I was recently venting to a Swiss mom friend about my youngest graduating into the “Terrible Two’s.” She looked at me completely puzzled. Turns out, it isn’t even in their vocabulary here.
Whether it’s in your vocabulary or not, if you are a mom and you have a child that is beyond, say, 18-months, it’s likely you are no foreigner to the new behaviors that blossom as our little ones approach two. I remember when my first son hit that phase and most of our friends had younger babies.
I remember how they looked at us with wide eyes and then back adoringly at their own innocent offspring. And they didn’t know they were thinking out loud but I guarantee they were…at least in my mind. It was as if they were saying, “Oh my, they have lost control of their little one. Whew, we have this under control. Ours will NEVER be that out of control.”
And oh how shocking when theirs, too, embarked on the same behavioral detour. Luckily, they got to watch my child do it first and they had evidence that we were still living and breathing to laugh about it on the other side.
My youngest son, Owen, has been approaching the edge of the ledge since about 15 months. He is a strong-willed child, as we discovered at 10 months when he completely refused liquids for 7 days straight for no apparent reason. So I can’t say I was shocked when he wanted to start exerting his will sooner than the big 2 year mark. Slowly, he has moved closer and closer to the explosive toddler insanity, and I would say, over the last few weeks he has arrived.
Certainly many of you know the scene: you are leaving the store with your load of groceries and your little one decides leaving the store isn’t his plan. So he arches, and screams like you have just pinched him or taken his treasured blanket. And he carries on and on to no avail. Your blood pressure rises, you loosen your scarf (that you threw on to look more put together, ha!) and feel like it will never end. You do everything you can to distract your child and pacify the screaming while the general public look on in amusement.
God forbid there is a grandmother or older mom there because she might look at you with that look of “Oh my, that young mom…” If you ever see that look translate it in your mind into “My kids are way beyond this, and if I am honest, I forget all about how hard this was!”
If we are honest, we have all had those times with our kids, when it appears all of our hard work of bringing up amazing, brilliant, respectful children flies out the window. They temporarily lose their minds, and there is just about nothing we can do to steer them back to reality until their little brain hits that switch. And trust me when I say I have pulled out all of the stops.
It is often as if Owen hits the switch himself and the whole scene never happened. I’ll be honest, when the flailing stops and the disaster is averted I am worn out! I promise myself I will never again brave the store with him or that he will have to weather the winter without a hat and gloves that we fight over each morning. I remember with my first child I had a hard time even laughing about the fits; I now find myself much more able to anticipate the crazy and maintain my cool despite my utter humiliation in public.
But then, that giggling starts, or those chubby arms wrap around my neck, and somehow it melts away. The way he starts tickling every time he hears the word “pickle” because he is convinced there must be tickling implied! The way he runs toward just about everything he does with such enthusiasm and gusto. Who he is now, that bundle of exploding independence, brings so much joy to our family. TERRIBLE TWO’s and all.
Are you able to laugh off the tantrums or do they bring you down? How do you handle the “crazy?”
This is an original article written for World Moms Blog by our mother of two in Switzerland, Kristen Kolb of Seasons Worth Savoring.
Photo credit to the author.
I can really relate to this post! I’m currently dealing with my third child in their terrible two’s.
I mostly laugh it off, but there are days when she drives me completely nuts and it brings me down. But even then, those chubby toddler arms or her naughty smile can make me feel better again!
I can really relate to this post! I’m currently dealing with my third child in their terrible two’s.
I mostly laugh it off, but there are days when she drives me completely nuts and it brings me down. But even then, those chubby toddler arms or her naughty smile can make me feel better again!
We are there as well… he suddenly has a very strong will, he knows exactly what he wants, and if he doesn’t get his way straight away he will start to scream, or throw his toys around… Then he will look at me to see if I am still watching, he then takes a deep breath, and starts screaming again…
I am trying so hard not to give in to him, and I am also exhausted and sometimes I have to turn my back on him, and then suddenly the screaming/tantrum will stop, and it is as if it never happened…. I do try to laugh it off as well, and sometimes it is possible, but other times it is so hard.
I do love this age anyway though – the way he can now come up to me and give me a kiss or a hug (because he wants to) is amazing.
We are there as well… he suddenly has a very strong will, he knows exactly what he wants, and if he doesn’t get his way straight away he will start to scream, or throw his toys around… Then he will look at me to see if I am still watching, he then takes a deep breath, and starts screaming again…
I am trying so hard not to give in to him, and I am also exhausted and sometimes I have to turn my back on him, and then suddenly the screaming/tantrum will stop, and it is as if it never happened…. I do try to laugh it off as well, and sometimes it is possible, but other times it is so hard.
