This year I sent two children off to school, but I’m keeping one at home.
Even though Brody just turned three, I’m waiting another year before I enroll him in preschool and two more years after that before Kindergarten- which he will start having just turned six.
Yes, six.
And yes, I’m sure.
In our school district there’s a movement to change the rules, and our views, on the Kindergarten entrance age, and I’m against it. Here’s why.
Districts are encouraging families to enroll their children in Kindergarten as soon as they’re of age. In Minnesota, for example, if you’re five years old on or before September 1st of that school year, you’re in.
Some reasoning for this push includes:
-A wide age range between classmates makes instruction difficult.
-Children not liking being the oldest in their class.
-And students “evening out” by later grades.
Having studied education and taught and parented, here’s what I’ve found:
-Sometimes kids do, indeed, even out. And sometimes they don’t.
-Kindergarten and first grade are extremely formative. These are the grades when most children learn how to read and be students and are socialized into the school setting.
-It is extremely difficult to catch up if you fall behind during these early grades. Not impossible, but difficult.
–Maturity does matter in fostering learning and friendship and it affects instruction much more than a close age range does.
-There’s a difference- a big difference- between a just-turned-five-year-old and one that’s been five for a few months or more.
-When a student struggles -socially or academically- in an elementary classroom the first question that teachers and parents are asked is his or her birth date. It matters.
Some people argue that they don’t want parents deciding against Kindergarten “just because the mom next door said not to.”
I feel the same way about starting “on time” just because a policy maker said so.
As a parent, you’re familiar with that feeling in your gut. The one that tells you that your sweet, lovable, more-perfect-than-any-other-human-being-EVER baby of yours is not quite where his or her peers are.
When that feeling, that gut strike, happens -at the mall, at the park, at a birthday party, or on a playdate- you know it; with every fiber of your being, you just do.
Jason and I are sure of our decision to wait to start Brody in Kindergarten. Our gut tells us that there’s no rush, he’s small, slow to warm, and so the baby.
But most of all, our gut tells us that this is the right choice for him and for our family- and we’re following that.
I have no idea what’s best for you and yours. What I do know is that all parenting decisions, including this one, deserve to be made with thought and research. And not “just because.”
I’d love to see districts present this information -and even their bias- as a choice because that is, indeed, what it is. Your choice.
Advice that leaves parents feeling like they don’t have a choice takes the thinking out of parenting. And that, is wrong.
How did -or how will- you decide when to start your child in Kindergarten?
This is an original World Moms Blog post by Galit Breen. On any given day Galit can be found juggling one husband, three children, one puggle, and one lap top. Galit can be reached regularly at These Little Waves, by e-mail galitbreen@gmail.com, Twitter, and Facebook.
Photo credit to the author.
Great post, Galit. Here in New Zealand most children start school on the nearest school day to their fifth birthday. To be honest, even though I taught for years, I didn’t really question the sense of that until we had our own children. As a result, we have chosen to send our children to the local Waldorf school (government pays for most of it) where they go to what we call kindergarten, but what I think is more like your preschool, until the year they turn seven.
Why the delay for our boys? Loads of reasons (a post in itself) but for the eldest so that his engineering brain had time to develop to a point where he could manage sitting and reading and writing etc; for our second son (who is naturally book-smart) it’s so that he doesn’t end up being pushed into the high achieving academic classes (yes, you read that right); our third is in dreamland still, but having seen the results for the others I have no doubt that waiting is lso right for him.
I totally agree with you that maturity matters, and cringe when I hear so many parents tell me that their children are ready for school academically but not socially and emotionally.
Good for you: understanding Brody and making the decision that works for him.
Great post! Your last paragraph says it all. Every child, every family, and every situation is different which is why it is necessary to have a choice. A real choice.
I’m so glad you are discussing this. My son’s birthday is late in the summer and I feel some pressure to enroll him right after his 5th birthday. That isn’t for 3 more years, but I like that others are considering waiting. There are so many other things to consider, more than just a birth date, when sending our children off to school. There is no hurry! Thank you for this, Galit! Go with your instincts.
