“Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels, looking back at the years gone by like so many summer fields.” I hear Jackson Browne on the radio, and I realize that he just described the way I have been feeling over the past two months.
The last year has FLOWN by so fast! As I look back, I feel like I haven’t had control over how fast the days unraveled.
The juggling between working professional, wife and mother, have made me feel like I’ve been “running on”, but add in Kindergarten research and house-hunting to the mix and I’m just tired and feel like I’m “running on empty” .
It didn’t feel like this exhausting when there was just one child to care for. (I know, that’s a no brainer.)
I honestly don’t know how women do it with more than two kids…my hat goes off to you ladies! The second child has brought me so much closer to the tipping point. When I ask my mom how she handled three kids (two who are a year apart), her response is that she wasn’t working. Hmmm….don’t know if that is really all the difference. I do know that I’m sleep deprived and desperately in need of some “me” time, so that I can start exercising and doing things that I want to do for myself (I have been eyeing a tap dancing class at my daughter’s dance school).
You can call me crazy…on the one hand, I crave a little bit of freedom for myself, and on the other hand I get so nostalgic and sentimental about my baby.
It started to hit me when the pile of the baby’s outgrown clothes had gotten so tall, it no longer stood on its own and toppled over and scattered on the floor of her closet. I started to organize and pack the clothes.
This time I wasn’t packing clothes to save them “for the next one”, I was packing clothes to give them away.
I had saved all of my oldest daughter’s clothes and my baby girl wore them, too. I’ve even taken pictures of them in the same outfit at the same age. How bittersweet…the baby is growing…and we’re done having babies. (I did end up saving a couple of favorite outfits before passing on the clothes to a friend who just had a baby girl.)
My baby just turned one. That was when things started to get easier with my first, so this milestone has been the light at the end my tunnel. What is the first big step towards a little freedom for myself? We just finished weaning two days ago. Again, bittersweet.
Part of me is screaming “Woo hoo, soon you can stop wearing nursing pads and worrying about leaky boobs!”, and the other part of me is so sad to not share that special bonding time with my little one anymore.
Well, I could go on, but actually writing this out has been therapeutic for me. Thank you for listening/reading. And yes, I know I should stop complaining about being tired and sleep deprived (and maybe a little hormonal). You’re right, it was in the job description. I’m just going through a rough patch. I will keep reminding myself that I have so much to be grateful for – a wonderful husband, two happy, healthy and beautiful daughters, the best title in the world (MOM), and a day job that I enjoy and helps pay the bills. 🙂
What about you – have you felt any nostalgia as your baby grows up? And how do you juggle all the roles you play in your life?
This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Eva Fannon. Eva can be found on Twitter @evafannon.
Photo is of Eva’s daughters – both at 20 weeks of age. The two pictures on the left are her oldest daughter and the two pictures on the right are her youngest daugther. Photo credit to Eva Fannon.
Eva Fannon (USA)
Eva Fannon is a working mom who lives in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her hubby and two girls. She was born and raised on the east coast and followed her husband out west when he got a job offer that he couldn't refuse. Eva has always been a planner, so it took her a while to accept that no matter how much you plan and prepare, being a mom means a new and different state of "normal". Despite the craziness on most weekday mornings (getting a family of four out the door in time for work and school is no easy task!), she wouldn't trade being a mother for anything in the world. She and her husband are working on introducing the girls to the things they love - travel, the great outdoors, and enjoying time with family and friends. Eva can be found on Twitter @evafannon.
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It feels strange reading about all of you dealing with young babies, mine are just memories now although you never quite forget those feelings of ‘running on empty’. I had three young boys and was studying full time and some days I thought I’d never make it through.
I can identify with the feelings of nostalgia and they’re especially strong at the moment – my baby is about to become a dad and I think of all that he has ahead of him.
Right now you’ll never believe that in years to come you’ll miss those ‘running on empty days’ – but you do.
Keep smiling Eva, it does get better
Wow — three young ones while going to school full-time?! You rock!! I will trust that you are right about the “running on empty” days…a friend I was talking to about this today said the same thing. Thanks Fiona!
We’re just through the small baby stage too, and it is a bitter-sweet time for us as well. I try really hard to truly be present with the kids…knowing these days are passing so very quickly. I have to say, I am enjoying having more sleep though!
More sleep…I’m jealous!! I am working harder on being truly present – especially for my oldest, who I feel gets the short end of the stick in the attention department these days. Thanks Karyn!
Yes! Seeing them grow right before our eyes so heart-breakingly fast is just that…heart breaking! Good for you for capturing that right here! Happy birthday to your little one!
