I know that this is a blog about moms and being moms (and this is my first post)…. but this is a story of me, before I was a mom or a wife, while I was still just my mother’s daughter.
It was the worst day in my life, 10 years ago, on September 11, 2001. There was the worst attack on US soil!
I was at work that morning, in the World Trade Center (building #4, which was one of the smaller buildings along the edge of the Twin Towers).
I remember going into work that day. I still lived at home with my mother, and for some reason she was up early and decided to offer me a ride to my office, about a half hour drive away.
It was a beautiful cloudless day, and there was the teeniest chill in the air (I remember this because I decided to wear my brand new leather jacket that morning). I remember being on the phone with my (then) boyfriend, discussing nothing in particular, and then calling a client…and then IT happened.
As I hung up with my client there was the distinct sound of a plane engine and a very loud BOOM!
My team immediately went to the very large windows that looked up at the tower. We looked up in horror. Time stood still. We saw flames. Some of my colleagues saw people jumping to their deaths from way up high. I quickly snapped back to reality and thought about all of our safety (maternal instinct is part of who we are even before we become mothers), as large pieces of the building were falling towards our windows, and could very easily go right through the glass.
“Everyone get away from the windows” I yelled.
That seemed to jolt everyone back into the moment. We immediately ran towards the emergency stairs,
I stopped about 10 feet from my desk realizing that I didn’t take my purse or I.D. to get back into the building. When I turned around to go back to my desk (which happened to be right up against the windows) and get them,
I saw a huge piece of the tower hit the window,
and decided to leave it. After all, it was still going to be there when I came back to my desk – right?
We calmly walked down the stairs, concluding that the pilot must have had a heart attack or loss of power. What a horrible accident, right? It wasn’t until we got to the lobby and the security guard was yelling at us to MOVE and RUN out the door, that I got concerned.
As we were waiting to be allowed back up to our desks (about a block away) looking up at the Towers, there was a strange smell in the air, which turned out to be jet fuel.
From the corner of my eye another plane came into view …in very slow motion… and flew. right. into. the. second. tower. I could not believe my eyes and stood still. Stuck to that spot. My colleague grabbed me and told me to run, which I did, I followed my team so as not to be left alone in the chaos that ensued.
What was happening? I could not get my head around it. We were ushered onto boats across to Jersey City, and while we were waiting to board ,we heard a crash. “What was that?”, was all anyone could say. None of us could imagine. A white cloud started to emerge from the streets and envelope us, making it hard to breath. I pulled my shirt up over my nose and mouth, since I have asthma (and no inhaler, since it was in my purse).
We loaded up onto the boat which was to take us to safety in Jersey City (right across the river). As we rounded the southern tip of Manhattan, I saw what that explosion had been — the first tower crumbling to the ground. The image of a single tower standing there alone, with flames shooting out of it will be permanently seared into my memory.
All sorts of thoughts rushed through my brain, and then they stopped…a family friend, that I had grown up with worked on one of the top floors of one of the towers, and his sister in the 70’s of the second tower. I was sure he was gone, and I was filled with such sorrow. The tears streamed down my face as we walked off the boat. The thought of their mother, losing both of her children this way was too much to handle. (I later found out she had just recently left her job for somewhere in midtown…her brother was not as lucky).
We found a sushi restaurant that gave us drinks and allowed us to use their phones to call our loved ones and tell them we were safe (I finally managed to reach my mother around noon). It wasn’t until then that we found out that another plane flew into the Pentagon and a fourth plane, full of heroes, fell into a field in Pennsylvania.
When the trains started running again, we managed to get to one of my co-worker’s parents’ house (we all lived on the other side of Manhattan, and could not get home). They invited us in, fed us and welcomed us to stay the night (it was already dark outside). My sister who went to university 40 minutes away, picked me up and we slept at her friend’s house. It was not until mid-day the next day that the bridges were re-opened and that I could actually get back home, to my mother.
We saw scenes of our enemies, dancing in the streets, on TV. Celebrating at our tragedy, our loss of life. Celebrating mothers mourning the loss of their sons and daughters. At the time I couldn’t imagine bringing a child into this world that had such unimaginable evil in it. How could I ever explain this day to a child?
