Sleep is a big topic in my house.
I’m willing to bet a dozen cupcakes it is in yours, too.
Does the 2 year old get enough sleep? Will I ever get a full night’s sleep ever again? Will we co-sleep with the second child? Do we have a good bedtime routine for the toddler? How will the new baby sleep when he arrives? Will the baby wake the toddler or vice versa?
Sleep does not come easy for any of us in my household.
Due to the nature of his work, and that he suffers from insomnia off and on, my husband goes to bed late (think after 2.00 a.m.). There is also a lot of tossing and turning going on before sleep finally comes.
My son was never a good sleeper, even as a baby. He would require a lot of rocking, breastfeeding, and spending half the night lying on my chest. He would also be up from 1.00 to 4.00 a.m. (I call it the ‘witching hour’) Â until he was 6 months old.
We ended up co-sleeping, as I had a bad back postpartum and had to breastfeed lying down. He would fall asleep after each nursing session and God forbid I moved him back to his crib – he would instantly wake up and it would take another half an hour for him to settle down.
As he got older, he still woke up frequently in the night. Sometimes up  to six times (I can hear you gasping).
Needless to say, I slept in increments of 90 minutes to 2 hours a night for 18 months, which was when he was weaned and moved to his own bed and room simultaneously.
His father took over the bedtime routine, and within a week, he was going to sleep easily, and sleeping through the night.
Our celebrations were short-lived. When he turned 2 in December, he regressed. He would wake up once or twice at night and cry. He started climbing out of his big boy bed, opening his room door and running out looking for us.
He ended up sleeping in our bed every night from then on.
And waking up frequently, sometimes taking up to an hour to fall back asleep.
Sound familiar?
We struggled mightily with the sleep problems. He was now older, more willful, and willing to wear us down with tantrums if we tried to move him back to his room. And we did try.
My pregnancy was progressing, and it was getting difficult to share a bed with a toddler who liked to lie on top of me.
None of us were getting much sleep.
Tempers were fraying, toddler and adults alike were struggling through the day with fatigue.
Finally, one night, we decided enough was enough. We had to get him to sleep in his own bed again.
We had to be cruel to be kind. We made him go back to sleep in his own room, endured some crying and feet stomping, and miraculously, within 10 minutes, silence.
He finally went to sleep.
And so, night after night, his father would take him to bed, read him a story and leave his cool, dark toddler room while he was drowsing off.
And sleep would come.
To all of us.
Did I mention our second child is due in six weeks?
Here we go again!
Send chocolate, we need it.
Is sleep a hot topic in YOUR household? What are your secrets to getting your children to sleep through the night?
This has been an original post to World Moms Blog by Alison Lee in Kuala-Lumpur, Malaysia. She can also be found blogging at Mama Wants This!Â
Photo credit to the author.
Alison
Alison is a former PR professional turned stay-at-home mother to two boys. Growing up in a small city of Ipoh, Malaysia, Alison left home at 17 to pursue her studies in the big city of Kuala Lumpur. At 19, she headed to University of Leeds in England and graduated with a degree in Communications. Returning home to Malaysia in 1999, she began a 10-year career in public relations, event planning, and marketing, working for various PR agencies and one of the world's biggest sports brands. After a decade of launch parties and product launches, concerts and award shows, international press junkets and world travel, Alison traded all that in for a life as a first time mother in 2009, and has not looked back since. Aside from writing for her blog, Writing, Wishing, Alison is the Founder and chief social media strategist for Little Love Media.
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Sleep is a constant issue in most families, I think Alison! In order to deal with our children’s need to be with us at night, we pushed two queen sized beds together and that meant we could get five of us (including two rather long lanky sons by the time no 3 came along) together without issue. Now we are in a smaller house we snuggle with the 10 year old and six year old until they are asleep and our almost three year-old is still welcome to join us whenever he wants to. I know you probably don’t want to hear this: although I understand your motivation, I have serious issues with sleep training. Good luck with the new baby. 🙂
Karyn, we all do what we have to, to survive, and to get some sleep 🙂 No judging there! Whatever works for you, is best for you.
For us, we felt the urgency to get my son back to his bed and room before the baby arrives, as the baby will be in a crib in our room. I will probably be getting up a lot to nurse, and the toddler will definitely wake when I do!
Sleep is so important – and I think that we have been very lucky (sorry – you probably don’t want to hear this…) We had problems the first 4 months, but since then, the now 2 year old has slept through the night in his own bed (and his own room), unfortunately I don’t have any secrets to share, I just think we have been incredible lucky… Best of luck to you with number 2!
Yes, you’ve been really lucky! 🙂
I hope #2 will be a good sleeper. Fingers (and toes) crossed.