I do love this age anyway though – the way he can now come up to me and give me a kiss or a hug (because he wants to) is amazing.
Hi Kristen, nice to meet another foreign service mom at WMB! We have two year old twins and boy do my husband and I know what you’re talking about! But at the same time, we are enjoying this time of ‘exploding independence’, too, and are amazed at how much joy they bring to our lives every day. Like you said, the tantrums pass and you just have to bide your time when nothing works. Sometimes when I’m so tired I’m almost glad that I can just leave the screaming one on the floor by him/herself while I empty the dishwasher or fold laundry. Maybe the mere act of leaving them alone with their emotions gives them the space to ‘let it all out’ without the pressure to ‘feel better’. Heck, I need that sometimes, too. Anyway, I’ve heard that Europeans are particularly strict about kids misbehaving in public. How have people in Switzerland reacted to one of your children’s ‘moments’?
Hi Kristen, nice to meet another foreign service mom at WMB! We have two year old twins and boy do my husband and I know what you’re talking about! But at the same time, we are enjoying this time of ‘exploding independence’, too, and are amazed at how much joy they bring to our lives every day. Like you said, the tantrums pass and you just have to bide your time when nothing works. Sometimes when I’m so tired I’m almost glad that I can just leave the screaming one on the floor by him/herself while I empty the dishwasher or fold laundry. Maybe the mere act of leaving them alone with their emotions gives them the space to ‘let it all out’ without the pressure to ‘feel better’. Heck, I need that sometimes, too. Anyway, I’ve heard that Europeans are particularly strict about kids misbehaving in public. How have people in Switzerland reacted to one of your children’s ‘moments’?
I was talking to an Israeli mom and a Nigerian mom today and they both nodded knowingly when I mentioned the terrible twos. That makes at least three nations that feel your pain. ; )
I was talking to an Israeli mom and a Nigerian mom today and they both nodded knowingly when I mentioned the terrible twos. That makes at least three nations that feel your pain. ; )
I know all too well what you are going through. Amazingly, with my son the terrible anything did not really kick in until just before he turned 4 years old.. In fact when he finished 2, I thought to myself “what is everyone talking about? The twos were easy”…. Yeah well karma has a way of biting you in the butt, and now that he is 5 I have such a hard time with him. My daughter, on the other hand is 20 months now… And she is the most strong willed 20 month old you will ever meet (which makes me happy for her future, but is a little tough to deal with now). When she wants something she will SCREAM until she gets it. The other day we were walking down the street (of NYC) and she refused to take my hand. When I told her she had to, or go in the stroller, she squatted in the middle of the sidewalk in protest. I had to laugh, while imagining my grim future as her mother). Finally, I picked her up after a few minutes, strapped her into the stroller and rolled away a screaming baby. Three minutes later she was laughing and singing. And I was glad to move on with my day! Basically dealing with both “terribles” at the same time has been trying, esp for my husband. I try to remind myself that it is their way of asserting their independence, of dealing with their emotions, of growing up….and one day we will look back on this like it was a walk in the park compared to the “terrible teens” :-).
I know all too well what you are going through. Amazingly, with my son the terrible anything did not really kick in until just before he turned 4 years old.. In fact when he finished 2, I thought to myself “what is everyone talking about? The twos were easy”…. Yeah well karma has a way of biting you in the butt, and now that he is 5 I have such a hard time with him. My daughter, on the other hand is 20 months now… And she is the most strong willed 20 month old you will ever meet (which makes me happy for her future, but is a little tough to deal with now). When she wants something she will SCREAM until she gets it. The other day we were walking down the street (of NYC) and she refused to take my hand. When I told her she had to, or go in the stroller, she squatted in the middle of the sidewalk in protest. I had to laugh, while imagining my grim future as her mother). Finally, I picked her up after a few minutes, strapped her into the stroller and rolled away a screaming baby. Three minutes later she was laughing and singing. And I was glad to move on with my day! Basically dealing with both “terribles” at the same time has been trying, esp for my husband. I try to remind myself that it is their way of asserting their independence, of dealing with their emotions, of growing up….and one day we will look back on this like it was a walk in the park compared to the “terrible teens” :-).
