One feature of living in this part of the world is the availability of affordable household help. In many ways it’s a wonderful thing, but it also takes some getting used to.
When we lived in the U.S., I was a typical multi-tasking mom – juggling work, two babies, one dog, a frequently traveling husband, and a 100-year-old house. I had a part-time childcare arrangement to cover my working hours, but given the steep hourly rate, in my mind even a quick errand had a “cost”. I would occasionally splurge on a house cleaner as a gift to myself – usually before family visited (and always a “deep clean” because it was so rare).
During those busy days, I would often daydream about how nice it would be if we didn’t have to spend our precious downtime scrubbing, sweeping, and mowing. How lovely it would be to have more time and energy for other things. How much easier life would be.
Flash forward a few years, and now we are living in Indonesia. Although we were lucky to have part-time house and childcare help during our two years in East Timor, it was a relatively low-key arrangement. Jakarta is another story.
In preparation for the move, I browsed a few forums and found that “one of the greatest benefits and frustrations of living in Jakarta is having staff.”[1] “For many newcomers to Jakarta, the thought of hiring household staff seems quite foreign – a luxury reserved for the fortunate few. In Jakarta, however, having household staff is a part of everyday life for Indonesians and foreigners alike.” [2]
Having a house full of staff is not my ideal scenario, but it is the way things work here. Part of the process involves getting my head around the list of typical household employees: driver, housekeeper, gardener, pool maintenance, nanny, cook, security guard. Both live-in and live-out. Most families we know (Indonesian and expatriate) have multiple staff working at their homes. Right now, we have zero…but we’re working on it.
Although managing a cast of helpers is an accepted part of life in Jakarta, it doesn’t necessarily come easy to a newcomer like me. Any sense of privacy goes out the window when you have people in and out of your house all day (and someone ironing your underwear!). After so many years of handling the domestic realm on my own, it will be a new experience to play the role of household “boss”. It can also be hard to get over that nagging guilty feeling as we ease into a life that seems pretty luxurious.
Despite all of this, I do appreciate that we will be providing much needed employment, financial security, and hopefully a positive working environment. Many of the day-to-day tasks that are relatively straightforward at home are much more challenging here. It can also be difficult to be thousands of miles away from the helping hands of family and friends. There is definitely no way we could do it all by ourselves here, and I am grateful that we don’t have to.
For our kids especially, the usual rules about cleaning up after yourself, helping out around the house, and respecting others still apply. Now more than ever.
The funny thing is, even though I have had countless conversations about “staff” while living here, it’s not something I usually share with family and friends at home. It feels awkward and hard to relate to (even writing this posts feels uncomfortable).
Today, I’m coming clean: my name is Shaula and I won’t be doing my own laundry.
There, I said it.
How do you manage to do it all? What is your dream scenario?
This is an original World Moms Blog post by Shaula Bellour in Indonesia. Shaula can also be found on her blog, Notes From a Small World.
Photo credit attributed to niascissorhands
As an OCD control freak, my dream scenario is to have two of me: one to do the household tasks and errands, and the other to enjoy the free time. I have a hard time having household help in my house all the time when we live overseas. Sometimes I can’t think straight and I feel the obligation to engage them because we are in the same house together, which can be tiresome if you’re home all day. I definitely work hard to find my ‘comfort zone’ with each new staff (yes, it is uncomfortable to even utter the word ‘staff’). And no, you don’t always want someone to iron your underwear (or rather boxer shorts, they always want to iron boxer shorts!), and if you use a light down comforter for sleeping with air conditioning like we do, it is difficult to explain why they cannot wash them in the washing machine. I even had a physical tug-of-war once with a cleaner who so badly wanted to wash it. Good luck with your new life-style. My advice is to try and hire someone who has worked in an American household before. That way they might already be familiar with our peculiar tendencies.
Btw, I really hope that you have plans to visit Laos while we’re there. It would be great for our families to meet each other!
THis surely resonates with me and I imagine a lot of other readers! This is one of the things we struggle with (and oddly simulatenously enjoy) about living abroad. THere is such tension since I think of myself as self-reliant and also private, so the idea of hiring someone to do things I could theoretically do myself does not sit comfortably. But, in the end, we are providing someone gainful employment at above the market rate and to deny her that just because of my pride wouldn’t be right either. I wrote a mildly satirical take on this for another site the probably captures the awkwardness of the situation better than I can here if you want to check it out. http://stuffexpataidworkerslike.com/2011/10/31/104-feeling-ambivalent-about-the-help/
Anyway, thanks for the post!
So interesting! I can understand how it must feel awkward, just getting used to having so many people around. That would be an adjustment!
I have had housecleaners for small periods of time before, but they are so expensive where I live in the US (in my opinion), and I am so particular about how I want things cleaned that I didn’t feel it was worth the money. If I see where they missed some dust or didn’t scrub hard enough to fully clean a toilet, I feel like I wasted my cash. But I do think if I lived somewhere where is was more affordable and a big part of the culture, I might try to be less controlling 😉
This is an interesting post. In San Francisco, CA, hiring someone to clean the house is more affordable than other parts of the country b/c we have a large number of illegal immigrants from Mexico. So we do pay a “team” to come to our home twice a week and scrub the toilets, etc. I considered forgoing this service when I recently stopped working part-time but 1) I know these people are counting on us money and 2) they do a much better job and are super fast. In the past, we used a wash & fold service when we didn’t have a washer and dryer at home – this, too, is not uncommon for city living. And now I dread folding the families clothes. I swear the minute I am do the basket is full of dirty clothes again.
Embrace and enjoy your “staff”! I think I would quickly learn to let go. And maybe having people around all the time would put me on my “best behavior” with my children and spouse 🙂
You have not lived until somewhere irons your underwear!
Seriously, I was surprised how quickly I got over the lack of privacy. It’s worth it! And it helps if you like the people working in your home. If they make you miserable, trust your gut and keep searching.
My aunt and her family live in Turkey, and they have had the same woman working for the 6 days a week for as long as I can remember. She does all of the house hold chores, like cleaning and laundry, taking care of the dog, and cooking. It is a luxury that I wish I could afford (living in NYC it’s hard to afford any luxuries). I wish we didn’t have to spend our Sunday’s cleaning, but even when we had someone come one a week, they only ever did an adequate job, and since I don’t clean (my husband does the cleaning) he does as ‘adequate’ as someone who we pay, and we can spend the money on a nice dinner out instead, and have a less than stellar home. I have to say, I am a little envious of your ‘predicament’ :-).
Welcome to Indonesia, Shaula! 😀
I can understand having to get used to have all these helps around you and your kids. When I first moved back here after taking care of my son alone with the ex, it took awhile to get used to having someone else to help us around. I’m with Susan…trust your guts because it’s quite a challenge finding the right helpers here. Best of luck and I can’t wait to meet you for coffee 🙂
I’ve been there – I know exactly what you mean! Maybe that’s why it was easier to hire a cleaner here, although we eventually ran out of money and now I do everything.
Hi Shaula — I love love love this post! And I am seriously jealous. I get how strange it must be to hire help and I empathize with a certain loss of privacy, but I would be unbelievably satisfied to have someone clean my house and take care of household chores in order to be able to spend more quality time with the boys and less stressed in general. Looking forward to hearing from you again soon!