Here in Finland, children start school once they are 7 ie. if you haven’t turned 7 by the start of the school year then you start the following year. The government pays for 2 hours a day of pre-school at daycares but it isn’t compulsary. Before coming to FInland we lived in Scotland where kids start school when they are 5 (or 4 if they turn 5 before christmas) and the later school starting age was a real motivator for the move here. My daughter is smart and I am certain she would have been able to “handle” school at 5 years old, I am sure she would have been a “good student” but insted she spent that extra 2 years PLAYING. THere is far too much of a rush to get young children to read or do mathmatics…they will learn, and when they are ready to learn it takes almost no effort and it will be a joyful experience rather than a struggle.
This is such a big topic where Iive! Our rules are the same, start Kindergarten if 5 years old by Aug. 31.
My older son just started Kindergarten this fall, and he is 5 now but turning 6 in October. I am so glad it naturally worked out that he was close to 6 when starting. While acadmeically, he was ready a year ago, socially he was not. To see his development in this past year with his maturity, independence, and social skills has been huge. He is in a much better position to succeed.
But as you said, every child is different, so I think parents know if their child is ready. I have a good friend next door whose daughter turned 5 in July and could have started Kindergarten in September. But my friend is choosing to send her next year because, as you said, she “just knows” it’s best for her daughter.
Personally, I am a November birthday and was always one of the older kids in my class based on our schools rules growing up. I liked it. I always felt like I was maturing on track physically and mentally (if not ahead of the curve), and it was cool to be the first of my friends to get a driver’s license 😉
Great post! Both my kids are November birthdays so it was an easy choice. I am glad my son was turning six soon once he hit Kindergarten as he would never had been ready at 5! He still had a hard time even though it was only half day (we live in SW Minneapolis and he goes to Burroughs). I think you should do what you feel is best for your child. They have many years ahead of school so why not wait until they are emotionally, socially and academically ready. It all comes with age!
This is a very interesting topic. In NYC, the public schools say that kids who turn 5 before Dec 31st can start Kindergarden, whereas private schools generally have August-Sept cut offs. My son is born in Nov, so missed the cut off when we were applying to preschools, which (ironically enough) I was upset about. My son has always been mature, and academically ready. What I did not realize at the time was the emotional maturity. So now, he is the oldest in his Pre-K class (the year before Kindergarden) and is thriving. Interestingly enough we have friends who chose the public school route who’s kids are born after my son and started Kindergarden this year. I couldn’t be happier with how it all worked out.
Galit, I’m so proud of you for watching your children and their developmental stages. For knowing when they are ready.
Good for you.
This will help him in the future.
Good for you, for making the decision you believe it best for your children. That is wonderful.
I don’t get a choice of when to start T in kindergarten. He is not allowed to start this year because he turns 5 a mere 10 days after the cut off. He will be almost 6 when he starts kindergarten. I do not believe this is best for him, because he is more than ready for kindergarten THIS year. I know it in my heart. But I have fought with the school district. It is hopeless. I have no choice.
I hate that I have no choice. I hate that I couldn’t have him tested to start this year. I hate that he has to be in preschool for another year, where there is no learning of any kind. I hate that I can’t afford to put him in a more curriculum-based preschool, where he would be able to foster his love of learning. I hate that my only choice, would have been to move.
I believe that it should be the parent’s choice in when to start kindergarten. I’m glad that you have that choice, and that you made what you believe is the right one for your children.
This is a great post and very timely. I have a daughter who will be 4 in November. Here in California, the rules used to be you had to be 5 on or before December 1 to be eligible for kindergarten that calendar year. They’ve recently changed the cut-off date to September 1. I’m a November birthday too. So my mom made the decision to enroll me in Kinder at 4 (turning 5). I don’t think it was a bad decision as I always felt like I related more to older kids. For my daughter, I think having her start Kinder at 6 will be fine. My only concern is the social climate. She tends to do better with kids that are her age or slightly older. If I enroll her at 6, she’ll be one of the oldest with predominantly younger kids. So I guess that’s my dilemma — do you use social or intellectual as the guide? I guess I have some time to figure it out!
