I made my first guest contribution to the World Moms Blog about two years ago. My article focused on being a “busy bee,” and managing working, motherhood and household duties. I wrote about energy, dedication to my career and “getting it all done,” even though I knew the workload was hard. At that point in time, my son had just turned one. Well, flash forward to 2013 and my son will be three in a few weeks and my daughter will be one in two months. There is only one word that comes to mind – Exhaustion!

Now that I have two children, I literally feel like I have zero time to myself. My long commute and work hours do not make my situation any easier. Really, managing working full time with two children has seemingly vaulted me into a new stratosphere!

What goes through my mind on a typical day? I literally have thoughts of pure joy to thoughts of anxiety and depression. I feel stressed every week because it seems like I have no time to finish or complete anything. Am I spending enough quality time with my children? Will my house ever be clean? When will I look at the stacks of mail on the dining room table? Will I ever lose this baby weight?

My two children are amazing and healthy and beautiful. It is so exciting now that my son is talking and growing up. When I look at my daughter, I can’t believe how big she is already and that her baby stages are behind her. I love my children so much!

But honestly come the weekend, I think – how does my nanny do it every day?

On Saturday and Sunday I am “on demand” the entire day. Trying to get chores done like laundry, food shopping and errands while simultaneously paying attention and spending quality time with the children, is beyond challenging. The days my husband and I decide to do something fun with the kids, we basically get nothing done and then I find myself super stressed on Sunday night trying to finish everything up. I used to have the Sunday night blues because of work the next day. Now, Sunday nights are a relief because going to work seems much easier than being home!

I can’t seem to get out of this rut that I am in. I can’t say depression is the right word to describe my feelings. I am not sad – I am just burnt, spent, stressed, worn out – exhausted! I often wonder how many other moms feel like I do because there are days when I truly feel like running away and taking a nice week long vacation – solo!

My husband and I do split the workload but we still can’t believe how little free time we have. I know that with the young ages of our children it will get easier over time.

Surprisingly, all of my years working in the “boys club” of Wall Street have not prepared me (or toughened me up enough) for the extremely hard work of raising children. This really is so unlike my personality to feel defeated.

There are many definitions of the word “mother.” I found the following in the dictionary – “a female parent,” “a woman who raises a child,” and “to watch over, nourish or protect maternally.” I find that mothers are so much more than any definition. Yes, we love, we raise, we nurture….. We also give a piece of ourselves to make sure that the ones we love and care for come first. We will sacrifice our own well-being to make sure our children and families thrive. But we do have to remember to take care of ourselves. If we can find the time……..

Do any of you out there feel like it is impossible to manage it all? And what do you do to make yourself feel good?

This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Wall Street Mama.

Photo credit to Microsoft Office Clip Art Gallery.

Wall Street Mama (USA)

Wall Street Mama was born and raised in the suburbs of Chicago and moved to NJ when she was a teenager. She fell in love with New York City and set her mind to one thing after college – working on Wall Street. She has spent the last 16 years working on the trading floor at three major banks. As an Institutional Salesperson, she is responsible for helping large corporations and money funds invest their short term cash in the fixed income part of the market. She lives in the suburbs of central NJ with her husband of 11 years, their amazing 21 month old boy and their first baby – a very spoiled Maltese. She has baby #2 on the way and is expecting a little girl in June 2012. She is a full time working mother and struggles with “having it all” while wondering if that is even possible. Wall Street Mama was married at the age of 25 but waited to have children because she felt she was too focused on her career which required a lot of traveling and entertaining. When she was finally ready, she thought she could plan the exact month she was ready to have a child, like everything else she planned in her life. She was shocked and frustrated when things did not go according to her plan. Fast forward four years later, after a miscarriage and several rounds of failed fertility injections, her little miracle was conceived naturally. She never thought in a million years, that she and her husband would be in their late 30’s by the time they had their first child. Since the financial crisis of 2008, she has endured some of the most difficult years of her life. The stress of trying to conceive was combined with some of life’s biggest challenges. She and her husband, who is a trader, both lost their jobs on Wall Street the exact same month. Her mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and she ended up passing away while she was 6 months pregnant. At times it didn’t seem like things would ever get better, but she has learned that life is cyclical and what comes down must again go up. Leaving her baby boy with a wonderful nanny each day is difficult, but at times it is easier than she would have expected. She still enjoys the seemingly addictive draw of working on Wall Street. The past few years have been dramatically different from the “good days” but she is focused on trying to achieve what she once had before. She is currently working on launching her own blog, Wall Street Mama, in an attempt to guide others who are focused on continuing their career, yet struggle with leaving their little ones at home. She is weathering the ups and downs of the market and motherhood, one day at a time.

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