When you are the granddaughter of an Anglican minister and you marry an ardent atheist, religion is one of those things you discuss carefully before you have kids.
The brand of Christianity that I was raised on was very… metaphorical. I wasn’t asked to believe that God was actually a bearded man in a nightgown, or that Adam and Eve were real. My mother taught me that hymns and prayers were simply a way to reach God (whatever God may be) in a way which was familiar and comfortable. It was a matter of tradition and culture as much as belief.
My husband, on the other hand, comes from American parents who rebelled against their own parents’ Bible Belt values. His grandparents believed in the Bible in an extremely literal way which violates his scientific and logical mind. He associates religion with closed-mindedness, homophobia, creationism, racism, and sexism, all of which he detests.
To him, religion and fallacy will always go hand in hand, forever and ever, amen. No matter how many arguments we had (and I gave up on them years ago), I could never help him see that people can be religious without being… well, WRONG.
At my mother’s church, they don’t urge us to convert the unwashed pagans of the world. They don’t threaten us with hell if we use God’s name in vain. They don’t care if homosexuals want to marry, and they don’t actually believe that they are really eating the body of Christ when they put those little wafers in their mouths.
But in my husband’s mind, Christianity and Fundamentalism are inseparable. If you are Christian, you must believe in a literal, anthropomorphic God, and therefore, no logical, intelligent mind could ever really be religious.
So, I laid down the law before we even got married: when we have children, they were going to be baptized.
Not because I believe that babies need to be saved from purgatory (I’m more of an agnostic than a practising Christian), but because it is a tradition. Every culture, it seems, has a ceremony to formally name the baby and welcome it to the community. In Canada, there is no really secular way to do this yet, though. It’s the church, or not at all.
Besides, I knew it would be important to my mother.
Since my husband doesn’t actually believe in any of this, and because he knew that it mattered to me and to his mother-in-law, he didn’t object. He just sighed and prepared for a boring morning in church.
So, when we were home in Nova Scotia this summer, we christened our son.
"Demons of illogic, I cast thee out!"
After the ceremony, the church had a regular service. Our Babby was quite well-behaved, mostly, and he chewed on his chews and babbled quietly to himself.
Mostly.
About half-way through the minister’s sermon, however, Babby’s voice echoed through the crowded room.
“Blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH!” he shouted. Then, after a meaningful pause, he blew an extremely loud and wet raspberry.
…My husband was delighted, and he looked at me with a jubilant expression.
“THAT’S my boy!”
Like father, like son, I guess.
Did you have a religious celebration for your child as a baby? Do you have any religious rituals that you debated with your spouse or partner?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Carol from If By Yes of Vancouver, Canada. She can be found writing at her blog, If By Yes.
Photo credits: The photo of the actual baptism with priest was used by the author with permission by Randi Yeats Photography. The second photo of the baby is credited to the author.
Carol (Canada)
Carol from If By Yes has lived in four different Canadian provinces as well as the Caribbean. Now she lives in Vancouver, working a full time job at a vet clinic, training dogs on the side, and raising her son and daughter to be good citizens of the world. Carol is known for wearing inside-out underwear, microwaving yoghurt, killing house plants, over-thinking the mundane, and pointing out grammatical errors in "Twilight". When not trying to wrestle her son down for a nap, Carol loves to read and write. Carol can also be found on her blog, If By Yes, and on Twitter @IfByYesTweets
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Congratulations on your baby’s baptism. The picture is adorable!
In Islam, when babies are born the call to prayer is whispered in their right ear. It is the first thing that is said to them and it marks the beginning of their life. There is no prayer performed at the birth but this call for prayer is for the one performed at theIr death symbolising the soul coming full circle from birth to death.
What a wonderful tradition!
Hi Mama B! Thanks for telling us about your religious customs, too. How interesting!
I love learning and the community we’ve got going here!
