My baby’s turned 1… I should say my last baby’s turned one.
I only have 2, but will not attempt to have any more after this. Making the decision of having the first 2 was very difficult for me, since there are some genetic issues at play in my family.
I told my then fiancée, while we were discussing future family plans, to be prepared to adopt, that I will probably not have my own children.
I had prepared for that my entire life and was sure that I would never carry and give birth to my own child. After running tests and having discussions with geneticists, we decided to tempt fate and ‘go for it’ — attempt to have our own, and hope for the best. I had an amnio, monthly and then weekly ultrasounds.
My first pregnancy was picture perfect and I had a huge healthy baby boy.
Three years later we decided to try again. Although it was a little harder to conceive the second time around and the pregnancy was not as much fun (I had more discomfort than with the first pregnancy and I had a toddler to run after), it was still very good compared to what it could have been. I ate right and tried to get as much rest as possible (a little hard with a 3 year old, but hey I was still having fun!).
My daughter was born a month early, although a little scary, she was healthy, a little small compared to her brother, but so much easier. When it came to breastfeeding, she latched on without any problems (I had a month of constant crying, from both of us, and pain while trying to learn and teach my son how to breastfeed). She slept PERFECTLY, waking up every 3 hours, like clockwork, to nurse and then back to sleep. It was wonderful!
Now she is 13 months old, and even though both of my children are flourishing and remain healthy ,we have decided not to tempt fate with any other children. I have started to wean my baby (barely) and a feeling of sadness is overtaking me.
After the weaning process is over, I will never hold a baby to my bosom again, I will never create another life, I will never feel a baby moving and kicking in my womb or kiss my newborn baby.
I know that I am blessed in so many ways! I completely understand the difficulties that some women go through only not to be able to have a child at all. But still, a little selfishly perhaps, I wish I could be one of those women who could have lots of children, running from room to room and causing raucous all over the place. I imagine that a house full of children must be a happy home full of love and laughter (although if I were to be honest, the chaos in my home can be quite overwhelming at times, especially while nursing).
I know that I need to wean her eventually, and especially for my sanity (and my sore nipples), but I am not sure that I am ready yet, nor is she.
She does just fine without me when I am not home while I am at work, but as soon as I walk in the door she comes crawling over to me saying “Mama! Mama!” and doesn’t want me to put her down. Come time for bed, she pulls at my shirt, to indicate that it’s time for milk. It was so easy to wean my son, I didn’t even have to think about it. I slowly substituted 1 bottle of pumped breast milk for a bottle of cow’s milk. I then slowly stopped pumping at the office.
It was an organic and natural progression, and soon he decided that he did not want my breast anymore at around 16 months. This time it’s different. I have been blessed to not have to pump as much with my daughter – so she got milk directly from the breast much more often. However, now when I first tried to give her a bottle of whole milk she spit it out.
I have always been a believer in allowing a baby to self-wean (with a little “help” from mommy), but this time around my baby decides that it’s fun to bite, which hurt mommy’s breast (something that my son never did).
As much as I don’t want my baby to “grow up” and feel saddened by the prospect of weaning her, (I love the quiet bonding time and the nutritional benefits breastfeeding provides), I go through my day with sore, overly sensitive nipples. My mother (who never breastfed) says, “she’s little, she’s crying, give her your breast.” My husband who sees the pain that I am going through, says “I’ll help you in whatever way you need to wean her”, and at the first whimper hands her back to me to deal with a crying baby, whose sole comfort is the breast.
I just keep telling myself, breast is best, it’s only temporary, I can deal with a little pain for the sake of my child and other such clichés…. But really, all I want to do is cry alongside her.
Having decided not to have any more children is making the weaning process so much harder for me, but for my sanity, and physical well-being I know I have to do it. I just wish I was sure that I wanted to.
How did you decide to wean your baby? What process did you go through? Were you happy/relived/saddened by the prospect of weaning?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Maman Aya of New York, USA.
Photo credit to Melissa Stampa.
Hugs.
I am wondering whether you really do want to wean right now, even given all the pain.
Kids are a great readers of our emotions and feelings and instinctively “know & react” to things that we are not even consciously aware of.
On the other hand-maybe you really do want to wean so the question is what is then stopping you? What are you afraid is going to change? Is it the change itself? The unknown?
Why not take a week or two and write a little bit every morning in a journal about your feelings. Read it back and you might have a clearer idea about what the issues are and the writing itself may help you sort through it.
Also, maybe have a consultation with a lactation specialist.
