1. Do not shave your legs until absolutely necessary. You will feel pressure from you friends to do it but be strong. Many of them probably have hairier legs than you do and are quick and fast. Do not be loose and fancy free like these shaving lunatics. The longer you can go without putting razor to skin the better. You will thank me when you’re 30 and trying to find pants on a hot summers day because you don’t have time to drag a blade over your dry skin.
2. There are certain things you should not do to your hair no matter what the fashion trend; perms, undercut, rat tails, and the mullet. Unless you are the lead in a multi million dollar film and you are going to be paying for my retirement, of course.
3. There will always be that ONE guy that all the girls swoon over. Don’t be one of them, and he will swoon over you!
4. You will get acne. Your life will be so totally OMG ruined. We’ll put cover up on it and move on with our day because guess what? Girls in magazines are photo shopped and they all have dimples on their butts.
5. People are going to gossip about you and you’re going to get hurt. You must be pretty awesome for them to talk about you. Be strong, be yourself, and smile through adversity! Telling them to grow up doesn’t hurt either.
6. Don’t ever do ANYTHING in your parents house while they are home that you wouldn’t do in front of their face. I caution you, child… I will know, and I will embarrass you.
7. When you go to a wedding pack an extra pair of comfortable shoes, your feet will appreciate this after you’ve had a few too many vodka Pom’s and you’re leading the conga line.
8. Drinking alcohol can be pretty cool, when you are of age. Drinking to the point of standing on a table, top off, and urine soaking through your jeans is never cool. Practice moderation, my dear.
9. Boys are going to want to kiss you. Do not allow this behaviour. It leads to unnecessary things (read: number 6) When a boy attempts to kiss you kick him in the shins.
10. There’s nothing wrong with a little hard work. Houses cost money. Paper routes bring in money. Pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ out?
What would you include in your “survival guide” to your child? Let’s hear it!
Photo credit to Remote Sky. This photo has a creative commons attribution no derivatives license.