I made my first guest contribution to the World Moms Blog about two years ago. My article focused on being a “busy bee,” and managing working, motherhood and household duties. I wrote about energy, dedication to my career and “getting it all done,” even though I knew the workload was hard. At that point in time, my son had just turned one. Well, flash forward to 2013 and my son will be three in a few weeks and my daughter will be one in two months. There is only one word that comes to mind – Exhaustion!
Now that I have two children, I literally feel like I have zero time to myself. My long commute and work hours do not make my situation any easier. Really, managing working full time with two children has seemingly vaulted me into a new stratosphere!
What goes through my mind on a typical day? I literally have thoughts of pure joy to thoughts of anxiety and depression. I feel stressed every week because it seems like I have no time to finish or complete anything. Am I spending enough quality time with my children? Will my house ever be clean? When will I look at the stacks of mail on the dining room table? Will I ever lose this baby weight?
My two children are amazing and healthy and beautiful. It is so exciting now that my son is talking and growing up. When I look at my daughter, I can’t believe how big she is already and that her baby stages are behind her. I love my children so much!
But honestly come the weekend, I think – how does my nanny do it every day?
On Saturday and Sunday I am “on demand” the entire day. Trying to get chores done like laundry, food shopping and errands while simultaneously paying attention and spending quality time with the children, is beyond challenging. The days my husband and I decide to do something fun with the kids, we basically get nothing done and then I find myself super stressed on Sunday night trying to finish everything up. I used to have the Sunday night blues because of work the next day. Now, Sunday nights are a relief because going to work seems much easier than being home!
I can’t seem to get out of this rut that I am in. I can’t say depression is the right word to describe my feelings. I am not sad – I am just burnt, spent, stressed, worn out – exhausted! I often wonder how many other moms feel like I do because there are days when I truly feel like running away and taking a nice week long vacation – solo!
My husband and I do split the workload but we still can’t believe how little free time we have. I know that with the young ages of our children it will get easier over time.
Surprisingly, all of my years working in the “boys club” of Wall Street have not prepared me (or toughened me up enough) for the extremely hard work of raising children. This really is so unlike my personality to feel defeated.
There are many definitions of the word “mother.” I found the following in the dictionary – “a female parent,” “a woman who raises a child,” and “to watch over, nourish or protect maternally.” I find that mothers are so much more than any definition. Yes, we love, we raise, we nurture….. We also give a piece of ourselves to make sure that the ones we love and care for come first. We will sacrifice our own well-being to make sure our children and families thrive. But we do have to remember to take care of ourselves. If we can find the time……..
Do any of you out there feel like it is impossible to manage it all? And what do you do to make yourself feel good?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Wall Street Mama.
Photo credit to Microsoft Office Clip Art Gallery.
I think the hardest thing to give up as a mom is our unrealistic expectation of everything we think we “should” manage to get done in 24 hours!
My kids are practically “all grown up” (they’re 20 and 17 years old respectively) and they say that “hindsight is 20/20” so take it from someone who actually DID burn out – NO ONE HUMAN BEING CAN DO IT ALL!!!
Do you think that when I think back to when my son was 3 and my daughter was a few months old, I regret not having a perfectly clean house? Not at all!
I WISH someone had told me that it was OK to just spend the time with my kids and play or read books without feeling guilty! I wish I could have been 100% focused and engaged with them, instead of thinking about all the chores I felt I needed to get done! I also REALLY wish someone had told me that the VERY BEST thing I could do for my kids was to make sure I took care of their mother!!
I read somewhere that we all have the same number of hours in the day and you can’t “find” time, you need to “make” time by prioritising! The biggest mistake most moms make is that they prioritise the wrong things! Taking a “Mental Health” break is not “indulgent” or selfish, it’s NECESSARY!! This was the hardest thing for me to accept – for my children’s sake I had to find a way to “recharge my batteries”!
Some people go for a run, do yoga, meditate, have a bubble bath with a glass of wine, read a book, go dancing or whatever. It’s important you find what works for you, and you make it a priority by reminding yourself that (if you really love your kids) you NEED to take make sure you keep their mom healthy and happy!
What Simona said with extra hugs.