We relied on the kindness of strangers that day. Restaurants opened their doors and provided food and drink, even though we had no money. People we didn’t know provided us with a place to rest and a way to call our loved ones, until we could be reunited with them. We were the lucky ones, the ones who made it. The ones who could fall into and cry in our mother’s loving arms. Today, I hug my children just a little stronger and hold them just a little closer. They are still too young to understand, but when they are old enough, I will tell them every detail that I can remember. So that they will never forget.
Where were you on Sept 11, 2001? How do you talk to your children about the attacks?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Maman Aya of New York, USA.
Photo credit to Comitini. This photo has a creative commons attribution no derivatives license.
The one thing that I have seen in tragedies again and again (sadly here in Israel there are too many) , is the kindness of strangers. Sometimes I feel like tragedies come to remind us of the way we should act to one another.
Susie – you are so correct! It was amazing how we all came together, as a city and as a country. Amazingly, I was thinking about you yesterday, as I went against the wishes of all of my family and some friends, and actually took my kids to a birthday party in Central Park (we are currently in a state of elevated risk levels). I said if this were any other day of the year would I go, and the answer was yes. I have friends and family in Israel who live their lives every day to the fullest, and they are constantly under attack. I refuse to let the terrorists win by hiding and not living my life!
Thanks for commenting!
Good for you. 🙂
so grateful for your willingness to share from your heart and lead us through the events that day from your perspective in the midst of it. I was at my former mother in law’s house with my oldest daughter, and my ex was flying back from the UK, he got diverted back to London. It was an emotional day for me as a fellow American (and human being), but also because of being separated from my spouse. I talk about that day a little bit, but only with my oldest two, who are 8 and 11, because the little ones are too young to understand right now. But I will.
I am nervous about the day that my kids are old enough to understand. I think I may print this off and give it to them as a good place to start 🙂
Interestingly enough, my niece, who is now 15, called me about 6 months ago to “interview” me for a school project. I chose not to hold back, thinking if she is old enough to learn about this in school, I am old enough for her to know my true feelings.
Thanks for commenting Frelle.
Absolutely beautiful. I loved the ending about strangers taking everyone in. Thank you.
Thanks Elizabeth! That was a long time before you knew me (or even before you chose to move to NYC), although it feels like yesterday. One thing that you will learn about new Yorkers (if you haven’t already), is that they really come together to help each other out in a tragedy.
See you soon (hopefully)!
xo
You are one of my favorite people in the world and one I keep close to my heart. I remember the day all too well and how I tried very hard to locate you and make sure you were safe. As well as speaking with your Mom and reassuring her you got out and were ok.
I’m very happy you are alive and kicking and and still one of my closest friends to this day..
Love
Chris
Thanks Chris! I think your call may have actually helped my mom (although as soon as she heard my voice she broke down in tears on the phone). Funny enough a few other people’s memories of that day include speaking to my mom to make sure that I was ok.
Thanks for always being there when I need someone to lean on!
xoxo
Thank you so much for sharing your story!
I was in London on that day – in the basement of Peter Jones (the kitchen department) when I overheard some of the staff talking about something that sounded so strange that nobody believed it… When I came back to the flat shortly afterwards I turned on the telly (I was unemployed at the time) – and believe I saw the second plane… It was just horrible and to this day unbelievable. Luckily my son is now only 1,5 years old so we have not been faced with explaining this, but I am sure one day he will ask questions (and he will ask questions about an attack that took place in Norway recently) – and I have no idea what to say…
I agree with you Asta, that it will be such a difficult discussion to have when they are old enough to understand. How do you explain to an innocent child that there is such horrendous evil in the world? I believe that, once they are old enough, we need to be direct and answer their questions honestly, no matter how difficult. That way, they will be able to face the evil head on (and not be afraid…the terrorist feed on our fears). Good luck when the time comes!
Thanks for commenting!
I know this was really difficult for you to write, so thank you so much for writing it for us. Thank you for sharing it.
I was in Washington, D.C. that day working about a block from the White House. When we heard what had already happened and that there was a plane was coming for the White House, it was scary. I remember those siren sounds that you and Jen both spoke of yesterday — we heard them a lot after the attacks while living in Arlington, where the Pentagon is located.
At four years old there hasn’t been any questions yet, so to be honest, I haven’t brought it up with her yet. But, I’m sure the years to come will be different, and we’ll have the conversation.
Jen
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity Jen! Since our kids are the same age, maybe we can talk to them together 🙂 .
