Two years ago when I had my son, I was determined to make breastfeeding work. I heard about all of the great benefits through friends, baby books and doctors. I knew that my maternity leave would be fairly short and along with figuring out breastfeeding, I planned to pump as well. Well, both breastfeeding and pumping came with lots of surprises – some good and some bad!
I am pregnant again and due in June, and I am contemplating what will work best the second time around.
The question I keep asking myself – will my 12 weeks of maternity leave be sufficient for breastfeeding? Or will I resume the torture, headache and embarrassment that came with pumping in the workplace?!
When my son was born, I was so nervous to try breastfeeding. I remember many tips I received from friends – all were conflicting pieces of advice! “Whatever you do, NEVER supplement.” “Absolutely, no pumping the first month.” “Pump, as soon as you can in the hospital.” “Never give a breastfeeding baby a pacifier.” The one piece of advice I did try to follow was not to supplement because I was scared it would cause nipple confusion.
The first few days in the hospital were wonderful. Our little boy seemed content and breastfeeding seemed very natural. However, the last few nights, our boy cried and cried. When he received his checkout exam and was down a pound, I will never forget the doctor coming in with the meanest face and telling me “Your baby is absolutely starving. You need to feed him.” I felt so guilty, confused and had no idea what to think.
Our first night home was absolutely miserable. When we took him to the pediatrician the next day, the doctor calmed all my fears. He said that the baby was hungry and that supplementing in the beginning or going forward was absolutely fine. For some reason, that single conversation took all of the guilt away. After that, I would nurse and sometimes, not always, give my baby the 2 oz. nursettes when needed. I did this for a few weeks and then didn’t need to do it at all.
Once my milk came in, everything seemed so natural and perfect – and I have to admit, I absolutely loved breastfeeding.
Now to address pumping…
Everything about pumping is horrible – the machine, the suction, the time consumption, the cleaning, the pain and the visual of the procedure! To make matters worse, after all of that work you are left with a measly ounce or two when you first start. I honestly do not know why any friends of mine would exclusively pump because it was nothing short of pure torture in my opinion.
When you buy a pump – you envision beautiful, flowing milk that is available for your baby. Instead, I found it to be a lot of work with little satisfaction. BUT, I was going back to work after 11 weeks, and I still wanted our baby to have the best – pure breast milk from his mommy.
I work on Wall Street and after 14 years at two major banks, I found myself working at a small firm with less than 50 people when I had my baby. What does that mean? Basically, when you work for a small company, they do not have to follow any of the state mandated guidelines for maternity leave, lactation rooms, etc.
Before I came back to work, I asked my boss if I could use one of the offices to pump in. I worked on the trading floor and there were several empty rooms that I could have used. He called me back and said ,
“No, since we have less than 50 people – we don’t have to provide you with a room. You can do it in the bathroom.” I was appalled. Our bathroom was tiny with two stalls, no lids on the toilets and unsanitary in my opinion. So that meant my only option was pumping in the open – with NO PRIVACY.
There were a total of four women in my office, so I asked all of them if I could put a little post-it note on the door with a smiley face when I was in there. They all said it would be no problem. Well, let’s just say that post-it note was a “sign” for ridicule from the men in the office.
Shall I list a few comments from some of the men? “I heard a cow being pumped in the bathroom.” “Oooh, sounds like someone had some good vibration in there.” “Anyone need some milk?” And then there were all of the imitation buzzing and mooing noises the guys would constantly make as they walked by me later when I was sitting on the desk. Of course, being a “tough” girl working on the trading floor – I laughed off all of these comments. But truthfully, it was mortifying.
After about a month, the sticky notes got old and the women would just knock, and I would say to come on in. That is when things got even weirder with one woman. She would stare at me and one time asked me with a big smile “Does it tickle?” There were a few other comments that were really bizarre, I can’t even remember, but I remember being uncomfortable and blushing!
Eventually, my milk supply decreased week by week. But I was able to give my son breast milk for 5 full months. I was proud of myself and wish I could have done it longer. Now that I work at a big bank again, I THINK there is a lactation room somewhere in the building. I still have not looked. I also assume it is professional, clean and nice. But I wonder if the 12 weeks of breastfeeding will be sufficient for my new little baby. Will I have it in me to pump at work this time around?
Do you have a pumping/breastfeeding/formula feeding story to share?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Wall Street Mama in New Jersey, USA.
Photo credit to the author.