You might be pleasantly surprised by a baby who sleeps well from early on. 🙂
Seriously, each child is different and very often if you have a “difficult” time with your first, your second will be “easy”. Co-sleeping actually worked well for us with our second because our son was happily settled in his “big boy” bed and room before baby came home with us. (Just like yours)
Hubby didn’t wake up at all with baby 2 cos as soon as I noticed her getting restless I’d latch her on and go back to sleep. Might not be “recommended” technique, but it worked for us 🙂
Just trust your instincts and I’m sure your sleep deprivation will be a distant memory sooner than you think. Good luck ….and sweet dreams!
Thanks for sharing your experience! I do hope my toddler will stay in bed and sleep through the night once his little brother comes along. Then I only have to worry about one child at a time 🙂
And I hope you’re right about #2 being ‘easier’!
Sleep is a hot topic in our house too.
My kids are mostly good sleepers now, but there are three of them, so there’s almost always one of them sick, sleepwalking, having a bad dream or demanding to sleep in my bed.
Napping is pretty high on my wishlist!
By the way, my first one never ever slept when he was a baby and my second one did nothing but sleep in her baby days.
So by that, I can hope that my 2nd will be a good sleeper right?
It took 3 years until my first daughter slept through the night! I started some sleep training earlier in my 2nd daughter’s life, and she is so much more well rested. She’s 1 years old and sleeps through the night. Well, most nights. You know how it goes!
I love this universal topic, Alison!
Jen 🙂
I never liked the phrase ‘sleep training’ but realized that it’s necessary for the sanity of all! I’m not one for the cry-it-out method so we just devised a mixture of techniques on our own. So lucky that it worked, just wish we’d started earlier!
I’m definitely approaching #2 differently this time round 🙂
Yes, sleep has been a big issue in our house, although so much better now my son is older! But how much sleep a mother is getting is a big topic in my postnatal yoga classes, and I don’t think there is a right or wrong on this, just finding what works for each family and each individual child.
Yes you’re right, there is no right or wrong method. It’s what works. My policy is to do what it takes to get through the day (and night)!
The best advice I ever received when I was mothering little ones: “Whatever provides the most sleep for most of the people in your family most of the time is the right way to go.” And this is different for every baby, for every family, and (as your piece shows) for every stage of development. My suggestions to every mom is to let go of the fantasy of easy sleeping and know that it will be require patience, flexibility and realistic expectations. One day they will all be bigger and you will all sleep all night long.
Fantastic advice, Jessica, thank you!
My two boys were lousy sleepers, though not as bad as yours. The middle one often woke up every 45 minutes at night (colic) and neither of them slept 12 hours before they were a year. Whew. May this new baby be kind. 🙂
I sure hope so!
Everybody hates us because we have two good sleepers but I just wanted to stop by to tell you how excited I am for for you and the arrival of your second child. I hope you are feeling well. Sending you best wishes for the exciting day!
Thank you so much!
I always imagine this in my future when we transition Nolan to his big boy bed. I hope your next one is easier…and I can’t believe it is only 6 weeks away!
I hope so too. I’ve already gotten used to sleeping 7-8 hours in a stretch! Yikes 🙂 Good luck with transitioning Nolan!
Ha! Your sleep saga sounds a lot like mine. Yesterday night was the first night that we “stood our ground” with our toddler. At 7:30 pm, we gave her a bath, read her a story, kissed her goodnight, and walked away. She cried for 10 minutes, but it was over at that. She got in her bed and slept all night. Ha! Just kidding. She did wake up around 11 pm, but in giving her some water, I kissed her, said “goodnight” and walked away. She cried again. This time for 5 minutes and went to sleep the whole night!!!!! It was easy. Finger crossed that things stay the same for tonight!
Jessica, I’m so glad my suggestions worked for you!
I’m sorry, what did you say? I must have dozed off.
Sleep is truly a basic need, and what works for one family may not work for another. Our 3 year old is making it through the night in a big boy bed, but I still wake several times a night with the 5 month old. I get about 2 to 3 hours of sleep at a time, although that’s better than it was a couple months ago when we were dealing with colic.
I’m wishing you as much rest as possible, and I have only one word that gets me through – surrender.
Oh yes, surrender. I imagine I will be doing a lot of that.
And I’m glad you’re getting more sleep now than before. You’re a trooper!
Oh my…, Alison. You had some tough time. Sorry to hear about that. My daughter has been pretty good sleeper, but we were very strict with her right from the start. The thing is that her bed is in our bedroom so we HAD to work out some kind of system in order to not to go insane 🙂
Today I’ve got the same worries as you, Alison. My due day is in two weeks, but it feel like she might join us sooner, and I don’t know how their naps schedule is going to look like and oh… I’m so scared…
Sending you warm hugs! You look great, btw!
Oh good luck!! You’ll manage when the time comes, just go with the flow.
(And thank you! Good luck with your delivery)
Holy cow, sleeping is the worst, or lack thereof. I hope your second baby is like mine was, slept all the time, easy peasy lemon squeezy
Gosh I sure hope so!!