I salute all working mamas! I am going back to work soon and I feel so devastated now that I have to leave my little one with her grandma in the day as I’ve been with her almost 24/7 since birth. I thought it’d be easy but it’s just so difficult!
Kudos to all working mamas, always juggling work and kid(s) and chores and more. I’m joining your league soon and I sure hope I can cope!!
Oh how I know what you mean! I felt the same way when I was in your situation!And I had a cleaner and daycare to help me take care of the children! And even with all the help I got it was sooo hard! Now, fast forward to now and I am a mom to three children. We have a different daycare schedule now, also a cleaner, and it’s much easier, even with the new baby- at almost 3, my oldest is much more understanding, my little 2 year old is a sweet child who rarely cries, and my baby is also sweet even though he also needs lots of attention. I don’t get all of it done, but a clean house is not so important to me…
Anyway, what I want to tell you is 1) if you can get help, I would… 2)it will get better, 3) some things are more important than others- you decide what is important to you! Good luck!
Wall Street Mama, you are not alone! Think of there being light at the end of tunnel. Your youngest is still a baby. I’m noticing that as my children get older I can have a cup of tea, close the bathroom door. As a stay-at-home mom, some days are tougher than others. There is a “new normal.”
And, when all else fails? Call a neighbor for help! 😉
Thank you for letting us inside your head. More moms need to read this!!
Jen 🙂
Oh sing it sister!! I have found (with an almost 5 yr old and a 2 1/2 yr old) that my house just isn’t going to be neat, like ever…ever!! Even when our cleaning person comes that one day every two weeks, the moment my family returns home…MESS! I have also realized I need to buy LOTS of underwear, socks and clothes for the kids because I just can’t stay on top of the laundry. This then creates so much more laundry eventually but at one point every few weeks when all the laundry is clean at once (lying it’s never ALL clean at once but you know close to all done) then I get a few weeks of lots of clean clothes.
I run on coffee, diet coke and tea. I am never alone, my kids follow me into the bathroom and when I lock the door…they bang on it!! Hang in there and go get some coffee!!
As a working mom, I know all about feeling guilty for not spending enough time with my daughter, having an unkept house, eating out too often, etc and feel like I’m doing a lousy job as a mom and wife. I think that there is too much expectations of us to be perfect moms that we forget that we are all just struggling to be regular moms who haven’t got it all together. Thanks for sharing this.
As a fellow working mom, I hear you Wall Street Mama! I have often felt the same way. The short answer is yes, it is impossible to manage it all. I think that’s where the proverb “It takes a village to raise a child” comes from 😉
It’s taken time for me to accept that everything cannot always be perfect (the apartment clean, laundry done, running on schedule in the morning, four food group balanced dinner AND quality time with my family), but I have slowly learned to let go of some of the less important stuff (the cleaning, mainly), WITHOUT guilt, in exchange for the more important stuff (hands-free, care-free time with my family). It keeps me in a better state of mind, better mood, and just makes me feel like I’m fulfilling my role as “mom” in a more meaningful way for my kids.
It’s as if you got into my head and wrote this post for me! This is a constant battle for me – having an unkept apt (mind you, mine is only 1100 sq feet), laundry that needs to be done, food that needs to be cooked, kids that are vying for me attention…. It’s hard – really hard! I recently joined a team of moms to train for a 10K (you can read about it here http://www.worldmomsblog.com/2013/04/15/running-circles/) and have found something that I wasn’t expecting – “me time”!! Since I have stared training I feel better about it all. I am less exausted, and feel like I can do it, and it’s ok if it doesn’t get done! If you find a way to carve out, even a half hour every couple of days for yourself, you’ll be surprised what that does for your mental outlook on everything. And don’t forget – this too shall pass (and you’ll probably miss it when it does). 🙂
Run away solo! That sums up how I feel most of the time. Not depressed or sad – just want to take a break. And for more than just an hour.
Know that you are not alone. We are all feeling the same stresses in life. And that is the number one reason that woman need to support one another. When I am especially frazzled, I find taking a few minutes to write a good list puts it all in perspective . I can go through my day a little lighter knowing that I most likely won’t forget what needs to be done and it helps me focus. Until I loose the list 🙂
I can totally relate, thanks for this great post, reminds me why we mommas do it.