Here in Oregon children are not even required to go to kindergarten. They don’t have to attend school until age seven! craziness. We had some difficulty with our daughter. She was too young to be in kindergarten (she missed the cut-off by a few months) and so went to preschool when she was very very ready to be in kindergarten. Despite being in preschool and learning preschool material, she excelled, learning kindergarten material on her own as well as learning to read. With that in mind, we chose to pull her out of school this year and homeschool her for her kindergarten year. She is way beyond kindergarten curriculum and is doing very well with a first-grade curriculum. However, considering her age and maturity level, I would not want to skip her ahead into a first grade classroom. That’s why homeschooling is ideal for us because we can customize it to our child.
I am pretty sure our second child will not be going to kindergarten when he is five (next year). He is in preschool now and this is only because he is high-functioning autistic. The preschool is helping him with his social skills and fine-motor skills. Although he has progressed considerably, I cannot see him being ready for a kindergarten class next fall, even though he will be the “right age.” And who knows about our youngest? His birthday falls in August, which would make him the youngest child in his class. I do not feel very comfortable with that.
It’s not the school district’s job to tell us when our children are ready to be educated. I feel very strongly that parents know their children best and should be free to make the right decisions for them.
and this is a REALLY long comment – sorry! 🙂
G- LOVED your approach on this topic. It is quite the hot button, right? This is one of the *very* few things that I do have a very-strong-and-there’s-no-way-anyone-is-changing-my-mind opinion about it view. Hmmmph. So there. Here it is: HOLD YOUR KIDS.
I was a teacher. Nanny. Child care volunteer. Big Sister. And now MOM OF THREE. WITH ALL AUGUST BIRTHDAYS. LATE AUGUST BIRTHDAYS, people, if you catch my drift. Here’s how we roll: My bday: August 20. My oldest: August 29. My twins: August 26. (If that nine days isn’t enough to make your head spin each year before the new school year approaches, I don’t know what would be?!?)
Now. All my snottiness on the subject aside, I’m not judging other people who don’t choose to hold their kids a bit.I just won’t do it (except for the first round of kindergarten conferences I held as a student teacher where in the dad told me that they started their son early so they could save $$ by not having to pay child care— he needed a new truck.) I know you have your reasons. I get it. I’m sure it makes sense. Just not really to me. Age 5 is sososososo little. Like really little. Like, half-the-kindergarten-class-cries-for-the-first-month-of-school little.
I don’t have any research to back up my opinion. I’m too lazy to collect any- I just knew in my gut it was the right thing to do. And sometimes as a mom, that’s just the best way to make a decision for me.
Like so many parenting topics, this is a controversial one. And an important one. I think you are so right when you say you have done the research and are doing what’s right for your child and your family. There are many factors involved in this decision and those factors are different for each child and parent. I think in schools that are more developmental and understand the need to (and have the resources to) adjust the curriculum for the child, most just-5 yr olds will be okay. But in the current public education system where Kinder is what 1st grade used to be, I really believe red-shirting is the right thing for many children. My heart broke for the little 4 year olds in my girls’ Kinder class who struggled memorizing the weekly poem and so much else. Some of them have continued to struggle, one repeated 2nd grade, and some have managed fine as the years progressed. My girls birthdays are in June and we considered having them do another year of preschool but ultimately sent them on. Had I known what I know now back in my trying-to-get-pregnant phase, I would have aimed for October and November babies so they’d be the oldest. It’s an advantage.
Maryland recently switched from parents of kids born August through December being given a choice to it being mandatory that a kid is five by the first day of kindergarten. It is possible to test in earlier, but it’s fairly difficult. My October-born almost five year old is in a 4s nursery school program and we’re already being encouraged by his teacher and pediatrician to try and test him into first grade next year.
I like the idea of parents choosing. It’s terrible for your kid to start too early, but boredom for an advanced kid is equally damaging.
This is an interesting piece Galit.
I wonder how much gender plays in this decision? Do you think if your daughter had been born around the same time as Brody your decision would be the same?
Readiness for school require much more then being a specific age, and I commend you for acknowledging this. Best of luck to Brody.
Such an interesting topic. I don’t have to think about it with my own kids (January and February, so they will be 5, turning 6 during kindy). I know it’s a big subject around here, because Michigan still has a December cut-off. However, I think the movement around here is actually towards a September cut-off, so that the kids would have to be 5 by the first day of school (now they are still able to be 4 if they turn 5 in December.) I personally think that’s a smart move. 4 is young for kindergarten.