Sleep is a huge issue at our house. I would say it’s one of our biggest parenting downfalls, but then again, I’m not sure I agree with “experts” who say children should be sleeping by themselves and through the night by 6 weeks. I breastfed long term, and it was easier, more convenient, and much more pleasant for all of us to co-sleep. Since I’ve weaned, we’ve tried moving our son into his room in his big boy bed, but he has slept with us for so long that he can not fall asleep without us. So most nights, I actually just wind up sleeping in his big boy bed with him, and the hubs sleeps in our room. Not ideal, but I think you just have to do what works for you. I also know that all of this is temporary, and there will be a time where sleeping and snuggling my son will not even be an option. So while parts of me are torn because he “should” be sleeping alone in a big boy bed now, parts of me are perfectly happy enjoying this precious time of toddler snuggles.
Julia, I totally get what you’re saying, because for a long time, that’s what it was like for us. If it wasn’t for #2 coming along, we might still be co-sleeping! I admit, when he regressed at age 2 and was sleeping with us in our bed, I loved the cuddling. But due to the circumstances of a new baby coming, we had no choice but to get him back to his own bed. Also, he definitely sleeps better on his own!
And I never listen to the ‘experts’ – sleeping through the night at 6 weeks just sounds – impossible and ludicrous!
I agree! And I totally understand; if we had a second one on the way we would have to be more stern with making him sleep in his own bed. You are such a wonderful mommy! I can not wait to see pictures of the newest addition!
I had linked up with you on your blog bash. My post was on how sleep was overrated (that’s the lack of sleep talking) 🙂 My first born NEVER slept. Colic, me jumping at every sound, him being stubborn. I’m not sure, but he blew out his candles on his 3rd birthday and slept through the night from then on.
My second born was a dream sleeper until 12 weeks. She started waking at night 2-3 times a night. She was a pleasant baby to be around, but by 18 months old, the night terrors kicked in. We have been battling them ever since. They go in stages…usually 2-4 weeks at a time. We are both physically and emotionally drained from them during these times. I read online one night to try to start napping the child again during the day, if only for 45 minutes. We started doing this and IT WORKED! We haven’t had them as frequently!
I am hoping she grows out of them soon and that I can get a full nights sleep. Between my first born and my second born’s sleep issues, it’s been a long six years. I’m tired. 🙂
Omigosh, 6 years! I imagine you’ll have to sleep for 2 years to catch up! 🙂
Glad the napping has worked to curb the night terrors. We’re lucky that the toddler hasn’t experienced it so far. He does wake up occasionally at night, yelps for maybe a minute or less, then goes back to sleep. That for us was the most crucial part of training him – to be able to fall asleep AND go back to sleep on his own.
I tell myself constantly – this too shall pass!! 🙂
I think it’s an issue for every mommy! My daughter asked me when her son would sleep through the night…I told her that when he moved out he would…but she wouldn’t!
Haha!! Good answer, Ann! 🙂
My boy didn’t sleep through the night until way after he’s 2…I can’t remember exactly when anymore. Yeah, it was that bad. All the best, Alison! 😀
Thanks Maureen!
You’re so right- sleep is *such* a hot topic, Alison!
Each of our children was very different when it came to sleep, and the learning curve was better (shorter?) each time.
I have no advice whatsoever, but hang in there, Mama!
One day, we’ll sleep again. Right?! 🙂
Haha, I don’t know, you tell me! I hope. I really hope we do 😉
Lord, I had no idea how tough you had it!!! I’m amazed you’re able to be so active in cyberspace and write so beautifully given your sleep deprivation. In my and my friends’ experiences (informal and non-scientific poll) co-sleeping and breastfeeding (both of which I love) definitely make night waking more frequent.
My second is about 5 weeks now and I’ve been getting up every 1-2 hours since he’s been born. But I also nurse him on demand (sometimes every 45 minutes during the day). I’ve just started trying to only nurse every 3 hours and we’ll see how tonight goes. Something’s gotta give, right?
I think with the second it’s especially important to prioritize parents’ sleep since we have twice the responsibility. So, do what works and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty.
I sincerely hope your next one is a sleeper!
Oh I sure hope so. I’ve been hearing that if your first one was a non-sleeper, your second one will be. May that ‘myth’ be true for me!
I’ve learned to survive (maybe even thrive) on little sleep. When I was sleeping in increments of 90 minutes to 2 hours, many actually commented on how ‘normal’ I was, haha!
With my 2nd, I do plan to nurse on demand – the only difference is, we won’t be doing it on the bed. This time, I have plans for a special nursing chair!
Looks like I’m not alone in the sleep issue! My little one is two, and he’s not actively nursing anymore. However, when he wakes up at night, he looks for the boob. My OBGyn says it’s fine to nurse him for comfort, in this case, but sometimes I feel tired. He self-weaned at 1 and a half years from the breast, but I find that when he wakes up at night (at least once every night), he becomes all “baby-ish” again. And yes, we co-sleep up to now. We’ve been doing so since he was 5 months old, when I had back problems from my scoliosis and needed to nurse lying down.
Like you, I went through the “normal” sleep pattern, haha. These days, I manage four straight hours, until the little one wakes me up again because HE’s awake!