I can imagine that people who were in D.C. must have been just as scared as we were in NYC. The sound of a siren is not the only sense that triggers the memories for me. Every one of my senses were attacked that day, the sound of the sirens and plane engine, the smell of the jet fuel, the sights of it all, the “taste” of the dust in the air after the tower fell, and the feel of the actual particles in my hair. These all serve as reminders to what was lost on that dreaded day.
Thanks for all of your support Jen!
that day I was a teenager living in Poland. I remember that I came home to take something and leave again, and I saw a picture of one of the towers on fire on tv. I thought my father is watching a movie. I actually even didn’t know what WTC is back then. It wasn’t until the next day that I was informed that it wasn’t a movie. Even then that tragedy was too far away to be mine. I know it migh sound bad, but I was a different person, I was young, and something happening in US was like something happening in Mars.
As for today I still can’t say a lot about it. My daughter is too small to talk about it. When she’ll get to that age when we are able to talk I will leave it to my husband who that day was still in the army and this event had a huge impact on his life.
As for talking with kids about this tragedy I heard that in California’s schools they don’t teach kids about it because they say it’s too early. I don’t agree. It’s been 10 years and 10 years Is enough to be consider a history.
I didn’t know that they don’t teach it in California. What a ridiculous reason… they taught kids about the Vietnam War in the early ’80s. As I mentioned to Frelle, my 15 year old niece was learning about it in school last year and interviewed me for her project. I think that is appropriate, afterall if we don’t teach the children how will we enforce that they will never forget?
Thanks for commenting!
We were staying with my brother in law when it happened, and I was six months pregant with our eldest son. I will never forget being woken by my brother in law saying, come and look at this…words couldn’t fully explain what was going on. Thanks for sharing what it was like to be right there, as it happened.
It must have felt like you were watching a bad movie. I suspect that I would have held my belly tight if I were in your place.
Thanks for stopping by!
This post gave me chills. What a story you have from that day – thank you so much for sharing that with us.
Thanks Diana.
I still remember where I was.
Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
No one will forget where they were or what they were doing. Thank for stopping by Salma!
Thanks for your post Maman Aya. I too was not yet a mother and I was traveling on a “N” train from 42nd St to DeKalb Ave in Brooklyn on my way to an off-site office that morning. When the train got on the bridge to cross from Manhattan to Brooklyn, I could see the smoke billowing from the first tower. Everyone jumped out of their seats and they were plastered to the windows on the south side of the train. It just seemed SO hard to believe. Once I got off the subway in Brooklyn, there were already SWAT teams directing people off the train and out of the subway station – no one was allowed back in. I ran three blocks to my office and out of breath tried to tell an office mate what I had just seen. We ran to turn the TV on in the break room and there saw the plane hit the second tower. I was speechless…with tears running down my face.
I was stuck in Brooklyn for most of the day and was not able to get through to my family or my fiance because the phone lines were so jammed up. Even the internet wasn’t working. The only person I was able to talk to on the phone was my (now) mother-in-law – somehow she was able to dial through to me. I asked her to please contact my family to let them know I was okay.
I didn’t tell my oldest (5 yo) about it this year because I didn’t think she would understand, but once she is old enough, I definitely will. Thanks again for sharing your story!
That must have been surreal to see it from the subway like that. It really was so hard to dial out that day. Even once I was able to get to a landline, I had to keep dialing over and over again until I could get a line.
Thanks for stopping by Eva.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry for everything you went through that day. I am at a loss to make a thoughtful response because the emotions are still so close to the surface. We will never forget!
I live out near Seattle but am from PA and have family in NJ/NY, PA and Maryland. I was driving to work in downtown Seattle when I heard of the attacks on the radio. My 1st call was to my Dad in PA to see if he heard from my family in DC and NYC. We had no idea what was going on or the extent. I worked in a high rise in Seattle, and they let us all go just in case. Even being on the West Coast, it was terrifying driving out of the city, over major bridges to get home. No one knew who, what, why or where this was all going on.
I still am not sure about how I will tell this story to my kids, but I will someday. Your post has given me some good food for thought. Much love and many blessings to you!
Thank you Tara! That’s pretty amazing to see everything that was going on in NYC and DC and to wonder if your city will be next. One thing that one of my colleagues yelled over to me as we started to run (immediatly after the second plane hit) was we need to get away from the tall buildings. Because my brain was not really able to process what I had just witnessed, I trusted her and just ran….thank goodness I did!