Jen 🙂
I grew up in VERY religious family. My parents made me go to the church every Sunday, every religious holiday and they made me pray every single day. “No” it wasn’t an option. Everything was sinful, and in their opinion I was going to hell. It’s not like they were violent towards me and forced me to do all of it, but they were Very pushy… Anyway I consider myself more as an Agnostic than Atheist. My husband is Atheist. He used to be very religious. VERY. He used to go for missions to Mexico, and he wanted to become a pastor. At some point in his life he changed. Now he is a huge advocate for all non-believers. As you Carol, I tried to show him, and explain him that people can be religious without being wrong or “stupid”. There is an amazing set of aricles on John Templeton Foundation website where Univerity Professors, Nobel Prize Laureates, Bishops, Philosophers talking about “Does science make belief in God obsolete?” You should let your husband read that, as well as you. I think you might like it. My husband read it just a bit and then he stopped.
This is the link to those essays:
http://www.templeton.org/belief/
They will send you a printed copy (as a small book) if you request it. I have it at home and some day I’m going to go through it with my kids.
So, mine and my husband’s way of thinking about god and religion is differnet, but it’s not that far apart. We are open about it, and we know we are going to disscuss it with our kids in an open way. If there is something I do not agree in my husband’s philosphy I will say it out loud. I just hope for our kids to be a good people and for that you don’t need religion!
Thanks for that great post
Yes, we’re quite open about our differences. We’ll each explain our way of thinking, and Babby can decide for himself.
Really, we believe the same things, but we use different words.
Carol, That was a wonderful post there.
Polish Mom, I so much agree to your words – “… to be good people and for that you don’t need religion”.
Great story. I’m glad the two of you found a peaceable agreement!
We will have the baby christened, but at our new, enlightened church. One that is very ecumenical, but primarily Methodist and, coincidentally, Anglican.
Our conflict will come with the in-laws, who will undoubtedly be upset that she won’t be christened in the “family’s” church, which we attended for as long as we could in order to make them happy. But since it is basically an outpost of the Christian Taliban, there is not a chance in hell (ha ha ha) that will happen.
Your family’s church sounds more like my husband’s family’s background.
Hi Carol!
Thanks for sharing your religious story with us. Also, it is interesting to hear about the types of decisions you and your husband are making when you both have different religious backgrounds.
I baptized my first daughter in line with my family traditions. But, I don’t currently practice now, and I haven’t made any plans to baptize my second. There is one thing I am VERY sure of. My parents, if they haven’t done so already (both my parents religiously read WMB!), will read your post, and they will be on my case about getting my second daughter baptized.
Your son IS adorable!
Great post! 🙂
Jen 🙂
Ha ha, oh dear, sorry about that!
When our friends had a baby, we were asked to be his mentors – or non-denominational godparents, if you will. They found a religion-free naming ceremony on some baby site on the internet. It was a really nice and personal ceremony, conducted by the baby’s uncle (who is a Christian). 🙂
If we had a child of our own, I’d want to have a Neopagan-INSPIRED ceremony (I say inspired because I’m extremely secual with my Paganism!), but a ceremony nonetheless. Like you say, it’s tradition. The whole “renouce Satan in the name of the child” bit is WAY too severe for my liking.
Love Babby’s response to the ceremony, and your husband’s triumph. Touché! 😀
That sounds great! I would have loved that, but my mother would NOT.
It’s wonderful you and your husband were able to find your way with this. I actually have a similar post I am working on that has to do with how we are raising our kids outside of formal religion when both my husband and I grew up Roman Catholics but no longer practice. It is interesting to create new norms and traditions while holding on to the ones you cherish from you past. Great story!
Nice post Carol! I am Catholic and my husband is an atheist, so I could relate to what you wrote. We did baptize both of my girls…not so much because I am a devout Catholic (I am not), but more for the same reasons you listed (tradition…and my mom – LOL!).
We have been talking about taking the girls to visit other places of worship (as they get older) so they can see that there are varied paths to what I believe is the same final destination…we’ll see how that goes 🙂
One thing that PH and I both love is exploring cathedrals in Europe. My beloved atheist was moved to tears by the sound of the organ in Notre Dame…
LOL at Babby’s comment! We have yet to baptise our boys in any way for many of the reasons you outline here. But I totally agree that it is an important ritual and rituals are important. I do intend to have them Christened/Baptised/Named at some stage…timing…