Two months back, I went home to attend the wedding of a cousin. This was my first visit home since I came to the Garden City seven months ago. Also, the first time my one-year old Little One (hereafter referred to as LO) was going to get a taste of his Mom’s place – the heat, the relatives, the food – in no particular order.
Hubby and I had qualms on how LO was going to take the trip. For one thing, we were going to undertake the 530 km journey by car. To minimise any untoward incidents, we had already decided to make it an overnight trip, so that LO would be asleep for most of the journey.
The last time we made such a trip, he had fallen prey to a vicious cold and it took him almost a month to get over it. And he was just 7 months old at the time. Now that he was a sturdy 14-month old, we thought we would have things easier this time.
Little did we know that he had different plans for us this time round.
We took all kinds of precautions by carrying medicines to ward off colds, fever, stomach upset and blocked noses. I packed his formula milk, Cerelac and a small pack of his favourite Gerber Graduate Puffs (if he refused to eat everything else).
I also got a small (!) handbag filled just with his ‘things’ for the journey – two extra diapers, diaper rash cream, an extra dress, a flask with hot water, a few rags, all the medicines, and his favourite ‘cloth’.
Most kids love teddy bears or some kind of snuggly toys. Not LO – no sirree…no common toys for him. He sucks his thumb by cuddling into a piece of coloured cloth, which he cannot be parted from (when he is sleepy or wants to be comforted).
In fact, we have several such cloth pieces and every time he wears one out (which usually happens at least twice a day), we issue him a fresh one.
We also made a bed of sorts in the car backseat [In India, it is not mandatory to have child car seats, and it is perfectly acceptable to have the child on the lap.]. LO has a small blue bed on which he naps during the day, and this was fashioned into the car bed for the trip.
The sides were padded with pillows, and the end-result was that, even I felt envious of his oh-so-comfy sleeping quarters.
As a result of these detailed plans and preparations, the actual journey went off pretty well, with LO falling asleep as soon as we were half an hour into the trip.
However, the moment we reached home he was deluged by new sights, people and surroundings – none of which were to his liking. He became very clingy and wouldn’t let us set him down.
He wanted either his Dad or me to carry him around, while he assessed the area. Of course, having relatives around who wanted to hold him did not help matters one bit.
By evening, he had kind of settled down (though it was still a tussle to get him to eat something). He had discovered the joys of climbing staircases and was happily indulging in his new-found hobby every time I let my eyes droop or roam away from him.
He was no longer wary of my uncle and aunt (in whose house we were staying) and more than happy to sit around playing near them.
Then came the day of the actual wedding. We decided to go late to the function since we didn’t want LO too upset by the crowds. Yet, he still kicked up a ruckus.
He managed to cry and stay in our arms the entire time that we were at the wedding – which was around 4 hours. And for those of you who haven’t tried it, it is no fun task to be carrying around a 10 kg toddler who keeps squirming every 2 minutes and refuses to be set down or held by someone else.
And he wouldn’t eat anything either. What else do you need for a Mom to feel like the pits?
I think the source for all the trouble was because LO has never been exposed to too many people, and since many were seeing him for the first time, they all wanted to hold him and cuddle him.
With the ‘KEEP OFF MEish” nature that he has (he doesn’t even let me cuddle him when he is sleeping), the entire event must have felt like a nightmare to him.
How does one handle such a situation? Because of this one experience, we don’t dare go to any parties or events with LO. Having to carry him around the entire time would leave me with useless limbs the next day.
Have you ever had to handle a clingy toddler when at a party or at an event? What did you do to comfort your child?
This is an original World Moms Blog post from Fire Crystals in India. You can also find Fire Crystals on her personal blog, Merry Musing.
Photo credit to the author.
My daughter is just an opposite kind. When we go out she totally forgets about me, or her dad. She says “hi” and wave to EVERYBODY! When she sees a group of people on the playground she is the first one to go there and disturb them. It’s rather me who feels awkward in social interacjons not my daughter. lol
I have always put my children first and if they want to cling I let them. They will not always be like this and you never know if a child is feeling oof colour or coming down with something. Sometimes we have to let them be.
Hi Fire Crystals!
I think it depends on the child. Different kids have different responses to different stimuli. I try to go with my instincts in whether I can do certain things with my kids depending on their reactions.
Maybe you can ease him into these types of social situations by trying to take him to smaller events. If I think of more ideas, I will let you know! And let us know how it all works out! 🙂
Jen
Hi FireCrystals – I have had some silimar experiences. When my 1st son was LO’s age, we did travel to see family or attend events, and it was always alot for him to take in. He is very sensitive to his surroundings, so walking into a big open bright public space with people and lights and noise was very difficult. But, he acclimated more and more overtime and now is the most outgoing kid who LOVES big loud noisy places. One trick that worked with him as he got older was using picture books to prepare for something…showing him what it would look like and talking about how it would feel, etc. We still do this for his doctor’s and dentist appointments and he is 5 years old. At 14 months old, that’s not really going to work for LO, but he’s not too far off from being able to talk it through.
It’s just hard as a parent who wants to be there enjoying an event or family’s company and all you can do is hold a clingy child. It’s not the homecoming you envisioned. But it also is very natural (I think) and will improve over time. For me, I always remind myself before a trip that I need to let go of expectations and go with the flow.
Oh yes, we had a very sensitive child who needed me to be with him 24/7 until he was 18 months old and then he would go with his father or his two grandmothers for short periods. The introduction to kindergarten wasn’t fun…however, I firmly believe that children need their (healthy) dependency needs properly met when they are small so they don’t develop unhealthy dependency needs…our boy is now more confident and self-assured than the average ‘shy’ six year old. I simply gave him the gift of me (not much going out and never expecting him to leave me unless he wanted to) for those first four years and it has paid off in spades. Good luck, it was an intense few years!
I have four kids, and different ones have had different levels of clingy. Its a hard call to make… sometimes you need to let baby cling and not attend things, and sometimes you really do need to let baby/toddler/preschooler stay with others so you can make an event a priority. But its trial and error and case by case.. and a decision only you can make with peace in your heart.
My son was like that. It depended on the situation as to what I would do though. In that situation, I would actually hold him (although he was so big by that age that I would have to be sitting most of the time). Other times I would gently encourage him to let me put him down, or would sit on the floor next to him while he played (obviously a wedding does not lend itself to sitting on the floor with your child, but you get the point 🙂 ). He is 4 now and still very shy in those kinds of situations (in fact today he started school and would not enter the classroom for 15 minutes and then when he did, he would not leave my side for another 15, and then went off to play with his friends). I usually talk to him about the event and what to expect before going, and that seems to work well.