I think it’s much better to have them a little “old” for their class then to start before they’re ready. I think, unfortunately, many parents feel like their kids are “ready” academically, but I think it’s more of a developmental/emotional readiness. As a former middle-school teacher, I feel that, in general, I could really tell who the YOUNG kids in the class were. Of course there are exceptions to every rule, so people need to do what they feel is right, but that’s just my own (far from expert) opinion.
No one knows their children like the parent does.
No one should make decisions for the children other than their parents … because its our job to look out for them and make the best decisions for them.
When I grew up in SA, school started in First Grade, there was no Kindergarten and you did 12 years of school. I was born in England and had started there at 4.
My kids went to preschool here,then Pre-K, and K, my youngest came home then.
My oldest came home in 4th.
At 13, she is taking all High School Honors courses … joint choices, we know what works, we know whats best.
My kids are happy and we like to keep it that way 😉
Each to his own …
Great post Galit!
(as always)
I sent my oldest on time, but he has a December birthday. My other two, who are May babies- going a year late. B/c I think it’s what’s best for them.
My oldest’s kindergarten teacher really helped me with this decision. She said that this is the only time in their lives when we can give our kids the gift of time. And the worst case scenerio that she saw was that we’d wait and then that child would already know everything they needed to know for kindergarten and be at the top of the class. That’s not really “bad” is it?
This is a great post and a very important topic. In my school district, children may enter kindergarten (which is full day) in September as long as they’re going to be five before the end of December. The parents have the final say whether to send them at age 5 or 6. Unfortunately I think for a lot of folks, the desire (or need) to have their kids in a full-day setting prompts them to send kids that really aren’t ready. Kindergarten ISN’T daycare. Another commenter mentioned that kindergarten is what first grade used to be and I think in many ways this is true. Why rush?
Both of my boys have birthdays in July so I sent them at 5. If they had been any younger I might have waited. On the other hand, I had a neighbor whose daughter didn’t turn 5 until late November was TOTALLY ready for Kindergarten.
I truly believe it is a choice that needs to be based on the individual child and the family. Some kids are ready and some kids are not. This is one of the many parenting/education topics that is certainly not one size fits all.
I think that parents have a right to decide what’s best for their child. My son was born on December 29, and although he’s only 21 months now, we’ve already discussed when he should go to school. When they’re, 2, 3 years old, a few months in age difference is huge. For us to put him in the same school year as kids born January, February, March of the same year would not be ideal. I’d hate for him to feel left behind. I’d rather he was the oldest in the class if we wait. Great post, Galit, much to think about.
All three of mine have spring birthdays, so we didn’t have to deal with this issue.
But. I was a 4th grade teacher in my former life. My friends know this and ask for my advice on this issue. All. The. Time.
And I tell them what you say here. Every child is different. Every parent knows what’s best for their own children. End of story. For a school district to mandate this decision is not a sound educational practice, in my opinion.
Good for you, Galit, for talking about this openly and doing what’s right for your family.
I’m watching my G closely because he has a “late” birthday. He’s currently in a pre-school class with a lot of kids who also have later birthdays, which I’m SO glad for. But honestly, I’m on the fence whether to enroll him in full Kindergarten next August. He will have only turned 5 a mere 3 months earlier. We’ll just have to see.
I love that your gut told you and Jason what to do. It’s usually (always) right. 😉 xo
Great post, Galit. I’m making the same choice for my just turned three year old who makes the dec 3 cut off out here. He will start preschool next year, and K two years after that. He is slow to warm up and needs his transitional objects…I just don’t see the rush. They have their whole lives to be in school. It’s so much pressure. Emotional health is important too!
The other argument (especially with uber-competitive parents) is that they are giving their kids an academic advantage by holding them until they start kindergarten “late.” That by being among the oldest in the class, they gain some kind of leg up against their younger classmates that in turn, feeds the academic competitiveness that has seeped down from the high schools and middle schools. My daughter was 5 going into K in September. She turned 6 in December, so she’s right in the middle of the pack, age-wise, and she’s exactly where she needs to be, academically and socially. She’s now in 3d grade and doing very well. Starting her at 4-turning-5 in December would have been disastrous for her, so we found a challenging preschool and had a blast the summer before kindergarten, and she showed up ready to learn and excited about school. I can only hope the same goes for my younger daughter, who also has a December birthday and will likely follow the same pattern. As for me? I was 5 starting K, have a May birthday and so was toward the younger end of my class, but I never felt like I was drowning – I loved school and am so happy I passed that on to my girls.