Thanks Galit 🙂
I think my post on Monday speaks volumes on how I feel about being nostalgic for the baby times! But I do enjoy all his new milestones and can’t wait for the ones to come. I do know what you mean about running on empty – granted I only have one child and I don’t work, so hats off to you!
Loved your post on Monday. Time just seems to go by faster each year after you have kids. It’s funny, now I find myself comparing the baby’s milestones to my oldest – I need to slow down and just enjoy the moments! Thanks Alison.
Wow – you just wrote my life and thoughts for me (except my first is a boy and my second is a girl)! My daughter is just about to turn one and I will start weaning her soon enough. I keep thinking how I can’t wait to be able to go back to the gym and get some me time back, but I also am dreading the day that she doesn’t crawl over to me saying mama and doing the sign for milk (I taught both of my kids a few words in sign language before they could fully talk, so that they can communicate their needs). I love the snuggle time that the nursing provides, esp at the end of a long day at the office. The time just flies in the blink of an eye, so I try to take it all in, and enjoy every moment with my babies because it won’t be long before they are asking to borrow the keys of the car.
Hi Isabelle. This may sound selfish, but I committed to nursing for a year, and now that I hit that milestone I decided to wean. The baby would still be nursing if it were up to her. The transition to bottle feeding at night has gone quite smoothly (phew!), and I still snuggle and hold her while she drinks her bottle which is nice 🙂
You’re right, it all goes by in the blink of an eye, so I’m working on enjoying the time. I still can’t believe my baby just turned 1 and my big girl will be 5 this summer and going to Kindergarten!!
Thanks for reading!
Eva,
Your girls are a year ahead of mine. This post is so timely for me because my 8 week old baby girl has grown out of the newborn and even some of her 3 month clothes. I’ve soooo enjoyed putting her in the little things that he sister wore. It is so weird to think that I won’t be doing that again.
This article made me just sit back and think and appreciate their smallness. They are both not going to be so small forever, and I want to enjoy every moment! It is nice to hear that someone else is going through the same thing!
Veronica 🙂
Thanks Veronica!
I very much relate to your post. My baby boy just turned 1, and I am amazed at how the time is flying. And then I look at my 5 year old who will start Kindergarten this fall and I am even more amazed. They were both my babies, and now neither of them seem to be. And I understand your feelings of welcoming new milestones to allow for the easing of some early childhood challenges, yet you want to hang on to you littles one forever. Recently my big boy has started wanting me to pick him up and dance him around again, something harder to do at his size. But I dig deep and do whatever back breaking moves I gotta do, anytime he asks, because he will only get bigger, and soon I won’t be able to lift him (or he won’t want me to).
My oldest sometimes will get a tinge jealous when my husband tosses the baby up in the air for some giggles and smiles. She then wants to get tossed up too (and weighs twice as much). But we too, lift her while we can 🙂
So let’s make a date to meet up soon – and maybe look into some weight lifting classes too 😉
My daughter will turn 2 in 6 weeks and I still get teary-eyed when I look at the pictures from the day she was born. She’s gone from this fragile little being who I would tote into daycare still strapped in her carseat to a little girl now almost sprinting to her classroom where she plays peak-a-boo with her teachers before making her entrance. Nostalgic a little? Oh yes!
I hear you! Every new stage of their development is fun, but the nostalgia does always hit. This morning my 4 yo was looking at a picture of herself when she was about 6 months old and said, “Look at how little I was!”. I had to stop and reflect on that and got a little teary-eyed.
I bet it is exhausting. I’m a full time working mom to a 6 month old and I feel like I’m running on fumes right now. I could really use a vacation. That’s great you breastfed for an entire year! I’m exclusively breastfeeding now and attempting to introduce solids and some formula. I am dreaming of the day where my husband can wake up at 6:00 am instead of me to feed her.
Dear momintraining, I’m a full time working mom too and I promise it does get easier. A vacation does sound great though!
I breastfed my first for a year, so to be fair I felt I also had to do it for my second. I’ll admit that I’m glad to not be lugging my breast pump around work anymore 🙂 I’ve just finished weaning over the last week, but my DH has been away on business travel, so I can’t wait for him to get home so he can get up to give the middle-of-the-night bottle she wakes up for (insert devilish smile).
Hang in there! And thanks for reading.
Middle of the night feeding? Yikes 🙂 Well, at least I don’t have that. Mine has been going to sleep around 9:00 and waking up around 6:00am since she was about 2 1/2 months.
I am SO jealous that yours sleeps through the night!! Neither one of mine was ever good at that. I think the lack of deep sleep is what makes me feel like the pregnancy brain never went away!