I grew up near my father’s parents, and in the summer we would all spend a lot of time together at the summer-house. (In Norway it is quite common to have a summer-house or mountain cottage, where you spend your weekends and holidays.)
My mother’s mum died before I was born, and my mother’s father lived far away. We didn’t see much of him, unfortunately.
But although we saw my father’s parents quite a lot, I felt a slight distance to them. I always felt the need to behave perfectly around them.
I remember that on Saturdays, when I would be allowed to watch a bit of children’s telly, I would walk across the little yard, knock on my grandparents door (which was usually wide open) and ask nicely if I may be allowed to watch that half hour of telly.
I remember sitting there very quietly. (I wouldn’t want to be a nuisance.) I honestly don’t know why I felt that way. Looking back, I don’t think it was my grandparents that encouraged this behavior (not too much anyway). Sure, they expected children to behave, but they were also very loving. I was just far too shy to realise it.
I am still shy and have always been, but I am better at handling it now. I am very aware that I would like my son to grow up differently. I know I can’t turn him into the perfect person, but I can at least help him on the way.
He may turn out to be shy, as he is quite careful at the moment. But either way, I, at least, want him to feel perfectly at ease with his grandparents — that is one thing that I can help with.
We live quite close to my parents (half an hour away – so not too close!), and they love to spend time with the wee lad (who is now 19 months!). He lights up when he sees them, and when we are all together he will go up to his grandmother and ask to be picked up (well, he stretches him arms in the air and says “eh”…so we know what he means) rather than coming to me or his father. I guess it depends on what he wants, he already knows that his grandmother is more likely to give in than I am…
My husband’s parents live in another country, so naturally the wee lad doesn’t have the same relationship with them, yet.
As he gets older, he remembers things and people for longer and hopefully he doesn’t have to start from scratch every time he sees them. Although using Skype is helping, the wee lad is now old enough to manage to sit in front of the computer for a few minutes at a time before getting bored, and he likes to wave to granny, and loves it when she sings to him!
The other day his uncle in California sang “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” to him using Facetime. We put our iPad in the wee lad’s bed, and, to him, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. To me, it seemed so “sci-fi”, but what a great way to keep in touch with family/friends that you don’t see very often!
Knowing that he has grown ups in his life (other his father and I) that he feels 100% safe with and who will love, spoil and help shape him makes me feel so comforted. He is not the type of child who is happy to be picked up by everybody (he hasn’t been since he was a few months old), which, in a way, makes it even nicer when he is brave and approaches a grandparent to get attention.
Do you have grandparents or other adults in your life that can spoil your children? If they are not nearby, how do you overcome the distance?
This is an original World Moms Blog post by Asta Burrows in Oslo, Norway. Asta can be found on her Facebook Page or on Twitter @AstaBurrows.
Photo credit to gordasm. This photo has a creative commons no derivatives license.
Thats lovely Asta. My parents and my Husband’s parents stay quite far away fom us, so to my Little One it is like they don’t even exist.
It’s difficult isn’t it keeping in touch with family who are far away!
Asta – my maternal grandparents and paternal grandfather had passed on before I was born, so I grew up really close to my paternal grandmother and have such fond memories. The funny thing is, I also remember that we needed to be well-behaved – although that came more from my parents than my grandmother.
My own children, sadly, do not get to see their own grandparents except for a couple of times a year (we live on the West Coast of the US and they live on the East Coast). My little one is still apprehensive around them b/c she doesn’t see them as often, but my oldest (now 5 yo), gets so excited when she knows we will be going to visit them. It melts my heart to hear her talk about something she has done with them, or something she is looking forward to doing with them.
Hmmm…I think I may have to start skyping with the little one so she can start to “see” her grandparents more often 🙂
I am looking forward to when my wee lad is old enough to understand and remember more so that he will remember his grandparents in the UK and so they don’t have to start from scratch building a relationship every time they meet. Skype works really well for us – the only problem (I mean challenge) is that the wee lad thinks that there are people there all the time – and he can get really annoyed if uncle isn’t on the screen right when he wants it… 🙂
I got the warm fuzzies reading your post 😉 I love that your wee lad gets to spend time with your parents. Our children’s grandparents on both sides are a plane ride away. But they do talk on the phone, occasionally video conference, but mostly keep in touch the old fashioned way, with cards, care packages, printed photos and letters. My husband’s parents are considering moving to be near us in retirement, and I would welcome that opportunity for my kids…to have their grandparents at birthday parties and baseball games.