Lots of hugs and remember that the only thing children need is love and encouragement.
Susie – you hit the nail on the head! I do not want to completely wean yet, my son was just about her age when I weaned him and he decided, not me :-), but since I know that I will not have any more children and I will never share these quiet tender moments, I am a little sad at the idea. Of course, weaning would give me the space and flexibility that I sometimes need, but i am not sure if it isn’t too high of a price to pay. *sigh* all of these conflicted thoughts running through my head!
Thanks for stopping by!
Can you combine bottle and nursing?
Yes, I have, but sometimes she will not take no for an answer …she’s a very determined little girl! 🙂
I have tried though and sometimes it works, esp when i am not around. So maybe I just need to go out more often! LOL!
xx
Hi Maman Aya,
My first was easy to wean. She loved the sippy cups with the straws, and I tried to replace a feed with one during the day, and it worked. So, I gradually started doing that beginning at 9 months old, until we finally got to doing it for the bedtime feed. I put frozen breast milk in the cups at first, and then formula when I ran out. She was fully weaned at 11 months.
This time around with my second, it would be nice to make it to one year of breastfeeding and go straight to cow’s milk, but if it doesn’t work out that way, that’s ok. We’re at 7 and 1/2 months at the moment.
I think you’ve put in a lot! To me, making it to one year is amazing! If you’re still in pain, that is difficult. I like what Susie said about the lactation consultant.
A little time has passed since you first wrote this article, so let us know how you are doing!
Jen 🙂
Hi Jen – that’s what I did with my son. I went straight to cow’s milk, but since he was such a bigger eater than my daughter, he always had more breast milk in the bottle when I wasn’t around than my daughter. But I was determined (for both) to go at least a year, even if i had to supplement.
Now that it is several months later, I still have not weaned her and am still holding on 🙂 She is now 17 months old. I pretty much only nurse at bedtime (I’ll skip some nights now and hand her off to daddy, or even *gasp* go out with a friend), any middle of the night incidental wake ups (which are rare) and early in the morning (when both my husband and I are too lazy to get up to warm up some milk). We have good days and bad with the pain (it’s esp bad when she is teething).
Like your daughter she loves the straw cups, and it took her some time to get used to and accept the cows milk, but she is fine with it now, and drinks it during the day.
We’ll get there soon enough!
Thanks for stopping by!
My nurse and my doctor told me that actually 6 months of breasfeeding is what child needs to fully build it’s immune system. Of course they were ecnouraging me to feed longer what I did, but after fighting for 2 months with mastitis I gave up. she was 9 months old that time. I actually felt relieved and happy that I don’t have to feed her and go through that pain anymore.
I think, you’ve done really great job so far, and you shouldn’t feel bad about weaning your child. I remember one sentence that “if your baby can hold a cookie in one hand and your breast in the other it’s time to wean”. silly but somehow true in my opinion. I totally understand that it’s hard especially in case when you know it’s your last child. At the end the decision is yours and only yours. Nobody should have to power over you to decide what’s better for you and your child (it happend in my situation!). Hugs from my corner!
Interesting that your doctor said that, in fact you are not the first West Coast mom that I have heard that from. i have also heard the opposite (from lactation consultants) saying that a child should continue to be breastfed for at least 2 years, since it builds up their brain functions. At the end of the day everyone has differing opinions, and each mom needs to do what is good for her and her child. I’m sorry to hear about your mastisis, I had to deal with it for a while when my son was first born, and can sympathize that it was not fun. I would have stopped much sooner if I didn’t manage to clear it up after a couple of weeks.
Thanks for the kind words and support! xx
you know.. me and my siblings were never breasfed or even on my mom’s milk, since she couldn’t produce a good and sufficient milk. since we were born we were on formula. we turned out very intelligent and very healthy.
in addition, for 2 years I was taking care of kids who were on formula since the first day of their lifes and… today they are healthy, happy already reading and writing 4 year old kids.
On the other hand my sister child, breasfed till he was 16 months, is very sick all the time. He has spent almost 30% of his life in the hospital.
I think that as much as breasfeeding helps with bonding I do not agree that you should feed your baby for at least 2 years to help with this or that.
It’s unnecessary pressure that doctoros put on first time (not only) mothers. I think that if you were able to breasfeed for a week that’s great, too. In Poland mothers are not that hard pressed to breasfeeding. Anyway I think that better thing (for kid and for mother) is to eat formula and have satisfied, happy mother than getting wonderful food which is attributed almost magical properties, but instead have stressed out and nervous mother who feel responsible for something that’s not her fault or is over her powers.
