When I decided to be a stay-at-home mom, it was really so I could hang out with my kids and soak up every moment of their early lives. I feel like I am living up to that – and then some. My life is filled with fort building, picnics, crafts, hikes, day trips to the city, library visits, playgrounds and lots of floor time with my 2 sons, and I love it. But part of being a stay-at-home mom also involves the running of the household, and this is not something that is a natural fit for me.
I will state it plainly. I am a lousy cook. I can’t sew. I have no eye for decorating. I hate shopping, meal planning, and gardening. I am not handy, and I break stuff. I don’t pay the bills.
Now, one area that I will admit to excelling in is cleaning. Give me the time, and I can keep an amazingly clean house (and am happy to do so). I enjoy methodically working through a room and seeing the transformation from messy to clean. I would much rather clean up after a huge holiday meal than be the one to prepare it. But I think this is the only area I can claim domestic mastery.
It’s not that I don’t try. I do!
In some areas, I am just a slow mover. For example, in our first home, it took me 6 years to decide on what color to paint the walls of our main room. I then completed the job only to collapse on the floor sobbing to my husband that I felt like I lived in a giant mint cookie (I had settled on a light green). Yes, I knew it was just paint and it could be changed, but it took so much out of me to make and execute the plan that I knew I would never change it.
I am also plagued with gaps where the normal domestic hard wiring in my brain should exist. I can’t walk into an empty room and plan out what should go in there, nor how to use the furnishings that I already have. It took me years to figure out how to select the right couches for our living room. And I got so used to having it bare that it was a shock to keep adding pieces and realize it felt homey, not crowded as I had assumed it would.
I have zero kitchen common sense. This is the area I work the hardest on but still come up short. I can pull off your taco night or your spaghetti feed. But when it comes to cooking real, grown up dinners, I have a 50/50 shot at whether it will be edible.
I remember one time when I was trying to make cheese soup from scratch. The recipe called for 1 cup of dill (yes…I checked it 3 times…1 cup!). In retrospect, this must have been a typo on the recipe. But I stood there, slowly adding obscene amounts of dill, even though I knew it seemed odd. But who was I to second guess? Recipes knew better, and I hoped it would magically turn into some amazing culinary triumph. It was a cheesy, clumpy dill mess.
When you add in the extra time to get special ingredients and prepare these meals with your chances of success being minimal, and you have picky children who probably won’t try it anyway….let’s just say my motivation runs low.
I’ll further own up to the fact that there are the times that I am just too dang lazy to put in more effort. I wash all my laundry in one giant heap. Clothes, underwear, towels, sheets….it all goes in, whites and colors mixed together…on cold. I let the laundry gods sort it out, and whatever is meant to happen with our wardrobe will happen. It’s no wonder that my husband chooses to do his own laundry.
Speaking of my husband, he has a much better domestic sensibility than me. He can cook. In fact, he handles preparing the Thanksgiving turkey every year because I am squeamish about handling raw meat still attached to the carcass. He is very handy, and he can sew. He likes to make his own lightweight hiking gear, which prompted the purchase of the first proper sewing machine for our household. It’s this impressive piece of equipment that looks like it has hieroglyphics on the side. He keeps it with his personal effects, and when I ask where it is, he responds, “What for?” (He knows I cannot be trusted). When a button falls off my pants or drapes need to be altered, I call in my husband for assistance.
So I have been dealt a deck that is a few cards short in the domestic department. But as I am the “homemaker” in this family, shouldn’t I be able to do these things that typically make a home?
I have learned to cut myself some slack. It may not always be beautifully decorated with fresh-baked bread coming out of the oven, but in my own way, I have contributed to making a happy home for my husband and kids. Sure, my sons will never grow up and tell their friends, “No one makes this dish like my mom” (unless they are saying it with a negative connotation). But I am confident they will remember having fun and feeling loved. And in the meantime, I am still trying to tap into my inner domestic goddess.
Ahem: If you are in there and listening, Oh Mighty Goddess…throw me a bone, will ya?
What domestic areas do you excel in? Where are your homemaker gaps? How does this impact the running of your household?
This has been an original post to World Moms Blog by Tara B. of Washington (State) USA.
Photo credit to Tara B.
Well… my husband has to boil potatoes, because I always mess it up, same goes for other vegetables – I can never remember how long it takes to steam the beans, or boil them. And if I make more than one veg I can never get them all to be ready at the same time. I do know how the washingmachine works (my husband doesn’t), and I am proud to say that I washed the kitchen floor yesterday! I can sow a button back on, but anything more complicated I have to get the help of my mum, (my husband is no help at all!) but I can knit and I can crochet a tiny bit.