The Kindergarten entrance was difficult for me when my oldest was ready to start because she was born in October so she missed the Sept 30th cut off date. She was so ready for Kindergarten but we had to wait because of that stupid rule. I tried everything I could think of to get around it but they wouldn’t let me.
Nobody knows your child better than you do. My oldest has an April birthday and though he made that cutoff to start school “on time”, you can certainly tell he’s one of the younger ones of the class. The maturity is different and the struggles vary.
I totally agree on this. I did not send my daughter to preschool at 3 and insisted on part time only at 4. They start so much earlier now and generally spend more time in the system. I believe there is such a thing as educational burnout. My daughter was 5 and 9 months at the start of kindergarten but was clearly not emotionally ready. I have seen such a big difference in her this year in 1st grade. She is loving it. Interestingly, I recently heard of a trend to keep boys back a year so that they are the older ones in their class and more confident. This is supposed to make better leaders out of them. It is a theory put forth by someone whose name I do not know who has wriiten a book about it. Again, buying into a trend instead of making a decision based solely on what our children are ready for is also wrong, I believe. And I guess it never occured to these parents that if everyone buys into the trend, you will still have the same age spread in the class, so you lose the effect after all. Great post!
I taught pre k through 3rd grade for 5 school years. I’m so thankful that there are parents like you. So many parents have no other choice but to use public school as daycare while they work, and there is a large difference between Kindergarten and daycare. It’s a tough decision, but I wish more parents were able to make it.
Good for you to stick to what you believe is right for your son. My son who will be 5 this December is in Kindergarten now (K1). He’s the eldest in his class but I feel it’s ok than to force him. Many kids here starts school way early. He started pre-K when he’s 4.5 but they put him in the ‘small’ class just to get him used to the whole setting.
My son turned 5 in July and started Kindergarten this fall. I was not sure how he would do but figured I would try and if he was struggling (mostly I am worried about his social interaction) then I would pull him out and wait. But he seems to be loving it. I do think though that if our Kindergartens here, like so many in the country, were full days he would not be doing as well. The half day suits him as an introduction to the school system. My daughter just turned three and would probably do very well in a small preschool already. Our preschool is two half days a week. As Galit says in the article, it depends so much on the child. Know what your child is ready for. Listen to that “gut” feeling that tells you what he/she can handle. It will be so much less stress on everyone.
I look at it 13 years down the road and would much rather send my nearly 19 year old to college rather than my just barely past 17 year old.
My first two kids are Winter bdays so I never consider anything other then sending them to kindergarten at 5 1/2..but my youngest is a Summer bday and I will strongly consider waiting until she is 6 to send her.
My kids are still not “school aged,” yet, but I’m of a similar mind to you – hold on to them until you’re absolutely certain that they’re ready. It’s not that a kid might not be smart enough to go to school – but maturity plays part of it too. They need to be able to absorb and not distract others and, generally, “be good,” and that’s just easier at a later age.
When it comes to boys, though, there’s a separate factor . . . sports (this is true for girls, too, but, well, I’m not aware of too many parents “knowing” that their girl will be a top-flight athlete the same way that certain fathers “know” that their son is going to be the all-county running back). If you child starts sports and is just a little bit older than those around him (or her), they’re likely to be just a little bit better, and they’ll get more playing time, and that will actually make them better . . . so, by the time the growing is actually all done and we’re looking at varsity sports, those who started school a little later usually had a good bit of advantage.
I think we’ll start preschool after he turns 4, and redshirt him for Kindergarten (or not) based on how that goes. It seems that boys especially benefit from being the older ones in the class, just in my experience.
We will be holding off on Kindergarten until Katie turns 6.
She will turn 6 in May of 2013 and I feel that, given her personality, she will benefit from the later start.
She is my child and I know her best.
If I start making decisions based upon what everyone else is doing, it’s a slippery slope and not an example that I want to set for my children.
At 6, she’ll be ready. I probably won’t be, but she will. 😉
Great, thoughtful piece, Galit!
