Lately, I have been thinking a lot about my childhood, and as far as I can remember, it had been rather boring.
My parents were poor so we never went on any family holidays abroad. But that’s no excuse for not having some fun family activities. Yet, when I try recalling what we did as a family, my mind is often a blank. We did visit some places of interests but these were more treats than a regular feature. I suppose one of the reasons was that we were financially challenged and outings do cost money. The other reason, I thought, was that my dad’s job had been tough and the weekend was a time to catch some rest.
But we did have fun in small little ways.
I always remember how my dad would catch dragonflies (and another kind of insect which I never found out its name) for me and tie a thin little string on their tails and I would fly them as if they were kites (but we never killed them – we would always return them to nature). Or my dad would bring me to this theme park at night where I loved trying on clip earrings at one of the stalls. I was just a little girl then – probably not even in kindergarten yet!
But somehow, mom seemed often missing in the picture – I couldn’t remember why. She must have stayed home to catch up with house chores which she couldn’t do while looking after me during the day.
Now that I am a mother, I want to be different.
My boy is now 3. I realize how fast he is growing and I know that very soon, his precious childhood days will be over.
I feel an urgency to create for him beautiful memories of his childhood. I don’t want to be that mom who is too busy working to spend fun moments with him – especially during the weekends.
In the past, he used to say, “Mommy, play with me!” whenever I am working on my computer.
These days, he says, “Mommy, play with me, just for a while please!” It made me feel both guilty and sad.
Did I make him feel like I am so busy that I can only afford him a few minutes? If that’s the case, I have failed as a work-at-home mom. After all, the reason why I am a WAHM is precisely because I want to be able to spend more time with him.
So from now on, I need to be more disciplined about how I spend my time daily.Focus on my goals. Bye-bye to mindless surfing. Learn to say ‘no’ even when I feel like I need to oblige. Maximise the work hours when he is in school or try to keep the rest of the work to after he has gone to bed. Make weekends real family time and schedule family outings. I read an article recently that if we don’t schedule our weekends, chances are we will waste the precious hours away.
But more than just for the sake of creating memories, I want my family to really have fun together every weekend. Sometimes, I’m lazy and look to my husband to initiate something. But I guess it’s time I take it up as my responsibility to plan for the weekends or my husband and I can sit down and discuss who shall plan the activities for which days.
Now let’s see… I’ve bought a pair of roller blades so I can exercise with my son. I shall schedule that in for this afternoon. Why wait till the weekends when I can start today!
Do you consciously work on creating awesome childhood memories for your children? Do you have the habit of actively planning your weekends for the family?
This is an original post by Ruth Wong from Singapore. She’s a work-at-home-mom who also blogs at Mommy Cafe. She has recently co-authored and published a book titled Successful Work-Life Balance.
Photo credit to the author.
I don’t create any childhood memories, because if I plan them, they never play out the way I want them to. The best memories will be the spontaneous ones, the ones that I didn’t plan. But this is a great post and I also struggle with finding the energy (because I do have the time) to spend time with my eldest daughter- she takes a lot of my energy and sometimes leaves me so tired. But I am fighting hard to meet her needs and also take some time for myself. And also, I spend too much time in front of the computer- thanks for the reminder!
Olga, I do agree that some of the best memories are from spontaneous moments 🙂 But at this point in time when I’m busy with an online course and work, I know if I don’t put in effort to plan anything for the weekend, we’ll end up doing the ‘usual stuff’ or I’ll get caught up with my work. I certainly do look forward to more spontaneity 🙂
O.K reading this totally brought out my mommy guilt!! I totally understand that urgency to play with and create memories with your kids! At the same time I look back at my childhood and it is mostly a blur but for moments like the ones you mention.
Oops, I didn’t mean to cause any mommy guilt with this post! But thank you for understanding where I’m coming from!
I totally agree with you Ruth, it’s very important to create nice memories with your son. He will remember you through these memories. If they were happy they will bring him happiness and energy when he remembers them.
I had similar boring childhood myself because my fathers was totally busy at work and my mom at home.
I always miss this feeling of nice childhood memories, although we used to go out and have regular trips and excursions but my parents are not in the picture they weren’t sharing with us our activities, they had their own.
Very important topic to remind us to have quality time with our kids even if it isn’t that long but to have fun together on regular basis.
Thank you 🙂
Nihad, thank you for your encouraging words! I really love what you say about how the happy childhood memories will bring him happiness and energy when he recalls them. I hope that by giving him a really happy childhood, it will build strong bonds between us so that in his teens, he will see us as his friends and be willing to confide in us and we can help him go through the challenges of teenage life.
Ruth,
I felt similarly with keeping up with my work for World Moms Blog. I decided to make office hours, which I learned from a Bloggy Bootcamp that I attended last year. http://www.bloggybootcamp.com It was a great piece of advice. Instead of feeling that I have to get something done ASAP, I realize my family comes first, and I can tackle it at night, or during my business hours. It has made a real difference!! During my office hours, I have a babysitter come play with the girls, and I go to a coffee shop with my computer or just go to another corner of the house. Sometimes, I feel, the kids enjoy a break from me, too! Then I’m focused when I return!
I love this post. It is difficult to work it all out. But the fact that you’re pointing out what you want to work on, makes me believe that you will find a way to create that balance!!
Jen 🙂
Great tip, Jen! For me, my boy is attending two full days of school this year (half day for rest of the week), so this gives me a bit more time for work.
Ruth, it’s like I was reading about my own childhood.
We did not go visit places because we were financially very challenged.
For most of the years I remember my parents were gone to work before I would get up to school. Sometimes they worked weekends, too.
Yes, I do want a different relationship with my kids, and I do want them to have better then mine memories of their childhood. And as you do, I sometimes catch myself pushing my kids away because I am doing something on my computer… I am working on changing that and whenever I am asked if I want to play, I say yes immediately.
Thank you Ewa for sharing about your childhood. Let’s work on creating wonderful childhood memories for our kids! 🙂
I agree with Olga about the best memories being spontaneous. Well, my childhood was like that. My best memories are the one where we enjoyed ourselves spontaneously (again that word) in our big ancestral home. Life was totally relaxed and so so nicely spaced out!
But today we don’t have the luxury of time or huge space, so I guess some minimal planning is required. Thanks for this article, because it reminds me of some of the things I haven’t yet done, but planned for a rainy day.
I envy your childhood, Purnima!!
Sadly, we second guess ourselves every step of the way and no matter how good we seem to be at getting things done – we always tell ourselves that we fall short … why is that? Pictures of you rollerblading please 😉
It’s tough, isn’t it, finding that balance?
I also try to keep my work times to set times of the day and for when the children are not around. And I have been more mindful of the need to incorporate fun into our day…I often just do silly things around the house, and the boys really seem to love that!