I think you should be very proud of yourself!
My story started similarly, the first few days in the hospital everything seemed to go fine, then on the third day he started to cry, and I was told I could not take him home as planned as he had lost more weight than expected (and he was starving…) They hooked me up to this huge ‘pumpingmachine’ (on wheels) and I really did feel like a cow… well, apart from the fact that the milk didn’t exactly flow. They gave him formula in cups at the hospital, and I was told that the milk would come… So we went home, I breastfeed, gave extra formula, pumped, drank special herbal teas, then breastfeed again, had to give more formula, then pumped again and so on and so on. Luckily I only had to pump in the comfort of my own home (as I had slightly longer materntiy leave), I can’t imagine doing it in public!
I only lasted three months, but when I gave up it was the best thing I did – I suddenly didn’t feel guilty anymore and I started enjoying being a mummy 🙂 (I am expecting in September again, and hoping it will be easier this time around)
What an honest story to share! I was mortified for you. Things are (or at least feel) different here in San Francisco, CA. Other mothers would more likely attack you for not breastfeeding your baby then for making the effort you did. You SHOULD be proud of yourself.
I was lucky to work for a big women dominated retailer when I returned (briefly) to work. They have lactation rooms and from what I have heard added more in recent years. They are extremely supportive. But I agree it is awkward – I was often embarrassed just to care my pump around the building or that small insulated bag that obviously contained milk. But I knew in the back of my head it was best for my baby. As we approached her first birthday, I supplemented with formula and only breastfeed her at home in the morning and when I came home in order to reach her first birthday.
Hope your experience with your next company is better!
OMG I feel ya!
Pumping was absolutely necessary since I couldn’t be with my girl all the time and initially I had a lot of nipple pains but I really disliked it! After a while when I became better at it, I was (finally) able to go without the pump.
You are truly brave to stick it out and ignore the rude comments! Seriously.. people need to stop asking nursing mothers to nurse in the toilet! Hello, you don’t eat in the toilet why should my baby have to do it?!
I agree, you should be extremely proud of yourself for breastfeeding for as long as you can and for as much as you can produce. I do not believe there is a definitive answer as to how much is ‘enough’ for our kids (one long-term study in Sweden that my friend in Switzerland told me about, could not show distinguishable benefits to children’s health among the thousands that they followed who were breastfed and not breastfed). I had to supplement for our twins starting in the hospital and could only produce milk for 4.5 months, and so far at two years of age, they are perfectly healthy happy kids. Knock on wood for their future well-being. I, too, used to work on a trading floor on wall street, and I remember being in the bathroom stall next to some buzzing sound that I did not understand at the time. I know now that it was a poor mother pumping in the stall because there was nowhere else to go! How horrific and inexcusable that the corporate culture does not provide basic facilities for something so important to society. I hope your colleagues at the bigger bank are nicer. I really enjoyed my time on wall street but don’t miss some of that macho behavior, by both men and women! Good luck!
For all of the data that exists promoitng the benefits of breastmilk it is astounding how unsupportive so many people and businesses can be. My blood was boiling as you described your male colleagues comments and behavior! Nothing like making this totally natural thing feel so unnatural! I feel for you, I really do. I had to pump for the first few months because my twins were born very premature and could not nurse. The NICU had a “room,” that was better than an open toliet seat, but really unpleasant and barely private. As a mom, you do the best you can and try your best to find the support you need. That’s all you can ask of yourself.
Did you take this from my journal?!?! I also work in a predominantly male industry and my male co-workers either made suction pump noises at me or could not make eye contact whatsoever. I was able to pump just as long with my second child (in a bathroom stall with no seating) and found that bit of solitude much more tolerable once I got my rhythm. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and the little baby that will be walking, talking and eating his or her own meals in the blink of an eye.
I have almost the exact same story… But the company I worked for (and still do) only had 7 employees in the NY office when I had to pump. Luckily one of them was a woman and she shared her office with a man who was at client meetings a lot, so I would go into her office (even while she was there) and pump. If her office ate was there, I would literally kick out the 2 men in my office to pump (and they had just as awkward questions and your female colleagues – which I simply answered) :). We moved office spaces 3 times during my pumping with my first child and the situation changed slightly until it got better at the last office space, which is where we were located when I had to go through it all over again with my second child (that office space had a tiny private office that any one of us could use if we needed to have a private call or something – life became much easier then, even though we had grown to a whopping 10 employees). But even having fed both of my children only breastmilk until after they turned 1 – I hated every second of pumping. But I am stubborn and insisted on it – no matter how uncomfortable, awkward or painful it was (I complete agree with you too… I have no idea how some of my friends exclusively pumped, it’s baffles me). One thing I can say, everything about breast feeding was so much easier the second time around. I can also tell you my friends who stayed in the banks and were there after having their babies had a much more positive and supportive experience than you and I when they pumped.
Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and the breast feeding, and try not to stress about it too much!
I’m so sorry to hear about your experiences. Women are receiving a DEARTH of support when it comes to breastfeeding – I’m actually working on a post about just that.
In Canada we get 12 MONTHS instead of 12 weeks, which makes breastfeeding easier. Pumping wouldn’t have worked for me either – I never could pump more than a couple of ounces at a time.
At the same time, I think a lot of doctors (especially in the states) are uneducated about breastfeeding, and they don’t support women properly.
My own baby had difficulty latching, so they kept me in hospital for an extra day to make sure we got the hang of it. When he was crying and crying and crying, my doctor reassured me that babies go through a “cluster feeding” stage at around the 2-5 day mark where they need to nurse pretty much CONSTANTLY in order to bring your milk in fully.
When it was made clear to me that my baby was producing diapers regularly (the best sign of good nursing), and that it was totally normal for a nursing baby to scream whenever he wasn’t on the breast, I felt much better. But since formula feeding babies don’t go through that (because they aren’t bringing your milk in), I think I was lucky that my doctor was able to explain my baby’s behavior to me.
That, and the fact that I was home for the first year, made my experience very different from yours.
When I went back to work, I found pumping EXTREMELY difficult and have since given it up. Luckily for me, my son is a year and half old so he is fine on solids and cow milk during the day. He makes up for it at night. But if he had been a teeny baby? I don’t see how it could possibly have worked. He nursed pretty much non-stop for those first six months, and you can’t very well PUMP nonstop at work. So how can a working mother keep up her supply?
Kudos to women who manage it. I know I wouldn’t have been one of them.
I should add – pumping should NOT be painful. A lot of women report pain with machine pumps. Why don’t you try picking up a cheapy hand pump – the Lansinoh one is good. They are much more gentle, and I’ve spoken to people who found the machine painful who said that hand pumping – while more a nuisance – worked best for them.
One friend said she had best results with her own hand. She said she could fill a bottle in minutes that way. No pain at all!
I’m really sorry to hear about what you had to go through at work. I got a few weird looks while breastfeeding my first one in public. For my second baby I’m going to make a hat that looks like a big nipple and I’m going to put in on the baby head everytime I breasfeed in the public. I’m serious!
Anyway, I think that your concern about how long is enough just shows how great mother you are and how much you care. I breasfed my first one for 9 months. I think that you shouldn’t be so stressed about it. Do what you can do, do not force yourself. Even a month is great.
I had been using hand pump when I had too much milk and it was painful as well. Maybe I was doing something wrong, I don’t know. And in 20 minutes of pumping sometimes I was able to get 1 oz of milk. It was horrible. If you going to pump with your second child maybe you should try more than one pump and see which one works for you. They are all different.
I think I need to see a picture of that hat when you make it. It sounds AMAZING.
What a great post! I cannot believe the harassment you received from the men. That is absolutely terrible and in my opinion sexual harassment that should not happen. When I worked I had several instances of sexual harassment in the workforce and now wished I didn’t let them get away it. As a breast feeding mother you are right that there are few places in public to safely nurse let alone the workplace. It should be your right to have a safe, clean place to do so. I only nursed my son for six weeks and my daughter for four months. I stay at home yet had suffered PPD thus needed to stop nursing for my sanity. My kids are great and healthy and I never once let people make me feel guilty for giving them formula. I was raised on formula and never nursed since my mom couldn’t due to medical issues and I am more than fine! So do what works best for you and your baby and you will be great!
Wall Street Mama, this story just makes me want to go and have some serious words with your old boss and colleagues! How absolutely ridiculous! I think you did a most wonderful thing for your child. You put your child’s needs first. I am so sorry you had to endure the ridicule.
I breastfed both of my children and attempted to pump with both of them. I also loathed pumping. It was uncomfortable and I was so tired from breastfeeding I hardly wanted to sit down for another 20 minutes and pump.
Congratulations on your upcoming arrival. I wish you all the best.