Yes! I think parents should follow their gut on this! Some kids are just ready and you know it. And some kids are not. It has nothing to do with intelligence or behaviors or parenting, and everything to do with maturity. We tried preschool for my eldest (at 3 yo) and it was a disaster. We pulled him out at 4.5 and did not go back to a classroom until last Monday (one day a week school). We are homeschooling. Now he is 8 yo (Sept. baby) and in 2nd grade. His maturity this school year is already noticeable. He is READY now. He’s made huge leaps in his reading ability and confidence in learning. I think this will be a good “school” year for him.
His kindergarten and first grade years were good PLAY years. Everyone forgets about the power of play. He is a great kid, nice to his friends, works well in a group and NOW he is ready to learn academics. I am huge fan of “Better Late than Early.”
I should say we have a 5 yo (in July) who is READY. He was reading at 4 yo and is so ready to learn he is begging for me to read to him. My boys are opposites when it comes to reading, but both of them enjoy books. My eldest loves chapter books read to him or audio books. He loves complicated, “meaty” stories. My youngest likes books he can read himself or almost read. He is not as interested in the plot, not like my eldest at the same age.
Parents and educators should respect those differences and encourage/teach young children in ways that work best for them. There is plenty of time to learn how to sit in a desk and pay attention to a boring lecture. When the child understands the *benefit* of the class and it outweighs the work/attention involved, they will do it. I am starting to see the proof with my own eyes, but my heart knew long before…
I have a 4 yr old with a July Birthday (also my middle child). We started him “on time,” making him in his second year of preschool now and slated to start kindergarten next year. What Doug and I decided to do is to keep him at his private preschool (which goes THROUGH kindergarten). We’ll send him to kindergarten there with a very open conversation with his teacher throughout the year. This will give us the option to send him on to first grade right after kindy, or have him repeat kindy in the public school if his teacher advises that he’s not quite ready for 1st grade. SO MUCH development happens between the ages of 4 and 5 (I agree with you there Galit), that I didn’t want to lock myself into a decision by delaying his start from the get-go. That’s how we’re handling the “young-for-his-grade” kid in our family. My oldest and youngest are March and January bdays, so there is much less guess-work to do with them!
This is a tough issue, and I agree that there should NOT be a policy telling parents what to do. My mom started both of my brothers “late” and me “on time”. A BIG part of that was a maturity and readiness issue. She noticed that girls (me) seemed to be ready much sooner than boys. The boys just needed an extra year of preschool to be as academically ready for the challenges of “real school” than I did.
My parents also took into account how it would affect us later in school. Right or wrong, they determined that starting the boys later would not only give them a boost academically, but also with ability/self-confidence if they chose to play sports. Starting them younger would have been a disadvantage. Neither of my brothers ended up playing sports anyway (which did not bother my parents at all), but they wanted them to feel like they had the same opportunities to advance as their other classmates in their grade.
Eddie’s birthday is in June and I KNOW we will start him “late”. Unless, of course, he continues the path he is on with learning and maturity. He is sort of unique that way 🙂 Big, smart, and kind. But all kids are different, and as parents we should have the right to decide when they are ready for school.
I’m struggling with this. My daughter who just turned 4 will technically meet the requirements to start kinder next fall. She’ll still be 4 at that point since she has a late September B-day and our cutoff over here is Nov.1 (which by the way, they are moving up to eventually sept 1st). My husband says, why worry, send her if she’s “eligible”.
I’m torn and unfortunately, my mom instincts don’t seem to be kicking in here. Ugh! I still have no idea what we’ll do. 🙁
I think there needs to be some equalizing done on behalf of children everywhere. As a teacher turned education blogger and curriculum developer, I see copious amounts of articles written about parents who start vying for their child’s spot at exclusive preschools as soon as the child has be weighed and measured for the first time (ok, maybe not that soon, but you get the idea). If you are interested at all, here’s what I ended up writing in response to that “trend”: http://learnersedgeinc.wordpress.com/2011/08/16/late-to-the-game/
As you have all articulated, the people who know their children best are parents. Minnesota has a law governing a certain age to start (and not before), and I am not too thrilled about that. If my son (born at the end of September) shows that he has developed enough to be with a group of peers socially and intellectually, he should be able to start school when he is ready. If he’s a late bloomer, so what? I think he should start when I know him to be damn well ready to do so. I love hearing when parents trust their gut, and just “know because they know.” Honestly, I don’t believe that there is a better measurement in the world of parenting.