My brother was supposed to be training at the top of the WTC that morning – thank God he was not. Many were not that lucky. My father still carries the note that his secretary handed him … “Your son called – He is safe – Call him back ASAP.” –
I too thank you for sharing your story. Hearing these stories firsthand reminds us all how precious our lives are. The word “courage” can have a lot of different meanings – thank you for your “courage” to share with us …
I can imagine the relief your father felt when he read that note, when he was thinking that his son might have been at that breakfast. We use this forum to discuss things as mothers, but fathers are just as effected by terrorist events.
Thank you for the kind words!
This post def gave me the chills. I cannot believe what an experience you had! Wish I could comment more, but 3 angry babies want their mama and your post just reminded me how precious my children are, evenw hen they are grouchy!
Thanks Ame! I hope you gave those beautiful babies of yours big huge hugs and kisses (and a few from me too). Thanks for taking the time out of your crazy day to read!
xoxo
Crazy…I couldn’t remember what bldg we were in…I thought 4 or 5. I only got as far as almost docking at the WFC but the 2nd one hit and everything stood still, my stomach dropped. We began to turn back to hoboken. This was no mistake or accident. I was fine but my mother ended up in the hospital and has suffered from high blood pressure and a mini stroke since that day. Being a mother waiting for a call that day must have been torture.
We were on the 5th floor of 4 WTC, Ro. 🙂
Now that I am a mother I can truly appreciate how torturous it must has been, and still I cannot imagine waiting for that call.
Aya, I remember trying to reach you non-stop, and you weren’t picking up your phone, which was lost in the rubble. I was terrified to call your mom and was so relieved to hear your voice the next day when I finally felt brave enough to call her. That is not a day any of are will forget. Not what we saw — not how we felt — not what was lost. I also had the distinct realization that although I dreamed of motherhood ever since I had my first doll, I no longer wanted to bring children into the world. Only later did I also realize that would be accepting defeat. Thank you for sharing your story this way. Love you!
I remember you ‘reprimanded’ me for not answering my phone. 🙂
I am so glad that we both changed our minds after the dust settle and didn’t let them win! Afterall, our children wouldn’t be marrying each other if we hadn’t! 🙂
Love you too!
we thought of you many times yesterday. This was a great article. You know, this is the year that we had to really sit down and explain to gianna all about what happened and why. It was not easy. She had so many questions but is very sensitive and became frightened. Still the reality off the day required frank talk and it made me remember how as soon as the towers were struck we already won the war because the true nature of this country came out in all its glory. I had never seen our city and country so unified. We get so caught up in the day to day that we lose trac of our neighbors. 9-11 showed me that when the rubber meets the road, this country is one of compassion and openess and acceptance. On that day no one cared if you were black or white or straight or gay. On that day we were all family. And that’s how I explained it to Gianna.
I was dating my then boyfriend, now husband, who had just driven me to work in downtown Boston. The next day he was booked on a Delta, Westbound flight from Boston to China via Chicago, had he booked his flight differently, it’s possible he might have been one of the victims.
Our daughter is now 5 1/2, old enough to see what’s happening on the news but not to decipher it’s impact. We wanted to share 9/11 with her on this 10th anniversary of it and talked with her openly as we saw many replays and images from that tragic day ten years ago. I don’t think she understands still but certainly it has made enough of an impact for her to reference it in play and dialogue recently.
Thank you for sharing your eye-witness account of something so jarring and raw. I couldn’t help but wonder if you ever regained your purse or new leather jacket. I’m guessing not. But it was a detail that stuck with me during your entire essay.
Kyla – what a different story you would be telling if your husband was on that plane. Thank goodness he wasn’t! My then boyfriend, now husband, basically proposed to me the moment he saw me a couple of days later. Interesting how it all works out. 🙂
To answer your question, no I was never able to regain any of my personal belongings. Apparently there was a huge warehouse that was set up with all of the salvageable personal belongings that were found. And people were allowed to go and reclaim their stuff, but it was such a difficult time for me that I couldn’t bring myself to sift though piles of other people’s belongings in order to find mine (although I did think about it, since there were some things of sentimental value at my desk as well).
Thanks for stopping by!
So glad you shared your story. Seeing everything happen around you and being in the midst of it, must have been terrifying. There were some people that I know that lost their lives on 911. There were also some others that made it out. I am glad you made it out.
Thanks for the kind words Maggie.