I always feel like I should do more around the house, we have dust bunnies everywhere, and the bathroom could definetly do with a clean, and I need to tidy my cupboard (I think I have clothes in there that I haven’t used for years)… but I never have the time! (I am too busy playing with the one year old, and sitting in front of the telly after he has gone to sleep!)
Great post and great honesty. I may be able to cook and clean, but, like you, leave washing to the laundry gods and am useless at decorating and sewing, although like giving both a go with very imperfect results! The hardest thing for me is doing things around the home whilst trying to care for the little people. I think we all have our own strengths and weaknesses. Whilst you may not be a domestic goddess, and let’s face it, who is, it sounds like you do some great stuff with your kids which is surely the most important think of all.
I stick to being a Mum, domestic goddessness is not for me. Luckily Craig is handy, and can deal with the 20 minute meals (no packets but from start to plate) I dish up. A few mistakes here and there (OK, more than a few) give our kids some stories to retell when they’re adults!
This was a great article to read, and humorous, too! I love the dill recipe experience. Don’t worry about not being a culinary queen or a decorating diva. It’s sounds like you’re pretty creative, especially with your unique laundry techniques.:) One day when you have more time you may find yourself interested in adding more flair to your cooking, or you may not. It doesn’t matter. It sounds like your creative energies are in the right place – with your kids and the fun activities you do with them. Oh, and don’t give up on the recipes. For every 3 bad ones I try, there’s usually one superb one that becomes a regular menu item in our househould. One last thing – from the look of your photo, you really do clean your floors with finesse. That floor is immaculate!
I wish we could combine our skills! I am a pretty good cook and enjoy it… but loathe cleaning with a passion. While I am content in clutter, my husband is not. And I imagine that situation will not improve as my baby becomes mobile!
I’ve been there in the laundry pile! LOVE this post, I’m not a great cook either and my husband’s dream job is to be a chef so I always have a little anxiety cooking for him but he’s also very nice which helps. He will never tell me when a meal doesn’t turn out right. 🙂 I’m glad you’re giving yourself a break, though because as i’m sure you know, at the end of the day the kids will remember the fort-building and hiking trips much more than what color you chose to paint the living room walls!! Great job!
Thanks Tara for your honesty – you made me smile! I may be able to cook and clean (when I have time) but that is where it stops. Thankfully, my husband, too, can sew. As for decorating, I like to call our style minimalist b/c the reality is that I am scared to add more pieces of furniture/rugs/art in fear of making the wrong choice.
Thanks for all of your comments, ladies. I enjoy laughing at myself (clearly… from the photo), so this was a fun post to write. The truth is I have made some great strides over the years (I can cook a few dishes well and my home is starting to truly look like grown ups live in it and not college students), but it just all puzzles me so much sometimes! I appreciate you laughing with me and sharing your own strengths and weaknesses 😉
Such a great read! I can relate to the feelings of inadequacy. My mother is a domestic goddess, but she never went to school or worked a day of her life outside of the home since she was married. She was basically raised to cook, clean, sew and be a mom. Our generation has so much more on our plates. It’s hard to be great at it all. Thanks for your honesty.
You post was fantastic!! I laughed so hard at your cheesy dill soup because I would have done the same exact thing! Thank you! I think more of us are like you, than that super housemaking goddess we all feel that we should be. I am with you, I do my best, but I am not perfect. Perfection irritates me, to tell you the truth! LOL!! It is to rigid and leaves no room for enjoying your life. So, my sink may have a bunch of dishes in it right now, but my time was better spent snuggling with the kids and then taking some time for myself after they fell asleep. And if you want to know, I have no plans on doing those dishes tomorrow, either. My daughter and I are bringing my son to school and then we are having a much needed girl day at the beach! I will catch up by Saturday afternoon when my mother in law comes over. 😉
Tara,
I love your creativity with the picture! I like decorating, cooking, baking, etc. But, sometimes I wish I was better at playing. Yep, playing. I get bored playing dolls or dinosaurs, which my daughter always wants to play. Sometimes I just run out of ideas. I opt to play with puzzles, craft with her or throw a ball around. I don’t understand because I spent soooo much time of my childhood playing dolls, I should be great at it by now! I feel guilty about it!
Veronica Samuels 🙂
Love the picture…and you had me laughing out loud about the dill soup!
Great post! Even if a person is domestically inclined, it’s just more work! It’s impossible to stay on top of or be good at everything. Your kids are lucky to have you, a mom who can laugh at herself is better than a mom who knows what color to paint the wall!