That is the cut off age in Texas as well, and always has been as far as I know. My birthday is September 7th; therefore, I had to wait a year before starting school after I turned five. I think in the end it turned out great. I was always one of the oldest kids, and I was emotionally mature enough to start school. I’m not sure I would have been if I started a year earlier.
I don’t know what our rules are for waiting a year before starting kindergarten, but I know that parents have done it so I don’t think it is that big of a deal here. You are the mom and you know best. If you think he needs a year then no one should try to make you do differently.
The girl has a winter birthday. I could have lobbied for her to go to school early [she was WAY ready] but the husband asked me why I would want her to finish being a kid so soon. I had no good answer. Why would I rush her out of her babyhood so that she could start school a bit earlier and then . . . what? Start working earlier? Eh.
That was our decision and we’re happy with it. And so is she.
I do have to make one more comment.
While I agree that every parent knows their child best, I DO think there needs to be some sort of cut-off and some sort of mandating if parents are sending their children to school. Though I would like to think every parent (including me) can be objective about their (my) child’s readiness, I think there are some parents who would push for very young childrent to start school. I have friends who claim their three year olds are ready for kindergarten.
So interesting, Galit. We started Connor in preschool this year (he turned 3 in June) because he was ready. If he hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have worried about it. I really think he’s going to be the kind of kid who’s going to be ready for kindergarten in 2 years, but of course we’ll have a chance to determine if that’s still the case before when we get there.
This is also known as redshirting kindergarten. That is probably why they are cracking down on it because of the size/maturity difference with the kids. But I think if they weren’t pushing so hard at the younger ages, it would be fine, and parents wouldn’t feel the need to wait.
Galit, I think you will find this interesting:
http://www.whiteoakschool.com/camp-creek-blog/2011/2/10/redshirting.html
This is a hot topic in our household as the kindergarten age cut off is changing in the state of California (USA). Currently, the age cut off is 5 by December and they are pushing it back a month over the next few years to September 1. But our private school cut off range from July 1 – September 1. With all that mess, we are opting NOT to send big girl to kindergarten next year even though she is technically eligible. Even if we did apply to private school, she most likely would not be accepted with a late-August birthday. On the flip-side, she goes to preschool and so does little girl who is not even 2. They attend 3 half days a week. Little girls experience is not much more than glorified daycare – finger painting and singing songs. Big girl is now learning numbers and letters. We believe in our decision to keep big girl home another year but it sometime nags in the back of my head whether or not we are making the right choice.
Thank you Galit, for your (as always) thoughtful and supportive treatment of a tough subject. Our family is a good example of “different kids different needs.” Our second son is an end of Aug birthday and he started school just a few days over 5. He is thriving, and we felt certain (as did his teachers and the school we sent him to) that he was ready. He’s in 2nd grade now and we haven’t regretted this decision yet. Our third son will turn 6 just 2 weeks after starting kindergarten next year. Despite his larger size (not only by age but he’s just a taller kid), we feel he will really benefit from being at the older end. He’s always going to be a younger kid at home, and we hope he will thrive in the role of “older” at school. In the end, you get to know each of your kids, and do the best you can by each of them.
I have two very opposite children. My oldest has special needs, and entered Kindergarten at age six. She is always the oldest in her class, but with a birthday in the Spring, it doesn’t matter too much.
My 3yo has a November birthday, and the rules here go by the first day of school. So for her, it is almost a non-issue because she will turn 6 only a few weeks after she starts Kindergarten.
I’ve known lots of parents who were eager for their kids to start school as early as possible, and some kids are ready. But like several other commenters said, I don’t want to send my 17yo to college. I used to teach college, and although most of the 17yo’s were just as mature as the 18yo’s, they had to get special permission for every activity because they weren’t legal adults yet.
I think the point here is that as parents we know our kids and should be trusted to make decisions like this. I think you made some excellent points and it is interesting because I literally just posted on how we should have sent my daughter early. She is, very simply, more than ready.
If it is okay, I think I am going to write a follow up piece on that because we are both great moms and want what is best for our kids. In us both doing what is best for our kids, at least as far as our current school system is concerned, we will be part of the issue our school district is facing with the very large age differences in kindergarten and through the years.