I am sorry Mama Aya if I went to far (and not on the topic) in this comment… sometimes I do that 🙂
Not too far at all! I actually agree that sometimes a new mother might feel pressured to breast feed. My sister and I were also formula fed (my mother said she is not a cow 🙂 ), and we turned out just fine. Ultimately it is important for all moms to do what is best for them and their babies. 🙂
My three were all avid nursers who self-weaned at around 13-14 months. There was no sadness or looking back for them. They weren’t relying on me as a food source anymore and apparently got just as much comfort from being held, because it was not a big deal. I did talk to my pediatrician about my oldest, and she said that what she had seen was that if you miss that window for weaning at 12-15 months, babies will get back into nursing and then it gets harder to wean them until they are older. (She also said she had a patient who nursed until he was 7 – TMI!) But I did feel that twinge of sadness about ending that special time with my babies, especially with my youngest as I knew she was the last. Ultimately, though, it was a relief to have my body back to myself. I decided just to lean into that. I got back into running and was able to do some travelling again – without the pump. You’ll know what is the right thing for you to do. Just listen to the whispers from your heart.
That is interating that there is a window of opportunity btwn 12-15 months. I had never heard that before. I hope I haven’t missed that window :). Thanks for the support and for stopping by!
P.S. 7 years old is def WAY too old in my opinion, but if that works for the mother… To each their own I guess! 🙂
I feel your pain somewhat. I breastfed my son until he was 18 months, and when we finally stopped, it was so much easier on him than it was on me. We weaned slowly, over 2 weeks, where I dropped from 4 feeds to 3, to 2, then finally to 1 before bedtime.
I think he sensed my reluctance which is why he was happy to continue. And he weaned easily because he was ready, much more than I was. I do believe children can sense their mother’s emotions. That you are reluctant to wean, is probably felt by your daughter and she’s happy to carry on.
My advice? Don’t rush it, wean at your own pace. Do it when you feel comfortable giving it up. As long as you’re physically able (I know what you mean by biting, my son had teeth already at 6 months!), emotionally willing, then do it as long as you and your daughter want to. As you say, she’s your last baby, enjoy the moments.
Thanks Alison! That is good advice, and I will certainly take it to heart. Thanks!
I wouldn’t rush the weaning either. Take your time; don’t over think it and enjoy your little one. 🙂
I probably am over thinking it (I didn’t think about it at all with my son and it just happened). And I certainly am enjoying every minute!
Thank for stoping by!
Hugs,
I really see what you mean and I very much agree with what Alison said.
I have 2 children and my daughter decided at 14 months to stop nursing (she kept biting me so I regarded this a sign of lack of interst, and I was right).
Jonnie is 4 and a half (!) now and still nurses in the evening and in the morning. I never made him nurse but in return he would never dream of weaning, it seems. So why should I make an attempt? It means no sacrifice for me and nursing experts say children stop around the growth of certain molar teeth. In a nutshell: If you do not mind, let your child decide.
Best wishes!
Wow Rachel – 4 and a half years! Does he ever ask to be nursed mid day, or is it strictly evening and mornings? My daughter is mostly on the evening/morning schedule, with the occasional request before her midday nap (but since I work out of the house 3 days a week, those requests are infrequent). One thing that I find difficult about this is that I can’t be away from her overnight (sometimes my job requires travel, and I have had to say no to certain trips because of it). Have you attempted to be away overnight? If so, how did you handle it?
Thanks for stopping by and sharing! xx
I am in your shoes right now.
I nursed my 2nd child for 3 years…I don’t know why really. Now that I look back it was insanity.
My baby drew blood a few weeks ago and gave me an infection. I know that if he was past a year, I would have stopped right away (I think). So age has made a difference in my decision, and also because I am at home I feel that I should do it.
I know what you mean about the bond, but you are mommy, nothing beats that.
Hey you did it for a year, that’s great. I don’t think I would be the one to give advice to wean or not to wean, but I am hoping to go for another year.
xo
My daughter had also drawn blood a few times before she was one, and I also choose to keep going because of her age. But now that she is 17 months, if I have a particularly painful nursing, I try to stall the next one as much as possible.
I hope you are feeling better and healing quickly (I have found nipple cream to be extremely helpful in those times).
It’s true what you say, I am mommy, and when it comes to it, nothing beats it!
Thanks for stopping by! xx