Japan and porn. (Sigh.)
While the “hardcore” stuff is supposedly illegal, and censors wield a mighty airbrush (Images of pubic hair are illegal), soft porn permeates everyday society. In every convenience store, in every bookstore, and in places you cannot avoid (including on the train,) there are images of girls in suggestive poses, scantily clad. (And that’s not to mention the questionable manga comics that some men read in public without shame.)
It’s very different from the world I grew up in, where that kind of stuff was saved for cable TV, R-rated movies, magazines hidden under mattresses.
I find myself having to have conversations with my children that neither they nor I are ready for.
Part of the problem is that I’m not sure how I feel about it.
The “junior idols” here, preteen girls who pose in T-backed underwear? I find that disgusting and legally questionable. But the other stuff? The women who are of legal age and choose to use their sexuality to make a living? It seems like a cop-out, an affront to the rest of us who make our way in the world with our clothes on.
And then there is the question of how on earth I explain this to my children.
I have a boy and a girl. I don’t want to go down the “Nice girls don’t do that” route, but I don’t want my son looking at it and I don’t want my daughter doing it!
I worry especially about the messages these kind of images send to my daughter. I can tell her a million times that it’s what’s on the inside that counts, but you and I both know that in this world today — for women especially — that isn’t 100% true.
But the thing about pouty lips and perky breasts (and, I think, after having children I really feel this keenly), is that they fade and change and migrate as we age. It’s fleeting; it doesn’t matter. But even the mature women on TV look like teenagers with a few gray hairs and conveniently placed creases.
I hope my daughter will grow up to love and respect her body for what it can do, not for what it can do for someone else.
Her preschool had a yoga-for-mommies event last year, and the teacher summed it up really well by saying our bodies are our vehicles in life. I want her to be the driver of that vehicle, to adorn it in a way that pleases her, and not worry about what the “other cars” in the lot may have to say.
Do you remember that old church song? “Be careful little eyes what you see?” I wish I had more control over what they see. Seeing too much before you are ready cannot be good for anyone.
Are children exposed to questionable images where you live? How do you deal with the questions that brings?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog from our writer in Japan and mom of two, Melanie Oda at Hamakkomommy
Photo Credit: hansol via Compfight cc
Unfortunately “age restrictions” aren’t what they used to be either! When I was young, what is now considered suitable for 16 year olds used to be banned in this country!! (I live in South Africa)
Primary School kids now know more about sex than I did as a young adult! There is no way to shield your children from this. Your ONLY recourse is to keep talking to them as openly and honestly as you can about human sexuality (keeping it age appropriate). “The Talk” is no longer a “once off” at puberty, it’s rather a lot of “mini-talks” in response to their questions and / or what they’re exposed to.
My son is 20 years old and my daughter is 17, so I can tell you from experience that the “honesty is the best policy” way of dealing with “uncomfortable” topics, totally works!!
Just last night we were talking about movie age-restrictions and my daughter commented that she thought a movie rated 16 should have been rated 18, because there were scenes in it she’d rather not have seen!!
Melanie,
Yes, I agree children should be protected from porn. I remember being in the 1st grade (6-7 years old) and a kid brought in naked pictures of women that were his much older brothers’. (The teacher snapped them up as soon as she saw what was going on!)
I think sometimes no matter how hard we try, our children may be exposed to things we don’t anticipate them to being exposed to. The best thing to do is have conversations about them, so they know how to handle those situations when we are not around to tell them to close their eyes!!
Another fabulous post this week!!
Jen 🙂
I love this port! Following my post this resonates with me. Ok I have the opposite of porn everywhere here (over censored images lol) but I find even in everyday program’s there is much more mature content that what we were exposed to. And we travel a lot so coming from a Muslim country there’s a lot to explain. I don’t wear a head cover when I am abroad (usually jeans and a t shirt) but
European beaches have given us a lot to talk about. I find the best way is just being honest. Telling them different people have different levels of wrong or right and we are not the same. Then explaining what your views are and why. You need to have a why that’s the catch. Then moving on. Good luck though I agree there are conversations you don’t want to have with your kids!!! At least not when they are that young.
This may be something that I may have not to deal with so soon as my daughter is only three. But kids are growing up too fast and with the exposure of media, the conversation about how we view our bodies may be brought up before she’s seven!
Here in Singapore, where we’re a modern city, it’s a common sight to see advertisement with sexual undertones. It’s not something that’s going to change because like it or not, out there in the market, sex sells. I feel that this is when the foundation we’ve laid for them in their youth will be crucial for them to know what truly matters.