I know age is just a number, but as they grow older I think it matters even more. A 13 year old and a 15 year old can be very different, as we know.
I wonder if there is not a better way to do things in these early years, but then I think that while we are good parents who think about these things, in many ways those dates are there to make sure that the school systems can handle the class sizes and so that parents must either home school their kids or send them by a certain date. There are parents who do not think as much as we do about education and its importance.
Thanks for the article Galit! Great thought material!
First off, I just found you today via Literal Mom. What a great topic.
The cutoff date for my area is December 1. Following this mandate, I elected to start my son in preschool one September just shy of his third birthday (he’s a late Oct baby). It was evident after a mere two days that he was not emotionally ready for this. I unenrolled him and kept the little guy home with me for another year. The next year, I had to make a similar decision: put my son back in the 3-year-old program or pop him in to the 4-year-old program.
I was on the fence. What finally swayed me were the words from a mom friend who impressed upon me how much more CONFIDENT he would be if he were given the benefit of that extra year. I put him in the threes, and I could not have been more pleased with the results. By the time he hit kindergarten, he was a confident, well-adjusted student.
He had been ready academically that first year of threes when I took him out of the program. He just wasn’t there emotionally–not truly ready to make the break from mom, and unsure of his surroundings. Everyone I talked to said you’ll never regret holding a child back. I wholeheartedly agree! That decision was right for us.
such an interesting discussion. we moved from a state with a dec. 31 cutoff to one with a sept.1 cutoff, and my kids happen to be born between sept. 1 and dec. 31, so now they are by far the youngest… but i didn’t want them to repeat a grade, so here we are…
My son is 12 now. His birthday is 9/1 and our cut off is 9/30. I sent him and I am so glad I did. He was ready. He is excelling in 7th grade and he is so tall. That being said the decision is different for every child and every family. My other three were born in February and March so I haven’t had to worry about the date but I imagine I would have for at least one of the twins had he been a summer birthday. I am a preschool teacher and I see kids that are young and will be ready and kids that are older and are definitely not ready. Several teachers that my 12 year old has had had no idea he was so young. I have always made it a point to talk to them to see if there were any issues and so far we have been lucky.
As a child with an October birthday who started K at age 4, I assumed my July boys would start on time at just-turned-five. Now that they are 3 and 1, I do see a huge difference between them and their classmates because they are the youngest. They’re in multi-age Montessori so it doesn’t matter, and by age five I might not see the difference. But I might. And I don’t know what I’ll do then. I like that it’s my choice, but I don’t like that if I send them, they’ll be a full year younger than so many classmates of parents who held their kids the extra year. I think it makes being “ready” for K a much higher bar than it used to be. However, as a parent, my first job is to take care of my boys, so that’s what I’ll do, whether I send them or wait. Very tough issue.
And yes, as a teacher, even in fourth grade I can often tell which children are the youngest in the class. Academically there may be little or no difference – some are even more advanced – but socially and emotionally they are usually a little behind. Not always, but it’s a factor.
Glad you’re doing what’s best for your family.
Some kids are ready and some aren’t. You’re right, some kids are not mentally ready and I think starting them before they are is asking for trouble. I agree that there shouldn’t be a start-at-age-what-some-law-maker-believes-to-be-right mandate. However, the choice to start a child should be based on the child’s readiness, not the parent’s. I’ve seen parents wait to start their children because of their own fears, so I think it’s a fine line when the school systems decide to set an age. Maybe rather than a starting age they should consider an ending age: no child older than 61/2 in kindergarten? Something like that.
I understand considering holding him back from kindergarten if he’s not ready, but why decide that so early? Why not start him in preschool and see if he matures being around his peers? And if not, couldn’t he do 3 years of preschool? That is what my sister wound up doing and it turned out well for her.
This is a question we had to decide last year. Our big girl turned 5 in late August, just days before the September 1 cut off. She was ready socially but we were not sure about how she would do academically. So we sent her! The year started out great but her peers quickly pulled away and she could not keep up with the pack. So we asked that she do kindergarten again. And this time she will be ready!!! Thankfully, none of this has impacted her outlook for self esteem. She had a great year in kindergarten and is looking forward to another one!