Indonesian moms are not familiar with the terms terrible twos but yes, they all knows those meltdowns.Terrible two was hard on me but wait until he’s three lol kidding he’s so adorable tho I’m sure you guys will be just fine 🙂
Indonesian moms are not familiar with the terms terrible twos but yes, they all knows those meltdowns.Terrible two was hard on me but wait until he’s three lol kidding he’s so adorable tho I’m sure you guys will be just fine 🙂
I would have to say the Swiss are much more… passive in the store when their child go nuts. Every time I see a child hit and bite their mom I have the horrible urge to run over and help the mom by getting in the kids face and tell them that if they dont start listening to their mother “then I’M going to spank them till they can’t walk”. Then the mom can yell at me and be their hero… I only wonder if that would work because the image in my mind is a huge biker guy doing the threatening…
I was always more stubborn in public. When I wouldn’t respond except to say they were going to get a spanking if they didnt knock it off, some how the public tantrums passed very quickly. If the kids bit me, they only did it once because i would bite them back (only semi hard, I was careful), and if they hit me (huge no no) then I would hit back (again, carefully, enough to hurt but not HURT and with the palm on the arm or leg). At home, it was a different story, I would just sit there looking at them face to face looking unimpressed and stareing showing them they weren’t wearing me down (and then go call Toby to tell him I was about to rip my hair out and please hurry home).
My youngest was different. Every time she started the crying because she didn’t like something (the dress, a hat, whatever), she had the cutest crying face that I couldn’t help but laugh or grab the camera. Her phaze lasted a bit longer though (at least I think so), maybe because I didn’t yell at her as much (unless she screamed, oh how I hated when she screamed). Still do and she’s 3 (she has got to learn how to tell her sisters what she wants instead of screaming when she’s mad!!!!).
I would have to say the Swiss are much more… passive in the store when their child go nuts. Every time I see a child hit and bite their mom I have the horrible urge to run over and help the mom by getting in the kids face and tell them that if they dont start listening to their mother “then I’M going to spank them till they can’t walk”. Then the mom can yell at me and be their hero… I only wonder if that would work because the image in my mind is a huge biker guy doing the threatening…
I was always more stubborn in public. When I wouldn’t respond except to say they were going to get a spanking if they didnt knock it off, some how the public tantrums passed very quickly. If the kids bit me, they only did it once because i would bite them back (only semi hard, I was careful), and if they hit me (huge no no) then I would hit back (again, carefully, enough to hurt but not HURT and with the palm on the arm or leg). At home, it was a different story, I would just sit there looking at them face to face looking unimpressed and stareing showing them they weren’t wearing me down (and then go call Toby to tell him I was about to rip my hair out and please hurry home).
My youngest was different. Every time she started the crying because she didn’t like something (the dress, a hat, whatever), she had the cutest crying face that I couldn’t help but laugh or grab the camera. Her phaze lasted a bit longer though (at least I think so), maybe because I didn’t yell at her as much (unless she screamed, oh how I hated when she screamed). Still do and she’s 3 (she has got to learn how to tell her sisters what she wants instead of screaming when she’s mad!!!!).
I used to be so judgmental of people who “couldn’t handle their kids.” Hmp! Not anymore. My three year old is still heavily into the terrible twos. He likes being retro.
I used to be so judgmental of people who “couldn’t handle their kids.” Hmp! Not anymore. My three year old is still heavily into the terrible twos. He likes being retro.
My older daughter hit her terrible twos at 22 months! I found age 3 more challenging than age 2.
I love that your son associates pickle with a tickle!
My older daughter hit her terrible twos at 22 months! I found age 3 more challenging than age 2.
I love that your son associates pickle with a tickle!
Sounds like so many of us are in the same boat, luckily the boat sails on 🙂 Here in Switzerland I actually find that they don’t take their children out to the stores so much. I think with many people living so close to their families they can rely on relatives to take care of children. When they do take their kids out, or when I take mine out, I find they are all very judgmental of each other. There are no looks of comradery or mothers offering each other a hand. People often stop dead in their tracks to watch the fit and make comments to parents.
I also found that 3 was much tougher than 2 with my older son. I am buckling up for the long haul with my second. 4 seems to be less tumultuous but still has it’s moments! Each phase has new joys and new challenges!
Thanks for reading and good luck with those two’s!
Kristen
Sounds like so many of us are in the same boat, luckily the boat sails on 🙂 Here in Switzerland I actually find that they don’t take their children out to the stores so much. I think with many people living so close to their families they can rely on relatives to take care of children. When they do take their kids out, or when I take mine out, I find they are all very judgmental of each other. There are no looks of comradery or mothers offering each other a hand. People often stop dead in their tracks to watch the fit and make comments to parents.
I also found that 3 was much tougher than 2 with my older son. I am buckling up for the long haul with my second. 4 seems to be less tumultuous but still has it’s moments! Each phase has new joys and new challenges!
Thanks for reading and good luck with those two’s!
Kristen