Thanks for your comment Tara – I like that they keep in touch via letters and cards – my mother in law is very good at that – and when the wee lad is older I am sure he will enjoy that!
Growing up I didn’t have that complete comfort with my grandparents either. I felt like I had to be on my best behaviour at all times and not make a noise.
I don’t want that for my daughter.
I want her to feel comfortable and at ease with her grandparents.
I couldn’t agree more! I want my lad to feel totally comfortable with his grandparents, and to know that they will spoil him and cuddle him whenever he needs them to!
I remember going to my grandparents’ house in the summer and my grandmother always had tons of ice cream pops in her freezer for me to choose from! I thought it was so amazing that she stocked up on them just before I got there, and I looked forward to choosing! I later realized as an adult that my grandma still has ice cream pops in her freezer — she’s the one with the sweet tooth! lol!
My kids get to see my parents often, which is great. And, they see my in-laws at least 4 times a year. Skyping has helped keep us all connected! My older daughter likes hanging out with both sets of her grandparents better because of all sweet treats! (sound familiar?)
Jen 🙂
That’s so great! Can’t believe she still has the ice cream pops in her freezer 🙂 Sweet treats can’t hurt can they 😉
I was close to both sets of my grandparents when I was growing up. Although I lived far away from them, I spent time with them each summer. Now my parents have a summer cabin near us and our three kids spend a lot of time with them. As my kids have gotten older, they have also started emailing each other. I love that they have a relationship that is independent of me. I’m also grateful that my own grandparents have lived long enough so that my children know them as well. Utrolig fint skrevet, Asta! Takk for det!
Tusen takk! 🙂
So lovely to hear that they email each other, and I agree that it is great that they have a relationship independent of you – that is just what I hope for!
Asta, it’s great that you use all the technology we have to stay in touch with your family and to give the feeling of conection to your child as well.
I was the same as you. I was very close to my grandparents when I was young. They actually raised me until I went to school. They moved closer to us when I was born (3rd child) to help my mom with babysitting me.
Today I do not have any other adults to help us with our child. We skype a lot with my parents in Poland. She sees my husband parents only 2 or 3 times a year. We do not have many friends here so we are actually on our own. Despite that my daughter is VERY social kid. She doesn’t mind to stay with somebody else (even if she doesn’t know much that person). She says ‘hi” to everybody on the street or in the grocery shop. I hope she stays that way. I do not want her to become shy and lacking self-confidence just because we didn’t have to many people around us when she was growing.
Keep that great job, Asta. Hugs
Great that she is social – my wee one is getting better – and after he started nursery this autumn he has improved. We just came back from a holiday with my in-laws, and allthough he hasnt spent much time with them previously he was happy to spend time with them (without me or my husband being around) 🙂
This is so wonderful for your son Asta! I always lived in another country from my grandparents, so growing up we never had that wonderful bond, and now as an adult, I still do not have the bond with them.
My children on the other hand are lucky to have my mother as their caretaker 3 days a week when I am at work, and they see my stepfather about once a week. Both of my children are so attached to my parents it’s so wonderful to see. But amazingly, my son is also attached to my father who lives across the country and my mother-in-law who lives about 300 miles away. He doesn’t get to see either one of them very often, but when he does, or when he talks to them on the phone, he is quite excited and very “free” and open with them. My daughter is still too young, but I hope she loves her other grandparents and feels as comfortable with them as her brother does. 🙂 I have thought about skyping with the long distance relatives, but haven’t done that yet…. maybe it’s time to start (and also a really good excuse to get an iPad 🙂 )?
So good to hear that it is possible to build up a relationship with grandparents even when they do live far away – and also that your children get to have a good relationship with your mother – I just think it is so nice to see my wee one relating to his grandparents! (And oh – yes, you absolutely must have an iPad! 😉 )
Our middle son is also very sensitive and I love that he has a few other adults around with whom he feels comfortable. It’s really great to see him (now six and a half) extending his horizons – he spent the night at an aunt’s last night and was in her car faster than a fast thing yesterday when she came to pick him up. From the wee baby who vomited on everyone when they held him – we’ve come a long way.
Hi Karyn, it is good to hear that a sensitive one also can grow out of it and get to have other adults who he can trust – we just had a week with my husbands parents, and for the first time my wee one really enjoyed spending time with them, and they got to play with him without me or his dad being there – and it was so lovely to see them bonding 🙂
Did you find that you had to actively help your middle son get used to other people, or is it best to just let it happen at his own pace you think?