little bit of freedom for myself, and on the other hand I get so nostalgic and sentimental about my baby.
It started to hit me when the pile of the baby’s outgrown clothes had gotten so tall, it no longer stood on its own and toppled over and scattered on the floor of her closet. I started to organize and pack the clothes.
This time I wasn’t packing clothes to save them “for the next one”, I was packing clothes to give them away.
I had saved all of my oldest daughter’s clothes and my baby girl wore them, too. I’ve even taken pictures of them in the same outfit at the same age. How bittersweet…the baby is growing…and we’re done having babies. (I did end up saving a couple of favorite outfits before passing on the clothes to a friend who just had a baby girl.)
My baby just turned one. That was when things started to get easier with my first, so this milestone has been the light at the end my tunnel. What is the first big step towards a little freedom for myself? We just finished weaning two days ago. Again, bittersweet.
Part of me is screaming “Woo hoo, soon you can stop wearing nursing pads and worrying about leaky boobs!”, and the other part of me is so sad to not share that special bonding time with my little one anymore.
Well, I could go on, but actually writing this out has been therapeutic for me. Thank you for listening/reading. And yes, I know I should stop complaining about being tired and sleep deprived (and maybe a little hormonal). You’re right, it was in the job description. I’m just going through a rough patch. I will keep reminding myself that I have so much to be grateful for – a wonderful husband, two happy, healthy and beautiful daughters, the best title in the world (MOM), and a day job that I enjoy and helps pay the bills. 🙂
What about you – have you felt any nostalgia as your baby grows up? And how do you juggle all the roles you play in your life?
This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Eva Fannon. Eva can be found on Twitter @evafannon.
Photo is of Eva’s daughters – both at 20 weeks of age. The two pictures on the left are her oldest daughter and the two pictures on the right are her youngest daugther. Photo credit to Eva Fannon.